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Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,697
@imthedaughter , I find it bittersweet when mum has moments of clarity and is almost her old self. That sounds like a good phone call. What is it with the name Liam? My mum once thought that was my brother's name. I'm not sure if that was my real brother, or if she thought a younger man called Liam that she was fond of was one of her children.
Mum once asked me if I was married and when I said yes, and told her who to, she seemed surprised I was still with him.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
Quite a few positives in the call and quite a few emotions stirred after it I bet 🤗 Nice to think he called and enjoyed speaking to you, and sounded quite positive if a bit bored. Though he may only have been bored for a few minutes at time of speaking to you but it might seem like longer to him. My mum can be happily doing something one minute then gets bored of it and says she's been bored ages. Maybe carer thought then would be a good time to call as Dad was more with it and calmer and thought you'd both get more out of call while he was feeling that way rather than when he has been unhappy or agitated before. It sounds like maybe his new meds could be starting to work which will hopefully settle him and good he's pals with one of the carers, hopefully maybe he'll feel that way about more of the others soon 🤞
My mum often says I'm boring when she asks what I've been up to and also says haven't you done anything interesting? She'll say she was hoping I'd have something interesting to tell her. Besides fact nobody can do much very interesting at the moment I spent most of my time with her so don't get chance to do anything interesting. I have thought a few times when I'm in a bit of a mood that being as she thinks I'm 'friend' lot of time I could say I went to my mums yesterday, I spend a lot of time with my mum cos she has Alzheimers. I made such and such for dinner and we coloured. o_O👿 Naughty devil eh.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
I sent a colouring parcel down to the care home, inspired by @annielou and her mum's colouring adventures, and the care home manager text me to say thank you and she told me they've all stayed safe so far but they are rather dreading any kind of second wave.

I called and spoke to dad's favourite carer and one of the new carers and the new carer told me Dad was always in his room, loves it there apparently! That made me chuckle but I told her he needs to rest his leg up (elevated) otherwise it can swell and as they don't seem to have footstools in the communal areas he probably prefers to have a lay down whenever possible. He's had the bad leg for well over 30 years now so it's a fully ingrained habit.

Dad seemed, well, pretty on form. He even remembered my being married and my husbands actual name (rather than Liam!) he was only a bit vague about moving out again, says he'll stay there a while now, and he seemed fairly upbeat. I managed to have a whole conversation with him and didn't ask him to remember anything (I try not to but sometimes it's tempting to talk about the past or ask him what he had for tea, but I try not to do that, unless he brings it up) so I told him about the work we are doing on the house and asked about the budgie they have in the home and he talked to me and the bird for a bit.

The favourite carer told me that she dialled my number before because Dad kept saying he'd like to ring me but never actually did, she said it took her three shifts to get him to agree (he kept saying it was too late or whatever) and when she dialled the number he took off with the phone so she didn't even have chance to say hello! She thinks the new medication is helping and he's been pretty settled lately, which is good after the episode before. I do think the anti-depressants have made him seem a lot more positive. Of course he's generally confused but it's not causing too many difficulties, he had his bath with no complaints Friday apparently. He even told me the food was fine! Good stuff recently despite the obvious lockdown situation.

Now if we can just get the council to do the financial assessment...
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
Glad to read your dad seems to have settled a bit 👍hope he continues to settle and feel brighter and hopefully join in the colouring 🤞 glad Liam has been usurped too and bet your real hubby is pleased too 😊 x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
Great update :) all sounding pretty positive , let’s hope he plans to stay and maybe even do some Colouring .
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Thanks @canary and @annielou ooh and @Woo2 I know it's been over a year but bearing in mind it took until November to get a diagnosis and he had some falls (possibly small strokes), it's been a bit up and down, but he does seem more settled lately. And he seems to be accepting carers a lot more and less thinking he's in a military dorm or whatever.

Husband is quite impressed but now we are wondering what's happened to Liam? :rolleyes:
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
I've been trying to get Dad's finances assessed before he runs out of money, as suggested by many on here and advised by his home. It's taken weeks but I finally heard back from the council saying he can't be assessed, he doesn't have a social worker (he's self-funding so, no, he doesn't).

So the financial assessor has requested a SW be assigned to his case and they will assess his care needs and then finances. Then I started worrying that the SW might say Dad could manage on his own (which is what they said before, essentially, although they recommended extra care and help with medication) so I called the home just to give them an update and they very firmly refuted my fears, saying he's not even dressing himself properly, doesn't take meals or medication without prompting and has stopped even trying to go out - there's no way he could fend for himself. I know that's not good but I do feel relieved.

The bad news is that it's not really a dementia home, and the council may say he needs to be placed in one. I'd rather he didn't have to move but I am aware that he could need to be moved in the future anyway as he declines further.

While I was on the phone the manager told me that Dad had come down the other day in the morning and told her that they'd been fishing this morning and he'd ordered a pike for dinner. Had it arrived? As it happened, it was fish for dinner that day so the carer said, oh yes it's arrived, thank you.

