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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
It’s very difficult knowing the best way to deal with it , I’m sorry I’m not much help . Sending you a great big 🤗 .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,027
My mum was similar, though in her case her obsession was the neighbours and their coming in and stealing things. It was very difficult to move mum on from that, and I didn't like agreeing with her too much as then it seemed that I was aiding and abetting her delusions. As mum phoned the police about them on several occasions I didn't want 'and my daughter agrees with me' added to the mix. Mum has vascular dementia and at the time her memory wasn't too bad a lot of them, it was just she didn't remember what she did while sun downing, and her logic box for fried.
Although mum often talked about her parents she knew they were dead until shortly after she moved to her care home. I find making vague comments like they were fine last time I saw them seems to work.
I think mum is now somewhere in the 1930s, and I think she quite often thinks I'm her. That at least makes sense of asking me about my mum and sister.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Did she perhaps sit on the edge with her bum hanging over the bath, then suddenly realise she was sat in the wrong place and transferred mid stream?
Quite possibly , I’m not sure , maybe I need some bright colour’s as it’s all white .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Did she perhaps sit on the edge with her bum hanging over the bath, then suddenly realise she was sat in the wrong place and transferred mid stream?
Thats what I wondered too. Wonder if putting a coloured towel or bath mat over edge of bath might deter her if confusing bath for loo, although that might mean towel or whatever got dirty. And could have no effect at all, not sure x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Thank you both , I shall try a towel or mat on the side whilst I wait to get a different toilet seat . She had a red/plum coloured one at her home but there was always wee on the floor , I presumed as dad was very wobbly it was him but not so sure now . Will give it a try anyway .
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
893
Hi @annielou, I did arrange the LPA through our family solicitors - they came out (when I was there) and asked me to leave the room whilst they spoke with her. They understood that although she had dementia she still had capacity for decision making, but also wanted to ensure (quite rightly) she wasn't under duress. The whole visit took about 30 minutes and they went away and did the rest. If you want to go down the route of using solicitors I would suggest you or your sister calls the family solicitor for a chat on how to proceed - if you don't have one, look online for local firms that provide this service (most do now).

Sorry to hear about your Mum's growing confusion with relatives that have passed - it is a really difficult situation to manage for sure. There is no easy answer at all. A lot of good suggestions for help, but it is certainly challenging and relentless in its nature. I found that when Mum went into residential care they could certainly provide her with the reassurance. All the best.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Hi @annielou, I did arrange the LPA through our family solicitors - they came out (when I was there) and asked me to leave the room whilst they spoke with her. They understood that although she had dementia she still had capacity for decision making, but also wanted to ensure (quite rightly) she wasn't under duress. The whole visit took about 30 minutes and they went away and did the rest. If you want to go down the route of using solicitors I would suggest you or your sister calls the family solicitor for a chat on how to proceed - if you don't have one, look online for local firms that provide this service (most do now).

Sorry to hear about your Mum's growing confusion with relatives that have passed - it is a really difficult situation to manage for sure. There is no easy answer at all. A lot of good suggestions for help, but it is certainly challenging and relentless in its nature. I found that when Mum went into residential care they could certainly provide her with the reassurance. All the best.
Thanks for that @Pete1 x We don't have a family solicitor but I can look for a local one. I wondered if they might need report from GP or memory team DR or something to prove had capacity, or if they gauged it themselves so its helpful to know yours came out to see your mum. At moment might not be able to see us in person so may have to wait but sis and I could at least look for local solicitor and ask price and if can be done and when. If we do get it started and solicitor says mum not got capacity to decide for herself then we'll have to start trying for deputyship. I mentioned both to my sister yesterday and she'd said she'd do some googling and read up on both. I've looked before and didn't think lpa was something could do ourselves as don't have people to sign itso thought of using solicitor, but I did find it all quite confusing when reading lpa and deputyship stuff so sis reading too might mean we get some where to understanding it.
Thanks for info x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Solicitor will decide if they think she has capacity to agree , if they are unsure they make ask for a dr’s letter . How did it go today ? Was thinking of you . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Mums eye appointment went better than I thought today. Dr said her right eye is stable and vision is the same👏
I was expecting to hear the macular hole was getting worse but DR says not which is a relief. Mum had been mentioning black floaters in her right eye for a few months, at first I thought it was the vitreous fluid breaking up and floating across lens and they'd soon go, but its kept on while waiting for this rescheduled appointment to come round and I thought they wouldn't have lasted so long so might not be floaters but maybe her hole worsening. She has kept saying she thinks needs new glasses as can't see as well. As she has a full thickness hole in left eye it wouldn't be good if this one went too so I was worried. Mum hasn't mentioned the floaters the last few days so not sure if still seeing them or not, but DR said today that her right eye is stable and her vision hasn't changed so that's a big relief.
