1. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon,

    Sorry to hear that some of you are having nasty weather :( It is much cooler here and wet but not down to freezing, thankfully!

    Ann, I was also going to suggest Amazon for some of the older DVDs, they have people selling used DVDs (and books). It's hard to think of things that have absolutely no chance of upsetting MIL and causing nasty delusions.

    I hope the visit to Coventry goes well and the roads are not too bad. There were a lot of nasty accidents hereabouts over the past day or two.

    I do think you are right to suggest that MIL stays where she is for Christmas Day. I remember reading quite a few threads leading up to Christmas last year - and afterwards. The people who did take the PWD out of the CH pretty much all regretted it! :(

    Grace, it's lovely to hear from you! I hope you don't get any backlash from the outlaws for having visited MIL.

    Onlyme (or would you rather be called Lemony?) I know that some people who have strokes fail to recognise the 'dead' side of their body as their own, but I have never heard of anyone thinking that someone else's hands belong to them! :confused:

    Red, I do hope that your leak is sorted and didn't cause any damage!

    Mum was quite slow yesterday, had to nudge her along quite often as she stopped and seemed to have forgotten what she was supposed to be doing :( Other than that, she was in fairly good form. I spoke to her GP yesterday and he was happy to stop her Aricept for a while to see how she responds. I don't expect it to have a huge effect on her continence but it is certainly worth trying! She has a couple of weeks worth of meds left before she starts a new batch of blisterpacks so it will probably be about 6 weeks before I have any idea how things are going.

    We have heard from the Estate Agent to say that the last of the freeholders has given permission for us to have cats in the flat :) No news yet about the vendors offering on the property they like so fingers still crossed that things go smoothly!
     
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    Morning - I hesitate to say good cos the rain is really heavy here, wind isn't OTT, but gusty. Glad I haven't got to go out today!
    Pleased things are going relatively OK for everybody. Slugsta, hope you're packing! Do you expect to move before Christmas?
    See you later!
     
  3. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,693
    Morning all,

    Grace, its awful that you can't even visit your Mil without fretting over what the out-laws will say or do in response. You are simply not answerable to them - a fact they seem incapable of appreciating :mad: Stress like this, is I'm sure, affecting your recovery hun - the sooner you can seel and escape that poisonous bunch, the better xxxxx

    Anovice1 - thank you. Yes - we did look for Irish themed DVD's , epecially musical ones - she used to have The Dubliners in concert on video, which she watched a lot, so that was they type in particular that I was hoping to spot - Amazon/ebay are my next stop. The Terry Wogan's Ireland is another great idea, Lady A - she did have a delusion that Terry was a close personal friend of hers (when he sadly passed away she was adamant that I had to phone his parents as they would want Mil to go to the funeral!) , but as long as no one mentions he has passed away, I don't think that believing she knows him would upset her. I don't know if she was ever familiar with Frank Patterson - but its certainly worth checking out :)

    Glad the permission has been given for Sky and Alfie, Slugsta - just need the vendors to have their offer accepted now and it sounds like it will be all go :) Dos this mean a move may happen before Christmas? If so, I hope it all goes smoothly and that you and Mr Slugsta are all tucked up in your new abode for Xmas, with the minimum of fuss and stress. I also hope stopping the aricept has a positive effect on the continence for your Mum - I know that she doesn't seem upset by the 'accidents', which is great for her sake, but I also know how difficult it is for carers and family to cope with the incontinence, so as you say, worth a try xxx

    Lemony - thank you! Somehow, until I read your post, I'd totally forgotten that Mil LOVED Riverdance - she had a couple of video's of performances, but sadly as with the vast majority of her video collection, when she moved in with us, not only did we find that her player was broken, but also that most of her tapes were damaged too. But that shold definitely be one I can track down.

    Really strange that your Mum didn't either recognise her own limbs, or mistook your hands for hers! What a difficult thing to have to deal with. Its not the same as what Mil's doing - she isn't compulsively picking as a habit, or mistaking her own arms as being alien. The self harm with her is very deliberately aimed at herself in order to cause damage when she is angry. It reminds me of tales of toddlers head banging or biting themselves in frustration. However, whatever the reason for it, the end results are the same, aren't they? And reading the threads, it seems pretty much impossible to stop :( Just have to keep a close eye - the only thing I can come up with is asking the home if its worth getting some sort of antiseptic cream and applying it regularly to try and cut down on the infection risk?