Bearing in mind dad's information retention is severely challenged these days none of them expected to hear about the pike again but when fish was duly served up for dinner, another resident asked what kind of fish it was and dad piped up with 'It's pike!' And he declared it delicious, which is the first time he's said anything nice to the staff about the food (even though it's perfectly nice).

Apparently Dad added that you can only get this pike once a year, so we look forward to 'pike day' next year.

I don't eat fish so I was unaware that apparently pike is not a popular eating fish? I was wondering where on earth he got these ideas from but now I'm thinking he's watching cooking shows or fishing programmes on TV and 'ordering' food from it...
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,859
Chester
That made me smile.

I think in this country Pike is rarely eaten, and it is expected when fishing you put them back but I understand in Poland it is the traditional Christmas dish - son had a polish lad in his class.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,638
Yorkshire
Hope the assessments go ok and don’t take too long as SS do seem to work slowly don’t they.
Glad the home put your mind at rest that they think your dad requires a home as they’ll be able tell SW same.
Maybe if not a dementia home but they are happy to keep dad as things are SS may decide to let him stay, possibly if cheaper than a dementia home they may agree more readily.
Its good to hear your dad seems to be settling more still. The pike story made me smile too. 😀There are a few fishing programmes on tv nowadays and lots of cooking ones so you’re probably right he saw it on tv. Nice he complimented them on it.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
That made me smile.

I think in this country Pike is rarely eaten, and it is expected when fishing you put them back but I understand in Poland it is the traditional Christmas dish - son had a polish lad in his class.
Well it's still early but I've learned something already! Thank you!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,697
Someone on professional MasterChef cooked pike last year. Apparently it was traditional in his part of France. Marcus Waring said it was an acquired taste, so I wonder what the residents would have thought if your dad had really got them one. I love the way the brain can come up with these ideas, and it sounds like the home managed your dad and his expectations really well.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Hope the assessments go ok and don’t take too long as SS do seem to work slowly don’t they.
Glad the home put your mind at rest that they think your dad requires a home as they’ll be able tell SW same.
Maybe if not a dementia home but they are happy to keep dad as things are SS may decide to let him stay, possibly if cheaper than a dementia home they may agree more readily.
Its good to hear your dad seems to be settling more still. The pike story made me smile too. 😀There are a few fishing programmes on tv nowadays and lots of cooking ones so you’re probably right he saw it on tv. Nice he complimented them on it.
Good point it's not the cheapest, or the most expensive, but he is settled there and it may be less expensive than a specialist home, providing he is still settled when they do the assessment.

Just need to keep chasing so it doesn't fall down the cracks!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Someone on professional MasterChef cooked pike last year. Apparently it was traditional in his part of France. Marcus Waring said it was an acquired taste, so I wonder what the residents would have thought if your dad had really got them one. I love the way the brain can come up with these ideas, and it sounds like the home managed your dad and his expectations really well.
Hah they probably would not have liked it, they didn't like having peas and sweetcorn in their rice so an unusual fish is definitely off the menu! I bet a sweet potato has never crossed the threshold! Reminds me of Peter Kay's 'Garlic? Bread?'

Actually Dad was quite adventurous really, being veggie in the 80s you had to be, but he's regressing to childhood kind of foods now I think.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
😂

I hate peas and sweetcorn in my rice - as a child for variety instead of sandwich lunches we had cold rice with peas sweetcorn and red pepper in - I really never want to see cold or hot rice with veg in like that.
Yes every one of them picked it out apparently! Maybe they had the same experience.

I wasn't allowed to eat the same grain twice in a row so one day would be brown bread, another rye bread, then rice cakes, then brown pitta, then something else - my mum liked to mix it up. And I can't remember having white bread at all as a young child. The kids at school thought we were very odd.

Now I do quinoa with pearl barley or sometimes brown rice and have edamame and cucumber and avocado mixed in, it's very tasty!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Got a quick call from the council asking about dad's savings (HAH savings! Dad never saved at all!) And property (it's all I can do to not laugh at them.) No property, or investments (another rib tickler, that one). I assured them Dad is very much impoverished so if they could refer him on that would be great. She claimed someone else would be in touch soon so I await this now. I've not mentioned the many debts and potential bankruptcy due to being sued either, not sure when that should come in...

In the meantime the care home sent me a message to say dad is very low on socks, so I racked my brains to remember what kind of socks he can wear given his very strange feet, found the ones I think are right: the brand name was familiar. I ordered a pack of seven and called it a Father's Day gift. Tah dah! They weren't cheap but it's not every day I have an opportunity to buy Dad something useful. I've also sent flowers and a card.

They've obviously been quite busy at the home as a letter arrived with a lovely photo of Dad with a heart, sewn from some cotton with a nice owl print, which has been stitched twice down the middle, then cut in half. He has half and I have half and it had a sweet note with it sending all his love. Such a nice thought from the home. I can only imagine the cajoling it took to get Dad to join in!
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,653
South East
Ah I think the photo heart and message is a lovely touch, how nice :) ha ha it might surprise you in that he didn’t need cajoling , here’s hoping . Hope you don’t have to wait too long for the next call and to get things sorted.