ALISONGS' DIARY
- Thread starter Alisongs
- Start date
3 July 7.30am
I'm not normal any more. I'm stuck 247 365 for Life. OH is only 67 so I've potentially got a longer solitary confinement sentence in my own home, than if for murder
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Can't get thru to OH's ward, hospital switchboard extensions faulty. Not going to visit, bad mentally for us both. Has to be stabilised.
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So I'm going to make myself go out and do things that used to be normal. I don't look normal. (Black Eyes from losing Battle of the Chest of Drawers last week)
I don't feel normal. I don't know what normal is any more. And I'm on bail for assault on an emergency worker. That's definitely not normal
I'm not normal any more. I'm stuck 247 365 for Life. OH is only 67 so I've potentially got a longer solitary confinement sentence in my own home, than if for murder
*
Can't get thru to OH's ward, hospital switchboard extensions faulty. Not going to visit, bad mentally for us both. Has to be stabilised.
*
So I'm going to make myself go out and do things that used to be normal. I don't look normal. (Black Eyes from losing Battle of the Chest of Drawers last week)
I don't feel normal. I don't know what normal is any more. And I'm on bail for assault on an emergency worker. That's definitely not normal
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I have completed appointment request to see doctor. Admiral Nurse got him to ring me yesterday. So I vented. He's calling back Thursday might come out to see me.
Time away from OH has amplified that, not only do I always put him first, last and middle so I have no life, but I'm fixated on that so much, Im not normal any more
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From reading your posts I know that to be true. I don't think such a situation is sustainable - you are obviously at breaking point. I have no idea what the solution is for you but I hope that GP gets off his chair and fulfils his promise to at the very least call you back on Thursday do something to help. I'm a long way away from you - other side of the world - but I think about your posts a lot, especially over the last week or so. How desperate do you have to be for someone to listen? Or as it says on my fridge "do you want listening or solutions?"
3 July 1pm
Well I thought I was going out today to try to do normal....... Nope. Big sister finally probated mum's estate.
Mum died June 2023, I stepped away as Co executor but with reserved rights as too far away and unable to leave increasingly demented OH.
Sister now all hurry, sign this sign that sign tother.I
never actually signed or had a formal declaration of renunciattion of executorship. Getting all mums money and house sale paid to her to be disbursed and she thinks she owns the house as executor until she gets me added as Co owner at sale..... Not just barking up the wrong tree but plain barking. The will leaves us each half of everything! Executor or not makes no difference. She's doing all the donkey work herself to save extra fees from solicitor. Why else would I have to now sign a formal declaration to agree she gets the monies to her own account for disbursement...... She is using a longtime solicitor friend for all the basics. He must be tearing his hair out and wishing he could do the same to her.
Sisters "knowledge" of probate and financial law causing much merriment and distraction!😂
Well I thought I was going out today to try to do normal....... Nope. Big sister finally probated mum's estate.
Mum died June 2023, I stepped away as Co executor but with reserved rights as too far away and unable to leave increasingly demented OH.
Sister now all hurry, sign this sign that sign tother.I
never actually signed or had a formal declaration of renunciattion of executorship. Getting all mums money and house sale paid to her to be disbursed and she thinks she owns the house as executor until she gets me added as Co owner at sale..... Not just barking up the wrong tree but plain barking. The will leaves us each half of everything! Executor or not makes no difference. She's doing all the donkey work herself to save extra fees from solicitor. Why else would I have to now sign a formal declaration to agree she gets the monies to her own account for disbursement...... She is using a longtime solicitor friend for all the basics. He must be tearing his hair out and wishing he could do the same to her.
Sisters "knowledge" of probate and financial law causing much merriment and distraction!😂
M and S virtually no alcoholic Bucks Fizz is cheep, cheerful and goes down a treat! 🍾
You just keep posting so I can keep reading Alisongs, your posts make my day.
Up a certain creek without a paddle is how some of us carers (now former in my case) cope, but forget the low alcohol stuff, if you want a drink have one, but just the one.
Back to the point doesn't the future inheritance go into an escrow account (if I've spelt that right) then gets paid out according to the will by a solicitor or whoever (UK England). K
Up a certain creek without a paddle is how some of us carers (now former in my case) cope, but forget the low alcohol stuff, if you want a drink have one, but just the one.
