I feel like I'm walking barefoot on broken glass all the time. Waiting for the next crisis!
ALISONGS' DIARY
- Thread starter Alisongs
- Start date
In my police "interview" I did point out that( after I had repeatedly explained all previous issues with no A and E support for his dementia and Parkinsons while in A and E previous Saturday) ambulance crew had threatened me with police if I didn't let them take husband to hospital. Protocol They were let in. No police ensued tho I was told they'd been called..... Their boss arrived who rang round to get care in the community. A contact if her said she spoke to a doctor who said OH had to go to hospital. Protocol. No name, no contact details, never spoke to me or saw my husband. Ambulance crew unable to measure disputed ketones. Their job just to take him to hospital. Protocol. Unlike last weeks crew did not start IV fluids before departure to reduce ketones. Claimed this was protocol in case they had to stop the IV en route treatment for some unspecified reason. (A bit like stopping CPR, I thought to myself. Indefensible.) Didn't administer I V fluids on route either. Unlike last weeks crew. Medical professionals appear to make up protocols on the fly!
One police officer in the interview said protocol depends on how a crew person decides how to deal with things. I corrected them. Protocol is protocol it doesn't alter to suit the crew persons whims. Not surprised when my rebuttal went unchallenged (Probably because police interviews have strict protocols, explained twice, and also in print, before interview and again at start of interview!). I also pointed out ambulanceman had no deescalation skills and could have dealt with me calmly and gently. Shouting and manhandling me not an appropriate response even if I was shouting.Apparently a point of law that professionals should not retaliate even if provoked? Also a point of law that you are entitled to defend yourself if attacked. He attacked me. I defended myself. They kept asking about 'my attack' on the ambulanceman. I pointed out each time, he attacked me, I was terrified and so was OH. We'll see what happens at bail hearing after review of all evidence!
After the vissitudes of caring unaided for my husbands 3 chronic conditions, I'm not scared, apprehensive, miserable or crying. I've been hardened and numbed. All I care about is coordinated care for my husband. Which the NHS leaves to me, as well as all the bits they don't fancy. Police also said I could get a friend to look after OH while having to attend Sunday bail hearing......The whole issue of care being we have no friends or family who can or will step in. Then the police gave me a lift home as I was too vulnerable to make my own way on a Sunday... Oh the irony!
(Prison would be an enforced rest. So not gonna happen?)
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Monday 1 July 7am
Well rested but feeling and looking rather bruised and battered and feeling achey about the head and neck and shoulders and with bruised wrists.
I think I have to put this mostly down to the Bedroom Battle of the Chest of Drawers that I lost on Thursday.
My shoulders ache but I can't see bruising.
My wrists are sore, red, bruised and swollen and there's an ache on my side, that appears to be down to the arresting officers at the hospital, who were in fact ARMED!
They happened to be closest to the hospital, and I understand they are going to be more forceful.
I was carrying several bags to cover my husband's needs in A and E for the day, as no food, meds or anything is supplied there.
Handcuffs applied so your hands are in opposite directions. They apparently tighten if you struggle but mine did NOT stop hurting when I relaxed as told. My walking stick taken away. I had to beg to lean over a high rail. Had rucksack on, armed officer pushing it into my back all the time. Didn't want me to move at all, pretty difficult when you are basically being contorted.
Officers who took me into custody were very kind and relaxed.
I think ambulance crew and arresting officers were influenced by my appearance, massive ugly bruising round the eyes due to losing the Battle of the Chest of Drawers. I look horrendous and quite scary.
My only putative weapon, a credit card size multitool in my purse was pointed out to the custody officers, so I couldnt be accused of carrying concealed. Should I be reporting my hurts to the doctor?
Am I too complacent about my hurts because Ive been conditioned by my husbands dementia behaviours?
Not that he has physically abused me yet. I have no control over my own life and actions as everyone tells me I'm his carer and should get back to caring for him and getting him back home as soon as I was released. I did point out I'm his wife, OH no longer observing marriage vows to love honour and cherish in sickness and in health, and that carer is not a legal status or legal obligation.
