I've not been on here for a while but I've been silently reading lots of posts, some of which are really thought provoking and heart breaking and they make my problem sound nothing major. But I'm really struggling with how I feel about my OH this last few months. Hes got mixed dementia they think, AD and Vasculer Dementia diagnosed 3 and half years ago, he has gone down hill really fast this past 6 months, both physically and mentally. His mobility is now practically zero, he can only walk for couple yards outside, so iits really difficult to walk with as far as Dr or local shop, a five min walk to Dr takes about 25 mins.and hes leaning heavy on me all time, hes had lots of falls indoors, about 3 this week and he cant do very much indoors so the whole house and garden is up to me. I'm really tired, and unhappy I go to bed not wanting morning g to come cos I know it's all going to start again. I really would like a week just on my own or to visit my sister who lives about 4 hrs away , my daughter has said she will take me for a long weekend which would be amazing but OH is refusing to have my son come and stay or anyone at all. I told him he could maybe have a holiday and go for respite in a lovely care home near us, he said he would rather hang himself. The thing is also, we never really had a great marriage we've been married for 57 years, and he wasnt very nice a lot of the time he never celebrated our 25 th or 50th anniversary my family did us a 25 th party but he refused to go said it was a lot of rubbish. I didn't ever get cards for birthdays or anniversys or presents., I left him twice in the past 10 yrs the last time was for 8 months when I went to my daughters and was adamant I wasnt going back to him that time but he was then diagnosed with this dementia and I felt I had to be there to care for him. At first he seemed to have changed a d was good tempered and a nearly proper husband but now all the nastiness has come back, and I feel that I really want him to go into care, I feel I had a very unhappy 5o odd years and I would love my last 10 years if I'm lucky to be happy and content and just me time I would love to know what it's like to do what I want when I wasnt. But I'm not sure hes bad enough even the my daughter says YES MUM you must do this I know he would obviously refuse anyway. But I'm at my wits end , I cry everyday over silly things. I'm seeing his GP with my daughter on Monday to let him know how he has deteriorated, he has had blood and tests to check for infections but they all ca e back clear. I'm sorry this was such long post but must needed to get it of my chest. Am I being really bad wanting to discard him to a care home.