He also asked about referring mum over the full hole in left eye to bigger eye dept in nearby city. Mum was referred in 2018 but changed her mind about going and when they called her to make appointment mum told them she didn't want to go. She had this weird thing about not wanting to go to this hospital in city as said she'd heard bad things about it, even though city has 4 hospitals and she didn't know which one eye dept was in. :rolleyes:
A visit or two ago at our hospital mum changed her mind about going to city one, decided she wanted go and see if they could do anything. I asked DR if could still be refferred and he said it would be too late now, the longer you have a hole the less successful the closure operation is and by this point mum had had the hole at least 2 years. He mentioned it again today so I said I thought it was too late now. He said There might be something they could do and it would be worth a second opinion, so we agreed to be referred.
This could be a big mistake for quite few reasons including getting mum to go, getting there, dealing with mum at appointment, and if does have surgery then dealing with it afterwards could be impossible as mum won't remember what need to do and will probably really struggle with recovery procedure after. But because mum had said before that she wished she'd gone and heard if they could do anything I felt we should agree and at least go see what they say. Because she also has partial hole in right eye we worry that if that does get worse and goes to a full hole and she has operation on that eye she will have to rely on rubbish peripheral vision she has in left eye, so I thought it's worth finding out if anything can be done to restore some sight in left eye.
They may say when look at it that it's too old and unlikely to restore much vision so not worth pain etc of surgery, or we may decide it not worth putting mum through it if can't follow instructions for recovery properly and won't gain much from it, but at least we'd know what could or couldn't be done. If we can get her there :eek::oops:
I didn't tell mum about today's appointment until about hour before due to set off so she didn't have long to worry and fret. Of course when I mentioned it she straight off that she wasn't going. I told her she was she had to go and she wanted go because said her eyes had been worrying her. She switched then to it wasn't today it was 5th and set off looking for letter she thinks she had. I told her there is no letter we did it over phone cos cancelled last one. She said you'll have got it wrong cos it's 5th so I said They rang me today to remind us because knew not sent letter. That seemed to convince her and she went to get changed. We also had I need the loo, its just nerves mum we all get like that when know we're gong out and made an old jokey comment I've made for years about it being in our heads and that being a funny place to keep poo no wonder we talk rubbish. She laughed and that kept her going for few minutes. Then said I can't go with this hair. I said It look's fine mum , Its too long my fringe is in my eyes and a mess. I cut your fringe this morning mum so its fine now. Oh ok then. (pat on back for me cutting fringe this morning). I told her I was going to clean my teeth so she did hers and I went and locked doors and windows so they were done and she didn't get in a panic about them. She had to sit on loo' just in case' a few times, asked about time a few times, moaned be there ages, but I just smiled a lot, gave positive answers and acted like we were definately going and when hubby came I hustled her in to car pretty easily for mum.
Hospital was quiet and there was lots of full sanitisers everywhere which me and mum used every time we touched anything, staff had masks on, chairs were all spaced apart and nobody mentioned me being there with mum. I wiped our bags, my phone and things we'd touched in car like handles, seat belts etc with anti bac wipes and we got washed as soon as got home. So hopefully we will be fine, we did all we could really I think. Mum had said this morning, before she knew going, that she was scared of going anywhere in case caught it. She said I've been in my garden but nowhere else. I knew we were going out later and didn't want her to panic so I said Well you don't really have to go many places do you and if you do I go with you. She said Yes you would but I've not been anywhere yet so I'll still be scared first time I go. I told her You've been to my house and she said Have I? Were you with me? I said Yes and mum said Oh that's ok then, now I know I've been with you I can go as long as I'm with you cos I've done it. When we did go out she never mentioned being scared and I acted like I was fine and it was normal just told her to walk near me, not other people and use sanitiser and she was fine.
She'd been calling me 'friend' all morning and I'd not corrected her but as we were walking though hospital and were talking about me knowing way Mum said I came with 'friend' once and we went round and round and got lost. I must have turned back into me. While we were waiting she told me she'd come here with her mum once and she'd been answering all questions and nodding as if Drs were talking which made her and nurses laugh. Her mum never went with her but I just smiled and nodded. Today is the first time we've gone since there and mum hasn't told me about her taking my sister there when she was little.
