I have been posting on end of life care but feel I should move to dealing with loss now my Gordon passed away November this year . It's not been easy seeing as it's been Christmas and now I am sat here seeing the New Year in on my own so glad to see the end of it. 2018 is a new year and a new me I hope but it's going to take time. Happy New Year to you all.xx
Moving on
- Thread starter Elaine68
- Start date
Such a sad time but wonderful to hear you being so positive. I lost my husband 20 months ago so this is my second new year on my own and I am comfortable with that.
I have found there are bad days but there can be great days too. You nor I can change our circumstances so I am getting on with life. I am not a widow, I am a wife who can’t be with her husband but where I go he goes.
I wish you a good new year, there will be tears but let there be laughter too, life is too short to waste it.
I have found there are bad days but there can be great days too. You nor I can change our circumstances so I am getting on with life. I am not a widow, I am a wife who can’t be with her husband but where I go he goes.
I wish you a good new year, there will be tears but let there be laughter too, life is too short to waste it.
HI, It's my second new year's eve on my own. It is slightly easier this year but I still miss him so much. I hope 2018 brings some comfort. All the best. Mags
What is going on with me why do I feel the way I do it's so silly I have always been strong I have had to be but now I am a shivering nervous reck. I thought I was over the panic attacks but they are back and my GP said this could last for the next year because it's not just loosing Gordon it stems from when we were first told he had got alzheimers and everything else I have gone through with him it's not been just one illness to deal with I have had his heart condition, breathing, kidneys and the fact leaving the house a no go. So I guess I have been in that long that I am frightened to go out it's hard for me to be among people it scares me but now I am beginning to think I need a head doctor. I am starting back to church on Sunday very frightened but a friend is going to pick me up and bring me back home at anytime I don't feel right I am really hoping I will be fine once in it's not like I don't know everybody I have been going for years so I know it's just me how I get out of this!! told just to face it guess it's right but easier said than done at the moment I feel I am in some kind of depression. Some days I think why bother getting up it's just the same thing every day I know I am the only one to change this feeling but when I get to the door I change my mind then I feel safe. I feel so stupid being like this I have never felt this way before.
This is a natural reaction @Elaine68
Your first post was so positive but sadly we do need time to grieve properly and adjust to being alone .
I seem to remember a feeling of relief through the grief when my husband died four years ago. The relief was for an end to his suffering but I didn't`t realise it was the start of a new wave of suffering for me.
It`s extremely difficult to begin a new life solo , especially after years of being a couple and then years of being a carer.
Give yourself time to grieve and time to adjust. Try not to expect too much of yourself. Be kind to yourself
Your first post was so positive but sadly we do need time to grieve properly and adjust to being alone .
I seem to remember a feeling of relief through the grief when my husband died four years ago. The relief was for an end to his suffering but I didn't`t realise it was the start of a new wave of suffering for me.
It`s extremely difficult to begin a new life solo , especially after years of being a couple and then years of being a carer.
Give yourself time to grieve and time to adjust. Try not to expect too much of yourself. Be kind to yourself
Sometimes in grief you find yourself doing well in terms of acceptance adjustment and emotions and it surprises you, not how you expected it to be. Then when all arrangements and initial practical things are done...wallop...suddenly catches you unawares and like a thunderbolt. You may not even have been thinking about your loved one specifically but something trivial just sets you off. I am 10 months after dad passing away and it is still like the illness itself was...an emotional rollercoaster. I hope things feel a little better for you a few days on...there is no manual for how anyone should grieve or for how long... much as we have all found out while dealing with dementia and our loved one...we are all different in grief but all have similarities as well. I also think as part of the years of caring so intensely we lose a bit of confidence having become isolated socially and this takes a bit of time to change...enjoy church...hopefully the start of a few Elaine person centred activities!
Hi everyone I made it to a pub Saturday night with my son and as the place filled with people it did not bother me but I found after 3hrs out I felt tied and was glad to get home but I made it. I just enjoyed not having to worry about Gordon for the first time I was me just for a while.
My friend from church picked me up this morning as promised I explained how I felt so she understood she said talk to me because I need to know so I can help you I do think it helps to talk.
On getting into church everyone greeted me and made me welcome I kept looking up and could see our priest looking at me as he knew how I felt so it was nice to think everyone was looking out for me I said if one of these attacks started I would just go and sit in the hall to be quiet but I was fine. I felt sad because my Gordon would have been serving with our priest that was his job but he would have been so proud that I had made it to church.
We had a bit of a social after with turkey sandwiches and I got through that ok again when I got home I was tied again but I am going again next Sunday I feel proud of my self I have made the first step I am over the moon. Thank you for your support I really need you all behind me. God Bless xx
My friend from church picked me up this morning as promised I explained how I felt so she understood she said talk to me because I need to know so I can help you I do think it helps to talk.
On getting into church everyone greeted me and made me welcome I kept looking up and could see our priest looking at me as he knew how I felt so it was nice to think everyone was looking out for me I said if one of these attacks started I would just go and sit in the hall to be quiet but I was fine. I felt sad because my Gordon would have been serving with our priest that was his job but he would have been so proud that I had made it to church.
We had a bit of a social after with turkey sandwiches and I got through that ok again when I got home I was tied again but I am going again next Sunday I feel proud of my self I have made the first step I am over the moon. Thank you for your support I really need you all behind me. God Bless xx
That sounds a really good couple of initial outings am so pleased you went ahead. Small steps...don't ask too much of yourself and go gently
Hi Elaine.
