1. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Hi everyone,

    2jays - will be thinking of you all day today. I'm sending much love and wishes for strength. This time, everyone is holding your hand tightly xxxxx

    Spamar, glad you got to the funeral, despite the traffic over the last mile - the tulips are a really lovely idea! Lucky you with the choccy's - trouble in this house is they definitely would not last till Christmas! Oh - and hope the 'rant' did both you and your neighbour the world of good - nothing like a good moan to clear the system :D

    JM, sending you absolutely massive ((((((hugs)))))). Your username is one of the most apt I have ever come across on a forum, you just never seem to stop. Add in dealing with not only your job (which sounds pants - I am crossing all fingers and toes hoping that you are able to find something different and less stressful soon and with the minimum of hassle), the family, the house and even with all that, making sure you carve out time so you and your family can fit in the cycling and other activities that you enjoy so much and then throw in trying to support someone with dementia and taking on more or less all of the associated paerwork and bureaucracy that goes with it - 2jays is 100% right - you need to cut yourself some slack, lovey.

    Slugsta, I hope that the funeral today goes well for your BFF and her family - that's a long journey, and combined with your aquagym and visiting Mum, you are going to be shattered, I'm sure - so hoping for light traffic and a stress free journey for you xxx

    Amy, so glad that you are having a lovely Thanksgiving - it sounds just what you need (and deserve!)

    I have had an absolutely manic week, which hasn't gone particularly well, and I am currently so shattered that I feel horrible :( The travelling on Monday and Tuesday made for very long days (though I really enjoyed the team meeting in the middle of it all - I work with some fabulous people!), on Wednesday I started the day with an hours admin, then off out for most of the morning to a meeting, back to more admin, then took an hour to visit Mil (more on that later) then as I was due to start a new project on Thursday, a stop to pick up the materials I needed, home to cook tea, then I vastly underestimated the time it would take to prep for the project, and ended up worrking till after 8pm, getting everything ready. Yesterday started with me having to get dau up and ready to have her at the school before 7a.m. for a trip to Stratford to see The Tempest, then admin, then out to start my first project.

    A bit of background - basically, my job involves me working with groups of young disabled adults. I go to schools, colleges, day centres, universities, youth clubs, wherever really, and offer the chance for young people to take part in a choice of projects, of varying lengths, designed to build confidence, increase skills, and get them involved in their local community, through getting them involved in voluntary work, community based activities and learning opportunities, like life skill workshops. One of the schemes gives the young person a chance to gain City and Guilds certification, another gives the opportunity for things like trips to London, so the young person gets a chance to speak to ministers and MP's about their situation. We support ANY disability, I do all the organising, the facilitating, the research, lead the 'sessions' and am at every activity that I organise. And all is individually tailored around the specific groups and their disabilities. And as we are a charity, we cover all costs and expenses for these young people - its very much a free service for them. All I need in return is for whatever organisation I am working with to identify a group of about 10 people, who meet the age criteria for me to work with, for the organisation to oversee consent forms, for the organisation to fill in the paperwork signifying their agreement and to provide me with the facts and figures to feed back to our sponsers. I've had 3 months to settle and set up contacts, and was expected to start my first project no later than December - which gave me a lot of time!

    Its a flipping fantastic job!

    So, I identified one organisation that seemed particularly keen to work with me, have put in a massive ammount of time and effort over the past 6 weeks to set up my first project with them. I knew the manager of the organisation from years back, didn't like them then, but they were so enthusiastic this time that I brushed aside any concerns. Until the last week, when I'd become worried enough over the non-return of the paperwork and the lack of promised response and confirmation to some queries I'd had, that I'd actually spoken to my own boss about it. And yesterday, I walked into this organisation to find that none of the paperwork had been done, and all of a sudden there were several other issues that in effect will prevent me from continuing with the project with them. The frustration of other staff there was so evident - they were fuming - but the manager was rude and dismissive, and clearly wasn't at all bothered about the fact that their lack of cooperation and effort had basically ruined the whole thing for the young disabled people involved.

    I stayed polite, but I was so angry and upset inside. All that effort, all that organising, all that time - wasted. I'm left with an admin nightmare, lots of arrangements to cancel, including workshops and voluntary opportunities that I'd arranged with other organisations for this group. I had to work till after 6 last night, starting to cope with the fall out, and will have to work part of my day off today. My own boss is livid on my behalf - she is really supportive and knew just how much worked I'd put in - but I can't help but feel that I have really messed up :( Its really knocked me for six, I feel suddenly so low again and its left me doubting my ability to do this job as well as I want too.

