Moving on
- Thread starter Elaine68
- Start date
Buried my dog in the garden with my son and cried my eyes out then I thought I am crying over my dog but I never cried over Gordon this way which then made me feel guilty why this has happened I don't know or may be I just needed this good cry this was my letting go.
It's been a funny week I felt down buy yet changed my bedroom round and same with the living room the guys came and measured the kitchen up and said work will start around the end of April so, I have some time to pack things up and from the design of the kitchen it will look a bit posh that much so I will not want to cook in it in case it gets dirty.
Sometimes I feel lonely and wish I had a hug from my fella or just to hear the words love you everything seems so far away now yet it's only been 4 months I still feel in a kind of limbo and losing my brother then the dog it seems to have stirred my emotions up and put me in a dark place again.
Not to worry I will pick myself up again I am a fighter x
It's been a funny week I felt down buy yet changed my bedroom round and same with the living room the guys came and measured the kitchen up and said work will start around the end of April so, I have some time to pack things up and from the design of the kitchen it will look a bit posh that much so I will not want to cook in it in case it gets dirty.
Sometimes I feel lonely and wish I had a hug from my fella or just to hear the words love you everything seems so far away now yet it's only been 4 months I still feel in a kind of limbo and losing my brother then the dog it seems to have stirred my emotions up and put me in a dark place again.
Not to worry I will pick myself up again I am a fighter x
I have heard so often of people crying over a lost animal and not over their lost relative or spouse - don't feel guilty about it. It applies to me too - I have not been able to cry for my mother yet - the grief just feels too deep. But I remember crying over lost dogs in the past.
Wishing you a good weekend and continued progress on your journey as you move on. xx
Wishing you a good weekend and continued progress on your journey as you move on. xx
Thank you Marcelle I was beginning to think it was just me thats not right somewhere you would think I would be more upset loosing Gordon than the dog I was with him longer but I have to laugh about it because it seems I have put the grief for the dog before him and I dont know why.
I have always said I get on better with animals than people but this does take the biscuit I think if Gordon was still here even he would say that is nice put the dog before me!! it does have a funny side to it even if its a sad time.
I think I have put my grief for Gordon deep in side me if it comes to the surface I might just fall to bits so, I have buried it till I can handle it another day when I feel stronger.
Grief will come when the time is right have a good week Marcelle xx
Thank you, Elaine. You are absolutely right - your grief for Gordon is so deep that as you say, you feel you have to contain it or you will go under.
It's good to let it out, of course - and eventually you and I will be able to cry for what we have lost - but grief takes a long long time to work through.
Love & best wishes. xx
It's good to let it out, of course - and eventually you and I will be able to cry for what we have lost - but grief takes a long long time to work through.
Love & best wishes. xx
Oh Marcelle I wonder if we will ever come to the end of this grief? I remember loosing my dad way back in 1977 that really hit me hard I was pregnant at the time with my second child and was unable to go to his funeral.
My eldest brother passed away and I could not attend his funeral because my mum was in hospital and I needed to visit her twice a day and he was being cremated in Essex so, neither of us got there.
I cared for mum for 10 or more years she passed away 1999 in hospital and there was this long corridor I cried from one end to the other and that was it.
I never cried anymore for her and I thought at the time how strange this was as I spend every day caring for her in her own home and all I could do was shred a few tears on her death may be all this death was preparing me for what ever life through at me in the future I don't know and that is probably why I bury my grief way down inside.
I am sure there is an explanation somewhere I just need someone to explain it all.
Love to you Marcelle and best wishes.
Elaine x
Thank you for sharing this post, Elaine - what a lot you have gone through.
Love from Marcelle xx
Love from Marcelle xx
To me this seems perfectly normal.
It's not so much that you care more for your dog, but that the passing of your dog has just enabled you to release some of that pent-up grief you've been retaining, purely because it is so deep. I would look upon it as releasing a 'stopcock' to all your emotions after Gordon's death.
I have been thinking so much about Gordon this last week how I miss him! How nice it would be to be able to sit and chat with him about every day life! Our disagreements about what we are watching on TV or what we are even eating it is so empty.
I have been under the weather for a few days something as hit me it could be what I have been through in these last few months it's caught up with me and I find I am now sitting and crying for Gordon my grief is slowly creeping to the surface.
I cry over the good memories we had our love for each other the struggle towards the end the saying good bye till we meet again, dealing with the paper work the funeral, cremation and settling his affairs which needed dealing with are motions you have to do and I never thought about at the time but for some reason I have just relived it all again and this time it as sunk in.
