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Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Kindred I am catching up after a too long absence (hospital) I second so much already said by others. You most certainly have not failed your husband now he is in a care home it just becomes a different way of caring for him.

My husband went from hospital to care home, not allowed home and I dreaded it. He spent the last five years of his life there I wanted him home with me although I know we could not have gone on as the previous 10 years at home. He became very verbally aggressive total opposite of his true self. I can honestly say I do have some happy memories of those last years, our visits together he became his usual affectionate self and was very lovling. We both benefitted. There were good visits and not so good as there can be with dementia. The staff became like a family as we got to know each other and they got to know Henry and they genuinely cared about him,

Once he had settled - which did take some time - I think he did look upon the care home as his 'home' and felt safe and contented. Although he did have his 'moments' wiith mainly personal care he got on well with the staff and enjoyed their company. We were able to give each other what we had always shared - love. Our love did not die as a result of dementia as I had feared it had just become buried beneath the dementia debris. The not so good ones times made up for the times when it could be difficult.

I wish you many happy visits together. Those visits do make up a lot for those not quiet as we hoped or wished. I also felt a better person too. It was good to feel loved again and to give love.

Love
Loo xx
Loo, this is such a beautiful beautiful post, thank you with all heart. That last line about feeling loved again and able to give love. This is something we miss in this situation so often, isn't it. I so love and appreciate your post, thank you. with love, Geraldinexxxc
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Just to say have to stay at work today so no visit, unfortunately. Longing to be there tomorrow! Thank you very much. with love and best, Geraldinexx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
OK then guys. It's Elvis Presley's birthday and the lift is broken. These two facts will dominate my visit. Up I go to spend the morning with Keith who cannot be brought down without a lift. Interestingly, Keith really thrives when I spend alone time with him, we chat away about goodness knows what, and laugh. He tells me a Gothic story complete with sound effects and then we sing the william Tell overture together. Lovely morning and THEN down I go to the residents' lounge where those who can be brought down are assembled for the ELVIS BIRTHDAY PARTY, complete with Diet Coke and peanut butter sandwiches with bananas ...Oh my goodness, this has to be one of the wildest activities yet. Believe me, Elvis is alive and well and living in Keith's nursing home. The activity nurses talked the residents through Elvis' life and facts about him, they had brought model cars like he drove and one of the nurses had a HUGE Elvis quip wig made out of black plastic bag. All the while to Elvis songs and discussions about them. Oh the level of engagement was phenomenal. Anyone coming in an hour before this would have just seen elderly people sitting round asleep - but coming in now would see a party in progress with everyone contributing songs and ideas. AND THEN one of the nurses who especially likes to dance came in and danced to one of the rock and roll numbers and the atmosphere just went electric, residents were dancing with their arms, clapping, nodding their heads ...
Guys, I wish you had been there.
I also wish the lift gets mended today!
Back on Thursday, thank you for being with me. Love and best, Geraldinexxxx
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Sounds like a fabulous time for all. The activity nurses at Keiths home are certainly creative!
Hope the lift gets sorted asap xx
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
570
Hi @kindred - in the inimitable words of Victor Meldrew .... 'I do not BELIEVE it!' I truly believe that there is a psychic connection between Keith's home's lift and Mum's.
One of the lifts wasn't working at Mum's yesterday .... it was the one nearest to the entrance .... I was having one of my vague days, and realised I had been standing vacantly in front of the lift having pressed in the code and called the lift for some minutes. I then came to, and saw the ****** big, 'Out of Order - Do Not Use' sign. Duh .... I wonder about myself at times!

I know you'll love this - daughter visited Mum as usual at the weekend. Mum says, 'Oooh I am so glad you are here'. 'Why's that Nan?' 'I've killed someone. I murdered him. I don't know what I should do, or what to do with the body' 'What about the police, Nan' 'Oh I hadn't thought of that'. Daughter reassured Mum that we were all OK and everything was fine. The 'murder' was soon forgotten and we are convinced she overheard the news about the knife killing on the Guildford to Waterloo train last week (daughter and I were on the same train the day before :eek:).

As a final aside, yesterday (after embarrassing myself with the lift episode) I decided to look through a lovely animal picture book with Mum, as she adores animals. We came to a photo of two beautiful blue budgies. I asked her what she thought their names were. After a bit of deliberation she points to one and says 'Bluebell' - I tell her that is a very good name for a blue budgie, and ask for a name for his little blue friend - flushed with success Mum ponders and then triumphantly announces 'Equity'. I'd love to know what goes on inside her head!

XX
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Hi @kindred - in the inimitable words of Victor Meldrew .... 'I do not BELIEVE it!' I truly believe that there is a psychic connection between Keith's home's lift and Mum's.
One of the lifts wasn't working at Mum's yesterday .... it was the one nearest to the entrance .... I was having one of my vague days, and realised I had been standing vacantly in front of the lift having pressed in the code and called the lift for some minutes. I then came to, and saw the ****** big, 'Out of Order - Do Not Use' sign. Duh .... I wonder about myself at times!

