1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,232
    Thank you, I will copy the words and give them to my husband, x
     
  2. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    592
    Female
    Hi Geraldine, just a quick note to ask how you are feeling? I’m sorry you don’t feel too good. It’s the run up to Christmas, it beats the best of us.
    Please take care of yourself,
    Love to you, B xx
     
  3. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    516
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    Thanks Izzy - thanks everyone for being there - it’s Christmas Eve here and we are watching carols - wishing you all a blest, happy and peaceful Christmas ((((hugs))) and kisses xxxxx all round.
     
  4. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,232
    I hope you are feeling better, Geraldine. Xxx
     
  5. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Thank you all so very much for love and poems etc. There once was a fantastic poem called the late eighties by Gavin Ewart that I cannot now track, talking about what it felt to be in just that, the late eighties.
    Anyway, when I arrived, Keith already singing but not for long before he fell asleep again. Oh everyone had no energy ... I think Christmas may have been overdone already ... When he woke up we did our chorus of singing sounds together. My own energy pretty low too. How are we all going to cope with tomorrow, guys?
    So many visitors and more huge boxes with floral arrangements in them ...
    Sat with Keith for ages and a group of other residents sort of huddled around me which was very nice.
    Oh guys, I am so bushed, know you all will be too ...
    love and best and thank you. Geraldinexxxx
     
  6. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,232
    Enjoy the visit tomorrow. X
     
  7. Mudgee Joy

    Mudgee Joy Registered User

    Dec 26, 2017
    516
    Female
    New South Wales Australia
    We have managed a peaceful Christmas Day and now watching the Royal Command performance - in Oz on tv. Lovely.
    Our day was pretty good - I managed to get us to a picnic area by a lake with our two dogs on a rug under a large plane tree !! Then lunch at my brothers house and then my husband slept through the afternoon -2 til 5. All in all, a lovely day in parts at least. Blessing to you all.
     
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Oh wow. Just back. What a lovely time the nurses put on for us all. They tried for posh, table cloths, wine glasses, but all that soon got overthrown by resident chaos!! Crackers with **** jokes, all good. some of us with hats on, some ripped off instantly with a growl. And what a wonderful traditional meal, fantastic! I don't think anyone needs to eat again for a week, sure I won't.
    I'm astounded they found the energy, but they did. Keith very happy, talking away all through the meal.
    As I left, Keith told me confidentially that he was going to take the matter to the board of directors. So I told him, very good thing, too!
    Thanks guys, hope you are having a good Christmas. More soon and thank you. with love and best, Geraldinexx
     
  9. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    794
    So pleased to read you had such a lovely lunch at the CH. We took Mum out yesterday so hoping she has as much fun today
    In the CH with her new friends and wonderful and kind staff.
     
  10. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    592
    Female
    Hi Geraldine
    So glad you had a good day with Keith, the residents and all the staff. How lovely to get a traditional meal, with all the trimmings.
    We had a quiet day here, just the two of us... different to any previous Christmas Day, but I had no real idea what to expect. Only hitch was bed time, but first thing in the morning and last thing at night tend to be trigger points, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
    Suffice to say I’m all in one piece. I survived Christmas Day!
    I so look forward to your posts in 2019... they keep me going, but that’s a lot of pressure on you, so sorry.
    With much love to you and to your gorgeous blue eyed boy... B xx
     
  11. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Thank you sweetheart, I'm looking forward to posting too. We survived, we got through .... all love, Gxxxxx
     
  12. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Short seminar about Frankie Howard and his gay partner began our time together (not raised by K, another resident ...). I thought Christmas was all over, but one has to be realistic and not too put out when two green elves burst in with sacks and the present distribution I thought I had somehow missed yesterday. I mean, like big sacks. spent a lot of the rest of my time trying to explain to residents what their presents actually were ...I mean socks are self evident but some of the toiletries come in totally poncy packaging.
    Basically, everyone so tired again that most residents drifting in and out of sleep. As for us, well, I just wanted to be left alone with Keith because we had messages to pass to each other with our eyes ...
    Thanks guys, more tomorrow ...with love and best, Gxxx
     
  13. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,232
    Very pleased all is well. Enjoy your quiet time with Keith. Xxx
     
