Today's been another confused day, Mum came over to ours today and was ok at first for few hours although she was calling me 'friend' most of time. We had cooked lunch so it was out of way which was a good thing again as mid afternoon she started wanting to go home.
At first it was cos she thought our Andrea might be there, she thought I still lived with her, or I'd been staying with her, or I visited her, it changed throughout the conversation. The thing that didn't change was I wasn't her, I was 'friend'. She knew hubbys name but thought he was married to 'friend'. Pointed to photo of us and said that's you with 'friend'. She described Our Andrea as having short hair like me but that didn't mean it was me because she thought I followed her so I could pretend to be her! Andrea isn't 47 but mum doesn't know her age, Andrea isn't married but she has a fella she's seeing, but mum doesn't know who he is. Andreas clothes are at mums but mum doesn't know where, or where she sleeps if lives with her, or how long she's lived with her, but mum is right and I am wrong, I'm always saying I'm Andrea, I'm always lying to her, I've said it for years. I understand to her she is right and I'm wrong but what I'm supposed to do about that I don't know, I can't ignore it when she wants to go home to see me!
She was going to walk home, she didn't know way but was sure she would when set off, she knew she turned right (but pointed left which is actual way we turn), after turning right she had no idea where she went. It would take almost 2 hours to walk from my house to hers and mum would not manage that even if she knew way, but she is sure she has walked here for years. She also thought she lived in a terraced house not a bungalow which was house lived in before bungalow. Eventually she calmed down a bit from that as we kept saying we'd take her home when I finished colouring my picture so she sat back and looked at tv.
It didn't last long though as she moved on from that to saying she needed to empty her stuff out of house. First it was the house her and dad had when split up. She said they'd got back together after split up years ago and lived in our old house again, then it switched to both of last 2 houses mum has lived in including her current bungalow neither of which dad has lived in and he's never even been to current bungalow. After a while of that she settled down a bit and started looking through her colouring book and hubby asked if we wanted a cuppa, I suggested chocolate cake and mum said yes.
We had that and mum was ok chatting bout tv and then she started talking about needing to clear house again but this time it was her mums house. After ten minutes of that she asked if could go to loo and when we were coming back downstairs Mum said she was going now cos she was going to her mums for her stuff. I couldn't convince her there was nothing there it had been cleared years ago.
It was now 5 o'clock and it had all been going on for over an hour. Hubby and I had said quite a few times why not just stay here with us for now and you're ok here with us and also tried lots of trying to distract her by talking about other things whenever she went quiet inbetween mixed up statements but it wasn't really working so I agreed to take her home. I hoped when she got home she'd settle down and we'd stay for a bit before coming back home after tea.
We took mum home and in car she did say Do you know where my house is Andie so I hoped she'd got me back as me. Inside though she went back to calling me 'friend'. As we were washing our hands she said Well there's no L(her brother) here is there? I asked why she thought he'd be there and mum said because her mum had had a key and so he might have took it to come see her. A few minutes later she said There's no notes or anything been left. I asked what about and she said I thought L might have left me a note about my mums funeral. We explained she had funeral years ago which mum didn't believe and she wanted to ring her brother about it, but eventually she agreed she had died at 50 so it must be a long time ago.
She was confused and mixed up and still thinking I was 'friend' for a while but calmed down then. She put tv on and we put blankety blank on which was quite funny, mum made cup of tea and she started calling me Andie again. A bit after Mum said its only 10 past 6 and asked why she'd come home so early. Hubby said she'd wanted to and she said Why so hubby said You were bit mixed up and getting tired and mum said Oh am a daft bat I could have stayed at yours for longer instead of coming back here to be on my own. Those had been our thoughts and what we'd actually said to her earlier but of course in her worried loops she doesn't think that.
She mentioned fancying some fish and chips and said she had nothing in to eat so should have stayed at mine. I told her we'd brought shopping this morning and offered to make some tea if she was hungry. She said she didn't fancy owt really had just thought about fish and chips but doubt she'd actually eat them. She mentioned eating a few times afterwards, but each time I offered to make her a sandwich or something she either said no, or asked if we wanted something. I said I would have some if I was making her some but she kept saying she didn't really fancy it and would have some later it was just she couldn't remember if she'd eaten today, which she often can't lately.
Hubby had started with a bit of a headache and taken a tablet just before we took mum home but he thought it was starting to lift when we got there. He went a bit quiet about 7 and was rubbing between his eyes, so I asked if it was back and he said it was a bit so as it was after 7 now I told mum we'd go home. Mum thought it was cos hubby hadn't eaten and said sorry she'd not offered him anything. We told her it wasn't that and she'd offered but he didn't want anything. I told her we'd see her tomorrow morning and she waved us off.
A few minutes after we got in mum rang and said she was sorry but she hadn't thought to offer us something to eat and was sorry cos that was why hubby had headache. I told her it wasn't he was probably bit hot and tired or people just get headaches sometimes but he was ok. I think it was more spending a couple of hours going over mixed up questions with mum to be honest but I wouldn't say that to mum. Mum said it again a few times and said she'd not eaten either so I reminded her what we'd had for lunch and that we'd had cake and that she hadn't wanted tea when we were there, none of us had and suggested she had some now. She said Oh ok but tell hubby I'm sorry. I told her no need it wasn't her fault and he'd be fine. She said she would finish watching Jane Mcdonald then make a sandwich and crisps. We said we'd see each other tomorrow and bye etc
Mum rang again almost half an hour later. I said Hello and she said Hello Andrea DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!! Obviously she'd forgot I'd been. I reminded her we'd been and I see her everyday and would be there tomorrow morning. She thought she'd been at 'friends' didn't know we'd been, didn't think seen me in months. She said she was sorry and asked was I mad at her. I said no I knew she couldn't help it, it was ok. She said I should tell her its me she thought been at 'friends' Then said a bit snappier Why don't you just say who you are! So I said I do mum. I must have sounded a bit blunt. She said Oh do you? Oh I'm sorry love no wonder you're angry with me. I said I'm not angry mum, I might sound a bit frustrated or upset cos it's not nice being shouted at for not seeing you when I come everyday to see you, but I'm not angry with you because I know it's not your fault. I felt bad for telling her it upset me and for letting her know I get frustrated but it just comes out sometimes.
She said again she didn't know she'd seen me she knew been somewhere but didn't know where, she gets confused and she doesn't know things and she was sorry. I said I know you do and I'm sorry you do, it's when your brain gets tired later on in day and it mixes things up which isn't nice for you. She agreed with me but she sounded like she was getting upset. I said Don't get upset mum, it's ok, I've been to see you today, I come everyday and I'll come again tomorrow morning and I love you lots. She said Oh do you, thank you I love you . I told her I loved her too that's why I go see her everyday and she said that's lovely. She said Thank you and would she see me tomorrow then? so we talked about me going and when. Mum said I'm going to write it down maybe if I write it down I might be able remember cos I forget and get mixed up. I said why don't you try that then and if you start worrying or wondering about things then write them down too and then try not think about them till tomorrow and in morning you'll probably remember answer and if not you can ask me. She said she would but I don't know if actually will or if it'll help any at all.
We chatted bit and she mentioned tea and if eaten and I reminded her again what we'd eaten today and we'd not been ready for tea while there but she should try a sandwich or something soon. She said she remembered that now and that hubby had a headache and asked if he was ok so I said he was feeling better now. Mum said she'd go get a sandwich soon and we talked again about seeing her tomorrow and said then night etc.
So today has been more of same, and this is another groundhog day post