I know you'll love this - daughter visited Mum as usual at the weekend. Mum says, 'Oooh I am so glad you are here'. 'Why's that Nan?' 'I've killed someone. I murdered him. I don't know what I should do, or what to do with the body' 'What about the police, Nan' 'Oh I hadn't thought of that'. Daughter reassured Mum that we were all OK and everything was fine. The 'murder' was soon forgotten and we are convinced she overheard the news about the knife killing on the Guildford to Waterloo train last week (daughter and I were on the same train the day before :eek:).

As a final aside, yesterday (after embarrassing myself with the lift episode) I decided to look through a lovely animal picture book with Mum, as she adores animals. We came to a photo of two beautiful blue budgies. I asked her what she thought their names were. After a bit of deliberation she points to one and says 'Bluebell' - I tell her that is a very good name for a blue budgie, and ask for a name for his little blue friend - flushed with success Mum ponders and then triumphantly announces 'Equity'. I'd love to know what goes on inside her head!

XX
Oh yes about the connection and the lifts!! And the murder story. God, the bizarre stuff we get involved in. But I adore the Bluebell and Equity story! Thank you with all heart. Love, Geraldinexxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Well, I never thought I would get involved in a seminar about the ethics of international smuggling, in a nursing home. But there ...
Keith down and lively. I told him I loved him and he said, well that's up to you, sunshine.
So we sang the Superman theme together.
This morning, the map game. Each of the residents in turn throws a beanbag onto a huge world map and we discuss what we know about the country it lands on! Really good, then an old fashioned singsong. I told Keith to go to sleep and I would watch over him and he told me that was very kind of me. So he did. And watching him, oh what a beautiful boy.
How could I forget THE LIFT IS WORKING!
Love and best, guys, love and best.
Geraldine aka kindred.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
752
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Well, I never thought I would get involved in a seminar about the ethics of international smuggling, in a nursing home. But there ...
Keith down and lively. I told him I loved him and he said, well that's up to you, sunshine.
So we sang the Superman theme together.
This morning, the map game. Each of the residents in turn throws a beanbag onto a huge world map and we discuss what we know about the country it lands on! Really good, then an old fashioned singsong. I told Keith to go to sleep and I would watch over him and he told me that was very kind of me. So he did. And watching him, oh what a beautiful boy.
How could I forget THE LIFT IS WORKING!
Love and best, guys, love and best.
Geraldine aka kindred.
I love reading your posts Geraldine, it's fascinating to hear what goes on in Keith's care home.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
I love reading your posts Geraldine, it's fascinating to hear what goes on in Keith's care home.
Thank you so much! It is an astonishing place, everyone just mucks in and gets involved. The best times are when someone starts a song and everyone, nurses, cleaners, assistants, residents, families all join in and sing! Lovely to hear from you, thank you! Geraldine.xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Oh what a wonderful cup of tea as a welcome, and Keith is down and looking lovely in mint green and blue. We sing the monty python tune before anything else and today is a day of seminars between the residents.
Today we have a seminar on the Titanic, a discussion of how much space is needed to swing a cat and is this something we should be doing anyway? How long does it take a loaf of bread to defrost, and finally on whether things are harder today then they were yesterday. Fair enough. There was a visit from a lovely girl who sings yesterday and the music is very loud and I think as usual, Saturday is tiredness day. I tell Keith I will sing him a lullaby and he can go to sleep. Then I am stumped because I cannot think of one ... so I sing a hymn instead but he's already fallen asleep ...Brilliant sponge and custard and I was obliged to have a portion ...The pied wagtails came to see us again, too.
Nice visit, thanks guys. Back again on Tuesday, church tomorrow and I have to work long day on Monday. Thank you all so much. Love and best, Geraldine aka kindred.xxxxx
 