I am giving myself this time now to grieve how long for I do not know! I do know it will not bring him back and I am not going to be in a good place while I am doing it I can only work through it at my own pace I just miss him dearly.
I have been under the weather for a few days something as hit me it could be what I have been through in these last few months it's caught up with me and I find I am now sitting and crying for Gordon my grief is slowly creeping to the surface.
I cry over the good memories we had our love for each other the struggle towards the end the saying good bye till we meet again, dealing with the paper work the funeral, cremation and settling his affairs which needed dealing with are motions you have to do and I never thought about at the time but for some reason I have just relived it all again and this time it as sunk in.
I am giving myself this time now to grieve how long for I do not know! I do know it will not bring him back and I am not going to be in a good place while I am doing it I can only work through it at my own pace I just miss him dearly.
It's good that you're able to cry and reflect, painful though it must be. I know just what you mean about the 'business' aspects of dealing with loss, because all the paperwork and arranging connected with Mum's death have caused me a lot of worry, as I'm not good at that sort of thing.
All the best for the weekend, Elaine. xx
Thank you Marcelle just a bad week I guess I sometimes think I cannot go on what's the point not sure I want to spend the rest of my life on my own I am use to doing for someone else and it's just emptiness, sadness and loneliness. Everyone must feel like this if they are the ones left behind it takes sometime to get use too.
Best wishes Elaine. Xx
I have been going through something similar, Elaine, this past year - it will be two years come June since Henry died. A rollercoaster of emotions, but in recent months it feels like a lot that was subconsciously submerged is now surfacing.
I can't find the words to express it but you will know what I mean... I am trying to accept that this is another stage in grieving and let it be, as you say work through it.
Also missing Henry acutely.
Loo xx
h
Hi Loo,
What a week this as been packing kitchen things up ready for when they start the kitchen which I now have a starting date 18th April really dreading this but will be nice when done.
Was at church Thursday night being Maundy Thursday missed Good Friday as son came, went to help clean church this morning for Easter which took 2hrs then back again tonight for the mass only got Sunday to do then so been busy.
This time of year Gordon loved! church was so important to him so I am trying to fore fill what he would have done but while cleaning I sat and I could see him everywhere in there I felt sad he was not joining in with the activities but happy because I was in a place he loved.
No words can explain how you feel apart from feeling empty, lost and disbelief of how your life as changed some how we need to carry on but with a struggle.
Thinking of you and how you miss your Henry I will say a special prayer tonight for all our loved ones.
Love Elaine xx
I have my date for starting the kitchen work 18th so been busy packing pots and pans up glad it was not last year now I would not have coped with all this and caring for Gordon at the same time.
I dread to think what it would be like if I was moving house I never realised how much stuff I have collected over the years that as not been used in years just boxed it ready for the charity shop.
I had to laugh because the things I have thrown out Gordon would have fetched them back and put them in the garage and said they will come in handy on day he never through anything away he was terrible really this is why once the house is done it will be the garage next I will need 3 skips for that lol and all the things I had put in the bin will finally see the bin for good this time.
In one sense it's done me good to have a good clear out its given me positive thoughts and I feel excited about having a new kitchen my living room will be a bit upside down for a few weeks with boxes and a table plus I will be cooking in it as well just microwave meals as I am not keen on having a gas bottle in the house but I will get through it.
I have been talking a lot about Gordon to different people they have asked if I am ok and then they apologies for bringing the subject up In case it upsets me but it does not bother me I love to talk about him he was a big part of my life and I love him more than ever.
I am moving on with happy thoughts.
Hugs to you all Elaine x
I dread to think what it would be like if I was moving house I never realised how much stuff I have collected over the years that as not been used in years just boxed it ready for the charity shop.
I had to laugh because the things I have thrown out Gordon would have fetched them back and put them in the garage and said they will come in handy on day he never through anything away he was terrible really this is why once the house is done it will be the garage next I will need 3 skips for that lol and all the things I had put in the bin will finally see the bin for good this time.
In one sense it's done me good to have a good clear out its given me positive thoughts and I feel excited about having a new kitchen my living room will be a bit upside down for a few weeks with boxes and a table plus I will be cooking in it as well just microwave meals as I am not keen on having a gas bottle in the house but I will get through it.
I have been talking a lot about Gordon to different people they have asked if I am ok and then they apologies for bringing the subject up In case it upsets me but it does not bother me I love to talk about him he was a big part of my life and I love him more than ever.
I am moving on with happy thoughts.