    We managed to get out yesterday, to Ellesmere Port. One of the markets had closed by the time we got there, and surprisingly, we couldn't find anything on the other market, so we hit the charity shops, and pound shops, etc, and finally the big Asda there. We collected Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mama Mia, Its a Wonderful Life, White Christmas and then I spotted a boxed set, in the supermarket, of all the Carry On Films - another old favourite of Mils, so we grabbed that too. I also picked up a half dozen CD's, as they can also be played on the DVD player. I know with the films that Mil may only be able to focus to actually watch them for a short time, but that short time may well be enough of a distraction, at least on occasion, to ease her when she os particularly agitated - and thats the main thing. It also means that she isn't just sat in her room, staring out the window or at the walls if the staff feel she needs some time away from others. The next step is to hit the internet to try and find 2 or 3 Elvis movies, Riverdance DVD's, The Terry Wogan's Ireland, and anything with Irsih music on, as well as 'My Fair Lady', which is a film we know she used to really love.

    Off to visit Oldest today - hopefully the roads won't be too bad (Thanks for the warning Slugsta!). Then tomorrow, off on my work based travels again - the meeting isn't till Tuesday, but as it starts at 9a.m., I couldn't get there in time travelling from North Wales, so have to go down on The Monday - the nice thing is, its a National Meeting, so several others have had to do the same, including the lady who has been linked as my 'Buddy' - and she is lovely :) I'm meeting up with her and 3 or 4 others for dinner - and then we might just take advantage of the hotels' spa facilities :D

    Hope you all have a good day xxxxx
     
  4. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Ann - carry on up the Khyber - and some of the other Carry on films may not be suitable - as there are guns in these too - so difficult to find something innocous - although nothing innocuous about Carry on Films anyway:rolleyes::D

    I remember some scary bits (sofa hiding when very little) in Chitty chitty bang bang as well
     
  5. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    Ann, you know you don't need to buy the DVDs all at once:rolleyes: Just take two or three in at a time and see how they go before you add more to the collection. My Mum used to watch things half a dozen times over and still swear blind that she'd never seen them at all.
    She did the same with audio books.... would MIL listen to a story over earphones?
     
  6. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Snap JM! I was going to warn about some of the Carry On films too, I had 'Carry on Sergeant' in mind in particular. So hard to think of things that are certain not to cause upset :(

    Mum used to listen to her Christian music tapes/CDs all the time but I haven't heard them for a while. Of course, if I ask Mum whether she still listens to them she say 'Yes' but I suspect otherwise. I'm not sure what to do about that when I'm not there but I guess I could tolerate some of them when I am in her flat for a while - such as tomorrow which is podiatry day.

    The weather here was pretty rough yesterday evening and overnight but much better today. Not that I have been anywhere, I have spent much of the day filling in the form to claim Attendance Allowance for Mum - must get that done before the new system comes in next year. I have sent photocopies of the PoA forms, fingers crossed that they will accept these as each certified copy cost Mum £30 and DWP don't return them!

    We have been told that it takes an average of 12 weeks to convey a flat, as opposed to 8 weeks for a house, so we don't expect to be in before Christmas. It will be nice to have one last Christmas here, invite the neighbours round one afternoon (we have done that a couple of times but not every year) and maybe ask our buyers if they would like to pop in and say Hi. I'm certainly of a mind to get the removal company to do the packing for us but I must get on and do some more decluttering - I haven't done any for a week or so,
     
  7. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    This must be yet another one of those " only in some areas" because the DWP here not only returned Mum's forms but sent them back Recorded delivery!!

    Could you not take them into your local Job Centre?
     
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    I never got round to notifying DWP initially - but sent a photocopy to HMRC (they didn't need a certified copy) and presume the records got updated that way as I then started getting all DWP correspondence - HMRC was an urgent one due to issues with mum's tax return.
     
  9. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    If DWP do ask to see a certified copy (or the original) I will make an appointment to take it into the JobCentre. I say that they don't return the original because this is what is says on the AA application form!
     
  10. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,995
    UK
    I found Mum could follow any storyline but loved simple Disney Pixar films. She was entranced by Bee Movie (I've only seen a bit of it so no idea if suitable) so after that it was simple calm child friendly films.
     
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    Morning. Very very windy around here this morning, although I think it's beginning to ease.
    Yesterday was my friends funeral. Just about held it together. Lovely service, captured her spirit beautifully! Now to recover from all that!
    We were all given some bulbs to plant, to remind us of her, mine are dark purple tulips. Might have to wait until next week for gardener to come to plant them in garden, though I can manage to put them in a pot! It's a lovely idea, one that I thought I might like to do ( before I knew that's what she was going to do!).
    Hope your weather is better than mine!
     
  12. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    What a lovely idea. I shall get something to plant to give away at mums funeral on Friday :)

    We've had so many say that they can't come due to the early timing and place of the funeral, which is sad

    I may send them some bulbs as mum loved gardening with a passion :)




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  13. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    2jays, I'm sorry that many people are not able to get to your mum's funeral. I do hope it goes as well as possible. The idea of giving bulbs etc to people is lovely.