    Visited Mil on Wednesday. Due to the on-going refurb at the home, she was in one of the upstairs lounges. She was initially quite calm - the best I've seen her for some time, and she really enjoyed the cake and tea that was served just as I arrived, which I think helped with her mood ( one staff told me as I arrived that she had been 'very upset' earlier). She was also very 'switched on' to start with, introducing to a near by member of staff with not only the right name, but also adding that I was her daughter in law! We had a pretty good 20 - 25 minutes, before firstly 'the war', then concerns about 'this school' and finally 'going home' kicked in. Again, leave taking was difficult, needing a member of staff to run interference - but at least she was calm and seemed to enjoy most of the visit. Maybe she is starting to settle now - I hope so.

    Found a message from the home on the answer machine last night, saying that a social worker will be in touch to discus DOL's for Mil - the message said that all residents have to have this, so assuming its nothing worrying, just another bit of the endless bureaucracy that has to be dealt with :rolleyes:

    My trip to Newcastle, due to happen next week has thankfully been postponed until February - thank goodness, it gives me more time to try and sort out everything after yesterdays nightmare. I have to travel on Tuesday, but not far thankfully, for my monthly supervison and hopefully, other that a run to Birmingham next month, thats all the travelling I'll have to do till after Christmas. I've booked some time off around then and right now, I feel I need it!

    2jays, just to say again that I am thinking of you, hun xxxx

    Love to all, have a good day xxxxx
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Oh Ann, I too am annoyed on your behalf about the way you were messed about at work :mad: Please dont start doubting yourself - this is not your fault.

    Re the DoLS - yes this is just admin. Every resident of a secure dementia unit has to have one. When your MIL asks to "go home" and it doesnt happen she is actually being deprived of her liberty, so she needs the paperwork to say that this is reasonable and for her safety. The emphasis in DoLS is the final letter - safeguarding. It gets reviewed annually and family is asked for input. Mums DoLS was reviewed recently and I got a phone call. There was no problem.
  3. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    2jays, you have been in my thoughts, I hope today went as well as it could (((hugs)))

    Jm, I totally agree with Ann's comments (((hugs))) for you too.

    Spamar, I hope you felt better after the rant :)

    Amy, I'm so glad you are having a great time, it is well overdue :)

    Ann, what a total PITA for you! It sounds as if the person you used to not like has not changed at all. I am very sorry that you have put in so much work to no avail and now have to unravel everything. I am also sorry that the young people were deprived of the opportunity to benefit form your hard work :mad:

    It does sound as if MIL might be settling - I do hope so for her sake and yours!

    Today went well, the people who mattered were pleased. Friend's parents live/d about 30 miles west of here. Although they live in the county town, it has no crem. The nearest one is around 12 miles to the west, so it is quite a long way from us. Friend's bro lives even further west so easier for them, as well as other friends in the same town, rather than coming over here. The mutual friend we took with us has Parkinsons, so it really was a case of 'the lame leading the lame'! So thankful to hubby for doing the driving.

    Mum was fine. She didn't need much shopping today so we took our time over our drinks in Costa's while hubby did our shopping. No word from SS as yet.

    Am shattered now, have spent the evening watching rubbish on the box :eek:
  4. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning all,

    canary, thank you for the reassurance - I thought that might be the case as regards the DOL's, but good to have it confirmed. The thought of more hassle and paperwork and arguing is something I dread!

    Slugsta, so glad the funeral went well, though not surpriased that you ended up so tired.

    Awful couple of days here :( In a nutshell, still struggling to get a little more help from family as regards the house and so on. The last 3 - 4 weeks, I've tended to do around 40 hours a week (I shouldn't be, but at that stage where extra hours now will make a difference later) and yet still done I'd say around 90% of the housework, 100% all the cooking and shopping and all the running round as regards getting youngest to her various trips and outings and so on. I am really tired and knew I was getting really resentful. Each time I've raised the subject, OH and dau have agreed, promises have been made - but nothing has changed. I lost it yesterday - probably because I am so stressed over the work situation too - and blew, good style. OH and dau feel I've gone OTT and want an 'apology' - I've basically told them where to stick it, I'm just so angry, and whilst I probably did come across as over-reacting, having tried being polite, firm, asking nicely and several 'family discussions', I am just so sick of excuses and also feel that them focusing on my reaction is a way of diverting the issue away from the lack of help.

