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anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi Anmarg , thank you for your comment. I hope things go well for your dad and you manage to find a suitable, permanent home for your dad.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,395
@anxious annie , so glad your mum has settled in her care home so well. That must be a great relief to you and your sister.
 
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Twopoodles

Registered User
Dec 23, 2019
35
Haven’t long been on this forum and have now read this thread from beginning to end. What a help it has been as mum is at a very similar stage to where your mum was at the beginning. I live in Australia and have come back for 8 months to try and sort things out. I have 3 other siblings, 2 of whom live some distance away and one who lives close by but sadly is an alcoholic and has taken advantage in the past, he has reduced his visits since I’ve been here. So our big dilemma is where and when and what to with the cat Mum is also very non compliant the poor carers although they don’t do a lot as she won’t allow it certainly get the cold shoulder. Appreciate you spending the time to update your thread and all the other contributors
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi Twopoodles
You have my sympathy, caring from a distance has it's own problems, and for you in Australia it must be even more difficult. My heart goes out to you and your siblings at this difficult time.
It's very frustrating when you put care in place and the PWD is resistant as they feel they are fully capable, when in reality they do need this support.
My sister and i tried to do our best for mum to keep her at home for 2 and a half years after dad died, but it was really hard going, as mum allowed the carers to do very little.
in the end we had to move her into care as it was becoming dangerous for her to live by herself at home, and she was getting increasingly lonely.
I hope that you will be able to sort things for your mum whilst you are staying over here, and maybe she will accept moving into care before you return to Australia so that things don't have to come to a crisis once you're gone and there is no-one close by to keep an eye to her.
If you haven't done so already it would be good to get POA in place whilst your mum still has capacity to agree. You, and your 2 reliable siblings could all be on together, as "jointly and severally" , so you don't all have to be together to action things. We found it so useful for paying bills etc.
Mum didn't have pets so i can't advise about the cat, but think you would be best to re-home it. I am sure your mum would miss it, but i have heard others who have got a "toy" cat for their PWD, they can be very life like and others have said they bring great comfort.
Wishing you and your family all the best with looking after your mum.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi All
Everything still fine with mum. I'm popping up for a couple of days later in the week as am away for 10 days from Sunday, jetting off to Lanzarote for some winter sun.
I went away last year, and although enjoyed the break, I still worried about mum being ill and no one there to help.
Now she is in the care home I am feeling so much more relaxed as I know there are people about 24/7 to care for her. I still feel this huge sense of relief.
Once I'm back I'll have to get on with clearing the house,getting an Estate Agent etc. But for now I'm just going to look forward to the holiday.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
768
Now she is in the care home I am feeling so much more relaxed as I know there are people about 24/7 to care for her. I still feel this huge sense of relief.
Hi @anxious annie, I can certainly relate to that feeling. Enjoy your break, and deal with the property when you get back. All the best
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi All
Mum was fine when I popped to see her before my holiday. The holiday was great, lovely and relaxing. I know that I'm fortunate in my circumstances, and I still feel and empathise with what others are going through in their role of carer. I realise that there will be problems ahead, so am making the most of this time with mum happy and cared for.
I go back to visit at the end of the month when my sister and I will also start the process of clearing and selling mum's house so funds are available when she needs them.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
768
Hi @anxious annie, good to hear you had a relaxing holiday (with no dramas from home!). I found the house clearance to be quite and emotional and difficult experience - it's good that you and your sister are doing it together, you can support each other. All the best.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi All
I haven't been on for ages so just updating.
I was supposed to be going to see mum in March, then corona came and everything on hold. I was so relieved that mum was being looked after and still all going so well.
Then I had a phone call early in April to say mum was on her way to hospital. She'd fallen and broken her hip, ended up with three weeks there as she tested positive for coved after a week ( thankfully very mild). But she had to be isolated, obviously no visitors, very anxious and confused. Such a worrying time as hospital didn't have a phone to take to her, she must have felt abandoned, all we could do was write to her and get nurse to say we'd phoned.
Well she's back in the care home now, and making good progress using Zimmer frame. It's so lovely to see her happy again on the video clips. We FaceTime too which is great.
Hoping it won't be too long before we can travel to see her, and start the task of getting her house cleared and on the market, as funds are dwindling.
Hope everyone is managing to hang on in these difficult times.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,221
That must have been worrying for you - it's bad enough to break a hip in normal times but even worse at the moment. I am glad she is back at the care home and doing well, it must be great to see her safe and content.

My mother fell and broke her hip about six months after she moved to the care home. She was in hospital for 12 days then back to recuperate at the care home. She she refused to use a walking aid so the carers had to leap forward every time she got out of her chair to offer a steadying arm! Within a month she was back to 'her normal' and mobile again.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
768
Hi @anxious annie, good to hear from you. Must be difficult not being able to visit Mum - it sounds like you are getting some good updates from the home though, and Mum being able to Facetime is excellent 👍 👍

Good luck with the house clearance it can be quite an emotional experience. We took the items we wanted to keep had a charity do a sweep of the property and then used a house clearance service (it was well worth the money). Take care of yourself.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,395
Sorry to hear about your mum's accident and illness @anxious annie, but glad she's back in her care home and making progress. I too hope I can get to see mum soon.
Good luck with the house clearing. I found doing mum's very odd as it was though she had died, while she was still here.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,265
Yorkshire
So glad your mum is still settled in her CH and is doing well after her fall and having virus. That must have been hard on you and your sister not having contact with her when poorly. x Hope home visiting is allowed soon so you can both see her again 🤞
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi @Sirena, @pete 1, @ Sarasa and @annielou
Thank you for all your replies.
Hoping that things are ok with you all.
It's a tough time , lots to worry about in these uncertain times. Hoping it won't be too long before a return to some kind of normality.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
275
Hi All
Now that lockdown is easing I am going to spend a few days at my sisters a week on Monday, and weather permitting will be able to see mum in the garden of the care home. I can't wait! IT has been so good being able to FaceTime, but this will be great! I have also arranged to see 3 Estate Agents and hopefully get the ball rolling to sell mums house. I will be doing some more clearing whilst I'm there as there is still plenty to do.