    It is also the funeral of my friend's mum on Friday. The crem is a 90 minutes drive from here, which is not great but I will have to put up with it. Friend said she didn't want me to go if it would cause me more pain. I said I didn't want her to be saying goodbye to her mum but it is what it is :(

    Mum saw the podiatrist yesterday who suggested we ask the evening carers to remove Mum's socks and switch them for bed socks. She tends to wear her socks day and night for days on end, even the ones with looser tops roll down and act as a tourniquet :( So I have bought some extra bedsocks and we will give it a try.

    I knew I had a hair appointment for myself coming up soon. Looked at the appointment card and discovered that it should have been last week! :eek: Hairdresser is fitting me in tomorrow, bless her. Mum also has a cut due tomorrow, I'm glad we have found someone who will do it regularly.

    It has been a bit wet and windy for the past few days - I hope none of you have sustained any damage in the recent storms.
     
  14. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,693
    Morning all,

    Lol Maureen - I know you are right, I don't need to get Mil loads of films all at once. This is me feeling like I just want to do something that might help her, I guess. Very hard to shake off the idea that I need to be 'looking after' her in some way, I guess putting the effort into finding her films/DVD's that I think she will enjoy helps me to feel that I'm at least doing a little something positive for her :eek:

    Thanks for the comments about the Carry on films that might be unsuitable - and yep, I'd forgotten the Childcatcher scenes in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - I'll hold back on taking that one in, I think. I've had a good look over the rest that we have got her, which I think are OK, and I have an Elvis film on order (which will be one of her Xmas gifts from us) which I also am pretty certain she will be fine with. I've included a couple of the pixar fils, too, Lemony. I think that I am just going to look for a couple of Irish folk style CD's now, and see how we go with what we have so far :) I did spot, on amazon, a double CD of Val Doonigans 'Greatest hits' :D - Mil used to sing Delaney's Donkey and Paddy McGinty's Goat to all the kids when they were little, plus a couple of other of his songs, so I've ordered that (another little Christmas gift) and I think she will really like it :) She may not be able to recall the exact memories that it brings back for me - but I hope that hearing those songs might perhaps spark a recall of the happy emotions that I think must be associated with her and the kids belting out those songs years ago :)

    Doing the move after Christmas wil hopefuly take some pressure off you, Slugsta and as you say, nice to have one last Christmas in your current home. Odd that you should mention the bedsocks - after Mil struggling to put socks on, and being rather difficult about me helping to get them on, I had replaced all her socks with nylon knee-highs - she had actually point blank refused socks for the last 12 months she had lived here. When we visited her, a week or so ago, she was wearing bed socks with her slippers, which the staff said they had supplied and put on her as she had been claiming that her feet were cold - and that someone had stolen all her socks! So last week, I also went out to buy a dozen pairs for Mil and left them at the home for her.

    2jays, I'm so sorry that so many can't make it to your Mum's funeral on Friday - I (and so many others on TP) will be thinking of you, hun xxxxxxx

    Had an incredibly busy couple of days. Sunday, we visited oldest in Coventry - and I think were very lucky with both the traffic and the weather, as the journey both ways was a breeze. Monday, I headed off to South Wales again - and although I had no serious delays, the heavy rain had closed several stretches of track in places, which had a ripple effect causing chaos at other stations. I had to change trains in Cardiff, and alighted on to a platform that was absolutly heaving with people. In short, the two previous trains that were going onto Swansea (which is the direction I had to head) had simply not turned up - no announcements and no explanation. The trains had simply 'vanished' from the info boards. Not a member of rail staff in sight, and instead, several police officers were spread across the platforms, dealing with some extremely irate commuters. I had no idea if my train was going to arrive, and there was simply no one to give any info. Just 10 minutes before it was due, the tanoy finally announced that it would be arriving- which was a relief till it came to boarding and all the passengers from the previous two trains that hadn't arrived also piled on. Around an additonal 150 passengers on an already fairly full 3 carriage train. I ended up wedged in, by the door, between the wall, and two rather large blokes for the next hour of my journey, and manged to get my toes trodden on and wrenched my back and my wrist, when the train jerked rather violently and everyone sort of toppled sideways. My back isn't too bad, but my wrist is still swollen and quite sore :( However, I fared better than some of my workmates, who were travelling in from all over the country. Several had journeys that took an extra 3 to 4 hours, and one poor lady got as far as Cardiff, 3 hours late, where the driver of her next train finished his shift and she (and others, of course) were simply left sat on a driver-less train, whilst the rail company apparently were phoning round, trying to find another driver. After an hour stuck there, my bosses (bless 'em) decided that enough was enough and organised a taxi to pick her up from Cardiff and bring her to us in Port Talbot - the poor girl arrived after midnight, and again, good for my bosses, as the hotel kitchen had closed, they even managed to find a take away and had a meal delivered for her just as she arrived. The next day, really hard to get any info from the train websites, so the bosses made the decison that we should all leave an hour or so earlier, even if it cost a fortune in fee's to change all our tickets, to avoid any of us being stranded or ending up travelling so late at night. Thankfully, I encountered no major delays, ariving home around the same time as I would have had I caught the later train, which under the circumstances wasn't bad. But, it had been a really long couple of days - and made so much more stressful by the rail companies being so poor at letting anyone know what on earth was going on :(

