just lost my mum

[webby123]

its been a real struggle today the closer it gets to christmas the harder it gets,i was in a supermarket and they were playing christmas tunes as soon as silent night came on ,one of me and mums favourite it was all i could do to hold it together,im dreading christmas,my brother keeps asking me to spend christmas day with them,i just want to be here in mine and mums home with my memorys i know people are being kind but i wish they would stop asking me i feel like just disapearing for a few days where i cant be contacted ,christmas was a really special time for me and mum even with the dementia i made it special for her,now its never going to be the same again

 

[webby123]

well yesterday i met a friend ,who asked me what im doing for christmas when i told her about my desision to stay here and i had declined my brothers invitations,she had a real go at me saying i was selfish as my brother is suffering to,she has never met any of my family,so am i selfish,and wrong to want to stay here on christmas day,as i really dont want to celebrate it,just be left here with me and mums memorys ?

 

[jaymor]

Webby you must do what you feeling is right for yourself. I lost my husband the same month as you lost your Mum, just two months before our 50th wedding anniversary.

I very much want to be with my family on Christmas Day and share our memories of the husband,dad, granddad and great granddad we lost this year. For us being together is important.

What is right for one person is very wrong for another, we all have to do it our own way or we will never gain any ground. For many of us it will be a difficult time but we have to be comfortable with our choice of how we deal with it.

If you do change your mind and go, remember you can take your memories with you, just as you probably do every day, no one can take them away from us.

Take care x

 

[webby123]

thanks jay,it kind of rankles with me that when i really needed help they refused to help me,all i got was about 2-3hours a week,was even accussed of ruining there marridge ,i dont regret a second helping mum and wouldnt change a thing ,at the end they turned up telling me it would be different but i didnt allow myself to be sucked into there change of mind as they have let me down quite a few times and sure enougth i havnt seen anyone for over a month even though they only live 10 mins away and they know im struggling
,im going to cycle up christmas day to the graveyard with a card and some flowers and if the weather is fine take a packed lunch and eat it in the graveyard with the only 2 poeple who ever supported me and helped me

 

[webby123]

well rare treat out tomorrow a good friend is cooking me a curry ,will be good to get out been a bit reclusive recently
at the start of the year i knew this guy but i wouldnt say we were really good friends,he really supprised me by turning up at my mums funeral,even though he didnt know mum just to support me,we have become good friends he is a singer and hes even wrote a song about me!!!

 

[LadyA]

Glad you are getting out Webby. I'm sure it will be good for you.

 

[webby123]

hi lady a ,yes am getting out over christmas not really in christmas spirit but will get out about

 

[webby123]

today wasnt as bad as i thought it would be ,my brother and family came around to exchange presents,they hold me i was welcome to have dinner with them,i woke up this morning imagining mum telling me off for declining there offer,i know its what she would have wanted,so i exepted and had a nice meal with them ,not before getting my bike out dinner time and cycling to the cemetry putting a load of flowers on mum and dads grave and eating my packed lunch there,i still miss her so much

 

[LadyA]

Glad you accepted their offer, Webby, and had a better day than you thought. Onwards to 2017!

 

[webby123]

thanks lady a ,hope you had a good day x

 

[webby123]

not looking forward to tomorrow,it use to be special for me and mum, as on christmas day we went to my brothers day,so on new years eve i cooked a meal for mum,tomorrow im on my own here,so im concentrating on new years day as my brother and 2 of my nieces are coming around for a meal,i try to do something different for them each year this year im going to try recreate mums fav food in 2 courses

 

[LadyA]

What are you making?

 

[webby123]

hi lady a doing a bit of a mixture of food we remember mum making and her favs,she loved ham,so cooking a joint together with egg and bacon pie she use to cook for my brother,together with some wedges,homemade chupney,pickled beetroot/cabbage then for dessert once agin a mixture some bought some made ,i made jelly with strawberrys she loved jelly,plus homemade biscuits ,cocunut buns always remember her baking these ,have just made them not as good as hers,then chocalate jam teacakes and snowballs always remember her buying these,was suprised could still buy them

 

[Dazmum]

Sounds great Webby, food can bring back some great memories. Have a great time with your family x

 

[webby123]

thanks dazmum,looking forward to tomorrow ,struggling tonight on my own x

 

[Dazmum]

Hugs Webby, you are doing so well xxx

 

[webby123]

Hugs Webby, you are doing so well xxx

THANKS ,meal went fine everyone said it was great idea,we had a lovley time talking about the food mum use to make us
this year i fly away at end of jan,its a big thing as i have been abroad before never got round to it ,lots more bike rides planned one following hadrians wall and a trip to london to the olympic stadium to watch the world championships

 

[Dazmum]

You see, Webby, you often dread these events, but make yourself do them and have a good time after all! I am pleased that you had a good meal and time to reminisce. I took my aunt to see my mum (who has dementia) yesterday, they looked at her memory book and my aunt told my mum about the old days. They both really enjoyed it and I did too, just watching them. Now you have your trip away to look forward to

 

[Harrys daughter]

Hi webby glad your meal and family time went well I wish you peace and love for 2017 xxx

Sent from my SM-G900F using Talking Point mobile app

 

[webby123]

thanks dazmum,i use to take mum to devon and watch my relatives talking to her,most times she would reconise them,i use to love listening to them,was also very lucky to have mum come out of the dementia a few times and we would sit and chat for ages
yes im looking forward to trip into the unknown as i have never been abroad before,im going with my cousin whos more like a sister we get on fine together,her mum my aunty was mums sister,her and mum were involved in a horrific car crash which my aunty lost her life,my mum shouldnt have survived she had a blood clot on the brain,broke all her ribs,punctured lung and many more things wrong but pulled through so i had a extra 35 years with her,im trying to find pics of my aunty as my cousin hardly has any at all of her
harrys mum thanks happy new year to you x