Hugs to you all Elaine x
Lovely to read this positive post. Good luck with all the decorating, and wishing you a weekend as fulfilling as possible. xx
Thanks Elaine and sorry I missed your post a few days ago. You are having a busy time, and eventually rewarding once you have your new kitchen. I remember going through that, cooking in the livingroom, and Henry's puzzlement and agitation. Although he coped well when the workmen were here, host mode I guess. It was the evenings which were the most difficult with him, he couldn't understand why kitchen 'furniture' was in the livingroom.
Yes so very true Elaine. But when they have gone....
That is how I feel. It doesn't upset me to talk about Henry, and it upsets me more when he is not mentioned, as if he had never existed. Like you with Gordon, I love Henry more than ever and he is very much in my heart and mind every day.
I am glad for you that you are moving on, and doing very well, with happy thoughts. I find them deeply comforting.
Good luck with everything, having moved house almost exactly a year ago after almost 53 years in the family home, I can well imagine what you are doing! Hard work and yet also rewarding finally 'getting rid of' stuff we keep for years and will never use.
Thoughts and love, and thank you for the special prayer on Saturday.
Loo xxx
Yes so very true Elaine. But when they have gone....
That is how I feel. It doesn't upset me to talk about Henry, and it upsets me more when he is not mentioned, as if he had never existed. Like you with Gordon, I love Henry more than ever and he is very much in my heart and mind every day.
I am glad for you that you are moving on, and doing very well, with happy thoughts. I find them deeply comforting.
Good luck with everything, having moved house almost exactly a year ago after almost 53 years in the family home, I can well imagine what you are doing! Hard work and yet also rewarding finally 'getting rid of' stuff we keep for years and will never use.
Thoughts and love, and thank you for the special prayer on Saturday.
Loo xxx
Updated on my life I have had my last Wednesday at coffee morning for about 3 weeks while the kitchen is on going they are starting for sure next Wednesday.
What can I say I am sad my old kitchen is going because Gordon built it some 30 yrs ago but it needs updating, frightened because I hope I like the finish product and the colours I have pick and excited this is the new me my home and I can do what I like with it and I don't have to sit with anyone else and say do you like this or what do you want.
I am traveling on a journey rebuilding my life not sure where I am going with it as yet it's a path I have not gone down before I never wanted it. At the end of the day I can sit here and be sad and miserable for the rest of my life or do something about it. So, I have joined the church PCC we have about 4 meetings a year when our Priest can fit them in and thinking of doing some voluntary work involved with the church always loads of paper work to do.
I also need to do some gardening I am trying to put it off till the house is back to normal which will be middle May I think it will be ok to leave, by then it will be over grown and be like a jungle but there again the weather as not been great but it does not put the weeds off they still grow.
Went to have my check up with the doctor today and we had a good chat and a laugh he's one of the best but retiring June he's pleased I am moving on slowly and not rushing things and there will be times I feel down but other times fine and they will get better as time goes on its still early yet.
My sons keep me going always ringing or texting when they don't come we are even doing FaceTime which is new to me but we can see each other with out leaving the house technology is fun.
Love and hugs to everyone keep smiling
Elaine xx
What can I say I am sad my old kitchen is going because Gordon built it some 30 yrs ago but it needs updating, frightened because I hope I like the finish product and the colours I have pick and excited this is the new me my home and I can do what I like with it and I don't have to sit with anyone else and say do you like this or what do you want.
I am traveling on a journey rebuilding my life not sure where I am going with it as yet it's a path I have not gone down before I never wanted it. At the end of the day I can sit here and be sad and miserable for the rest of my life or do something about it. So, I have joined the church PCC we have about 4 meetings a year when our Priest can fit them in and thinking of doing some voluntary work involved with the church always loads of paper work to do.
I also need to do some gardening I am trying to put it off till the house is back to normal which will be middle May I think it will be ok to leave, by then it will be over grown and be like a jungle but there again the weather as not been great but it does not put the weeds off they still grow.
Went to have my check up with the doctor today and we had a good chat and a laugh he's one of the best but retiring June he's pleased I am moving on slowly and not rushing things and there will be times I feel down but other times fine and they will get better as time goes on its still early yet.
My sons keep me going always ringing or texting when they don't come we are even doing FaceTime which is new to me but we can see each other with out leaving the house technology is fun.
Love and hugs to everyone keep smiling
Elaine xx
Recent Threads
-
-
-
MIL definitely has dementia, but hubby won't seek help...
- Latest: Banjomansmate
-
-
Staff online
-
HarrietDStaff Member