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Another heart attack ..........

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
When John had his first heart attack, last September, the doctor felt that this had caused vascular dementia, due to the trauma, in addition to, but not instead of Alzheimer's.

I feel Monday's events have made things even worse. I asked John how he was feeling today, and he said .....................

The lights were 5 last night, so I says to the General, I says, so what about the monkey gland? But it wasn't the green one, so I thought about some fruit instead. Did you see it?

Isn't life grand! :D
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I've had yet another call from the Manager today, as John's inappropriate sexual behaviour, is becoming more of a problem. He is now saying to lady residents "let's wait till one of the carers goes off duty, then you can come to my room", and cuddling them suggestively.

The GP said that there is no medication they can give him, because of his heart problems, but ...... an appointment has been made for him next week at the Memory Clinic!!!!! What good is that going to do?

The Manager also said "we haven't got enough staff that one of them can always just watch John" and then added "we're not saying he's got to leave", and I could hear that unspoken word - "yet". :eek:

When am I going to get a week without another problem? Sorry, but I can see me having to bring John back home, and I'm drowning in self pity. :(
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
NO!!! Absolutely not! Get onto social services or whoever is appropriate and put paid to any suggestions of you taking him home.

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Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
NO!!! Absolutely not! Get onto social services or whoever is appropriate and put paid to any suggestions of you taking him home.

Sent from my C1905 using Talking Point mobile app
I know you too are worn out with it all LadyA, but I feel like the character - was it Tantalus? - who was condemned to pushing a huge boulder uphill. I've just had a fried onion sandwich, and feel a bit better. ;)
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Scarlett, thinking about you and the horrible situation. They can't really think that you could have him back home if they can't cope, it's just not fair. x


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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Scarlett :)

Surely you cannot be expected to manage your dear John's behaviour at home, if a care home is finding it difficult?!? :eek: :mad:

If they need more staff for 1 to 1 care, then surely they should apply for this, or tell the social worker or NHS that it's needed? It really is not your problem!!!!

Services are there to look after John properly so that you can spend some time with him without constantly worrying about the next issue!

Oh, I am so :mad: on your behalf. Please don't give in. Look after yourself as best you can, and your OH as well :)

((((Hugs))))

Lindy xx
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
My love. I think I know what you are saying. I think what you are saying is you cannot bear to see what is happening to him, you think it would be easier emotionally for you and better for him if he came home.... You know it wouldn't be physically easier but emotionally....

You know, I know, we on TP know...

If you have him back home it won't be easier... Emotionally or physically..... will it?

I have no idea of how to support you with this. I'm trying so hard to find words that will help you through this hideous nightmare that you are going through and failing miserably.

I do feel that the last thing you should consider is having him home again.

There is help there for you I'm sure of it.... Just wish I knew how to point you in the right direction to find it

Can't find the words I want to say to you. Keep deleting my response.








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LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Oh Scarlett

Only you can decide whether to have John back home or not-but the rest of us can give you our thoughts. My thoughts are you should refuse.How would you manage? Yes John needs more supervision but the NHS should be involved if that is so. Has he been assessed for CHC? Behaviour difficulties can lead to CHC funding.He needs help but do you really think that you could provide that help?

Sorry if this offends-it wasn't my intention

Take care

Lyn T
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Thank you all for your support. I know, deep down, that I cannot physically look after John, but, oh! It's so so hard. :( Yes, I do agree that my tack with the doctor at the memory clinic, must be that surely he now qualifies for CHC funding. He's never been assessed.

That's on Wednesday. When I visited today, he asked me if I was still having an affair with The Australian, or if that was over. A lady who was visiting her Mum, changed her position, so that she could hear better. ;)

I used my "murmur technique", so he then asked if we should get married next year, and I murmured again. He said he liked the new place better, but it was all down to the vinegar that they used on the walls. I said "oh, right, I see" and Mrs Lady-Visiting-Mum said she noticed my attitude was always very soothing, whereas she found herself getting agitated with her Mum.

"Wash she shay" asked John, sounding like he was drunk. "She was saying how hot it was" I replied". "No she wasn't" yelled John, "she wants me to kiss her, and I won't" :eek::eek::eek:. I mouthed "sorry" to Mrs Lady-V-M, and took John for a walk around the gardens. :) Have as calm as possible weekend everyone.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I took our wedding album with me today when I visited John. :) There were other people sitting in the garden with us, visitors and residents, and it was lovely when one of the very elderly ladies pointed to a photo of me, and said "You! Bride!", especially when her son said that his Mum didn't often talk.

John was interested in the photos, and I asked him about some of the people in them, now, sadly, long gone, :( and he knew nearly all of them. After about an hour, I put the album away, and John turned to me and said "so are we getting married next week?", which caused me to well up. :(

But we had a happy hour, and I cling to that. :)
 

Eleonora

Registered User
Dec 21, 2012
170
Abingdon Oxfordshire
At least, it is you, and you alone he wants to marry, Scarlet. And a, 'good; hour is something for you to treasure when things go haywire yet again.

I'm so happy that you've had a tiny respite from your impossible, insoluble anxieties .

Hugs,
Leonora
 
Last edited:

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I'm now gearing myself up for our 9.30 appointment with the Chief Geriatric Psychologist for our area. :( This is in response to the GP's reluctance to supply any medication to dampen John's rampant displays, due to his heart attack, and her wish for him to be "seen".

For the life of me, I cannot see how by looking at him, a solution will be found so that he doesn't, er um, rise to the occasion, with all and sundry at the Care Home, but I've prepared a document, which I shall hand to the CGP, at the start of the meeting, in which I have asked for CHC, due to his behaviour. Which I have detailed thoroughly, so that it isn't thought he's just smiling or putting his arm around a lay-dee. ;)

When I was a teacher, I often calmed down worried Mums, who were desperate to sort out their hormone-raging teenage children. Perhaps John has had a surge of such a hormone? All I know, is they had to ask him to stop yesterday for rubbing one of the care worker's thighs. :eek:
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Good morning Scarlett

I do hope the meeting goes well today and John gets the help you both need.

Take care-fingers crossed from me

Love from Lyn T

XXX
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Scarlett just catching up with your posts, you are having such an awful time thinking of you, hope today goes well.♥♥♥

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Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Scarlett, I will be thinking about you today and hope you get some sense from the 'chief' bod to help deal with this very difficult situation. x


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