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Hmm she hasn’t tried to wander , had a good clean everywhere yesterday , then after lunch go in bathroom after mum , wee on toilet , down it , floor and in the ..... bath .
I remember this stage with mum. She was in her care home by then and she was upset because "no-one from the family came to visit her and she was all on her own". I tried saying, but youve got me mum and your grandchildren visit too, but it didnt help. The trouble was that she had gone back in time and thought she had just moved there from her childhood home where, as the youngest of eight, the house was filled with parents, siblings, cousins and friends (all of whom were long dead). Although she knew who I was and her face lit up every time she saw me, I wasnt in any of these old memories, so somehow I didnt count.She said she'd been having a quite nice day today and then tonight started thinking bout dad and wondering where he was and got upset cos now on her own and feels lost. I tried to answer her without upsetting her further and kept telling her she had us and I would be there tomorrow, but I really didn't know what to say to make her feel better.
She is a large lady so I can’t see she has managed to get in the bath , must of had it in her hands I’m thinking but maybe she did stand in there , we bought a higher toilet a few months ago as to help her not have too far to lower and raise herself .How on earth did she manage that? Is she an acrobat?
I too have to be very blasé and relaxed when I say something to mum as she will be eat hi g me like a hawk , I am very non commital when I tell a lie ( yes mum I will take you and get your cataracts done next week as soon as they are open again ) Then I follow up with cake , biscuits , ice cream etc and it’s done . She blew up on Sat saying to hubby that I won’t take her to opticians , he said he would take her, all forgotten now until the next time it comes in to her mind . I did have the same thing with a good friend , her dad was constantly asking where his long dead mum was and his brother , from what he said he was back in his national service days , he was extremely agitated about being AWOL so I produced a bit of paper(Old shopping list ) and said he had permission to be absent and his mum was off shopping and his brother was working , he would ask me several times in an hour and when I told them they had all died , as soon as I lied that they were fine he stopped asking , she was cross with me for lying to him but was upset herself by the constant questioning , when he kept asking where Mum was she presumed it was her mum (his wife) and she would cry that he didn’t remember, once she understood it was her nan she was happier , but she still never really agreed with my love lies even though he was calm and settled after . It’s very difficult and such a personal decision , I’m waffling here but if you decide to try love lies you have almost got to believe it yourself and act your heart out , remain calm , say as little as possible and then distract with cake , biscuit etc . XI used to be very neutral with mum and if she remembered that they had died I would just say yes, its sad, isnt it?
I wonder if your mum is picking up on your body language when you tell her a love lie, like saying you will take her tomorrow? Mum was really good at picking up body language (I got better with practise). Maybe just keep saying Its sorted, mum and not offer any other explanations? Probably clutching at straws. It does become easier once they have forgotten that they have died and you can use love lies easier. This in-between stage when sometimes they know and sometimes they dont is complicated.