Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Ah, the return to normality continues! BUT yet more big floral boxes arriving, some of the flowers wrapped in a particularly nasty gel stuff, yes, I know why, but ...
    We have long run out of vases.
    Keith singing and tapping feet most of morning, hung up on theme from the great escape, so we both sing that and other residents join in and that's fun.
    Keith keeps sleeping so have lots of time to talk to individual residents, and that's lovely too because I can then relate some of it to their families when they come, tell them the jokes their loved one came up with.
    Keith started to count so I counted with him. He stalled at 7 so I offered seven and a half and Keith sighed and told me not to be so complicated ...
    Onwards to new year guys, thank you for being with me.
    with love, Geraldinexxxx
  2. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh thank God Christmas is over, only New Year to go ... normal here is so much better. The Christmas energy is false and I think beyond understanding by so many residents. I got in the lift to go down just as Keith was being brought down! It's YOU!! he said, looking so good this morning, in blue of course.
    As the morning goes on, once more I marvel at the love and value shown to all the residents by the staff. This place is a miracle of love. YET more big flower parcels arriving and we all play hunt the empty vase!!!
    Billed for the afternoon is, wait for it guys, an exciting event with elephants! This I have to see.
    And great it is!! Really really worked. The activity nurses brought in lots of elephant toys and they had been researching amazing elephant facts ... Keith falls asleep but those who stay awake are engaged and enlivened. Astonishing. These activity girls are so good.
    Before I go, I sing the thank you song with each resident who is awake - thank you very much for your lovely smile, blue eyes etc. Always goes down well.
    Keith is always thanked for his lovely blue eyed.
    Come back and see me again very soon, guys, and a good new year to you all.
    with love and best, Geraldinexxxx
  3. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    A happy New Year to you too. Your story brings such a glimpse of joy like a diamond in the dust.
    The activities girls are so inventive.
    I love normal, we have kept the holiday low key but even so it was busy enough.
    Mundane suits me, love, Alice.
  4. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    Happy New Year @kindred - hope every day spent with your 'blue-eyed boy' is a happy one.

    Saw Mum yesterday - the residents are all shell-shocked from the festivities ..... as you say, roll on normality!

    Love and New year wishes to all

  5. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    thank you, I love normal too, .... what I wonder is how many of the residents actually have any comprehension of what is going on at christmas BUT I know we have to offer the nurses and carers and families some semblance of a normal christmas. Great to hear from you, thank you. Gxxx
  6. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh I love the word shell-shocked, describes it all. And when I did initial nurse training as a cadet, I worked with this patient group and they were regarded as having delayed shell shock from the wartime bombing.
    Thank you, love and best, Gxxx
  7. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Well, when I arrived a seminar about fireworks and pets was in progress with a concensus that the animals must be put first.
    It was so good to get to the home where simplicity, safety and compassion rule. Perhaps all this digital stuff is getting to me ...I just like laughing in the company of others and the slower pace.
    Keith was brought in in his wheelchair and held out his arms to me. All the nurses stopped to watch (they often do watch our hellos and goodbyes I've noticed).
    Morning mellow and quiet, could speak to individuals, but after lunch there is occurring now an early sundowning, activity and agitation.. Sometimes there is great agitation after visitors have left, perhaps exhaustion from being in host mode.
    During course of morning, Keith said, if you think about it, it must be at least thirty years. Goodness knows what he meant but I agreed and said it was in fact more. Keith said, well then, we were very lucky. Oh yes, blue eyed boy, we were, la vie en rose.
    Thanks guys, is it really, truly madly deeply back to normal now? I shall be going in tomorrow as I am not back to work until next week. with love and best, Kindred.xxxxxxx
  8. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
  9. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    As I arrive a seminar about welsh versus english gold is in progress. Keith happy and singing away, could hear him as I walked down the corridor. Lot of singing today and it feels good for me to get back to singing, giving little concerts. I tried out Mulberry bush but NO ONE SEEMED TO KNOW IT!! This cannot be true, surely ... I thought the this is the way we clean our teeth business could be very useful and it certainly was a cold and frosty morning ...
    Loads of visitors today and we all know each other so well and it is like a family gathering, we all sit round big table with our loved ones and talk to them and each other.
    Goodness me, I feel I have had a good day out today! Thanks guys, thank you.
    love and best, Geraldinexxx
  10. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    Hi Kindred
    I'm new to TP, posted first time today but have been reading threads for a while. I just wanted to say I love reading your comments and to hear how lovely your husband Keiths care home is. My mum is still ok at home , but would hope that when she needs more care in the future that we can find somewhere like that for her too x
  11. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016


