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anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi Annielou
Thank you for your good wishes. I have been keeping up with your posts and see your journey is up and down. I hope that when things are more normal again, that there are more good times xx
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
866
Hi @anxious annie, good to hear you will be able to visit Mum - that will be great for you all I'm sure.

The clearing is a mammoth and emotional job - good luck with that. All the best.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,857
Chester
I hope the visit goes well.

Hopefully starting the house clearance will feel like a step forward, even though it is such a difficult thing to do
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Thanks @jugglingmum
I'm so looking forward to seeing mum.
I know clearing the house will be very emotional, but sadly we need to sell it to pay care home fees, and would like to think another family will move in and have a lovely time, as mum and dad did in the past.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi @Sirena
That was so kind to say. Everyone is so supportive on TP. I don't know how I would have coped without all the advice and good wishes on here.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I chickened our really when clearing mum & dads home , I threw away obvious rubbish but the rest of it I boxed up and bought home , I did get a skip and gradually go through boxes and with some encouragement from husband I threw a lot away, we still have boxes and boxes in our thankfully large loft , he keeps reminding me I should have a sort through but I feel I can’t do much more whilst mum is still here . It was sad to think of their house sitting empty so I was glad when it was sold and the new people are loving it and making it their own. Hope you get through the process ok , and enjoy your visit to Mum .
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Thanks @Woo2
It will be lovely to see mum, but the prospect of sorting the house is daunting.
We will have to start with a general tidy up and declutter so the house can be put on the market. It will take several visits and skips to empty.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi all,
I am sitting in the garden at my sisters as we decided to spend the weekend here and travel back tomorrow since we had got in the clearing groove!
It was so lovely to see mum, we were allowed 2 visits as they knew we have to travel a distance and can't come as often as we would like. It was in the care home garden , we had to sit 2 metres away, but didn't have to wear masks. Mum was delighted to see us and understood we couldn't hug because of the virus. Conversation was repetitive, but mum looked really well. She was in a wheelchair because the part of the garden we were in was uneven, but staff said she is recovering so well after her op.
I met up with 3 estate agents, on Tuesday and my sister and I decided which one we will go with . She will call in to give keys so they can come to take photos later this week. We spent the rest of the week to and fro to the tidy tip and the charity shop in the town which has now opened. We also got a skip yesterday and my sister and husband helped to clear the garage and a few other bits with us. We also cleared the garden of rubbish. The house now looks so much tidier and less cluttered. But we are exhausted!
There is still so much more to do.... and I know it will be much more emotional as it will be photos, personal objects etc which at the moment are just tidied away in drawers so the house isn't cluttered for viewings.
I have to sort a solicitor this week so that we can push things on. It's been a whirlwind but we wanted to get things moving to take advantage, of hopefully more interest whilst stamp duty limit has been raised.
I'm due to go back to see mum, and for more clearing next month, so just hope we can get the house on the market soon.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
So glad you got to see your mum and she is recovering well that must be a relief. x Well done on all the clearing and sorting I hope all goes smoothly and it's on the market and you get an offer soon. 🤞
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
220
I had a lot of problems getting my dad to eat. He would always say he would have it later but he wouldn't or he would just say he wasn't hungry even if he was.

