Thank you for your love, folks, so much appreciated.
There seems to be a new stage, of sorts. After that illness, Keith's communication has lessened. In fact the only thing he managed to say to me today was 1914 and this is not the year of our birth!!
But he is reaching out for my hands and arm all the time and so will have to content myself with this silent, but loving, communication.
I long for his voice but it is good to hold his hand, just like we did when we were students. Good but busy day at the home today, great singer leading singing and dancing in the afternoon, and otherwise quizzes and general muckabout fun. Lovely lunch and we called the chef out of the kitchen to take a bow.
Just home and how quiet is seems here compared with the razamataz of the home! I think I'll turn round and go back!
with love and so many thanks, Geraldine aka kindred.xxxxxxx
Thank you folks. Sending my love to you all as always.
Better day. As I arrived a seminar about strawberries was in progress. Keith was able to acknowledge me by the double raise of his eyebrows, in the way we used to look at each other in boring lectures or meetings, then he smiled. Not much verbally, but hey, I can manage with eyebrows.
Fantastic day at the home. First up, a new lady training to be an activities nurse who could not only do individual activities but could hold an entire room with a quiz or what have you. That is a rare skill and I am so pleased.
AND then, the manager brought round a group of inductees. Mixed bunch of all ages, one bloke who is doing a postgrad at Uni and is doing this as a vacation job. Lovely lot. I asked one of them if she could sing and she said she did a bit of karaoke. So I said come on then, and we went into the main lounge and kicked off with STAND BY YOUR MAN. But I had to stop because I was so in awe of her voice, just in awe. I hope she stays with us.
Keith still keen to hold my hand, so of course, we do. When he does manage a smile, I'm cut in two by the enormity of our loss, but we are still together, as we always have been. Grief is normal.
all my love folks, feels good to be back reporting!
Geraldine aka kindred.xxxx
I’m trying to find words of comfort for you, and not just squishy hugs wrapped in a blanket. I’m failing, sorry.
This anticipatory grief is so painful, and when it hits you unexpectedly.... and when.... it’s always always painful isn’t it. it’s so hard to be with someone who is seemingly disappearing, but sitting beside you xxxxx
Oh yes I feel that too, especially during the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, which I saw earlier this week, which is a wonderful recreation of the early flush of love, now a faint shadow. That comment pierced my heart.
Today I read a short essay on love, the sort that we wives and husbands are giving to those we care about to varying degrees depending on so much. None of us are there yet I am sure but we try and try. If any one wants a copy just pm your email. I found it beautiful. If I could I would post it.
I am still running late on preparing for a break. I can email it though, I know how to do that. Xxx
Thank you so much for your loving care and messages, folks. So much treasured here. Back from Keith's home and though he was able to acknowledge me yesterday, nothing today, just a blank stare into the distance. I expect this is tiredness that so many of the residents have on sunday. But on the other hand, after his illness, communication is hardly there. I spend so long staring imploringly into his eyes, longing for something … just anything.
Now that in brief bursts of five to ten minutes I am beginning to feel normal again, I can see how outrageous and tragic all this dementia business is. The clarity is not comfortable. I see so much heartbreak, so much longing, so much anger. Anyway, as always staff really wonderful, and other residents often so loving.
I'm not in despair folks. I shall be there as long as Keith is, and longer. Thank you guys. xxxxx