    The atmosphere here is foul and I feel so completely low and fed up. Doing a 'Shirley Valantine' is so fliiping appealing :(
  5. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Ann, I know it seems wrong now but making peace with your family is definitely the best thing to do as otherwise the row will continue to fester. Stop running around after your daughter and don't do the housework, if you continue to do these jobs nothing will change. Sending you a big hug xxx.
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Oh, Ann. How horrible for you. How about a cleaner? At least that would take some of the work off your hands. If anybody complains about the cost, just say, you are costing me this cos you aren't pulling your weight to OH and dau. Certainly I was expected to do things at around your daus age. Even father did a bit! I suppose your OH is still pretty stressed with his relatively new job, but it's no excuse. It's not even gardening time!

    We've just had a power outage for 30 mins. I was up - been up for a couple of hours - but not washed or dressed. Cut
    out the shower off ( Electric) and dressed, then the power came on again. Why, on a Sunday morning, no wind, no frost, no rain! Better now than later, I suppose. I was just think, OH well, I will get the Christmas cards done! I ve written them all, but have to address the ones for posting!. I've even got some stamps, that is, I found the ones I bought last year!!

    Slugsta, glad the funeral went as well as possible. Not surprised you were tired, after a long drive, your friend and all the emotions of a funeral.
    JM, keep going! Fight through the mire of life as it is still the moment! If I say things to you, I just might follow my own advice!

    Oh, well, better go and put all the electric clocks right!

    ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) all round, looks like we all need them!
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I agree with reedysue, dont do things - especially housework. As I have a mum with Alz who is also in a CH and a husband with FTD my standard of housework is increadably low :eek: , but no-one has died! All the while you are doing it all no-one is aware of the problem. They probably think that they are already doing the lions share of things :rolleyes:
  8. Pegsdaughter

    Pegsdaughter Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    Ann say sorry but you are now going to employ a cleaner therefore there will be less money available for the treats they enjoy visits to zoo etc. Then get the cleaner and enjoy having a clean house and less stressful encounters with reluctant co habit eyes.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  9. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Ann,make a stand,make a,list and make a rota!List all the tasks that keep your home running,allocate them between the three of you and then only do yours.From reading your posts you are obviously the organiser,that in itself is a chore,having to think of everything.You are running yourself into the ground at the moment and it can't go on.
  10. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Ann :

    Well give them an apology

    With the words...

    I'm sorry

    I'm sorry it's come to this, but I'm not doing any more to help you sort your lives.

    Here is a rota

    My part of the rota is getting the food in and cooking on Wednesdays and Sundays and doing washing on tuesdays.

    The rest is up to you to sort out between yourselves

    :D Yeah like that's going to work

    Hugs xxxxxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  11. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Cleaner is a great idea.And you can send out ironing.
  12. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    #6512 Moonflower, Nov 27, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2016
    Ann, getting a cleaner may well be the way to go. And also, you may have to accept that the house isn't as pristine as it was when you didn't have a "job". One cause of conflict can be that you want help to clean up from people who don't see it urgent cos to them the house isn't too grubby/messy.

    At the moment I regularly work 70/80 hours a week, and my house could be a lot cleaner. I do what I can, the kids sometimes help.

    Do what you see as a priority and leave the rest. If you don't iron their clothes, they can iron themselves or go out crumpled. Daughter can change her bedsheets, or not bother. If you haven't cooked they can cook or get a takeaway. Maybe make a priority of having the room you want to sit in looking nice, so you can relax.

    Oh, and it might be easier if you didn't think of it in terms of them "helping". That implies it's all your responsibility and they are helping you out with it. It's no more your job than it is OH's, or daughters.
  13. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    Come to london and we can do lunch and the movies:)

    Seriously though I would consider a cleanerand allocating meals and more take away.

    OH is probably still settling in.
    I am big on sharing roles but sometimes, at least initially, short cuts are less stressful

    Winter is a crappy time for change
  14. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    Ann - sorry you are having such conflict with your family. Bti of a ramble below but seeing how we do (or rather don't really) cope may help your thought process.

