Hi @anxious annie, when I realised Mum could not longer live safely at home with a significant care package I took the decision for residential care. We did visit the home together and I also (with permission of the accompanying manager) took pictures to show Mum later (by the time we got home she had no recollection of the visit), it was actually quite reassuring for her seeing the pictures with me telling her what other activities they had. Like @canary Mum actually had a much richer quality of life with more contact and activities, and to my surprise improved quite significantly (no longer agitated/frightened and put on weight that she had lost). I ended up kicking myself that I had vehemently resisted this option for sometime as it wasn't something, in her healthy state, that Mum wanted as she had experienced my Dad in residential care with dementia. What I will say, the relief for me personally was absolutely huge - for the year before I slept with my phone by my side (calls at three in the morning etc) and the constant worry of whether she was safe had actually made me quite poorly, which in the eye of the storm I had refused to recognise, I visited her every day in the care home and it was (on the whole) a pleasant experience where I could chat and show her photos and old family films without the worry of having to spend my time reassuring and sorting problems. I hope all goes well on Thursday, keep posting.

 

I guess it depends what sort of care home it is. If its one for frail elderly people where dementia isnt an issue, they may have to ask this. Most care homes who have lots of experience with dementia will know that if asked, most people with dementia will say no. If they wont take her because she wont agree to go, then they probably wouldnt be able to meet her needs anyway.

 

Good Morning @anxious annie, firstly that is great news for your Mum and the start of greater peace of mind for you and your family. It often can take a little while to settle into the new surroundings and routines.

I know what you mean, reality suddenly bites. I know I felt incredibly sad when I took Mum from her bungalow to the Care Home, but put on a brave face for Mum. I had set the room up before she moved in so there were a lot of personal effects such as photos etc to make it feel more welcoming. Mum used to ask occasionally at first how long am I staying for, I used to just say are they looking after you well here Mum? 'Oh yes, they are lovely'...and move the subject on. After a little while she didn't really remember the bungalow.

I hope the move goes well, take care of yourself.

 

On the day, try to remain positive and upbeat, in front of your Mum. When we first took my Mum, the manager took her off for a cup of tea whilst we sorted out her things. If they haven't told you already, label any clothing or other personal items - sewn in labels, iron on or sharpie marker for books, shoes etc
When you leave her, get her settled for lunch and quietly go. Don't say goodbye. I left her a couple of days to settle in before visiting and always left before a meal or activity in the early days. Try to avod taking any valuable items.
After settling her in, give yourself time to be upset. Although Mummy settled in well, a lot of things hit me at once after she went into a care home so be prepared for this and recognise that she might actually find it easier than you.
Fingers crossed.

 

What a brilliant result - the assessor was clearly experienced and knew how to get a 'yes' out of her! I have my fingers crossed it all goes well.

Good advice from Helly. Be prepared with labelling, absolutely everything needs to be labelled, clothes, shoes, all personal possessions. I used iron-on labels for clothes and Stickins (from Amazon) for shoes, photoframes, cuddly toys. If she wears glasses, there needs to be a way of identifying them. Don't take in anything 'precious' - the residents have no concept of personal possessions, if something is put down they pick it up and take it (so don't leave your handbag unattended!)

 

Hi @anxious annie, what a traumatic day for you and your sister, it always is there's no easy way round it. I hope your Mum settles in. It will certainly give you and your sister peace of mind. Take it easy this evening, and try not to worry about Mum settling. All the best, take care.

 

That sounds a really good result, well done - while it is upsetting it must also be good to see that she is safe, clean, and content. Fingers crossed it continues to go well. I think every CH has a 4 week trial period, I know my mother's does - I think it's to check they really can meet her needs once they get to know her.

 

This all sounds very positive

 

That sounds like the 2 of you have chosen a care home that understands the needs of dementia if it deals with the wandering like that.

Well done on getting to this stage.

 

Good Evening @anxious annie, how are you and your sister feeling today? It sounds a positive start from a care perspective, it will take a while for Mum to settle I'm sure - and there will be ups and downs.

 

The care home sounds really good, they are doing all they can to keep her safe and help her to settle. My mother wandered around and wouldn't sleep for the first few days at the care home, I don't think it's unusual - it's such an unfamiliar environment. My mother is very content there now but she still wanders around a lot of the time, she just likes to keep moving!

 

Hi @anxious annie, from what you have described it is definitely the best thing for your Mum. Hopefully as the staff get to know her routines (such as night time wandering) they can adapt and ensure that all staff are aware. I know exactly where you are coming from regarding having peace of mind - it is a constant worry when you realise that your loved one is no longer safe, I have to say I didn't realise how much stress it did actually place until Mum went in to residential care. As I said previously it was a much richer life for my Mum being in residential care as there were activities and also she had the privacy of her own room to watch TV and have meals if she so wanted (and often she did). Your Mum will probably get more used to the routines of the home and settle in, although it sounds as though she is benefiting already. All the best.