My head says one thing my heart says another

[pevensey]

Took the grandson home yesterday and received a call from OH asking where I was and if I was staying the night! I explained that the traffic was bad due to roadworks but the answer was "well if I'm not in, I'm down the pub" and slammed the phone down. I felt so upset at his nastiness. Of course when I got home he was all sweetness and light as if nothing happened. I didn't mention the phone call. No point. But it's so hard and then today he made an appointment with a double glazing firm who turned up on the doorstep! I knew nothing about it. I feel so tired. I'm still waiting to hear if I've got AA. They said another 8 weeks! They've had my application just over a month. Hey how. Life's not exactly a bowl of cherries!!!!!

I know Gladys, it's so upsetting when they suddenly lash out with nasty comments for no reason, my OH has been doing that when I go to see him while hes on a few weeks emergency respite, I think hes angry at me for him being g there, but it was his GP who made him go when he saw how stressed I was getting. About the AA, I've read of a lot of people having to wait 8 weeks or more to hear if they have been allowed it so I must have been really lucky as I heard within 10 days after I sent all my OH forms in, they rang me and told me I was entitled to the higher rate and the details were in the post.. Take care and stay strong Gladys.

 

[pevensey]

Morning Pevensey
Thank you for your response. Have had a mixed morning so far and it’s only 8.45. Hubby has had his abusive rant but won’t get washed although I did manage to shave him in spurts and he ate a banana. He has changed so much in the last week and the constant attention seeking is very wearing. I will push myself to accept the respite as I can feel that my empathy towards him is waning and that’s not good but this guilt thing is heart wrenching and he’s only got to be “nice” for a few hours and I wonder why I’m considering respite. But I guess I must (and will) do it. My hubby is so like yours. All sweetness and light in front of others but feels he can say or do what he likes to me. When I say “say” - he babbles with the odd coherent word it two.
I’m sure if I was put under hypnosis then I would say that I wanted him in a care home permanently now as 14 years has been a long time.
Keep in touch

Hi young at heart, sorrynI didnt get back to you sooner. You sound like your really struggling so please please do arrange the respite, you DEFINITLY DO NOT have to feel guilty, but you will feel relieved when you have done it and refreshed while OH is away, but whatever you do don't make the mistake that I've made and go to visit him everyday. Although I've cut it down now by having couple days off inbetween, on the advice of the carers at the care home, also someone on here said that by visiting too often its defeating the object of OH being in respite your not switched of from him. But with me it was the big G letter the guilt thing looming its head. Good luck young at heart, and when thentespite starts, relax, rest, and do all the things you want to do, Let me know how it all goes.