Moving on

[Loopiloo]

I have never had the chance to give in to illness I had to keep going to care for Gordon so it's a bit strange that I can come to bed when poorly now.

Not so strange Elaine, you have been through so much in recent months and eventually the body says "enough". Although we do seem to keep going when responsible for the loved one being carer for, don't we. But now you have time for you so look after yourself. Hope you soon feel better.
Loo xx

 

[Elaine68]

Thanks I am on the mend and I feel as if I have recharged my batteries at the same time I need to be strong for the next stage in my life it's going to be an heart breaking time yet again it's my brother he's got cancer and time is running out for him I'm afraid he's just come out of hospital yet again and there is no hope for him every organ is affected.
He's hanging on in there but how long for I do not know how I will cope with this on top of Gordon as well I am not sure I might as well have everything thrown at me so what I thought as a new year for me is not to be.
He's 80 and the only brother that lives near on to me my other brother lives in Turkey somewhere so sad time ahead just hope it's not too soon I cannot take anymore at the moment.

 

[Marcelle123]

Oh, very sorry to hear this. Wishing you strength. xx

 

[Elaine68]

Oh, very sorry to hear this. Wishing you strength. xx

Thanks Marcelle,
It's going to be tough but I guess I will get through this just not looking forward to what's ahead!! I have come to the conclusion I am being tested just to see how much strength I have which at the moment is very little with not being well on top of it.
We will see how he goes but he's refused treatment because it will do no good at this stage and he would rather be at home than suffering with the affects of chemotherapy for nothing.
Why is life such a pain I ask myself!! Xx

 

[Elaine68]

Just had word my brother is now having palliative care and carer's twice a day he's got a bed in the room and he's very ill it's not looking good my sister in law said so guess it will not be long now bless him.
I am feeling much better now and seem to be enjoying every day I am doing deep relaxation and feel that I am keeping bad days at bay.
I really need to start moving on now and get myself out and about at a slow pace and have some fun I have forgotton what it's like to have fun.x

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read about your brother. Thinking of you all.

 

[Elaine68]

I'm so sorry to read about your brother. Thinking of you all.

Thank you Lzzy things have got to get better for me but they do say things come in 3s just wondering what next is coming my way. There is only so much a person can take and my heart is breaking already I am trying to be so strong for my family they are going to need me and help them through this sad time.

 

[Izzy]

Thank you Lzzy things have got to get better for me but they do say things come in 3s just wondering what next is coming my way. There is only so much a person can take and my heart is breaking already I am trying to be so strong for my family they are going to need me and help them through this sad time.

I’m glad you have been able to share here on TP. I hope that helps a little.

 

[Elaine68]

I’m glad you have been able to share here on TP. I hope that helps a little.

I have always bottled things up and never liked talking about what I was going through but when I joined TP that was my turning point I found friends and its so easy to talk and of load everything on my mind and I thank you all for that.
Its also easy to speak out with my church friends as well so talking is the best thing to do to help with anxiety so it is helping me talking on here it's helped me to open up and clear my head talking is helping to heal me.

 

[Elaine68]

I have had such a lovely day today being out with my youngest son and his partner we went for a meal at lunch time in his local pub then back to his home for a while before he brought me back home I felt so alive.
Then 5.30pm I got a phone call from my nephew saying my dear brother had passed away at 5.05pm today my world shattered yet again I am heartbroken and I don't know how much more I can take.
With in 8 weeks of each other I have lost 2 people so dear to me that I loved so much my life is changed for ever.

 

[Marcelle123]

I am so sorry, Elaine. May your brother rest in peace. Such a sadness for you, just as you were beginning to live again.

You need to be very kind to yourself so that you can somehow float through this extra sorrow. Rest - eat and drink things that help you - talk to your friends at church. Share your experiences with everyone here. Don't think of the big picture, how on earth you can cope with the loss of two people so dear to you - think of gently gliding through each day.
You are in our thoughts and prayers. xx

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read of your sad news. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

 

[Grannie G]

It sounds as if your brothers was an unexpected death @Elaine68. I'm so sorry. Such a shock for you.

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry Elaine. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Elaine68]

Thank you everyone I managed to get to church today not really sure what the sermon was about my head was else where but I was among friends which I needed they are a great bunch not many of us left we are all getting older.
My niece text me saying she could not stop crying for her dad i know how she feels it's like living in a nightmare I have asked my youngest son to talk to her as he's just gone through losing his dad I honestly do not think I am the right one to give advice not at present I am dealing with so much myself.
I just let her know I am here that's all I can do.

 

[Marcelle123]

Thinking of you in this new week. xx

 

[Elaine68]

After everything the heartache, pain, the feeling of being lost and lonely I got up yesterday and cleaned the house from top to bottom it took me a good part of the day to do it but I really felt on top of the world. I am fed up of living the past and tell myself nobody lives for ever so get on and live yours now not sure it's the right approach but it got me moving.
Still have to face another funeral not sure when yet but my other brother from Turkey is coming back for it so I will get to see him after years I am looking forward to that.
Decided to get back to my hobbies got lots of sewing to do going to make some cushion covers for the settees and brighten the old place up a bit. Hope to start back walking with the dogs when it's wet or snowing they will not go out they like the radiator more I think they are a bit spoiled my doing but I love them and they have kept me going these last weeks.

 

[jaymor]

That’s a positive post Elaine and well done. It is hard but all the sweeter when you see some progress. Little steps are fine as long as you are going forward. Spring is round the corner so walking will be on horizon.

May today be as good and productive as yesterday.

 

[Elaine68]

I now have the date for my brothers funeral 2nd March the day after my bday great, my son's planned a bday meal on the 3rd they said they would change the date if I cannot cope with it after the funeral they know I am still struggling with Gordon 9 weeks on.
I said I still want to go out I need to keep going forward I cannot just sit with memories I cannot bring anybody back I want to live and have a bit of fun in my life before it's too late for me.
How I handle this funeral I do not know I need to go yet I am saying to myself I don't want to go I am not strong enough well put it this way I could have done with out it just now.
He's an old soldier and I know they are draping his coffin with the Union Jack and his cap so that's bad enough I don't think I can face this it could push me over the top.

 

[Izzy]

Oh Elaine what an awful time you're having. I do understand about the need to keep going forward. It's like a roller coaster though with so many ups and downs. Wishing you as much strength as possible for the funeral.