Now I give him no choices, I just make his meal, put it on a tray and he eats it, every bit. Half hour later I give him his pudding, again no choices and he eats that too.
Quite right, I do the same when present, and ask the carers to the same when I am not there.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi All
Not very much to report. The house went on the market towards the end of July and have had a couple of viewings, but no offers yet. Early days , good news that stamp duty freeze may encourage buyers, but lots of uncertainty about job security so not sure how this will affect things.
Will be doing more clearing when I go back later this month and popping in to see the solicitor to sort some things so all will be ready to go if we do get an offer.
Hoping the good weather continues so we can see mum in the garden again as am not sure what will happen about indoor visits.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Well I spoke too soon, have got back from my sisters where it has been much cooler and wet!
I saw mum in the garden one day (carers persuaded her to come out) , but it lasted all of 5 minutes before mum said it was too cold, and she was going inside.
The home is insisting on masks in the garden now whereas I didn't have to on my last visit (the new guidelines have made it worse ). I'm going back mid September to try again , think it will be inside, and just hoping they won't insist on just one family visiting each resident, as that would have to be my sister as she is local and goes weekly.
Maybe I have misunderstood the information and it means 1 visitor at a time, not one "exclusive" visitor?
The good news is that we have a buyer for the house, they have a toddler and a baby and are wanting their "forever home" which is lovely. They are currently renting, have mortgage in place and hopefully will be pushing their solicitor.
My sister and I popped into our solicitors and did some paperwork so not to delay things.
We worked hard doing some more clearing, but was quite slow as lots of photos and other treasures provoking memories.
Still more to do next month, and hopefully we'll be able to organise a collection of the better pieces of furniture from one of the charities.
Have come home determined to declutter our own house and not leave a mammoth task for our kids to tackle at some point!!
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
220
The home is insisting on masks in the garden now whereas I didn't have to on my last visit (the new guidelines have made it worse ). I'm going back mid September to try again , think it will be inside, and just hoping they won't insist on just one family visiting each resident, as that would have to be my sister as she is local and goes weekly.
Maybe I have misunderstood the information and it means 1 visitor at a time, not one "exclusive" visitor?
Unfortunately the guidance does advocate that it should always be one visitor and the same one each time. It is Draconian. It is just guidance not law but care homes are very much under pressure to follow it. So yes, one exclusive visitor. It is more akin to being in prison.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,636
Yorkshire
Its such a shame your visit was such a quick one. 🤗 I think garden visits must seem so strange to people in CHs when they were used to being able to see you inside the home and in their rooms and now it's just outside, especially when it's not great weather. Masks don't help either do they, I know there has to be precaution for safety of CH residents and staff but I think they are so hard to work with. I hope that your mums home allows there to be more than one person be the visitor each time. I've been visiting mum at the hospital and they said just one visitor but luckily its one visitor a day so both me and my sister alternated while she was here. I hope your mums home does the same thing. Good luck with the house sale x
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi @MartinWL and @annielou
Thank you for your replies. You're right about it being like a prison , Martin. If mum's care home is cautious and insists on only one constant visitor, this could potentially mean I don't get to see mum and for how long?! This covid situation could be with us for a very long time, and I don't know how long mum has, she's quite healthy apart from the dementia but she's nearly 82 and the could have a sudden downturn . I want to see mum and enjoy time with her, not visit for "end of life" only.
If hospitals are willing to take precautions to make visiting safe, as for your mum Annielou allowing one visitor, not necessarily the same one, each time I don't understand why care homes won't. I would be willing to wear ppe, and pay for this, so don't see why I would be any more of a risk than care staff. Visitors could go to rooms, avoiding other residents, wear gloves incase touch anything etc, I'm sure it could work.
I will email the home before I go and see what their policy is and ask about these if the policy is one visitor.
I read the government guidelines, " To limit risk, where visits do go ahead, this should be limited to a single constant visitor, per resident, wherever possible"
What does the wherever possible mean?
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
220
[QUOTE="anxious annie, post: 1741557,
I read the government guidelines, " To limit risk, where visits do go ahead, this should be limited to a single constant visitor, per resident, wherever possible"
What does the wherever possible mean?
[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately that is clear as mud. It does mean that two could visit when it is impossible for one to do so but "impossible" is a high barrier. If your second cousin once removed is capable of doing the visits alone then a single visitor is possible however unsatisfactory that might be. The government guidance on many issues is full of these ambiguities.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
So true @MartinWL , I have just sent the Alzheimer society email to my local councilor that was on Shedrech's thread/post.
My mums care home isn't in my constituency, but thinking it will all help (or be ignored!)