Back to the point doesn't the future inheritance go into an escrow account (if I've spelt that right) then gets paid out according to the will by a solicitor or whoever (UK England). K
Sister never does anything by halves, does what she thinks fit and causes herself a lot of trouble and expense. If she'd done everything properly last year, she wouldn't be paying mum's house and funeral and care home and probate cost bills out of her own money. And didn't confer or keep me informed. I refused to pay half of ongoing expenses, as no proper bills, receipts or accounts, besides which, until this May I had no works pension etc. My redundancy (9 months) pay from 18 months ago long gone. Sister presumed I had retired with pensions......State retirement is 66, I'm only 65 now. I'm four years younger than her. She never was good at maths. Or doing the right thing in preference to her own ideas. As far as she's concerned I m 65 going on 5
If there are joint executors I believe the money has to be paid into one person's account and then all outstanding bills due, i.e. funeral costs, probate costs, care home costs, Solicitor's costs, house running costs, etc., which are payable from the estate of the deceased need to be settled before the money is disbursed according to the Will. I'm assuming you are still a joint executor, but disagreements between joint executors will only make the whole process more tricky, and expensive if solicitors need to be involved to sort things out. I thought the house had been sold? Someone needs to be able to prove ownership of a property before they can sell it, surely? Not my area of expertise.
Do you believe your sister is trying to swindle you out of money which should be coming to you? If she has been handling all this herself, and it is a lot of work and will have saved money by minimum involvement of solicitors, and I understand why you took a back seat since you have so much on your plate, think you need to trust her to do what's best for you both, unless you really don't trust her. Tricky situation.
I do trust her to try to do her best, but she has made things more complex before and after mum's death by not doing as advised, and going her own way. That meant she was paying bills out of her own pocket and then chasing me for half without proper receipts or accounts and apparently still paying various charges for mums house. Not paying for legal advice or help.....Not telling me or including me in decisions as required as I have reserved rights and would have to deal if she couldn't. Suddenly realising she had to make a start before the anniversary of mum's death....now I have to hurry and sign and return forms and declarations I was aware needed doing as son as mum had died. Never mind underway now. I got the forms this morning 11am standard first class post, returned Special Delivery 4.30pm. With money to return my IDs by Special Delivery once solicitor has seen them. I visited twice last Summer then couldn't any more as sister had the utilities cut off to mums house and wouldn't let me stay with her and was to busy to see me anyway!
8pm 3 July
Just sent solicitors docs back to sister n the post at 4.30pm so sister can sell mums house and.... Ward sister rang to tell me she was putting a new DOLS on OH because he MIGHT try to leave the ward like he did in his previous stay in Spring. The first DOLS lapsed on discharge in the first week of June (And was probably not legal anyway). OH has been at home for four weeks. A different address to the hospital.
My understanding is the hospital has to make a fresh DOLS based on a new qualifying risk incident since he arrived on the ward yesterday.
What he might do would not be enough.
Wandering round the ward is and was not enough.
Nurse said he has not tried to get out. (Couldn't anyway, doors locked, never found exit button)
Nurse admitted she wants a DOLS so she can call Security IF he tries to get out.
My understanding is that staff should manage patients quietly and firmly.
A DOLS should only be required if they kick off or are likely to harm the self or others because of behaviours evidenced in a specific incident
Security manhandle and assault patients (and unwelcome visitors) by pinching, pulling, pushing, gabbing, dragging, getting them on the floor (had them do it to us both during his last stay). They have no more right to do so than Joe Bloggs. If physically detaining anyone you have to say and have grounds for Citizen's Arrest. They don't.
I have objected to the DOLS based on these circumstances in the strongest terms.
This nurse said she would put her details and proper contact on the DOLS. She said she would send me a copy and get a consultant to call me tomorrow.
I said we had LPAs pending and would (and have) contacted my solicitor. We have an existing appointment for tomorrow afternoon and she is prepared to do the LPA in hospital. She spoke to him a couple of weeks ago annd he had legal capacity. I am very concerned that the new DOLS is illegal and the hospital is ignoring OH's rights..... Not upset, bot being cold, hard and calculating. Let me know what you think
Just sent solicitors docs back to sister n the post at 4.30pm so sister can sell mums house and.... Ward sister rang to tell me she was putting a new DOLS on OH because he MIGHT try to leave the ward like he did in his previous stay in Spring. The first DOLS lapsed on discharge in the first week of June (And was probably not legal anyway). OH has been at home for four weeks. A different address to the hospital.
My understanding is the hospital has to make a fresh DOLS based on a new qualifying risk incident since he arrived on the ward yesterday.
What he might do would not be enough.
Wandering round the ward is and was not enough.
Nurse said he has not tried to get out. (Couldn't anyway, doors locked, never found exit button)
Nurse admitted she wants a DOLS so she can call Security IF he tries to get out.
My understanding is that staff should manage patients quietly and firmly.
A DOLS should only be required if they kick off or are likely to harm the self or others because of behaviours evidenced in a specific incident
Security manhandle and assault patients (and unwelcome visitors) by pinching, pulling, pushing, gabbing, dragging, getting them on the floor (had them do it to us both during his last stay). They have no more right to do so than Joe Bloggs. If physically detaining anyone you have to say and have grounds for Citizen's Arrest. They don't.