    Today, I was going to take the day off, but have been asked to attend a meeting that it would be really useful for me to go to, so am off to Deeside this morning. I am hoping when I get back, that I can deal with the admin in a couple of hours, then get to visit Mil. Tomorrow, I am out all day again - and again, just hoping that I don't have any major admin tasks land on me, so that I don't end up with work trickling over into Friday. Finges crossed!

    I hope you all have a good day xxxxx
     
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    Morning!
    I was lucky that funeral was on Monday and not Tuesday. The roads around the crem were absolutely horrendous, cos one road ( bridge) was closed and all traffic had to go through town, instead of bypassing it! It was bad enough getting to the refreshment place after the funeral. Work had started on a roundabout that day! Have no idea what they're doing to it. So it took 7 mins to get about 4 miles, and 20 mins to do the last mile!
    Must dash, have honey and mustard sausages to finish for a meeting in an hour or so! Christmas has started!
     
  16. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    Spamar - glad you got to your funeral OK, tulips sound nice, thinking you could plant them in a pot so by front door and put them in the ground next year - depends when they are due to flower.

    2Jays - sorry many can't get to your mum's funeral - timing can make things harder, I'm assuming you are having funeral where she is now and many who used to know her won't /can't travel - can't please everyone.

    Ann - I understand you getting lots of DVDs but maybe trickle feed them into home in case of getting lost, and swap them round keeping some at yours.

    Slugsta - I never understand conveyanceing times! but having one last Christmas where you are sounds nice.

    Ann - train seems hell, sometimes my commuter train(Liverpool to Chester - but only part of journey for me) is packed that full, although then we all lean against each other as we are so packed in. We always bemoan lack of info, but as a regular there are always others I recognise, it always makes me smile when I get on the 5.32pm train and people who have come to Liverpool to shop can't believe it is standing only and moan loudly- don't travel home with commuters. Chester Cardiff train has been very reliable when dau has got it, getting off at Newport.
     
  17. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,323
    Female
    Chester
    #6457 jugglingmum, Nov 24, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2016
    Hope Amy has got away for her Thanksgiving break - and that she is relaxing and having a good time without being expected to do anything

    Not a great time in work at the moment, normal November business plus other issues. Think I'm going to look for a new job.

    I've not put this down before but I've never got myself back sorted with things since all went pop with mum, don't visit her as often as I should as I find it so hard, and never got on top of her paper work, partly because so fedup with my brother, not even got round to applying for AA, although reading some posts although I thought she easily qualified not so sure now.

    OH had fluey bug and in bed for 4 days, dau not well with it now - so with all this major rows going on - again.
     
  18. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    I could have written most of that last year....

    Squishy hug

    Only words of wisdom are

    cut yourself some slack

    My thoughts : We are not super human, tho we do and have done super human stuff on occasions.

    With the benefit of hindsight, We always got some things wrong. But at the time, we did what was right for us

    I could waste time and feed the guilt monster with, mainly, "I should have" thoughts.

    When they come along I pat myself on my back with "I did or dealt with that amazingly"

    Dementia world is a world like no other and trying to fit in everything, something is going to break. Don't let that be you who is breaking.

    In the great scheme of things, most things to do with mum can be sorted, eventually, and not only by you.

    Obviously, if you don't do them, of course they won't be perfect...... I used to think that about myself, but the things that were sorted by others were probably, in some cases, better than I could have done them, especially as sometimes I was broken

    Take a deep breath, pat yourself on your back for what you are achieving and tackle other stuff another day, one piece at a time per day. Little steps, one by one

    Hoping that makes a kind of sense as my thinking brain isn't too good at the moment xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  19. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    (((((Hugs))))) 2 jays. Hope everything goes as well as possible.

    Be back later, neighbour just about to arrive for our weekly rant
     
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Nothing like a good rant spamar, enjoy :D


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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