Moving on

[Marcelle123]

Say to yourself that you will go, but then - try not to think about it. Just coast along doing what needs to be done in the house and continuing on the road to recovery that you were starting to walk on, with friends and church.

When the time comes, if you really can't face it, don't go and don't be hard on yourself. It would probably give you more peace if you were able to attend, but you can only do what you can do, and I'm sure your family will understand.

Keep talking to us. Very best wishes for the coming days. xx

 

[Loopiloo]

I am also wishing you strength Elaine, during a very difficult and emotional time. You can only take each day as it comes and I hope there will be some good days over the next three weeks to spur you on.
Thinking of you.
Loo xx

 

[Elaine68]

Went out for a meal with my son on Saturday really enjoyed it then to day church everyone encourages me to talk about how I am feeling and how they can help and I do say even if its only a lift there and back its a great help.
Wednesday being ash Wednesday we hold a mass at 10am so someones offered to pick me up and then I am going to an 80th bday party after its an old gentleman from coffee morning I say I am doing this but it just depends on this snow I might need to dig myself out.
Its been two good days and I do much prefer good days to the bad ones but I have made my mind up to go to my brothers funeral but I will be going straight to the crematorium as the family have decided on a open coffin in the house and I know I cannot face that I want to remember him how he was. My other brother said he could not face it either so I will meet him at the crematorium I need to stay positive but he said he would give me any support I need and just say if I need anything he cannot do anymore and I do appreciate all the help I get from everyone on TP thank you. Xx

 

[Marcelle123]

That sounds good.
My husband comes from a family with an 'open-coffin' tradition, but I have never wanted to share in it. Like you, I prefer to remember John's relations the way they were in life.

I am glad that you'll have your brother's support on the day of the funeral.

I am so glad that you're getting this continued support from your friends at church. I'll be thinking of you on Ash Wednesday. Have the best possible week, and take care of yourself. xx

 

[Elaine68]

Hi everyone really had the best day ever! first I went to mass and then on to coffee morning down stairs in the hall and seeing as it was an 80th birthday as well we had sandwiches and cake not really good with it being Lent we are not supposed to stuff ourselves with cake and chocolate but we all felt for once it would not matter. Our Priest as a new little dog so called in the vicarage to see him a beautiful black Labrador 8 weeks old which would lift anyone's spirits up then came home. I had to go to the doctors for a check up at 3pm to my surprise he said I was doing really well my BP had dropped to normal after being up in the 170's for I don't know how many years he said he had never seen it so good I said I don't have stress now or the responsibility of looking after someone that is ill so it just shows how much being a carer how it affects your health.
He said I was doing right talking to the church family and talking on here it was the best thing for me as I was starting to look myself again but he said you must have been so exhausted looking after Gordon in the last 6 months of his life you cared for him day and night surviving on very little sleep I don't know how you did this do not ever think you let him down no one could have done more.
So I felt much better hearing this I did go on to tell him about my brother and the funeral coming up he said once passed this I would be able to move on slowly and build my life the way I want.

 

[LadyA]

You are sounding very positive, and that's good. My health also improved quite a lot after my husband went to a nursing home. My cholestrol and weight had been creeping up. Within a year, both had dropped back to normal.

My mum said she was given so much ashes at mass yesterday that she thought the priest was trying to bury her!!

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Elaine68

Not only is talking on here helpful to you, it is also helpful to others on the forum.

You posted so openly when you were feeling really down and now we can see you are looking at the positives and finding you are able to pick yourself up. Long may it last.

 

[Loopiloo]

Elaine it is good to hear you are getting your health back on track and feeling the better of it. What a great doctor you have to say what he did and give his encouragement. You have done very well and in a short time.

Loo xx

 

[Elaine68]

You are sounding very positive, and that's good. My health also improved quite a lot after my husband went to a nursing home. My cholestrol and weight had been creeping up. Within a year, both had dropped back to normal.

My mum said she was given so much ashes at mass yesterday that she thought the priest was trying to bury her!!

I know what your mum is saying I felt the same I would not mind but you have to wear this cross all day and I was going to the doctors it's a good job my hair covered it lol.

 

[Elaine68]

Elaine it is good to hear you are getting your health back on track and feeling the better of it. What a great doctor you have to say what he did and give his encouragement. You have done very well and in a short time.