I have objected to the DOLS based on these circumstances in the strongest terms.
This nurse said she would put her details and proper contact on the DOLS. She said she would send me a copy and get a consultant to call me tomorrow.
I said we had LPAs pending and would (and have) contacted my solicitor. We have an existing appointment for tomorrow afternoon and she is prepared to do the LPA in hospital. She spoke to him a couple of weeks ago annd he had legal capacity. I am very concerned that the new DOLS is illegal and the hospital is ignoring OH's rights..... Not upset, bot being cold, hard and calculating. Let me know what you think
Hi Alisongs, hope things pick up. Re DOLS, it's around safeguarding the person's safety and right to liberty if they don't have capacity to consent to their care / accommodation in a care home or hospital https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalasse...s62_deprivation_of_liberty_safeguards_fcs.pdf
I'm aware of the legalities and intentions. Husband is not trying to leave. He has no medical capacity and cannot self discharge. If the DOLS followed the required legal processes there would be no issue. Even the demented have rights
they are trying to make sure he doesnt. if they dont do DOLS then he can leave whenever he wants and they could only watch him leave, this way if he does attempt to leave, they can keep him there. i wish you didnt call him demented, its really not a nice term and hes ill. this is just in case measure in case at any point he tries then it would be too late to apply for DOLS
Not trying to leave the ward itself doesn't mean he isn't however deprived of liberty and requiring the protection of the DOLS safeguards. You or I could be in hospital and walk out if we have capacity to make that decision. As could you husband without the DOLS, which clearly would place him at risk if he lacks the capacity to consent to his hospitalisation. The DOLS is intended to protect the right to liberty of people living with impairment, I think on that score we seem to agree
PALS may be useful if needing some support and assistance. Am unsure why having a DOL would be of concern in hospital to be honest apart from the security aspect and having the DOL authorisation doesn't give carte blanche for assault from security. Look after yourself first and foremost x
9.30pm 3 July
Have confirmed with one of the night nurses that Bill is not trying to leave and is not having any behaviour problems. I have reiterated that I am not coming in so neither of us gets upset about when is he coming home, why isn't he coming home, and not bringing changes of clothes so he thinks he might leave. (Clothes he has might get filthy, never mind.) I'm quite happy for him to be in pyjamas. His diabetes control is stabilising. If Bill asks for me they can say I'm ill. (True, being there upsets both of us as I can't influence his discharge). Based on what she said I've repeated no need for new DOLS as not happy with security manhandling him, please keep them away. She noted my concerns...... And then he rang me back Said he was in the football stadium (In Spring he said Sorting Office) Just a metaphor for big building/hospital given he can't get the right words out. He knows he's in a ward with beds and medical staff, and he's only eating what he's given, (still loves jelly) and getting new jabs. We discussed Powers of Attorney for the benefit of eavesdroppers, he knows perfectly well what they are and what we want to do and who we want to act for each of us. Legal capacity ☑. He understands I'm not coming in as no visitors who are ill are allowed, just like when he gave me Covid last Spring. He's still got his shoes and at least one jacket and has his own bed bay. Was really very coherent and fluent. Hope they do stabilise his insulin properly this time! Good night
Have confirmed with one of the night nurses that Bill is not trying to leave and is not having any behaviour problems. I have reiterated that I am not coming in so neither of us gets upset about when is he coming home, why isn't he coming home, and not bringing changes of clothes so he thinks he might leave. (Clothes he has might get filthy, never mind.) I'm quite happy for him to be in pyjamas. His diabetes control is stabilising. If Bill asks for me they can say I'm ill. (True, being there upsets both of us as I can't influence his discharge). Based on what she said I've repeated no need for new DOLS as not happy with security manhandling him, please keep them away. She noted my concerns...... And then he rang me back Said he was in the football stadium (In Spring he said Sorting Office) Just a metaphor for big building/hospital given he can't get the right words out. He knows he's in a ward with beds and medical staff, and he's only eating what he's given, (still loves jelly) and getting new jabs. We discussed Powers of Attorney for the benefit of eavesdroppers, he knows perfectly well what they are and what we want to do and who we want to act for each of us. Legal capacity ☑. He understands I'm not coming in as no visitors who are ill are allowed, just like when he gave me Covid last Spring. He's still got his shoes and at least one jacket and has his own bed bay. Was really very coherent and fluent. Hope they do stabilise his insulin properly this time! Good night
Bill does not have medical capacity so cannot self discharge. He is not objecting to treatment or being where he is. He has a right not to be assaulted by Security if he does try to leave. See post timed 9.30pm
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