When in my cell, I asked for mental health support, sleepless and sick with worry about my husbands care and confusion in hospital of he was still there. Noone deals with all 3 conditions correctly. That's provable history.
Social worker came unannounced and uninvited to my cell at 9am when I was dozing at last. She interrogated me about my needs and plans as a carer going forward, got very agitated that all my replies revolved around putting my husbands conditions first. This was about my needs not his. I had to point out I had no life of my own and that I wanted to keep some things private. And I had a headache. She just kept pushing with one more question, about 10 of them.... Irked me first off with initial ethnicity question, insisted as putting me down as White British, as I was born here. She condescendingly explained her family was Welsh but still White British. I gave up expecting any accuracy right then. (I am White Mixed European, one British born parent, one British born grandparent. Three quarters definitely not British or English, and entitled to a second, possibly third, foreign passport!)
The we got the inevitable Do you have any children question? She wasn't happy I was irritated and told her I wouldn't be a sole carer if so, and added it would be a miracle to pop them out on demand at 65, and be 85 before such children could help.
She also told me my exasperated sigh and smile was not appropriate when it came to the question Do you have any thoughts or plans to harm yourself or commit suicide. As if anyone would bare their innermost hopelessness to an intrusive stranger. The only possible answer is No.
She was very prickly, perhaps as I was not falling at her feet sobbing for help! Not holding my breath for support
***
Bathed, relaxed, headache currently gone. Expect I'll be getting lots of phone calls. Don't intend to answer any unless Support Workers, District Nurses or Hospital Discharge Team. Will not be fetching OH. Hospital not safe, not going there.
***
I've done my bit. My one allowed call in custody was to Social Services to make sure they knew I was unavailable and husband at risk. Support workers HQ rang me later. Neither of us knew why!
Custody sergeant kindly rang hospital, found husband there.
I rang Support Workers HQ, when I got out, to let them know husbands whereabouts.
Rang hospital ward yesterday to find husband, ready to discharge, don't discharge at weekends. Took half an hour, they did not take my contact details. OH won't know my phone number.
Also rang hospital Discharge team left messages and my phone number on Sunday to say husband should be discharged home.
Rang district community nurses today to update them.
Parkinsons nurse emailed me, following up a meds prescription, noting he was in hospital, would keep eye out for discharge docs.
OH has no money phone or etceteras with him, he'd only lose them. Probably will lose his shoes and clothes. Hospital specialises at this!
Doing sweet sweet nothing 11.30am. No Incoming calls yet
***
Well rested but feeling and looking rather bruised and battered and feeling achey about the head and neck and shoulders and with bruised wrists.
I think I have to put this mostly down to the Bedroom Battle of the Chest of Drawers that I lost on Thursday.
My shoulders ache but I can't see bruising.
My wrists are sore, red, bruised and swollen and there's an ache on my side, that appears to be down to the arresting officers at the hospital, who were in fact ARMED!
They happened to be closest to the hospital, and I understand they are going to be more forceful.
I was carrying several bags to cover my husband's needs in A and E for the day, as no food, meds or anything is supplied there.
Handcuffs applied so your hands are in opposite directions. They apparently tighten if you struggle but mine did NOT stop hurting when I relaxed as told. My walking stick taken away. I had to beg to lean over a high rail. Had rucksack on, armed officer pushing it into my back all the time. Didn't want me to move at all, pretty difficult when you are basically being contorted.
Officers who took me into custody were very kind and relaxed.
I think ambulance crew and arresting officers were influenced by my appearance, massive ugly bruising round the eyes due to losing the Battle of the Chest of Drawers. I look horrendous and quite scary.
My only putative weapon, a credit card size multitool in my purse was pointed out to the custody officers, so I couldnt be accused of carrying concealed. Should I be reporting my hurts to the doctor?
Am I too complacent about my hurts because Ive been conditioned by my husbands dementia behaviours?
Not that he has physically abused me yet. I have no control over my own life and actions as everyone tells me I'm his carer and should get back to caring for him and getting him back home as soon as I was released. I did point out I'm his wife, OH no longer observing marriage vows to love honour and cherish in sickness and in health, and that carer is not a legal status or legal obligation.