Loo xx

I have had the same doctor for the last 27 years and yesterday he told me he was retiring June he's been fantastic over the years and I shall miss him he's the most caring and understanding doctor I have ever met he said he would miss the people he had seen over the years and the family's he had got to know and if I am not mistaken his eyes filled so sad our loss at the surgery.

 

[Elaine68]

Hello @Elaine68

Not only is talking on here helpful to you, it is also helpful to others on the forum.

You posted so openly when you were feeling really down and now we can see you are looking at the positives and finding you are able to pick yourself up. Long may it last.

I am glad if by me being open on how I feel is helping other people it as helped me knowing people are interested and caring in how my life is picking up and I thank each and everyone of you. I even walked to my local shopping centre and did some shopping for the first time since I don't know may be August last year I met people that knew me it was good they did say I was not looking well but it's still early yet I am not going to look like the joy of Spring I need to build my own health up now.

 

[Elaine68]

I hope this is not too soon meaning disrespectful to Gordon in anyway!!! I am having a night out next Saturday I am letting my hair down and heading to town. This is something I have never done before but we are celebrating my eldest sons bday it's the only time we all can get together even though he was a valentine baby it does make me feel a bit older now he's getting older so I am thinking positive and saying to myself I am going to enjoy this night out I am not looking back I will be fine.
I have a few more things lined up my bday meal out the Saturday after, then a Baptism party April and a Conformation party someone at church said to me Wednesday just go to everything you are invited too it will help the healing process so new life here I come.

 

[Grannie G]

It is not at all disrespectful @Elaine68. The days have gone when there was a set time for grieving. Now we know grief will come and go as it chooses and there's absolutely no harm in filling your time in whatever way you can.

Have a lovely time with your family and friends.

 

[Izzy]

Have a lovely time @Elaine68 - you deserve it.

 

[Cat27]

Have a lovely time Elaine.

 

[Marcelle123]

Find happiness where you can, Elaine. Feel what you feel - often enough, that will be sadness, so when it isn't, rejoice. xx

 

[Elaine68]

Another good week up to now enjoyed church last Sunday I get lots of hugs and a sloppy kiss from a 6 month old it made my day. I have managed to catch up with lots of sewing jobs even making my dogs new beds which to my delight they took too straight away bless them that was a lick from them.
Went of to coffee morning and had none stop laughter for 2hrs just what the doctor ordered then today I am going out to lunch with a good friend from church and it does not stop there my neighbour rang me to see if I was going round to see her tomorrow afternoon for a couple of hours. Life seems so hectic now I never know what I am doing from one day to the next so different to being a carer you know what your job is and you get on with it same thing day in day out. I find I have missed so much of life and enjoyment and I have found out what fun is again would I give all this up to have Gordon back,the stress of every day, the hard work that goes into looking after a sick loved one the answer is YES I would gladly.
It's rare I think of Thursday's being a bad day now or the time Gordon passed away it's just another day the four months up to his death that bothered me so much have just gone I now feel my brain as caught up with everything I have had to deal with I can look at his photo and say I am living the way you wanted me too.

 

[Izzy]

Such a positive post @Elaine68 - and it echoes exactly how I feel about my situation almost 2 years down the line.

Have a wonderful time with all of your plans and activities.

 

[jaymor]

What a great post @Elaine68, I will have been in my own 2 years come next month and keeping busy with friends etc. and life is good. Bad memories have faded and good memories are there in their place and best of all is the praise I get from our children for being so positive.

I look at my husband’s photo and tell him where I am going and won’t be long. On holiday there is always something personal to him and me that goes with me. I holiday with two other ladies who have had dementia in their life and we produce such odd things when we unpack.

So good to hear you are enjoying life, I think we would all go back to being a couple despite what we know it would be but we can’t, so let’s do what we can, with the knowledge our husbands would approve.

 

[Izzy]

I holiday with two other ladies who have had dementia in their life and we produce such odd things when we unpack

That made me smile. When I went on holiday by myself I took Bill's little teddy bear with me. Having been away twice with others I didn't take the bear! Apart from anything else I felt sorry for him being squished up in the case!

I do always take a small envelope with photos favourite photos of Bill though.