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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
641
Lytham St Annes
Yes I totally understand all of what you say....my concern though is how much longer you can cope, she is only going to get worse sadly.....it just wouldn’t work you moving back in with her at all.

I think you need to push for respite as soon as you can, so she can get the assessment of her new/changed needs.

Use the offer of respite to get her the assessment and to give yourself a break, your Mum won’t remember if you’ve visited her in respite anyway, as she doesn’t know when you’ve just left her house when she phones you.

I’m not meaning put her in respite and forget her for 2 weeks, just call her a few times a week and let her be assessed.....it may help all of you.

Ring the social worker and tell them how much you are struggling and don’t be afraid to be honest....recall how upset you are on all the bad days.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
259
Oh dear it’s so difficult isn’t it? I agree with @DianeW but I also know how hard it will be for you to contact SS as you must be worn out!!
See how you get on at the hospital, if mums eyesight is an issue and is going to get worse then use that as a spur to get her settled somewhere whilst she still has some good quality sight. Don’t worry about crying on the phone or in person to SS as it will just illustrate to them how it’s all got too much.
I have seen from other posts that respite can take a little while to organise so probably by the time she is ready to go on her respite holiday the situation will be better (it’s getting a bit better every week).

A busy week for you, wishing you well at the hospital and hopefully mums eyesight will not be too big an issue.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,505
cornwall
Thanks for your post and support @DianeW I'm not offended at all. X
I fear I'm not giving mum enough support and care too, I feel like we are almost back to where we were when I ended up staying with her overnight for months, which wasn't enough either.
When mum started on sertraline it really helped and I was able to come back home, she started day centre and having carer 2 afternoons a week, she wasn't as upset or agitated. Things were still hard but not as hard, although I was still struggling it was easier, but now I feel like we are getting back to that stage of needing someone with her constantly.
You are right in that even when I am at home I am constantly thinking and worrying about mum and on edge. I carry phones from room to room with me and sleep with it next to bed. Some nights, like tonight when she rang after ten I'm scared to go to bed for a while in case I have to get up cos she rings again.
I feel that SS won't be interested though, they came out to see mum twice and the situation then was mum wouldn't be left alone and needed constant reassurance but they weren't offering anything more than quick care visits to prompt getting ready, taking medication and eating. I think that they'll say the same now. We don't use SS care package that was offered as it really wasn't great and so we arranged our own carers paid for by mums Aa for the 2 afternoons a week so I get a longer break when someone is with mum. Unfortunately now she is getting unsettled more on a night when she's on her own and I feel like she'll need someone to be with her which is me.
I do think if we weren't in lockdown with this virus I would be seriously thinking and talking with my sister about whether we should see if mum would go for respite, but at the moment I am scared about it and wouldn't want her to go somewhere new while I can't visit.
Hi@Annielou. Your mum is not safe now.If she is ringing at night she is obviously confused.
I worry if she leaves the house at night
It doesn’t appear she has any idea what is going on. In order for SS to see her like she is unless you step back there have to be a crisis. SS never seem to do much unless there is.
Did you have anymore thoughts on increasing the care visits?
If I remember you or your sister do not have LPOA so you may have to apply for deputyship if you can’t do that .
If your mum needs to go into a home at some stage someone needs authority to pay her bills.
I know you are doing your best but you cannot be everything to everyone.
You are doing a fantastic job😀.
