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Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,240
I remember the feeling of relief - I was counting down the weeks in the end, praying my mother didn't have an incident and end up in hospital just before she was due to move. My mother was lonely at home (despite having carers for 5 or 6 hours a day) and I think one of the main benefits of a CH for her is the constant company.

I agree you don't need to ring too often - they will call you if there is any problem.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Hi Sirena
i was just the same, hoping nothing happened before mum was due to move in. My sister has just phoned me to say that she has popped in to see mum this morning and all is ok. Mum was wondering where her house keys were, but didn't ask about going home ( too busy choosing what biscuit she wanted with her coffee!) My sister spoke with a member of staff, and mum has had a couple of "accidents" in the bathroom ( this was happening at home too), and some wandering at night, but otherwise all is fine. I'll phone later in the week to see how mum is and my sister will go again at the weekend. I hope they don't think she is a nuisance and not let her stay after the 4 weeks is up if she's still wandering/messing, which she is likely to do. The staff didn't say this, but i just hope all will be ok as she is enjoying the company and activities.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,240
Your mother seems to be settling in well, what a relief for you and your sister. I had the same worries about my mother being too much of a 'nuisance' and them asking her to leave. Honestly, they won't. Wandering and continence issues are all part of what they expect to deal with. I am willing to bet many of the residents have those issues.

My mother also had a fall two weeks after she moved there and needed a hospital visit, and again I thought they might find that too 'high maintenance' but of course they didn't.
 
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Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
800
Hi @anxious annie, it sounds as though your Mum is settling in well and seems much more at ease. I'm sure if there were any significant issues you would be aware by now. Care Homes that specialize in dementia will have managed all of the characteristics your Mum displays, so try not to worry. Hopefully you and your sister are feeling a little more relaxed and at ease knowing Mum is being cared for 24/7. All the best - keep posting.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
hi, have spoken with staff this morning, and all is fine ( mum having a few toileting issues, messing on the floor as she used to at home), but they're managing it.
I will be up in a couple of weeks so will see how things are. I spoke to mum too, she was cheerful and said the "little children" had just been in ( from a nearby nursery) which she'd really enjoyed. She didn't mention about going home, and hasn't said anything about this to my sister when she has been in visiting. So all good so far
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
800
Hi @anxious annie, it sounds as though your Mum is settling in well and no longer has the anxiety and worry that she had living on her own, I do appreciate what a relief and peace of mind for you and your sister....long may it continue. All the best.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Thanks, Pete, all is still going well and I will update when I visit mum within the fortnight , but am hoping, and more confident now that this will be a permanent move x
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Good news. Mum is now permanent at her care home. We just can't believe how well she has settled, we never expected the move to have gone so smoothly. Mum is letting staff help with personal care, whereas when she was at home she wouldn't even let the carers make her a cup of tea!! Perhaps it was because that was her territory? When I went in this weekend she was pleased to see me, and not phased when I said I was going. I'm back home now, but I can still keep in touch through speaking to the home on a weekly basis by phone, updates from my sister and the home "posts" photos and video clips to relatives which is great as I can see mum happy and smiling as she takes part in the activities. I know things will change as she deteriorates in the future, but for now, both my sister and I are pleased and so less stressed .
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,240
So pleased to hear it has worked out so well. When the PWD reaches a certain stage it can often be the best answer. I am sure my mother is much happier at the care home that she would have been at home, the carers are lovely, she is waited on hand and foot, doesn't have to worry about anything at all - and she has home-made cake every afternoon!
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Hi All
I just wanted to update you about mum as she has been in the care home just over 2 months now. She continues to be settled and enjoying all the activities. The home has just started a facebook page where they upload photos and video clips so I can see on a regular basis that mum is joining in and is happy. That, and the fact that she is now eating and drinking, changing clothes etc has given my sister and I such peace of mind.She was on antibiotics for an ear infection, but this was swiftly dealt with , and I know that if she was still at home she wouldn't have understood when to take the tablets.
I was up visiting for a few days after Christmas and she was pleased to see me, but never asked about going home, tho she did say that she wasn't there all the time and she didn't want her house to be sold.
Talking of which, my sister and I are thinking about putting the house on the market, as although mum can fund for about 2 years, we don't want to continue to maintain it over the next winter.
So when I go back next month I will get some Estate Agents round to value it and start the ball rolling.
My sister visits a couple of times a week and I go up for a few days alternate months now, instead of every 4 weeks. This has really eased our burden, as we no longer have shopping, washing, cleaning etc to do so we are both feeling much less stressed.
But as you all know there is still plenty of things to do for mum, paperwork/telephone calls for getting the higher level of AA, changing address, sorting insurance etc, as well as weekly phone calls so we will still be busy, but now feel that we have a life too.
So for all those on TP who are just thinking about care homes, I can say that I never thought mum would settle as well as she has as she was adamant that she was never going into a home, so things may turn out better than you think.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
800
Hi @anxious annie, I'm please to hear your Mum is settled. It is always a massive step to take (with lots of self imposed guilt), but often it works out much better for our loved ones - they are better cared for and importantly no longer worried or frightened. All the best.
 

Anmarg

Registered User
Apr 9, 2019
40
Hi Pete and Bunpoots
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Hi Anxious Annie, I have just read your story so far, I wanted to say, good luck with everything and I know it's an extremely difficult decision. I found it reassuring and comforting that your Mum is settled and sounds to be thriving. My Dad is in respite at the moment and we in the process of finding a more suitable permanent placement, I find TP invaluable for helping me with the practicalities and much needed emotional support from others going through difficult times. Thank you
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,432
Yorkshire
Good to hear your mum is settled well in her home and doing better eating and changing clothes etc It sounds like she is well looked after. Its reassuring to read x