From one sadness to another

[lotusflower]

Had a really tough fortnight .. Am feeling drained ... Over the last few weeks have been introducing carers to come in ... Working up to being able to take our daughter away for a weeks holiday during the summer ( now too difficult for Allan to join us as the change is disorientating.)
All was going well and I thank goodness it was - as a week ago I had a call from my sisters care flats to say she had been rushed to hospital ... My sister is 51 and has Downes but lives a full and independent life with support from staff where she lives. I guessed it was serious .... Phoned the care agency and asked them to arrange emergency cover for Allan. When I got to the hospital I was told my sister had a bleed on he brain and a serious stroke and there was nothing anyone could do and whilst she was breathing independently the prognosis wasn't good and they wouldn't resiscitate. The agency looking after Allan were great and arranged live in carers to stay with him so I could be with my sister. My daughter was picked up be a friend who looked after her.
I sat up the night with my sister in hospital -Had a break for a couple of hours before returning to the hospital but her condition worsened and she died that afternoon. It was so sudden and unexpected....I spent most of last week in crisis trying to manage family / home, funeral arrangements tiredness and grief as well as coping with Allan ( who seemed also to have picked up an infection and was really poorly - single handed.
6 days after my sisters death and having not seen sight or sound of Allan's grown up children ( who knew the situation) I rang one of them and understandably i lost it on the phone ..... I must have hit a nerve as they have both rallied ... I feel awful about some of what I said and probably shouldn't have said it ... Or perhaps it was the other way around and I shouldn't have had cause to say it.... The upshot is that they both attended my sisters funeral in place of their father ( I had carers to look after Allan for the day as he really didn't understand what would be going on). It was a lovely funeral and a real celebration of my sisters life but it hasn't sunk in. The following day after the funeral I packed bags for daughter and I to get away on our holiday and Allan's live in carer arrived ....just in time as think I was heading for a breakdown... Son and daughter have been going in daily to check Allan and the carer are ok.. And so far so good.... I'm starting to relax and my daughter is having a nice time away at the seaside although I still feel very sad inside....- but relieved I got the funeral concluded before we went away. I'm trying not to let it spoil her much awaited time away. I'm also very sad Allan is not able to be with us ... It's our first holiday without him and I realise physically as well as mentally how much the last 18 months has seen him decline ... It's so sad and lonely and I would love him to be here. I'm sitting at dinner tonight with tears pouring down my face ... All emotions mixed up together... I'm so thankful to the agency I chose ... They have been brilliant in sourcing not only a wonderful live in carer but for helping me in an emergency - which was such a blessing .....

 

[Sunbell]

lotusflower please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your dear sister, how terrible this must have been for you all.

You certainly deserve the break with your daughter, although feeling lost and lonely without your husband with you must be hard but you need this break and must feel relieved that he has really good live in care whilst you are away.

Sending you hugs and hope you really enjoy your break and that your dear husband is well and enjoying the one to one care in your absence.

Take care, Sunbell xx

 

[Mamsgirl]

Lotusflower I'm so very sorry for the loss of your sister and the heaviness of heart you're feeling at being on holiday without Allan for the first time. Glad other family is rallying and your daughter is enjoying the change of scene. Take care, Toni x

 

[lin1]

Dear Lotusflower
I am sorry to hear about your sister, so young. Please accept my condolences.

It's wonderful that the agency came up trumps to help you with Allan not only at short notice but also so you can have some time away with your Daughter. Hopefully the weather is nice and spending this special time with your Daughter, is going some way to helping you through all the worry, stress and sadness that you have been and are going through

I think you were very patient in waiting six days to phone one of Allan's adult daughters and say what needed to be said, so please do not feel guilty, I would not have been able to contain myself that long.

Come here when you want/need to,their is usually someone around in the wee small dark hrs.
Also let us know how you are.

Sending you my love
XXX

 

[cab]

i am so sorry to hear of your loss hun how awful for you

i hope you manage to get some respite with your daughter on your holiday i know its not the same without your husband but at least you know he is being well cared for at home

sending ((HUGS)) to you

xx

 

[Izzy]

Lotus flower I am so sorry to hear about your sister. How terribly sad. No wonder you lost it with Allan's children. It sounds a if you really hit a nerve. Well done.

I hope you and your daughter have a good break. It sounds as if the agency turned up trumps.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Lotusflower, I'm so sorry and don't know what to say to ease the sadness you are feeling on all counts. Draw comfort if you can from your daughter and her pleasure at her holiday, she will help you through this without even realising it.

With love and hugs.

x

 

[rajahh]

I too send my thoughts and love. Losing your sister so suddenly will have shaken you to the core, and being a carer there is not much " reserve" of strength to deal with these extra blows.

It is good that you had started to organise your holiday and the care for Allan though, and you do seem to have a good care package arranged. Well done.

I hope you get some pleasure, some relaxation, some re-strengthening from this break.

And well done for losing it with Allan's children . Do not feel guilty about that.

Love Jeannette

 

[Margaret938]

Dear Lotusflower,
I am so sorry to read about the loss of your sister, it is such a loss for you. I can't believe that Allan's grown up children, had to upset you enough, to have the sense to rally round and help you out at this particularly sad time in your life. Glad you made them see sense though. I am glad that your are having a well earned holiday with your daughter at the seaside, but I know it is tinged with so much sadness for you, because Allan can't be with you both to enjoy it. What a hard hard life this is. I still can't go anywhere where George and I used to go together, Since he went into the CH in April, I have cut myself off from everything we shared and enjoyed together. I will be thinking of you and your daughter enjoying your time together, you are so lucky to have each other.
Take care,
All my love, Margaret xx

 

[faithy]

I don't know you as I just joined a month ago, but I am so sorry for you loss...

peace,
Faith

 

[chridgets]

Lotus flower indeed you are in the midst of loss - your sister and Allan. I am glad you said what you did to Allan's grown children and glad you are able to see another side to the situation. Though it will be difficult an sadness will be there, I hope you are able to get some rest and respite which both you and your daughter need, deserve and are entitled to.