As much as I love my parents when it had an impact on my health that’s when I decided I had to come first.
With dementia it is like Groundhog Day everyday .
Please don’t think I am being horrible it is just that I am concerned...
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,363
Hi @annielou , sorry it’s been a rubbish few days. I agree with @DianeW and @Starting on a journey about starting the conversation with SS about some respite. Doing that isn’t committing you to think about a care home as a permanent thing yet, just seeing how it goes and giving you and your mum a bit of breathing space.
The point about eyesight declining is a good one. My mum has very limited eyesight and until eighteen months ago had regular checkups at the clinic. After that there wasn’t really a thing g they could do, and mums cognition seemed to have declined so much I’m not sure how much sense she was making of what she could see. I found I could track her decline in how she coped with us getting back to her place on public transport (we met there and she would come via taxi) and how she interacted with the staff while at the clinic.
Is your mum physically fit? I know she is 20 years younger than mine and one of the things that worried me was mum deciding to go out late at night and getting lost when she was suffering from the sort of confusion your mum was last night. I’m concerned your mum might decide to take off home, or to see ‘her Andie’ or her mum. If she starts doing that I think a care home might be the only option.’
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,897
South East
I’m sorry that you had a difficult day/evening , sending hugs 🤗 🤗 Hoping today is calmer / less confused🤞. You must be worn out . My first thought was oh no is mum going to leave house to find you , her mum , your dad . My mum wanted to wander yesterday and it took everything in our box of tricks to keep her here and reasonably calm , it puts a horrible sinking sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and gets my heart racing, she is a large lady too so I would have no chance if she decided to get past me. i have no idea here but can they increase the sertraline ? Or there maybe a different tablet they can prescribe ? Could you call Mums Gp and explain and see what they suggest. Hope for a better day/evening for you .🤗
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Sorry to hear about the very confused day your Mum had yesterday. A lot of good thoughts have already been provided so I am just going to send you some virtual hugs.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,232
Yorkshire
Thanks for your replies last night and this morning @DianeW @Starting on a journey @TNJJ @Sarasa @Woo2 @Bikerbeth xxxxxx
That is so true @TNJJ "With dementia it is like Groundhog Day everyday " It is and I feel so are my posts, I seem to keep posting the same things over and over and not really learning anything from it or doing anything about it. When mum rang yesterday night Hubby said it's the same conversation over an over, which it is and unfortunately I'm not getting any better at handling it and finding a way to settle mum, let alone stopping it happening time after time.
I am worried too that mum might set off up to her 'other house' she thinks she has, or to her mums, or to walk to mine as she thinks I live near by which I don't. She has no idea where she lives in relation to any of these places but that probably wouldn't stop her if she got idea in her head to go because when she is here and wants to go home she will say that she'll walk home even though she will also say she doesn't know way if we ask her. At least she can't get out when she's here as I keep doors locked even when we're in so she'll put her coat and shoes on and wait for us to let her out and we take her home in car.
It is a worry if she does it at home on her own. At last SW visit earlier this year my sister and I did tell SW we were worried about mum going looking for Our Andie, or her mum, or her 'friend' as she was convinced she could walk to their houses as she had started saying it by then, but the SW said she hasn't wandered yet. Which I think means us worrying it may happen isn't enough for them to worry about. So we're left hoping she doesn't.
@Woo2 I'm sorry to hear your mum tried to wander yesterday I hope today has been better x

