Please..if there is a god out there..

[jayne-b]

gigi I hope that this works for Eric and he is more comfortable.

So good that you have such a lovely supportive neighbour Would have been nice if the Dr had come armed with the goods, sure that must have been possible

Hoping you get a decent nights rest ready for tomorrow, good luck

 

[burfordthecat]

Hi Gigi

Hope that you and Eric manage a calmer evening. I too will be sending loads of positive vibes for tomorrow's meeting.

Love Carina x x

 

[Sandy]

Hi Gigi,

Glad to hear that Eric can accept that you may not be able to continue to care for him in the exact way that you do now but that you would always make sure he was well cared for and would "look after him in a different way".

I wonder what prompted him to ask if you still loved him?

It's so hard to try and understand what signs and symptoms our loved ones with dementia pic up on. Perhaps at some level he's noticed your recent need to think of yourself more as his caregiver? If so, then changing that situation in a way that allows you to move out of that self-protective space might actually restore a bit more of the feelings that sustain a loving relationship.

You will be in my thoughts tomorrow - all you need to do is tell it like it is.

Take care,

 

[Grannie G]

I do hope all is well this evening gigi.

 

[muse]

Gigi - I tried to send you some positive vibes earlier this evening, but my connection played up and I don't think I got through. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. Think of yourself. It's good that your daughter has offered to be with you if the advocacy people cant' make it. Be wise but, as other people have suggested, not too strong (or they might assume that you're coping), try to force them to imagine how they would cope in your situation.

Lots of love and best wishes for tomorrow - Kathy

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Gigi, how are you this morning? What time is the meeting?

 

[julieann15]

Hi Gigi
Will be sending positive vibes to you today- It is a beautiful morning in our neck of the woods!

Love Julie xx

 

[Skye]

Positive vibes speeding from the frozen north to you this morning, gigi.

Love,

 

[susiesue]

Best of luck Gigi - hopefully we will both be successful

Love

 

[sussexsue]

I have just read this thread for the first time from start to finish with tears in my eyes. What a rollercoaster and what a nightmare.

There does seem a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed for you and that you might in the near future get some form of life back.

I sometimes wonder if there shouldnt be a care home for carers, where we just ditch the person we care for and do a runner to it. Get them to dose us up with any known sedative, accompanied by a glass or ten of vino.

Take care

Sue

 

[Amber 5]

Hi Gigi,
Just been catching up with your thread and so sorry to hear what you are going through. Hope that Eric is more comfortable and that today's meeting is successful.
Thinking of you.
love Gill x

 

[gigi]

How did the meeting go....

Thankyou all for your good wishes and positive vibes...

Eric and I both had a good night and the suppositories have worked...

As for the meeting...

We went through my carer's assessment and Eric's latest review. There was a lot of discussion about my role and Eric's needs, and the fact that I have stated that I feel I am unable to continue in my capacity as a full time carer for very much longer, and I became quite emotional.

So my daughter chipped in, stating that both she and my mum had increasing concerns that the situation here was becoming too much for me to handle, and (very cleverly) pointed out that if I fail to cope then Eric will suffer as a result of this.

TBH I found it extrememly stressful and was so glad that H was with me.

The SW listened and appeared to take it all on board. She asked if Eric was to go into permanent care, had I any idea about where I'd like him to go. My obvious choice was the place where he now goes for respite.

Mental Capacity was discussed and she admitted that she had not done a formal assessment of Eric's mental capacity. She plans to do this when he is next in respite.
She is also going to try to arrange one day a week when Eric will go to a day centre at the CH where he stays for respite. A taxi will take him there and bring him home..if he agrees to go.

Apart from that all she could offer was 2 extra visits a day from the home care team which I again have refused.

I didn't mention the AS Advocates (we have 2..one for Eric and one for myself..they are due to visit a week on Monday..)