When we got back to mums I made a cuppa and I could hear odd bit of mum asking hubby who I was. Hubby told me later that he had told her I went over every day cos she'd thought I'd not been and then Mum told him Oh that's lovely, she's always been lovely I should know she would come cos she always loved me, I am glad. When I came back in room with tea she said Oh yes thats Our Andie int she lovely. I joked That's the drops making me look better mum. As she'd had drops her vision was really blurry so maybe I looked more like old me. She did keep asking us how long been married, where lived etc and was I really her Andie cos thought not seen me for a while but accepted it and didn't ask much after we had dinner.
She was ok when we left but there was a missed call on house phone when we got in and she rang my mobile about ten minutes later but said Sorry love I didn't mean to ring you. Then had a confused ramble about turning page in her book and ending up on my page and ringing me instead, she didn't know why rung me, didn't know who she was meaning to ring when I asked either. Then said something about she was going to ring me but then thought why cos she'd only just seen me but must have done it anyway. She said sorry she was mixing things up and a daft bat and didn't know what she was doing all the time. I said its Ok mum we all get bit mixed up when we're tired. I asked if she was ok and she said yes,she'd see me in morning and we said our nights. She sounded ok, hopefully she was just going to ring me and realised I'd been and got bit flustered and wasn't upset or anything. She didn't sound it.🤞
There was no mention from mum today about ringing me and sis and crying yesterday, but she never mentions next day if she's been upset and confused night before I don't think she remembers. She has been confused today and got bit agitated over appointment before got ready and also a bit this morning over some weeding we were doing and planting seed,s but not bad compared to lately but still maybe was more agitated than she was couple of month ago. Maybe I managed avoid it going too far today, or was she calmer?
Sis rang memory team today and they sent prescription to increase mums sertraline to 150mg a day. Hubby picked them up on his way to take us to hospital so Mum can start them tomorrow. I hope they help her not get as upset or agitated.
Problem is its 3 x 50mg tablets and mum currently only takes 1 x 100mg so I'm going to have to explain why she now has more. I've never mentioned why tablets have changed when dosage upped before, just said they were different colour or size because different brand, I'm not sure if that will work for more tablets.
Mum has full box of 100mg left that we picked up last week as well as 3 boxes of 50mg that got today so I have 2 options how to give her them this month. Can't decide if better to give her a 100mg and a 50mg together then she's just taking 2 at once, and go to 3 next time, or go straight onto 3 x 50mg tomorrow. I'm thinking whichever I go for to say that chemist didn't have right dose in stock so gave us more of smaller dose as reason more tablets. In past chemist hasn't had 100mg so offered 2x 50mg but I went to different chemist instead so it could almost be true.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
I am pleased that the hospital visit went better than expected. I am also glad that you are having the referral and I really think you should go for it.
You may remember that my OH had this operation and it has improved his sight. He did say he did not experience any pain. I will mention for him the recovery did involve having to lie face down or sitting with the face down for which they give you like a foam device to rest your head in for 7 days. OH lay on the sofa cushions on the floor and then his head on the foam rest. He also had to have drops in his eyes 4 times a day. Now OH was a bit of an usual macular hole so please do take your Mum to the appointment to find out exactly what the treatment involves. I regret not pushing my Mum a little bit more to have a very simple operation on her eye because she said she did not want to at the time.
I hope the increase in sertraline helps your Mum. Personally I would use a100g and a 50g without comment to see if they work first.
I hope today goes smoothly for you and your Mum
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
I’m glad it went ok of sorts for you , I too would go with the 2, 1 x 100 1 x 50 . Glad that sis got through to memory clinic and they now know how things are , hope the extra tablets works for you and mum 🤞 and that today is an equally good day , hope you are thinking about what you will do tom afternoon (not ironing or bed changing )😂;). X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 @Bikerbeth xx If can get mum to appointment I'd really like to know if could do anything and options. I was really annoyed when mum refused to go before. It was the whole eye thing that highlighted there was something wrong with mum as she was quite irrational and kept forgetting about it and mixing things up. Me, my sister and hubby tried very hard to get her go to last referral but she wouldn't. I'm glad your OH @Bikerbeth didn't have much pain that's good to know. A work friend of hubbys had same operation at same hospital mum will go to last year and she did struggle with recovery and vision isn't much improved yet, but there's still time for more improvement. Everybody will be a bit different, but it's good to know people who have it done's opinions. Hubbys friend let us read all the info she got from hospital afterwards and I read quite a bit online at the time. I do worry how mum will cope with recovery because after she had her cataracts done she struggled more so with 2nd eye, but we'll cross that bridge when we know more.