I started this reply this morning but didn't have time to finish it before we had to go out and through day I haven't really had opportunity with mum here and so I'll finish it now and add on whats happened today.

I do think we should see if memory team can suggest anything else to help mum feel better as her tablets don't seem to be having as much effect now as they did when she started them earlier this year. I told my sister this today as she messaged me just as we were taking mum home around 5 o c'clock cos she was confused again. I told sis we were taking mum home as she was confused and wanting to go and also mentioned briefly that mum had rung mixed up last night again, sis agreed it might be worth ringing them.
I also said if not for lockdown I think we should have been thinking about respite to see if it could help mum get out of her worrying loops when she's on own at night, or if they could maybe assess her to see if needed more support, or if they had some other medication suggestions. My sister said she was going to say the same thing to me but now isn't a good time for it, which is how I feel too.
I said if we can make it to when we can meet people again such as memory team, SW, care homes and visit then I think it is definately something we should try to get mum to try and sis agreed. I had to stop messaging then as we'd reached mums and I didn't want to be on phone in mums.
Today has been another mixed up day for mum. She was ok this morning, usual morning confusion where she's not really agitated or upset by it so easier to deal with and she feel ok. She was calling me 'friend' but fine with it and then mid afternoon she was more confused and upset and agitated about things and wanting to go home to talk to me and ring her brother etc for answers. Questioning when got home but then calmed for a while before we left. Then this evening calling for answers as she was mixed up again thinking she'd not seen me.
I've wrote another post below about today, don't think have to read it as it's another post very similar to others I've wrote, I just want to record it for me.
Thanks for all your suggestions and support today x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,232
Yorkshire
Today's been another confused day, Mum came over to ours today and was ok at first for few hours although she was calling me 'friend' most of time. We had cooked lunch so it was out of way which was a good thing again as mid afternoon she started wanting to go home.
At first it was cos she thought our Andrea might be there, she thought I still lived with her, or I'd been staying with her, or I visited her, it changed throughout the conversation. The thing that didn't change was I wasn't her, I was 'friend'. She knew hubbys name but thought he was married to 'friend'. Pointed to photo of us and said that's you with 'friend'. She described Our Andrea as having short hair like me but that didn't mean it was me because she thought I followed her so I could pretend to be her! Andrea isn't 47 but mum doesn't know her age, Andrea isn't married but she has a fella she's seeing, but mum doesn't know who he is. Andreas clothes are at mums but mum doesn't know where, or where she sleeps if lives with her, or how long she's lived with her, but mum is right and I am wrong, I'm always saying I'm Andrea, I'm always lying to her, I've said it for years. I understand to her she is right and I'm wrong but what I'm supposed to do about that I don't know, I can't ignore it when she wants to go home to see me!
She was going to walk home, she didn't know way but was sure she would when set off, she knew she turned right (but pointed left which is actual way we turn), after turning right she had no idea where she went. It would take almost 2 hours to walk from my house to hers and mum would not manage that even if she knew way, but she is sure she has walked here for years. She also thought she lived in a terraced house not a bungalow which was house lived in before bungalow. Eventually she calmed down a bit from that as we kept saying we'd take her home when I finished colouring my picture so she sat back and looked at tv.
It didn't last long though as she moved on from that to saying she needed to empty her stuff out of house. First it was the house her and dad had when split up. She said they'd got back together after split up years ago and lived in our old house again, then it switched to both of last 2 houses mum has lived in including her current bungalow neither of which dad has lived in and he's never even been to current bungalow. After a while of that she settled down a bit and started looking through her colouring book and hubby asked if we wanted a cuppa, I suggested chocolate cake and mum said yes.
We had that and mum was ok chatting bout tv and then she started talking about needing to clear house again but this time it was her mums house. After ten minutes of that she asked if could go to loo and when we were coming back downstairs Mum said she was going now cos she was going to her mums for her stuff. I couldn't convince her there was nothing there it had been cleared years ago.
It was now 5 o'clock and it had all been going on for over an hour. Hubby and I had said quite a few times why not just stay here with us for now and you're ok here with us and also tried lots of trying to distract her by talking about other things whenever she went quiet inbetween mixed up statements but it wasn't really working so I agreed to take her home. I hoped when she got home she'd settle down and we'd stay for a bit before coming back home after tea.
We took mum home and in car she did say Do you know where my house is Andie so I hoped she'd got me back as me. Inside though she went back to calling me 'friend'. As we were washing our hands she said Well there's no L(her brother) here is there? I asked why she thought he'd be there and mum said because her mum had had a key and so he might have took it to come see her. A few minutes later she said There's no notes or anything been left. I asked what about and she said I thought L might have left me a note about my mums funeral. We explained she had funeral years ago which mum didn't believe and she wanted to ring her brother about it, but eventually she agreed she had died at 50 so it must be a long time ago.
She was confused and mixed up and still thinking I was 'friend' for a while but calmed down then. She put tv on and we put blankety blank on which was quite funny, mum made cup of tea and she started calling me Andie again. A bit after Mum said its only 10 past 6 and asked why she'd come home so early. Hubby said she'd wanted to and she said Why so hubby said You were bit mixed up and getting tired and mum said Oh am a daft bat I could have stayed at yours for longer instead of coming back here to be on my own. Those had been our thoughts and what we'd actually said to her earlier but of course in her worried loops she doesn't think that.