    We had a cleaner - and we let her go - in theory because the children were old enough to help, in practice because she was breaking things, including a crystal vase worth a good bit which had been a gift from MIL. She also wasn't great at cleaning bathrooms, but did dust very well, personally bathrooms are higher up my list. In 2 hours only basics got done so still had plenty to do.

    Well - the kids didn't help as much as planned - for many reasons, dau moved school, and now with hindsight we know she got ill. Son wasn't really quite old enough, and with his writing issues we made him spend a good chunk of time writing after school. I refuse to hoover - as I'm not doing it all, OH does this, although will still moan about doing it - and sometimes it takes a while before he does it and frankly with a moulting dog looks awful.

    In theory since she started high school, dau has always changed her sheets, and hung out washing, and sorted it and put it away - she does these sometimes, part of being able to tell improvement with iron tablets is that this is happening more often now. Son started high school in Sept and hasn't really started doing much but he is still doing extra writing, and unlike dau, he has lots of friends locally so goes to their house or comes here with them after school before I get home.

    Our house isn't very clean and tidy, but is on a level with many other 'busy' families that do a lot of sport.

    You can't work part time (veering to full time - you need to sort this out with them) and keep a pristine house if you are running dau to activities, and visiting MIL. Step back and see what can change - I food shop on line once a week - if we run out of something we normally manage. I'm lucky in that I can get a lot of clothes shopping done in lunch break (Liverpool city centre has a good choice). There is a lot that can be bought on line.

    Welcome to the sandwich generation, working, kids and elderly parents all to be juggled.

    Son cleaned toilets at Scout camp so maybe I need to give this job to him!

    I've picked up lurgy that OH and dau have had, so should be racing today and I'm not, was in bed yesterday, after starting on bike ride on Friday and going pop on first hill, somehow limped home. son has picked up a tummy bug, which arrived just before bedtime last night. Dau had 3 days off school, OH 2 days off work, so they should be in IPswich now for dau to race, but they aren't. Ground looks nice and firm and venue spectator friendly so if they go next year, maybe we all go and I can meet up with Spamar. On plus side, dau had got over bug 'normally' it seems rather than long dragged out pre iron tablets.

    Slugsta - glad funeral was OK. When FIL died, the service was at a local church and then an hour's journey to the crem, over the border in England, the nearest one in Scotland was 90 mins the other way. I live in a relatively rural area, but close to large urban areas, so one crem is 10 mins away and the other way is 20 mins.
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    I've been lucky with various cleaners. Some do need a bit of 'training' to do things the way I like them done, but on the whole. The best one did it for free! She had retired and I was pre/post knee op and moving house! The current one is the mother of one of
    OHs carers.

    Had another electric cut! Apparently an overhead cable fault affecting 176 properties, so they were isolated whilst cable repaired. Fortunately they finished a good half hour before anyone thought! Left me time to nip out for coffee and cake!
    Now settling down to F1 denouement.
  16. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    #6516 RedLou, Nov 27, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2016
    Leave visiting MiL to OH and hire a cleaner. You're not superwoman. As for them trying to divert attention - you are right - it's classic tactics and OH, at least, should be ashamed of himself after all you do for his mother, even now. He hasn't had to fight the battles; you've done it for him. When I worked more hours I always had a cleaner. Nowadays OH is so trained that when I got 'flu last Xmas and finally emerged on Xmas Eve, I found the cleaning pixies had done the whole house to a creditable standard and put up the decorations! So it is possible to house-train them, like puppies! ;) (Mind you, it's taken 39 odd years!)
    JM, sorry to hear you're feeling ill.
    Wishing you all, and Ann's household especially, a peaceful Sunday evening.

    PS - you might enjoy Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler, in which a woman walks out on her household for a while. When she comes back, she no longer feels she has to take responsibility for everything and manages to avoid their efforts to pile it back on!
  17. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Hi all,

    (((Ann))) you are absolutely right in saying that the family's 'hurt' over your words is a deflecting tactic. Yes, they might feel hurt, but that does not mean you were wrong.

    You all have choices - everyone mucking on, paying for help, simply not doing things, a combination of these - but you cannot carry on doing everything around the house, ferrying daughter everywhere, fighting with school, visiting MIL and buying what she needs and working, especially as you are doing more hours than you should :mad: Look at that list of things even before the paid work and you will see that it is more than enough for one person.