    Pleased you had a good day, xxx
  12. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh sweetheart, welcome, welcome. You will find so many friends here. Thank you so much for your lovely encouraging post. It's a small nursing home, cosy, but an absolute repository of love. I can't wait to get there every day! Thank YOU. My best wishes for your beloved mum, too. Warmest, Kindred.
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Many thanks, Alice, great to hear from you! with love, Geraldinexxx
  14. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    I have a new and lovely name!!
    I am no longer Geraldine, I am now Geraldineeka
    We have been experimenting with putting our names into Polish with the lovely diminutive ending ... ka. Basically, it means beloved little Geraldine. I love it!
    Anyway, really good energy when I arrive and there were two 16 year olds, pre-med school, seeing if they could cope with us in order to volunteer once a week. I so hope they do.
    Two volunteers means two more people to talk to individuals and that is so so good.
    Christmas decorations coming down now, and other lovely pictures will be going up.
    Those residents who are awake will be making Mandalas this afternoon. Keith was asleep when I left, he was not very talkative but so full of smiles.
    I sang summertime with a couple of residents and was astonished when one read the words and sung with me. This has not happened before and it was videod.
    As I left, I said to blue eyed one, have a sleep darling and he replied, bloody well think so too ...
    Thanks guys, even more normality today I think!
    love and best, Geraldineeka. xxx
  15. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    East of England
    “means beloved little Geraldine. I love it!” I love it too and also the have a sleep bit. That happens in our house and he always has to ask if he can go to have a rest on his bed. He seems to be losing his ability to make decisions about the most basic things. I guess that’s typical? I feel like I am running a one person care home at times.
  16. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh lovely to hear from you. Understand what you are saying about the one person care home. Keith lost ability to make decisions too, even about basic stuff. I think that like empathy, decision making is a higher order cognitive skill and so it's pretty much bound to go. Interestingly enough, when things got really dire for us, and I think my experience was on the harsher side of what people go through, then telling myself I was a care home manager seemed to bring me back to myself again ... with love and best Geraldineeka.xxxxx
  17. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Quiet, as Friday often is ... seminar on benefits of hugging in progress, so we hug as many residents as we can. Keith can't really get up to hug, so give him a banana instead, he liked that, nice change instead of biscuits with morning tea.
    Then several of us did a signs of winter session, looking out of the window (boy is it frosty out there), and were even rewarded by seeing two pied wagtails!!
    Now, there was something in the situation that pointed to something extraordinary going to happen ... and it did. I cannot say too much because need to protect resident privacy, but you know that I do that. Today I had brought in a little pack of robin napkins, pretty napkins with robins (no Christmas stuff) on them. I spread one out on front of one of our new residents who likes birds, according to her family. Recently, this lady has started to communicate on paper, not verbally. So today, I wrote I like robins on a piece of paper in front of her and left her with the pen and paper. She wrote underneath my sentence: so do I ... and this was followed by a long written conversation about robins, ravens and zebra finches ...
    Astonishing! Can't wait to do some more!
    Keith and I sung the James Bond theme together and then after lunch, we sat holding hands and he went to sleep.
    Love and best, guys, thank you for being here with me. Geraldineeka. xxxx
  18. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Really cool story.
  19. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Any problems come to me, Keith calls out as I enter. I assure him that I will. He looks so lovely in powder blue top. Talking non stop about BAE systems ....
    I tell a joke - an accountant, an actuary and a tax inspector walk into a bar, and what happens??
    Keith says NOTHING and finds this hilariously funny as do some of the nurses.
    Our bird writer lady wrote for me today: I wish they would close the sky and there would be no difference between night and day ...
    As I leave, Keith says to me that I deserve to be deserved.
    I like that, pretty blue eyed boy.
    Thanks guys, back soon ... much love, Kindred aka Geraldineeka.
  20. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Kindred I am catching up after a too long absence (hospital) I second so much already said by others. You most certainly have not failed your husband now he is in a care home it just becomes a different way of caring for him.

    My husband went from hospital to care home, not allowed home and I dreaded it. He spent the last five years of his life there I wanted him home with me although I know we could not have gone on as the previous 10 years at home. He became very verbally aggressive total opposite of his true self. I can honestly say I do have some happy memories of those last years, our visits together he became his usual affectionate self and was very lovling. We both benefitted. There were good visits and not so good as there can be with dementia. The staff became like a family as we got to know each other and they got to know Henry and they genuinely cared about him,

    Once he had settled - which did take some time - I think he did look upon the care home as his 'home' and felt safe and contented. Although he did have his 'moments' wiith mainly personal care he got on well with the staff and enjoyed their company. We were able to give each other what we had always shared - love. Our love did not die as a result of dementia as I had feared it had just become buried beneath the dementia debris. The not so good ones times made up for the times when it could be difficult.

    I wish you many happy visits together. Those visits do make up a lot for those not quiet as we hoped or wished. I also felt a better person too. It was good to feel loved again and to give love.

    Loo xx

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