Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,146
    It was, I did not know what had happened.
    I had been lifting boxes.
     
  2. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    Lovely post Geraldine. Your posts transport me for a short time. I visualise so much from your warm expressive writing. Thank you...
    With much love B xx
     
  3. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Thank you darling and I am so sorry that life is getting so hard for you. Please, please keep safe and, forgive me, make a note of these attacks on you. As you know, I have been through this too. I know how much you love and miss him.
    all my love, more anon. Geraldinexxx
     
  4. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    I am trying not to develop an obsession with the tea trolley, although it is most welcome when it is as horribly cold as this ...Keith comes down and I meet and greet but he is too anxious about the transfer from wheelchair to chair to notice. Anyway, the transfer goes well (it doesn't always) and he gives me some lovely collusive smiles and tells me he wants to talk about spreadsheets.
    We sing our hey ho opera and other residents join in!
    I notice that a lot of the staff are now communicating with him in song, which is lovely and very effective as it gets his full attention.
    Then back to the spreadsheets and I confirm that I am well on top of it all.
    After a while the place gets busier and a lot of coming and going and Keith says to me, what's happening? And I say, oh we're all just looking after each other like I'm looking after you.
    And Keith says, oh you lovely, lovely, lovely, ...
    But I'll never know what! He never gets that far.
    Sitting with another resident, we watched bluetits showering on the branches, waiting for raindrops and then fluffing up. Impossibly sweet!
    As I leave, Keith calls out Nothing is new!
    True, beloved blue eyed, true.
    Thanks guys, keep yourselves warm and come back and see me soon with love Geraldinexxxx
     
  5. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Wow! keith was already down in the lounge and gave me the biggest, most sunshine, full of love smile ever. I was transported back to our wedding day when I arrived by his side in the little chapel (we got married in an estate chapel in cornfields - nurstead church in Kent) and he turned to me, gave that smile and said, loudly enough to be heard. YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL SWEETHEART.
    Well, it was that kind of smile again this morning.
    Various seminars, arctic temperatures, living off grid, earth closets.
    We sung the William Tell Overture together and others joined in. Then, as the atmosphere was right and there were no activity nurses, it being the weekend, I did a small concert in the main lounge and loads joined in with me to sing.
    We gave dramatic screeches of protest every time the carers went out into the garden to have a fag break - ooo the cold! And I found myself singing
    SHUT THE DOOR, THEY'RE COMING IN THE WINDOW.
    Where on earth does this come from????
    As I left, Keith called, I've got news for you ... So I went back to find out what it was and he tells me that the sun has got his hat on.
    Oh blue eyed boy, how I love you.
    Grief is normal.
    with love and best, back on Tuesday. Kindred aka Geraldinexxxx
     
  6. anxious annie

    anxious annie Registered User

    Jan 2, 2019
    102
    What a lovely post, Geraldine. So heartwarming to read. You would make an ideal activities coordinator yourself. I was staying with my mum for a few days last weekend and took her shopping and to the hairdressers, but most of the time she spent dozing in the chair. I think she must spend much of her day asleep when she's not out at the day centre and having your posts it always makes me feel that she would be less lonely in a care home and enjoy all the singing and discussions. When the time comes I'll be looking carefully for a home like Keith lives in, but feel they must be quite a rarity xx
     
  7. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Oh so good to hear from you. Thank you. I think you might find it is not such a rarity after all, look for homes that have an activity co ordinator. I do agree, Keith is happier in his home and I think he was lonely just with me because I could not be a Butlin's Redcoat all the time. i'm sure you know what I mean!
    with love and best, Geraldine
     
  8. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    Hi Geraldine
    Another warm and toasty post.
    You really do light up these dismal winter days for so many of us.
    Thank you.
    It is so good that the sun has got his hat on for Keith. How lovely is that....
    Thinking of you both and sending love, Barbara xx
     
  9. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,146
    Certainly I do! I do everything then others said I should get him out more! Red, blue or yellow coat, not me! I am not Superwoman or only in as much as all women are super! It is our nature!

    I had a conversation with a daughter today, her life is full on at the moment but we were talking about children. So many seem to be suffering from various 'behavioural/mental conditions '.
    I found myself saying that as a society we are getting something very wrong, I do not know what. I was not advocating women stayed at home with young children unless they wanted to but it should be possible fo those who did want to.
    Then I said I felt that young childhood and old age have so much in common. Both need routines, plenty of sleep and a lot of one to one attention with people really listening.
    She had to leave at that point, it was a flying visit.
    I then considered what I had said and play came into it too. We all need to play more, just simple play that makes us laugh together, croak songs together.
    Keith's place seems to have cracked that, weekends must be fun when you can have a bit of original input too.
    That is what acceptance is perhaps, not choosing the materials given in life but transforming them into something beautiful. You set such an example of Love in action. Enjoy your church group tomorrow. Xxx
     
  10. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,539
    West Midlands
    Sorry for butting in. I lurk and read and hear the unwritten emotion and I’m hearing you need a huge hug

    HUG

    I enjoy, if that’s the right word, reading your posts. I can “see” that you and Keith have something between you that dementia cannot destroy, despite its evil attempts

    Heartbreaking situation which it seems you manage to see a positive of as often as you can.