My daughter thought the meeting was satisfactory. She feels that the SW listened and took on board what was said, but had little insight or empathy into the situation..ie: she was doing her job.
But she did feel that softly, softly on our part was the best approach, and that by agreeing to day care and regular respite it was a positive move towards Eric gradually accepting the change towards permanent care.

It has been agreed that after the second respite (May/June) our situation will be reviewed again, as I have stated that my aim is still to find permanent residential care for Eric by the end of this year..or sooner if the need arises.

And that's it, I think. I'm sure H will feed back more thoughts to me as the day wears on.

Love xx

ps..Eric slept throughout the meeting...

 

[Bookworm]

So Gigi - well done for handling today well.......when is your first chink of light, the first change that today will bring??

 

[Skye]

My daughter thought the meeting was satisfactory. She feels that the SW listened and took on board what was said, but had little insight or empathy into the situation..ie: she was doing her job.

I must confess I hoped for more than that for you, gigi. Nothing has been done to address your sleep deprivation, and one (possible) day a week is not going to help that much.

I hope your advocates will be more understanding next week. I'm glad you have H with you for support.

Love,

 

[connie]

Dear Gigi

and that by agreeing to day care and regular respite it was a positive move towards Eric gradually accepting the change towards permanent care.

Only a small step forward for all that.
I hope that now that the constipation issue has been resolved Eric will not be quite so confused and agitated.

As Hazel has said "nothing has been done to address your sleep depravation". I do hope that you have a settled few days, and can perhaps recharge your batteries somewhat. (Yes I know......and pigs might fly)

Thinking of you both.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m not satisfied either gigi.

You are on your knees, and all that has been offered is a day at Day Care which Eric has the right to refuse.
He has choice. You do not.

You have already stated you do not want extra in house care because of the intrusion and yet it was offered again.

Less than satisfactory. I hope the advocate thinks so too.

 

[Scottie45]

Dear Gigi

Just catching up with your thread,so sorry to read how things have been,i do hope you get things sorted out soon that will help you with your sleep,thinking of you,take care Marian xx

 

[gigi]

Well Eric is still confused...he woke up about 1 and couldn't work out where he was or what time of day it was, whether he'd had breakfast etc. Of course the SW has never seen him like this...

I don't know what, if anything, I expected from today. I think I knew there wouldn't be a magic wand.

What I find so stressful is the fact that I feel our lives are subjected to such close scrutiny. I also believe that because up until recently I have done my level best to care for Eric and pulled out all the stops to give him the best care here at home, they are finding my mind shift difficult to understand.
The SW in particular does not seem to understand just how much of an impact sleep deprivation has on a person's ability to function and think clearly, let alone their emotional well-being.

I'm not sure I'm happy about her assessing Eric's mental capacity while he's in respite..he's bound to say he wants to come home.
This is something I'll be discussing with the Advocates. I've started a list..

Love xx

 

[TinaT]

I think you should now be turning to the consultant for help with this. Phone up the consultant's secretary and ask for an urgent appointment. When at the meeting point out the falls, the deep confusion, the restless nights which leads to sleep deprevation for you, etc., etc., and ask for her help. Also mention that he does need to be assessed for mental capacity at this stage as you are not coping now he has deteriorated.

Try to take it out of the hands of SS if you can and onto the Consultant.

xxTinaT

 

[jenniferpa]

When is your next respite? And why do the evaluation in respite anyway? Surely the place where he is currently living is the most appropriate location?

I do so wish that wretched social worker could come and stay at your hours for a couple of nights to get the full flavour of sleep deprivation.

Personally I would be lobbying to have a different person do the capacity evaluation (or your own person as well - can you get these things done privately?) since this SW clearly has a conflict of interest - keep him in the home and 1)keep him off the LAs carehome budget and 2) be able to tick the "supporting people in the home" box as opposed to 1) costing the LA more money and 2) allowing carer or family breakdown to occur.

How can she be objective when one decision is going to make her look worse?