When in my cell, I asked for mental health support, sleepless and sick with worry about my husbands care and confusion in hospital of he was still there. Noone deals with all 3 conditions correctly. That's provable history.
Social worker came unannounced and uninvited to my cell at 9am when I was dozing at last. She interrogated me about my needs and plans as a carer going forward, got very agitated that all my replies revolved around putting my husbands conditions first. This was about my needs not his. I had to point out I had no life of my own and that I wanted to keep some things private. And I had a headache. She just kept pushing with one more question, about 10 of them.... Irked me first off with initial ethnicity question, insisted as putting me down as White British, as I was born here. She condescendingly explained her family was Welsh but still White British. I gave up expecting any accuracy right then. (I am White Mixed European, one British born parent, one British born grandparent. Three quarters definitely not British or English, and entitled to a second, possibly third, foreign passport!)
The we got the inevitable Do you have any children question? She wasn't happy I was irritated and told her I wouldn't be a sole carer if so, and added it would be a miracle to pop them out on demand at 65, and be 85 before such children could help.
She also told me my exasperated sigh and smile was not appropriate when it came to the question Do you have any thoughts or plans to harm yourself or commit suicide. As if anyone would bare their innermost hopelessness to an intrusive stranger. The only possible answer is No.
She was very prickly, perhaps as I was not falling at her feet sobbing for help! Not holding my breath for support
***
Bathed, relaxed, headache currently gone. Expect I'll be getting lots of phone calls. Don't intend to answer any unless Support Workers, District Nurses or Hospital Discharge Team. Will not be fetching OH. Hospital not safe, not going there.
***
I've done my bit. My one allowed call in custody was to Social Services to make sure they knew I was unavailable and husband at risk. Support workers HQ rang me later. Neither of us knew why!
Custody sergeant kindly rang hospital, found husband there.
I rang Support Workers HQ, when I got out, to let them know husbands whereabouts.
Rang hospital ward yesterday to find husband, ready to discharge, don't discharge at weekends. Took half an hour, they did not take my contact details. OH won't know my phone number.
Also rang hospital Discharge team left messages and my phone number on Sunday to say husband should be discharged home.
Rang district community nurses today to update them.
Parkinsons nurse emailed me, following up a meds prescription, noting he was in hospital, would keep eye out for discharge docs.
OH has no money phone or etceteras with him, he'd only lose them. Probably will lose his shoes and clothes. Hospital specialises at this!
Doing sweet sweet nothing 11.30am. No Incoming calls yet
***
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Bless you @Alisongs
This whole scenario would be a farce if it wasn’t true.
You needed to be listened to, held tight with love and helped ….
Sunday morning at 9am would not Have had the best staff on hand and probably annoyed to be called into the farce!
what is your own GP practice like? Mine is good, I personally would go and see them today or tomorrow to have your injuries examined and recorded. That might be needed in the future if things go forward with the police.
Do you have a friend that can help you with this?
I would answer calls to SS as much as they may be awful. They will want to talk with you once your husband is fit enough to be discharged.
I get it re the medical situation- mum had rare diseases - never understood by services and I was consistently gaslighted plus the one time GP asked me about suicidal thoughts I wasn’t having any but she made me quite unsettled for several days with her approach.
This whole scenario would be a farce if it wasn’t true.
You needed to be listened to, held tight with love and helped ….
Sunday morning at 9am would not Have had the best staff on hand and probably annoyed to be called into the farce!
what is your own GP practice like? Mine is good, I personally would go and see them today or tomorrow to have your injuries examined and recorded. That might be needed in the future if things go forward with the police.
Do you have a friend that can help you with this?
I would answer calls to SS as much as they may be awful. They will want to talk with you once your husband is fit enough to be discharged.
I get it re the medical situation- mum had rare diseases - never understood by services and I was consistently gaslighted plus the one time GP asked me about suicidal thoughts I wasn’t having any but she made me quite unsettled for several days with her approach.
