Placing of objects noticing patterns

[MrRow]

Hello my wife who is 57 has started bringing to my attention objects being placed to form pattern for example a row of beads placed on the edge of raised flower bed or sticks pointing at a piece of plastic or a stick pointing at a piece of glass, which she is insisting has been purposely placed. . She is also saying things are being moved in her bedroom and if objects are placed on the table for example a set keys she question why one of the keys is pointing in a certain direction. There are many examples of this . If I accidentally drop a piece of litter eg a chocolate wrapper on the floor and don’t notice it and she finds it she believes I have put it there purposely to play tricks on her. She believes that because I deniy placing objects around or moving objects around to form strange patterns I am gaslighting her and arguments breaks out about this. I can be careless eg leave lids of tea lids, drop sweet wrappers, put things back in the wrong place etc but to her all this is done to trick or an attack on her. She claims to have 100s of pictures of moved items that have supposedly be placed in strange patterns or moved and even video of me placing items in the garden . Every time I ask to see this evidence she won’t show me any and says they are for her own viewing . This has caused both of us much upset , me being accused of something I’m not doing (purposely placing objects)and her believing she is the target of tricks and be gaslighted. I have done my best to describe what is happening and wonder if anyone has experienced similar behaviours, there is history of Alzheimer’s in the family. She has a very active mind and very capable in her daily life, but this strange behaviour which started about 9 months ago is concerning me, Thanks for reading

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @MrRow and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your situation and do recognise what you have described as my wife said similar things to me. One can't be certain of what is at the root of her anxiety and suspicion. As she is aware of and upset by it that might make it easier to take the next essential step of seeing a GP. I wouldn't jump to conclusions at this stage about what might be behind this. If you could accompany her to an appointment with the doctor that would help her, the GP and yourself.

 

[Kevinl]

Well if nothing else, hello and welcome to the site from us all.
All I can say is don't worry about the small stuff, just let it wash over you, confrontation isn't the answer I think.
Apologise and say you'll try and get the sweet wrappers and keys right next time, make them think they're helping you not you helping them.
My mantra on here has always been you have to learn to live in their world when they can no longer live in ours.
Fight all the battles you want, you lose the war and dementia takes no prisoners, us carers are just colateral damage. Take care. K

 

[MrRow]

Thank you for your reply. I very much doubt she will agree to visit the GP as she is convinced the things that are happening are being done to her. Everything can be normal and going along fine the she will spot something and her mood instantly changes and we end up having these surreal arguments about how I need help and I’m doing these things to get her attention. It’s all very confusing

 

[Collywobbles]

Thank you for your reply. I very much doubt she will agree to visit the GP as she is convinced the things that are happening are being done to her.

Just a thought, but how do you think she’d react, if you agreed that you were worried about *yourself* and asked whether she’d come with you into a GP appointment to explain what she’s seeing you do?

You could email the surgery in advance and explain that the actual concern is with your wife, and why you’re using yourself as a pretext to have her checked instead. The GPs I’ve dealt with have been good at quietly assessing people without alarming them, or directly confronting them.

 

[Kevinl]

Sorry MrRow her surreal arguements are real not surreal to her, fight the battles but you will lose the war as I have said.
As Collywobbles says take her to your appointment not you taking her.
Let them know what is happing and get a referral then go together, you her taking you, her taking you for an appointment like they've never dealt with it before.
Ten years in and I can't speak highly enough about the help I or we received, it's what they do and in my experience pretty well. K

 

[MrRow]

Just a thought, but how do you think she’d react, if you agreed that you were worried about *yourself* and asked whether she’d come with you into a GP appointment to explain what she’s seeing you do?

You could email the surgery in advance and explain that the actual concern is with your wife, and why you’re using yourself as a pretext to have her checked instead. The GPs I’ve dealt with have been good at quietly assessing people without alarming them, or directly confronting them.

That is a good suggestion thank you . I am just very concerned as her mother had early onset. It could something else so was wondering if anyone else had experienced similar behaviour.

 

[Banjomansmate]

It ‘ could’ be something else but you won’t know unless someone sees her to find out.