Starbright

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
526
Oh what a wonderful cup of tea as a welcome, and Keith is down and looking lovely in mint green and blue. We sing the monty python tune before anything else and today is a day of seminars between the residents.
Today we have a seminar on the Titanic, a discussion of how much space is needed to swing a cat and is this something we should be doing anyway? How long does it take a loaf of bread to defrost, and finally on whether things are harder today then they were yesterday. Fair enough. There was a visit from a lovely girl who sings yesterday and the music is very loud and I think as usual, Saturday is tiredness day. I tell Keith I will sing him a lullaby and he can go to sleep. Then I am stumped because I cannot think of one ... so I sing a hymn instead but he's already fallen asleep ...Brilliant sponge and custard and I was obliged to have a portion ...The pied wagtails came to see us again, too.
Nice visit, thanks guys. Back again on Tuesday, church tomorrow and I have to work long day on Monday. Thank you all so much. Love and best, Geraldine aka kindred.xxxxx
Sponge and custard nom nom :):) A x
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi Geraldine,
I just wanted to say hello, I hope you are ok, and your gorgeous blue eyed boy?
I haven’t been on TP much. I feel a bit sorry for myself, so I bury my head in the sand and hope things will get better. They rarely do, but a leopard never changes its spots!
I think I have to feel really good or really bad to write on here. But I love your posts, so I think about you often. Sometimes you make my heart sing with your wonderful posts. I wish I could be more like you.
I’m not sure whether my husband has an infection or whether his condition has dropped. Whatever, I’m finding him hard to cope with at the moment. Perhaps it’s just me and the weather?
But I’m sending much love to you...
please take care of yourself, Barbara xx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Hi Geraldine,
I just wanted to say hello, I hope you are ok, and your gorgeous blue eyed boy?
I haven’t been on TP much. I feel a bit sorry for myself, so I bury my head in the sand and hope things will get better. They rarely do, but a leopard never changes its spots!
I think I have to feel really good or really bad to write on here. But I love your posts, so I think about you often. Sometimes you make my heart sing with your wonderful posts. I wish I could be more like you.
I’m not sure whether my husband has an infection or whether his condition has dropped. Whatever, I’m finding him hard to cope with at the moment. Perhaps it’s just me and the weather?
But I’m sending much love to you...
please take care of yourself, Barbara xx
Oh sweetheart, beyond wonderful to hear from you. I guessed what was happening with you. I understand about feeling really bad or really good. Completely. This weather does not help, makes a lot of us feel down I think. Chugging along here, this is a difficult time of year for so many people.
I have operation coming up and my big triumph of the day is trying out the no water towel off shampoo I can use and finding it is amazing and people telling me how nice my hair looks! Apparently it is much used at Glastonbury festival and the like. On such small triumphs my darling ...
So so good to hear from you. Will write my usual post in a minute.
with love and best and thank you with all heart, Geraldinexxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Here I am again folks, thank you for reading.
Very quiet when I arrived, everyone enjoying cup of tea. I have to say I am always happiest when the tea trolley is in view and my heart sinks when it goes away ...
Keith making jokes to anyone who passed him by ... so we had lots of giggles and then sang the hey ho opera together. Then one of the activity nurses set down a huge map of the world and set about eliciting how we would get to Australia. Somehow this transmuted into America and was followed by an investigation of where Alabama is, and why Rawhide is called Rawhide.
After this there was a seminar about the great barrier reef, do bees have knees ... and a how low can you sing competition.
I still cannot find Alabama ...
More time talking with Keith who looks so beautiful today. As I left, he calls out, If you have any problems, bring them to me. And I want to turn round, go back and stay there with him forever.
Thanks guys, back on Thursday. Working longer days on Monday and Wednesday at the moment. Love to all, and thank you so very much. Writing this is one of high spots of my day. Geraldinexxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Today was different. I had a dental appointment in middle of day so went in very early (9.15) and it was lovely. Gentle atmosphere and I could be the meet and greet as each new resident was wheeled in.
Keith very happy with meet and greet. This wide armed welcome for the residents is so well received, don't know why I didn't think of it as meet and greet before.
Seminar on hunt the thimble. Did you call the game that? No one seems to know what a thimble is, except me, of course! But the idea of warm, warmer, HOT exists in similar hiding objects games here and apparently in other countries. That was good. We will set about adapting it to play with the residents.
Suddenly Keith tells me,
I'm assuming you need to be in France?
So I ask him if he would come to France with me and he says he will.
We have been to Paris together as students. Oh Lordy, we stayed in this hostel and I got bitten by fleas all over, and they came from the straw mattresses we were on. We were both seasick on the ferry. But other than that we had a good time! Keith got to fulfil his ambition of throwing a paper dart off the Eiffel Tower.
AND THEN we were all looking round for THE TEA TROLLEY. Whisperings turning into cries of WHERE IS THE TEA TROLLEY? Where indeed.
We were assured it was coming any second, then any minute, then not long now. (Basically the main hot water boiler had broken and they had to fill the tea trolley boiler from a kettle ... don't ask).
Eventually to a cheer from us all, the tea trolley arrived! About half an hour ahead of the dinner trolley, but hey ...
All told, a lovely morning, sorry I had to break it off to get tooth fixed.
Just something else, wonder if this happens to any of you. I have a badly pulled muscle in my neck and dentist says I must be straining it in some way. I think I strain this when I keep turning round to respond to the residents who call me ...
Hey ho. At least the sun is shining.
love and best folks, thank you so much for reading this, it makes my day. with love, Geraldine aka Kindredxxxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,835
So glad that you remembered what a thimble is! Harry Barnes has got one. :)

Watch your neck, I had this once, I am not sure how I did it. I woke unable to move, you can imagine the thoughts in my head. So easy to do but takes a while to mend.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
So glad that you remembered what a thimble is! Harry Barnes has got one. :)

Watch your neck, I had this once, I am not sure how I did it. I woke unable to move, you can imagine the thoughts in my head. So easy to do but takes a while to mend.
Oh I love it that Harry Barnes has got a thimble, and thank you so much for warning about neck. With love and best, so good to hear from you. Geraldinexxx