Thank you for your kind support! GP supportive. As OH has a 5 page prescription 😂 even they realise we've got a lot going on. No face to face appointments for several weeks. Enjoying lolloping on the bed at 10am. No 7am, 8am, 10am tablets to deal with, no OH breakfast, no OH getting dressed, no OH 'helping' or whinging or having a crisis, no district nurse morning visit. From the hurlyburly of caring to the deep deep peace of the bed. ( Corrupted version of: From the hurlyburly of the chaise longue to the deep deep peace of the marital bed)
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BREAKING NEWS. 1.30pm 1 July. Somebody Up There is definitely looking after me.... Big sis accepting first time buyers offer (a good one) on late mum's house. I have to sign as well as Co executor. Sis still hasn't realised she's supposed to consult me before deciding anything. 😂 Still just her nuisance baby👶sister. At 65!
I will have enough money in my sole name for a small place of my own if needed
I will have enough money in my sole name for a small place of my own if needed
Make sure you keep the money separate from your joint funds. Little place of your own sounds nice, you could use as a bolt hole, or rent out for some extra income for yourself. Must be lovely to have some good news admit all the horrendous. Have you heard from hospital as to how your OH is?
Oh my. Good lord. I was holding my breath while reading what has been happening to you.
To be honest your OH is probably a lot better cared for than you are at present. He will be ok - or he should be, in professional hands.
I just can not begin to imagine what you are going through.
Is it even possible for you to rest as much as possible while he is away? Pointless suggestion I know as your body must be used to fight flight mode.
Wishing you all the best x
To be honest your OH is probably a lot better cared for than you are at present. He will be ok - or he should be, in professional hands.
I just can not begin to imagine what you are going through.
Is it even possible for you to rest as much as possible while he is away? Pointless suggestion I know as your body must be used to fight flight mode.
Wishing you all the best x
1 July 7.20pm. Been lolloping on the bed most of the day WhatsApping my family and ex colleagues. Lots of virtual support. Getting through to hospital ward extremely difficult. Twice no reply after 30 minutes or more. Third time got hung up on after 30 minutes. Fourth time got through to Ward reception, luckily Ward Administrator was there. OH seriously ill with Diabetic KetoAcidosis, blood sugar 31 (normal people about 5) and dangerous ketone (poison) levels. Given that his blood sugar was 13 on admittance (11 usual, 6-15 acceptable in his case) and ketones were acceptable at 1.2, I'd obviously done all the right things. Did wonder aloud what nurses had been doing to him, Ward Administrator not happy! 😂. They do have my contact number but not keeping me, wife, next of kin, informed.
OH on IV of fluids vitamins and insulin to try to get levels down. Usually only takes a day or two. He's been in since Saturday 3pm and he was not DKA then. Can cause brain damage and organ damage and failure if not controlled. Even death.
At least the DKA started when he was already on the ward. Nothing I did wrong, and nothing I can do now. Parkinsons, diabetes and dementia all aggravate each other. I am not going to visit as he will be upset and more confused and not understand and so drive his levels up. And I will not be able to get through to him or soothe him. Three conflicting conditions that even the hospital cannot control. Very worrying. Nothing I can do. I'd rather he died in a high sugar haze ( The comfy feeling you get after a full Christmas dinner). More damage to live with would be too cruel. It's been a roller coaster weekend for us both. Very sobering.
OH on IV of fluids vitamins and insulin to try to get levels down. Usually only takes a day or two. He's been in since Saturday 3pm and he was not DKA then. Can cause brain damage and organ damage and failure if not controlled. Even death.
At least the DKA started when he was already on the ward. Nothing I did wrong, and nothing I can do now. Parkinsons, diabetes and dementia all aggravate each other. I am not going to visit as he will be upset and more confused and not understand and so drive his levels up. And I will not be able to get through to him or soothe him. Three conflicting conditions that even the hospital cannot control. Very worrying. Nothing I can do. I'd rather he died in a high sugar haze ( The comfy feeling you get after a full Christmas dinner). More damage to live with would be too cruel. It's been a roller coaster weekend for us both. Very sobering.
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