Hi, along with my dad and sister, I care for my mum who has vascular dementia and mobility issues. Mum is getting increasingly confused and thinks that she is staying in a house which is identical to her home or on holiday and wants to start tidying and packing to go home because the new people will want the room. She has had multiple problems with uti's in the past which have caused confusion and we are awaiting results; but this seems different and her thoughts seem to be recurrent and getting more frequent. My father is exhausted with the broken nights and my mum's confusion I was wondering whether anybody could share some advice how best to respond. Many thanks
New to this forum and feeling out of our depth.
- Thread starter Helsbels1
- Start date
Hi @Helsbels1 , welcome to the forum. Sounds like your dad is having a hard time right now. It may be time to ask social services to assess your mums needs and your dad as her carer. Would they consider any extra support? Respite care for a few days?
Broken night times are very common and the person with dementia loses understanding of day and night. GPs can prescribe some meds that can help and you can also contact the Admiral Nurses for support and advice.
www.dementiauk.org
Broken night times are very common and the person with dementia loses understanding of day and night. GPs can prescribe some meds that can help and you can also contact the Admiral Nurses for support and advice.
What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?
Dementia UK is a charity that provides Admiral Nurses for families affected by dementia. Call our Dementia Helpline to find out how we can support you.
www.dementiauk.org
Hello,
I can relate to your story having cared for my late mum, who also had vascular dementia, mobility issues, UTIs and stopped recognising the family home.
I would be lying if I didn't say this was probably the most challenging time of my life. I basically tried to survive each day by trying to adapt to her needs and behaviour, going along with whatever she wanted to do (provided it was reasonable), if necessary role play, and try and use diversionary tactics. But boy it tests your ability to think laterally and quickly, levels of frustration, and physical, emotional and mental energies.
The one thing that helped most of all for me - but it happened to late - was finding a way to have a break and speak with other carers who would understand. I did use this online forum (which is great), but actually making the effort to go somewhere where you can get away from the home environment and just talk was immense. Therefore, I would recommend you try and do this.
Finally, one issue I regret not considering was keeping in regular contact with the memory clinic, because they have the experience whereby they would also be able to consider whether certain medications would help as well.
Hope this helps,
Paco
I can relate to your story having cared for my late mum, who also had vascular dementia, mobility issues, UTIs and stopped recognising the family home.
I would be lying if I didn't say this was probably the most challenging time of my life. I basically tried to survive each day by trying to adapt to her needs and behaviour, going along with whatever she wanted to do (provided it was reasonable), if necessary role play, and try and use diversionary tactics. But boy it tests your ability to think laterally and quickly, levels of frustration, and physical, emotional and mental energies.
The one thing that helped most of all for me - but it happened to late - was finding a way to have a break and speak with other carers who would understand. I did use this online forum (which is great), but actually making the effort to go somewhere where you can get away from the home environment and just talk was immense. Therefore, I would recommend you try and do this.
Finally, one issue I regret not considering was keeping in regular contact with the memory clinic, because they have the experience whereby they would also be able to consider whether certain medications would help as well.
Hope this helps,
Paco
If your dad is exhausted he needs more help, or what wil he be like when/as the dementia gets worse? Definitely get social services to do a care assessment on your mum and a carers assessment for your dad. Think about getting carers in through the day to take some of the onus off dad and consider respite care for your mum to give your dad time to fully relax. Also look up local dementia related cafes and social groups where mum & dad can go and get support from others in the same situation.
My mum had both broken nights and didn't recognise her own home and it never went away. She is now in residential care where she still wanders about through the night, sometimes all night. And she reached the point where it wasn't just not recognising her own home but she was intent the she was going to "go home" one way or another if I didn't take her, so I was facing the prospect of her wandering off into the night!
If you don't get help it can break you, so look out for your dad or the stress could make him unwell. Good luck with it.
My mum had both broken nights and didn't recognise her own home and it never went away. She is now in residential care where she still wanders about through the night, sometimes all night. And she reached the point where it wasn't just not recognising her own home but she was intent the she was going to "go home" one way or another if I didn't take her, so I was facing the prospect of her wandering off into the night!
If you don't get help it can break you, so look out for your dad or the stress could make him unwell. Good luck with it.
Many thanks for taking the time to reply. We are in contact with the memory clinic and mum is about to try a different medication, fingers crossed it might help. I'm arranging more help during the day so hopefully that will give dad a break. It is heartbreaking because a lot of the time she seems normal but then says something completely crazy. Its almost like she is living in a parallel universe, but not all the time.