    You are important. Not 'just' as a mother/wife/carer but as a person in your own right. You deserve better than this - but you will have to fight for it as everyone else is very comfortable as they are thank you!

    (((Jm))) sorry that you have the dreaded lurgy :( Please take it easy and try not to rush around catching up with everything once you feel a bit better. These bugs can take a good few weeks to recover fully.

    Spamar, the power outages sound a real nuisance! I'm glad that the cause has been found and dealt with.

    Red, well done on training your OH! I am very aware of the 'If I make as mess of it I won't be asked again' tactic that seems common and I refused to play along. My hubby now does more around the house than I do! :eek:

    We do have a cleaner, have done for years. I find that they tend to start off really good and then gradually do less and less. Our current lady has followed this pattern but she will not come with us when we move so we don't actually need to 'sack' her.

    This weekend I have got our Christmas letter done, the cards written and addressed. I still have to do Mum's for her. I only have around 8 people to buy for this year and haven't actually got anything yet (although I have ordered a couple of things from Amazon)! I have also filled a suitcase with some of my summer clothes :)

    Hope that everyone has managed to achieve what they wanted to over the weekend.
  18. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    AAAHHH - I feel very unorganised for Christmas - no where near seeing if I have cards from last year in attic - let alone write annual letter. Slugsta - please come up here and organise me.

    I have however booked my preferred on line delivery slot for my supermarket shop - missed the one I wanted for the last 3 years - so feeling smug on that one.

    Spamar - hope you enjoyed the F1 - not a sport I have any interest in at all.

    I can concur that my cleaner started off well and did less and less. I would like to get another but OH says we are better doing it ourselves.

    Amy - nice to hear you got to friends and could do as much or little as you wanted.

    Teenage daughter for sale here - full blown strop over some remark we made about next weeks mocks. She has GCSEs this summer - and doesn't seem to be taking the mocks as seriously as we think she should (although she will get good marks - but not seeing them as exam practice). Hope you are not experiencing the same GCSE pain Ann. She has finally said sorry. But if anyone would like her - fairly well house trained most of the time - she is for sale.

    Work not good - very fed up.

    Need to catch up on ironing that didn't get done when I was ill now.
  19. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Hi, everybody.
    I have done all Christmas cards except 2. One I've lost the address ( and she hasn't replied to email) and the other has recently moved house and is trying to get it sorted before they let anyone know. I think I smell a party there ( one of them has a birthday on Christmas Day).
    Presents I have to buy are bought, most of steps want vouchers, which equals the folding stuff in my eyes. An Amazon order, half of it has come, guess I'd better start chasing! However step kids are not coming until January 2nd, so no sweat!
    Have bought my Advent candle as well, just have to set it up in the next two days!

    Health-wise, blood tests all clear, though I have to have more! Just overweight, says the skinny GP! But I do have a stiff heart, guess the breathlessness come from that.
    In my sorting out in cupboards and drawers, found some jewellery, from OH s family. Before I threw it away, thought I'd better check, just in case! Although some was not diamonds ( thought they were a bit big!) there was enough gold rings to pay for my ( very small) Christmas! Wow!

    JM, have followed F1 since childhood. However, I hear is not going to be 'free' for much longer, and I'm not going to sky or BT just for that! Did you see Tour de Celeb yesterday btw?
    Went to a meeting today, nothing to do with dementia for a change, and started chatting to somebody who knew people I know, same industry, lovely to just gossip and pretend my brain is still fully functioning! As opposed to being stressed out, I hasten to add!

    Have a good time, hope Ann has survived her busy day, JM is recovering, Grace is walking well and surviving the out-laws, and the rest are getting ready for Christmas!
  20. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning everyone,