Thats exactly my plan for Thursday @Woo2 ironing and changing bed lol. Not very exciting but I feel drained when get back from mums on evening and I've never been a get up and get going early person so doing some jobs on afternoon off saves me doing as much evenings and mornings.
I think that's what I'll do with tablets today thanks x. I'll give mum 100mg & 50mg to start with and say chemist didn't have right dose when she asks why two, and then start with 3 x 50mg next month and if needs be say same again. As she wasn't as agitated or upset yesterday I'm wondering if should increase dose, maybe she doesn't need it? But a calmer day doesn't necessairily mean she's calmer overall does it?
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
498
Try the higher dose for at least a month, then look back on your posts here and see if there is any difference. You need to look over a longer period of time rather than the odd good day!
Enjoy your afternoon off, I had two hours off at a neighbours garden yesterday with a bottle of wine and nibbles, it was lovely. We both attained 60 last month so it was a “party” (two of us). Really enjoyed myself and somehow managed to cook lamb chops, new potatoes and broccoli for tea!!
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
893
Hi @annielou, we didn't need medical reports but did explain Mum's medical background to the Solicitor when I arranged the visit. They will assess Mum's capacity for decision making, they will explain the process when you speak to them to arrange the appointment. All the best.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Thanks @Woo2 @Bikerbeth xx If can get mum to appointment I'd really like to know if could do anything and options. I was really annoyed when mum refused to go before. It was the whole eye thing that highlighted there was something wrong with mum as she was quite irrational and kept forgetting about it and mixing things up. Me, my sister and hubby tried very hard to get her go to last referral but she wouldn't. I'm glad your OH @Bikerbeth didn't have much pain that's good to know. A work friend of hubbys had same operation at same hospital mum will go to last year and she did struggle with recovery and vision isn't much improved yet, but there's still time for more improvement. Everybody will be a bit different, but it's good to know people who have it done's opinions. Hubbys friend let us read all the info she got from hospital afterwards and I read quite a bit online at the time. I do worry how mum will cope with recovery because after she had her cataracts done she struggled more so with 2nd eye, but we'll cross that bridge when we know more.
Thats exactly my plan for Thursday @Woo2 ironing and changing bed lol. Not very exciting but I feel drained when get back from mums on evening and I've never been a get up and get going early person so doing some jobs on afternoon off saves me doing as much evenings and mornings.
I think that's what I'll do with tablets today thanks x. I'll give mum 100mg & 50mg to start with and say chemist didn't have right dose when she asks why two, and then start with 3 x 50mg next month and if needs be say same again. As she wasn't as agitated or upset yesterday I'm wondering if should increase dose, maybe she doesn't need it? But a calmer day doesn't necessairily mean she's calmer overall does it?
Yes increase it , as @Starting on a journey wisely says give it time , one reasonable day out of a lot of mixed up ones , read your texts to your sis and see why she contacted memory clinic . It will not do Mum harm taking them but can only help . I hope you get app quickly for referral , my thinking Is will she be ok left at home alone after an op , will she be able to remember the things she needs to do ? Don’t want to be Negative Nelly but just something for you to think about (as if you didn’t have enough ) :rolleyes:. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Good idea @Starting on a journey x
first lot of 2 tablets given, Mum said Why’ve I got 2 ? Chemist didn’t have your dose mum so they gave us smaller ones. She took that so yay👍 I’ll be saying that every day for a while lol. And again at lunch when mums has galantamine she often says I’ve already had one haven’t I ? and I say you have 2 a day mum , so will swap that to two lots now.
Glad you had a nice time yesterday and the dinner sounds yum.
@Pete1 thanks for that will email or ring solicitor and ask. I googled yesterday and one in town came up that deals in lpa so will start there
@Woo2 Negative nelly is catching lol. Thats my worry too. Mum will need someone with her and need lots of reminding why she’s doing what if she has op which is big worry. Talking bout it with hubby yesterday we said that is something that would need explaining at hospital and considering. We wondered if maybe with her alzheimers if she could go in a nursing home for posturing part of recovery maybe. Although that may be confusing for her as may going in hospital too. Its probably going to be a while before she has op if that what they offer and who knows where we’ll be with mum by then but we thought would go for referral and see what say.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Yes agree , she would need maybe a nursing home just for a few weeks ,and yes it may confuse her more but what choice do you have ?! Mum keeps on about her eyes , I have concluded now that it is a messaging fault from brain due to AZ and not a problem with eyes as she has had 3 check ups . the relevant hospital def do need to be aware of mums diagnosis as it may factor in their decisions, worth going and talking it over . X
 

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