Christmas is indeed a sad time when you have a loss and maybe a good time though to make a personal commitment to move on but watch out for those grief triggers; Birthdays, Anniversaries etc, they can be very sad times especially when they come together. Christmas does not mean as much to me because I am single and for the last few years it was really just for my mum. I also find that days have a different meaning. Be patient with yourself and take one thing at a time, I've only just learned that and I'm sure you'll find many folks here with an attentive ear. Good luck.
Christmas is indeed a sad time when you have a loss and maybe a good time though to make a personal commitment to move on but watch out for those grief triggers; Birthdays, Anniversaries etc, they can be very sad times especially when they come together. Christmas does not mean as much to me because I am single and for the last few years it was really just for my mum. I also find that days have a different meaning. Be patient with yourself and take one thing at a time, I've only just learned that and I'm sure you'll find many folks here with an attentive ear. Good luck.
Hello Greyone,
Many thanks for your post I have had 3 good days but I live from day to day not sure what will hit me another day. My birthday is coming up March and I shall miss his card thats all I ever wanted no present just my card. We never did the present thing not even at Christmas if ever I said I wanted something he would just get it me they are just things but the card was more personal and loving.
I really am a simple girl who loves her family and home and at the moment it's been shattered with loosing the love of my life but I will work through things and keep posting to good people like yourself this is where the help lies . Thank you all.
Panic attacks are horrible things - I had them when I was young and gradually got over them but because I never want them back again, even now I monitor myself - keep myself calm - avoid excitement in the evening - try to wind down before bed etc.
You are doing all the right things, Elaine. It must be dreadful, losing the love of your life. What a pity it's this time of year, as I think getting outside and seeing nature would also help. Glad you were able to go to the pub and then to church over the weekend.
Wishing you a calm week of positive experiences. xx
You are doing all the right things, Elaine. It must be dreadful, losing the love of your life. What a pity it's this time of year, as I think getting outside and seeing nature would also help. Glad you were able to go to the pub and then to church over the weekend.
Wishing you a calm week of positive experiences. xx
I was going to post in here one day and came across a post from someone who was in a worse state than me and when that happens I feel grateful that I can talk to someone else. But your right, this is a really nice place to come and I can see some old friends in your thread which is reassuring as well. So don't be a stranger.
Today I changed the room round the way I would like it I needed change and it gave me something to do then I decided to do the washing two weeks worth so thats out the way I just seem to get tired really quickly. I even cooked myself a hot meal I tend to live on pot noodles it's better than nothing but my son told me to stop eating them as they are not good for me I know he's right but cooking for one is just not me.
Where do I go from here!! what kind of a life do I want!! I don't want to just sit and wait for the grim reaper to come knocking I am not ready for him. So a lot of thinking to do and plan slowly to get it right.
Where do I go from here!! what kind of a life do I want!! I don't want to just sit and wait for the grim reaper to come knocking I am not ready for him. So a lot of thinking to do and plan slowly to get it right.
Hi Elaine
I'm asking myself those very questions and it is hard to come up with any answers. But what were you doing before your loss if you don't mind me asking? Working, housewife, mother. If your purpose has been taken from you by your sad loss then finding a new purpose can indeed be difficult. Many people explore their passions, things they have enjoyed in the past. For example, after my mum died I went to college for 8 months to study the English Language one evening a week. Some people in other threads have taken up painting, gardening or walking for exercise and pleasure.
What I have done is made a list of everything I want to do in life, big and small, i have picked one great cause to focus my attention which is very difficult but if you find me in other places you'll see how I'm coping with challenge and my loss.
I'm asking myself those very questions and it is hard to come up with any answers. But what were you doing before your loss if you don't mind me asking? Working, housewife, mother. If your purpose has been taken from you by your sad loss then finding a new purpose can indeed be difficult. Many people explore their passions, things they have enjoyed in the past. For example, after my mum died I went to college for 8 months to study the English Language one evening a week. Some people in other threads have taken up painting, gardening or walking for exercise and pleasure.
What I have done is made a list of everything I want to do in life, big and small, i have picked one great cause to focus my attention which is very difficult but if you find me in other places you'll see how I'm coping with challenge and my loss.
Hi Greyone,
I started out as a partner, wife and mother to 3 boys my life was so full of commitment, happiness and love I had everything. Then I added carer to my beloved and over the last 5yrs just carer but I had a purpose to get up everyday now nothing the boys have their own homes so here I am sat here with my 3 little dogs. I have loads of hobbies which have been on hold now I have the time to do them I just can not get started I do walk the dogs but never meet anyone to talk too.
Getting myself out more or less everyday as been my priority to get out of these panic attacks day 4 and all is good so pleased with that I do like walking, painting and drawing, needlework, candle decorating, cross stitch and reading I am also writing my life story for my sons that's been on hold for 4 years best get going on that loads to do yet so many things just not got patience yet.
I am looking forward to spring then I can get my self in the garden for a few hours and clean it up last year I never got in it Gordon could not be left on his own and he could not get out anymore sad really.
Being a carer for so long it's hard for me to switch off its in my blood to care for someone so at this moment I am not sure what I want to do I am just trying to sort myself out first I have a lot of time to do it.