    More hugs for those times when you need them
     
  11. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Oh thank you with all heart. Yes, these days are so dismal. I find starting the day very hard, think its the same for most of us. Bleak weather is a bit invasive. So lovely to hear from you. I think some sort of care package could be good, I was glad of the company sometimes .... with all love and thoughts, Geraldinexxxx
     
  12. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Oh thank you so very very much. I know, I keep wondering what on earth is happening. Long ago, I felt there was a kind of attack on reflective space, bumming around time, but now the very idea seems alien. And taking love and friendship where it is offered, even in small snatches. On way home from Keith's yesterday I was close to a robin. We were there in silence for a while and I felt such an affinity.
    with all love, thank you, Geraldinexxxx
     
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Love it that you lurk! Thank you so very much for the hug. I think life is one big unwritten emotion!
    with love and thank you, Geraldinexx
     
  14. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Alongside the great mystery of WHERE DO THE SPOONS DISAPPEAR TO? Will now sit the mystery of KEITH'S CHAIR. In I go, bounce (as far as someone with a bad hip can bounce) into Keith's territory and no Keith (that's normal, I'm early) but KEITH'S CHAIR IS ALSO MISSING. His chair is the only one with special heighteners on account of his great height. So why would anyone take Keith's chair and WHERE IS IT? A search home-wide is instigated and eventually finds it in one of the small side lounges. But who, and why? We await clarification.
    Keith arrives and is very sleepy and the nurses tell me that yesterday, when I was not there, he was the life and soul of the party ... Oh well.
    We have seminars on to dunk biscuits or not to dunk.
    The uneven distribution of wealth.
    The dismantling of the welfare state and the NHS.
    Whistling as children.
    I sit with one of the residents and we bird watch out of the window. she tells me that the big tree is quiet today and that the wind is not bothering it.
    Keith tells me a few jokes and we laugh and then sing an opera together.
    As the activity nurse is very busy, I go and do a concert in the main lounge and that is lovely, Lara's theme from Dr Z going down particularly well.
    AND THEN I look up and see a lovely young policewoman in uniform who says to me, can you help me, I'm lost ... how do you get out of here?
    And I say, I will take you, but first will you come to meet our lovely residents. Bless her, she does, she comes to see them and laugh and joke. That was a lovely adventure.
    As I leave, Keith whispers You're the next best thing, anyway!
    I gather the Activity nurses are planning a Burns Night and the Chinese New Year ... Watch this space guys.
    Back again on Thursday. Thank you so much. With love and best, Geraldinexx
     
  15. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    438
    Hi @kindred - thought I would just drop by with a cheery wave - just so you know that I am enjoying your posts but not always responding. Hope that hip isn't giving you too much grief.
    Life is fraught at the mo, so many things happening outside of CH-land, then add Mum to the equation (2 falls in 48 hours), a large rise in the CH fees (it's lovely but extortionate) and I feel like I would just like to go away and escape for a wee while. Stop the world - I want to get off!

    Thought you might be interested about the trip Mum almost went on the other day. She was all set to go, but the Head of Activities was taken ill and therefore the Carer to Resident ratio was reduced so the last one on the list (Mum) had to forego the trip :(. They were off to the Royal Academy (a short trip) who evidently do a special thing for dementia groups - our CH has been a couple of times. As far as I know they show a picture or pictures and then try and get responses from those attending about the paintings. Interesting idea eh?

    Love XX
     
  16. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    Hi Geraldine,
    did you get any answers to the disappearing spoons? Im keen to know if any of mine are there! Where do they go....
    To dunk or not to dunk.... another inspired debate. Depends on the biscuit.
    Oh my goodness, I want to be part of this care home family...
    uneven distribution of wealth, the welfare state, and the NHS.
    Wonderful and inspired topics.
    Topped by whistling as children.
    I need to join in!
    And Keith never said a truer word, you really are the next best thing.
    Thank you, love B xx
     
  17. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Oh thank you so much and a cheery wave back. I will be with Keith again tomorrow. My goodness, things are fraught for you and oh yes, about escaping. That is amazing about the trip to the Royal Academy and I am so sorry your mum had to forego it ... That is tough.
    Thank you for asking about hip. It is very bad, I have to literally crawl upstairs to bed at night. But have not long to wait now, only until end of Feb, and I obviously could not have it done while K was at home with me.
    So lovely to hear from you, thank you! with love, Geraldinexx
     
  18. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,126
    Well now darling girl. Spoons. Not long ago, I helped out at the local caff because staff were ill, and was washing up and serving and working alongside the chef who told me he worked with a bloke once who had a thing about spoons. He would throw them away in the bin at the end of the day ... something is happening at K home, someONE more likely is secreting spoons ... Watch this space.
    I know, so many family members come and say they want to stay and live in the home ...
    What was lovely was the detail in which the residents put forward their opinions of dunking.
    You see, at K home, we discuss the REALLY important things in lilfe!
    So good to hear from you sweetheat. With love and best, always, Geraldinexxx
     
  19. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    Hi GG (stands for Gorgeous Geraldine), my new name for you x
    Do they have a substantial supply of Bourbon biscuits? For me the best dunkers in a lovely strong builders brew....
    I hope you are ok, and how is your hip?
    Much much love, B xx
     
  20. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    676
    Female
    Are you having a hip replacement Geraldine? If so, will you have someone to help you when you get home? My cousin had her hip replaced just after me. She lived on her own. I asked her how she managed getting her knickers on!!! She said she didn’t bother wearing any! I thought..... how b....y sensible!
    Just a thought!!!
    With love and a hug, B xx
     

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