  14. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    336
    Hello @kindred and everyone else. Huge apologies that I missed saying Happy Christmas to you all. I hope you all had a good day yesterday and made a few memories to add to the collection ...
    My Mum's birthday was on Saturday (90 years old) so it's been an action-packed few days - not helped that I came down with a yukky cold on Sunday and have coughed and filled tissues for the whole holiday. The CH had a lovely party for Mum including a slide show of photos of Mum over the last year, which was hilarious, and I brought a huge cake, balloons etc. Mum tired quickly though and seemed a little confused by it all. On Christmas Eve the church across the road from the CH had a live Nativity so we went there. Mum sang all the way , all through the service and then got to feed the donkey. Result!
    I wasn't too sure how Mum would be on Christmas Day - and as my husband hasn't seen Mum for a year and she has deteriorated hugely, I tried to warn him and manage his expectations. Mum was on fine form, and although a wee bit batty, was doing well. I could see my OH thinking that daughter and I had been exaggerating, until Mum says to daughter 'And how is your peacock?' Daughter replies without hesitation 'Absolutely fine thank you Nan!'
    Most importantly I think Mum enjoyed the time we spent with her. We bagged the library and had our own little private 'Christmas Picnic' while lunch was being served, swapped pressies and then we headed home for me to cook Christmas Dinner.
    Haven't been in today, but will see her tomorrow.

    Love to all XX
     
  15. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    OOo lovely to hear from you sweetheart. I am sorry about your cold, though. That party sounds wonderful and a donkey??? You have done so well, you and your family, so well done darling. thank you. with love, Geraldinexxx
     
  16. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Gosh, guys, it is still like the sleeping beauty palace at Keith's and I feel that I am having to fight my way back to a semblance of energy. Wondering how many of you feel like this?
    Am tempted to do the minimum of engagement but overcome this and talk to people in their brief moments of wakefulness. Bit more perked up at lunchtime but an outbreak of bad temper from a few of the residents.
    Am still having to explain what their presents are ...
    LONGING for us all to be back to normal, if see what mean but we have another week of stuff to go don't we?
    Keith tells me he saw a sheep in his bedroom yesterday. I wonder if he did? At the moment I would believe anything!!
    Love and best, back soon. Geraldinexxx
     
  17. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    336
    Hello @kindred - I quite feel like hibernating a la Yogi Bear and only waking up for the odd 'picker-nick basket'!

    Went to see Mum mid-morning and it was like deja vu in the CH. I had forgotten how dire it all was after Christmas last year, and this year it is just as bad. Tiredness, upset, frayed tempers and many terribly confused residents. They really have problems with all the festivities, the coming and going, the endless run of unknown faces arriving - don't they? One poor lady was walking round saying 'I am not right - everything is wrong - the office should be told'. Poor soul could not be pacified.

    There was a chance Mum had visitors on Boxing Day - they didn't let me know - however I checked the visitors book and found that they had visited. After a Birthday party, Nativity service with donkey stroking, Christmas Day and then visitors the following day - my poor Mum was done in. I arrived around 11 and having refused to get up until then, they were just getting her out of bed. My devout, well-mannered Mum was swearing, told the Senior to 'Go to H*LL' and was really not with it at all. Once she was clean and tidy I sat with her and chatted but she looked so tired and was really confused.
    Ergo I have abandoned my visit tomorrow to give her a bit of down time. Daughter will pop in for her usual Saturday morning visit but will keep it brief as we are all going to the rugby in the afternoon. 3 hour each way duty visit to Mother in Law on Sunday (!?!) and as it looks as though OH has got my cold (but obviously the male version is sooooo much worse than I had) looks as though I will be doing the driving. Hopefully my reward will be that normal service will (sort of) be resumed at the CH, by the time I visit on Monday.

    Look after yourself and enjoy the time with your man (and his sheep???)

    XX
     
  18. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    Oh thank you so much for this post with your realistic assessment of situation, am so grateful. Wonder what will find today. Thank you! love and best, Gxxxx
     
  19. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    1,872
    OK, in I go having given self talking to about be the change you want to see in the world. But my resolve to try to get things back to normal not needed - they already are!!
    A seminar about how one feels if one is called a trout was in progress and the atmosphere was lighter and better, Keith already singing. He breaks off to tell me that we pays our money and we takes our choice ... Fair enough. I even manage to trim his nails without a murmur.
    One of the activity nurses was doing a quiz where residents asked to finish sentences and one was
    A friend in need is ...
    and one of the residents piped up A PAIN IN THE ****.
    OK guys, seems like normal service is being resurrected!
    Love and best, Geraldinexxx
     
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    1,232
    Good to hear normality returns! :):):)
     

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