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Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
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Went home to check on the house (building works happening all over it) and most of the post was for dad. Well, for me, about dad. Charming.

Apparently he hasn't been financially assessed. I have emailed all the evidence they have asked for that I have. To be honest, I don't have much. I also included notes on his outgoings (again, not much) and I also told them about his legal case which certainly won't be adding to his 'fortune' of nothing.

I also had a contract for the LA paying for his care which I've signed - it clearly states on it that signing does not make me liable for payments, but the financial assessment from the LA says that if I don't reply to them, they will use what they have (I did already send them everything) and if it's lacking they assume I will pay for everything. I'm fairly sure this contradiction is empty threats.

All this AFTER I've had email confirmation the LA is funding dad. It's a*s about face, but I can almost believe this is standard.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,882
0
Yorkshire
Why is everything such a farce with government organisations ?!! Hopefully It all will come out in the wash but its such a pain in the bum dealing with it all. Fingers crossed sorted out properly for you soon 🤞
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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Phone call today from dad's new GP. One of the GPs has been assigned the whole care home, which is normal. In fact it was the same GP who read his scan for me and saw dad with me once when I went down. She's immensely practical. Anyway as she's taken on the home she went over to see everyone and spoke to dad.

Dad was on a submarine at the time, so he piped her aboad and gave her a warm welcome, and then interrogated her over how she had managed to get on board during a vital mission when they were already underwater! I have to say I laughed out loud at this whole thing but when I told my boss she looked horrified. Her granddad has just gone into care after several respite stays. Dementia has changed me as well as dad.

Anyway basically the Dr wanted to put a DNR on dad's records seeing as he put on auch a good show for the other Dr and she said that clearly he doesn't have capacity to understand or retain the information. I think she thought I might be quite upset by the conversation but obviously I have been expecting this for some time.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,302
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I think you have to laugh, and I must say the places your dad's brain takes him are amazing. I remember the whole catching pike for tea episode. I think it is extremely sensible to have the DNR conversation when you aren't in the middle of a crisis. The GP from mum's home phoned me about mum and DNR earlier this year and it felt good to have it out of the way.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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Thanks for joining me in a laugh @lemonbalm @Sarasa - you're right, good to have it out of the way. I don't know where he gets it from but he must have a vivid imagination!
@Bunpoots I asked that as well and the GP said it was all a bit of a muddle but they did arrive at a 'plausible to dad' explanation once she got to grips with exactly where they were. They did a grand tour of all the forces, and of course he's only ever been in one of them, the sky based one. I think the Dr did pretty well to cope with it and Dad said she was very clever, so all good.

We've agreed antibiotics etc as needed and hospitalisation only if it's absolutely necessary, as taking him out of his environment is rather stressful for him, but obviously if it's necessary, that's fine. I think that's pretty standard for anyone though, and she said we can look at it case by case.
 

Jaded'n'faded

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Jan 23, 2019
1,099
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High Peak
I had a similar conversation with mum's new GP after there was a change of surgeries. It was what mum wanted (she'd made a Living Will years ago but also made it very clear to all the family too!) and I wanted it put in place so there were no more hospital visits, etc.

The best thing about this GP - he said, 'Well, that's your mum sorted, but how are YOU coping?' He's the only medical professional who ever asked me and after all the arrogant, rubbish, non-listenng consultants I encountered over the years, that meant a lot.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
0
I had a similar conversation with mum's new GP after there was a change of surgeries. It was what mum wanted (she'd made a Living Will years ago but also made it very clear to all the family too!) and I wanted it put in place so there were no more hospital visits, etc.

The best thing about this GP - he said, 'Well, that's your mum sorted, but how are YOU coping?' He's the only medical professional who ever asked me and after all the arrogant, rubbish, non-listenng consultants I encountered over the years, that meant a lot.
Dad in his younger days would have agreed with me but the Dr who was fooled by his host mode the first time asked him and of course, as Dad thinks he's at the beginning of his military career, he's not going to feel the need for the DNR or to refuse treatment, although he's not keen on surgery! The Dr was too busy to ask how I was I think, not that she seemed unfeeling!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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Message from the care home. Dad came down for lunch with a red mark where his glasses had impacted his face and a lump/graze on his head, clearly from a fall. He made no mention of it and had clearly forgotten it had happened.

When asked about how he thought it happened, he offered three options:
- He had been in a fight and was knocked unconscious
- He had done it while out in the car
- He had gone out walking to collect his car and had fallen over

He's been in his room since breakfast so all three of these are nigh on impossible. However he did it he did it very quietly. GP has been called but I want to avoid hospital if possible so will see what they have to say. Dad ate all his dinner and is fine in himself.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,072
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Nottinghamshire
Oh no! Hopefully your dad won't need to go to hospital. When I did my first aid training I was told a lump on the head was normally ok but a dent wasn't. Fingers crossed!
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
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Well, there are a lot of overhead pipes in those submarines. I hope your Dad's ok and no harm's done.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
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Chester
As I read the options I was waiting for the last one to be submarine related.

When I did my first aid training I was told a lump on the head was normally ok but a dent wasn't.
I bashed my head once, had a big egg within a few hours, concussion for at least a week, with what I know now I should have gone to hospital.

I know a lot more about head injuries than I did 25 years ago.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,302
0
Sorry about your dad, I hope he doesn't have to go to hospital, it certainly isn't the best place for someone with dementia, but hopefully the GP can decide. I love his explanations as to what had happened.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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Oh no! Hopefully your dad won't need to go to hospital. When I did my first aid training I was told a lump on the head was normally ok but a dent wasn't. Fingers crossed!
No I think a dent is bad. Inflammation is healing, most of the time. Only learned last year that you shouldn't ice a head injury!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
0
Well, there are a lot of overhead pipes in those submarines. I hope your Dad's ok and no harm's done.
Quite! He appears to be back on terra firma today. Dr said to monitor him. To be fair he's fallen over outside in much worse circumstances...
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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As I read the options I was waiting for the last one to be submarine related.


I bashed my head once, had a big egg within a few hours, concussion for at least a week, with what I know now I should have gone to hospital.

I know a lot more about head injuries than I did 25 years ago.
Yes we were waiting for a boat or something to come up but no. Dad's being monitored for concussion but confusion is normal for him, I don't know if he really would recognise a headache, but if he's sick I think they'd notice. Hard to treat those with dementia. Dad has fallen on his face and had mini strokes numerous times now, I don't know what more they can really do. He is still fine this evening apparently.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
551
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Sorry about your dad, I hope he doesn't have to go to hospital, it certainly isn't the best place for someone with dementia, but hopefully the GP can decide. I love his explanations as to what had happened.
I know. Always an answer for everything, and sometimes more than one! Back on the car thing now I'd hoped he'd dropped that... Dr says to monitor for concussion for next 24 hours - she knows it will be very difficult if he goes to hospital.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,882
0
Yorkshire
Sorry to read your dad has fallen today. Glad he seems ok so far and is being monitored, I hope he goes on ok for next 24 hrs and has no lasting problems from it. 🤗