    Thank you (yet again, you lovely lot!) for all the advice and support. Things have calmed here, OH is now seeing to all his own washing. ironing, and preparing his own food for work. He has also got stuck into the ironing and some of the housework, since Sunday evening (when we reached a truce) - whether it lasts or not, we'll see. I suspect it will take a lot more to get dau to do a little more, even now. She is currently in the thick of several GCSE's (mock and otherwise - and yes, JM - we are also suffering the 'exam strops' from her!), and she does do 2 to 3 sessions a week as a volunteer at the local childrens swimming classes, BUT I have said that I expect her to tidy her 'stuff' away, clean the bath and tidy the bathroom after she has used it, and take a share of doing the dishes. I don't think that's an awful lot, even given what she has going on at the moment - but still, dau seems to feel that its all 'too much' for her :rolleyes: Each night, there are strong words exchanged over her not putting shampoo's and so on back where they belong, over her not cleaning the bath and over her clothes being left on the bathroom floor, along with wet towels and water splashes. And reminding her it was her turn for the dishes last night brought forth sighs and eye rolls and snappy replies. Then after she went up for bath and bed, I discovered that she had washed (but not dried) the dishes - and to add to it, she had been playing with some trick she had been told about by one of her friends, which involved a balloon and baking powder (dont ask - I have no idea!) and the sink, worktops, supposedly clean dishes and even the floor were covered in said baking powder :mad: She was hauled downstairs to put it all right - and yet had the attitude that I was being extremely unreasonable and that I was totally out of order to be put out about the mess. I think its going to take some work to get her to be a little more reasonable. As for me - I need to stick to my guns about doing only so much and no more. OH said that 'work' had simply 'caught up' with him over the last couple of weeks, reminding me that nights play havoc with sleep patterns and he had been just too exhausted to help. Thats fine. But doing what I do 'catches up' with me too - so rather than just carry on and end up seething with resentment, I will be taking a leaf out of his book and when I feel 'too exhausted', well - I'll just stop and do a lot less too. I wonder what the reaction will be?

    JM, sorry to read you have been struck by the lurgy, hun - really hope that you are on the mend quickly. I've not made much of an effort towards Christmas yet - got a couple of 'stocking fillers' for the kids and Mil, bought wrapping paper and gift tags - that's about it. I'm off Thursday and Friday this week (met with my manager for my one to one and she told me to take back some of the extra hours) and have my Christmas savings sitting there, so I hope to break the back of the present shopping then. As for cards, Spamar and Slugsta - only for Nearest and Dearest this year ! I'm leting it be known that I'm making a small donation to a charity in lieu of the rest of the cards - its something a few people I know do, and I like the idea.

    Spamar - glad all your blood tests have come back clear, and hope the issuewith your heart can be helped to ease the breathlessness for you x

    Grace and Amy - hope you are both OK?

    Son and his GF have made a flying visit, and yesterday I took both to visit Mil - first time son has been to the home. Mil greeted me - then spotted son, she squealed his name and her whole face lit up, to the extent that the carers around us all said a collective 'Awwwwwww' :) I'd been warned when we arrived that she was having an 'upset sort of day' - she had refused lunch and was very tearful and agitated. But seeing her grandson (who she seemed to actually know was her Grandson, yesterday) seemed to completely break the miserable mood for her - which was great. She got my name right, but 5 minutes later was asking me did I know Ann? and telling me about how Ann's boyfriend had cut her hair for her. Then a few minutes after that, she was talking about me to son, and referring to me as her cousin. Son's GF - who she hadn't met before - was greeted politely when they were introduced, then within a short time, Mil was confabulating away about their shared history - fair play to R, son's girl friend - she just played along and was very sweet with Mil. A lot of disjointed chat from her - everything said very clearly, but just jumping from one delusion/confabulation to the next mid-sentence. 'This place' was work, a college, a school, 'just like that other place' she had been to and did I know if they were owned by the same people? After about 20 minutes, mentions of home started - Mil asked me to fetch her coat and I improvised that I'd taken her coat to the dry cleaners and would go pick it up for her now, ready for her to leave 'later' - and that's how we took our leave yesterday, though once again, it took a member of staff to help distract.

    The assistant manageress told us that a doctor had been to see Mil, ready for the best interest meeting (tomorrow) as regards the DOL's - apparently a doctor has to be involved to help decide capacity (yet again - how many times do they have to decide that she has no capacity? Such a waste of time and resources!). Apparently , despite being told several times that he was a doctor, Mil referred to him as 'Father' throughout the whole visit, talked to him about 'keeping the church nice', and went into a bit of a panic as he left, as she didn't have half a crown for the collection. The manageress said that Mil was 'very sweet' throughout - and that she didn't think that there would be any silly arguments about Mil having capacity :rolleyes:

    Long day today, work wise - but want everything done so I can take the next couple of days off, and get the bulk of the Xmas gifts organised.

    Hope you all have a good day xxxx

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