She mentioned fancying some fish and chips and said she had nothing in to eat so should have stayed at mine. I told her we'd brought shopping this morning and offered to make some tea if she was hungry. She said she didn't fancy owt really had just thought about fish and chips but doubt she'd actually eat them. She mentioned eating a few times afterwards, but each time I offered to make her a sandwich or something she either said no, or asked if we wanted something. I said I would have some if I was making her some but she kept saying she didn't really fancy it and would have some later it was just she couldn't remember if she'd eaten today, which she often can't lately.
Hubby had started with a bit of a headache and taken a tablet just before we took mum home but he thought it was starting to lift when we got there. He went a bit quiet about 7 and was rubbing between his eyes, so I asked if it was back and he said it was a bit so as it was after 7 now I told mum we'd go home. Mum thought it was cos hubby hadn't eaten and said sorry she'd not offered him anything. We told her it wasn't that and she'd offered but he didn't want anything. I told her we'd see her tomorrow morning and she waved us off.
A few minutes after we got in mum rang and said she was sorry but she hadn't thought to offer us something to eat and was sorry cos that was why hubby had headache. I told her it wasn't he was probably bit hot and tired or people just get headaches sometimes but he was ok. I think it was more spending a couple of hours going over mixed up questions with mum to be honest but I wouldn't say that to mum. Mum said it again a few times and said she'd not eaten either so I reminded her what we'd had for lunch and that we'd had cake and that she hadn't wanted tea when we were there, none of us had and suggested she had some now. She said Oh ok but tell hubby I'm sorry. I told her no need it wasn't her fault and he'd be fine. She said she would finish watching Jane Mcdonald then make a sandwich and crisps. We said we'd see each other tomorrow and bye etc
Mum rang again almost half an hour later. I said Hello and she said Hello Andrea DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!! Obviously she'd forgot I'd been. I reminded her we'd been and I see her everyday and would be there tomorrow morning. She thought she'd been at 'friends' didn't know we'd been, didn't think seen me in months. She said she was sorry and asked was I mad at her. I said no I knew she couldn't help it, it was ok. She said I should tell her its me she thought been at 'friends' Then said a bit snappier Why don't you just say who you are! So I said I do mum. I must have sounded a bit blunt. She said Oh do you? Oh I'm sorry love no wonder you're angry with me. I said I'm not angry mum, I might sound a bit frustrated or upset cos it's not nice being shouted at for not seeing you when I come everyday to see you, but I'm not angry with you because I know it's not your fault. I felt bad for telling her it upset me and for letting her know I get frustrated but it just comes out sometimes.
She said again she didn't know she'd seen me she knew been somewhere but didn't know where, she gets confused and she doesn't know things and she was sorry. I said I know you do and I'm sorry you do, it's when your brain gets tired later on in day and it mixes things up which isn't nice for you. She agreed with me but she sounded like she was getting upset. I said Don't get upset mum, it's ok, I've been to see you today, I come everyday and I'll come again tomorrow morning and I love you lots. She said Oh do you, thank you I love you . I told her I loved her too that's why I go see her everyday and she said that's lovely. She said Thank you and would she see me tomorrow then? so we talked about me going and when. Mum said I'm going to write it down maybe if I write it down I might be able remember cos I forget and get mixed up. I said why don't you try that then and if you start worrying or wondering about things then write them down too and then try not think about them till tomorrow and in morning you'll probably remember answer and if not you can ask me. She said she would but I don't know if actually will or if it'll help any at all.
We chatted bit and she mentioned tea and if eaten and I reminded her again what we'd eaten today and we'd not been ready for tea while there but she should try a sandwich or something soon. She said she remembered that now and that hubby had a headache and asked if he was ok so I said he was feeling better now. Mum said she'd go get a sandwich soon and we talked again about seeing her tomorrow and said then night etc.
So today has been more of same, and this is another groundhog day post
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,287
Bedford
Thanks for your replies last night and this morning @DianeW @Starting on a journey @TNJJ @Sarasa @Woo2 @Bikerbeth xxxxxx
That is so true @TNJJ "With dementia it is like Groundhog Day everyday " It is and I feel so are my posts, I seem to keep posting the same things over and over and not really learning anything from it or doing anything about it. When mum rang yesterday night Hubby said it's the same conversation over an over, which it is and unfortunately I'm not getting any better at handling it and finding a way to settle mum, let alone stopping it happening time after time.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t think Dementia respects our ability to learn from our mistakes as Demential keeps changing the rules. I don’t think anyone could handle the current situation better than you have been doing.
The only comment I would make and I totally get your concerns. If I remember the information correctly the majority of Care Homes have remained virus free.
Sending loads of hugs to you as you sound so down on yourself. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Remember you are amazing ........and such a caring daughter
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,897
South East
@annielou you are doing fab as @Bikerbeth says, please be kinder to yourself . I think you and sis have the right idea and respite might be good to get mum properly assessed and see what they can come up with but as you said I would be tempted to ring memory clinic and see what they say or the gp . Hope you get a good nights sleep and can switch off for a while , sending more hugs too 🤗 🤗 , take care . X
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
641
Lytham St Annes
I feel very much for all of you and what you are going through, I don’t have anything else to suggest than what I have already....it’s your decision to make, just wondering if you have discussed it with your husband? he is very supportive of you I know but he must also be worried and concerned at the changes in your Mum and coping going forward.

I understand your loyalty to your Mum, but please don’t jeopardise your own health and marriage.

I hope you are able to manage things until you feel able to request respite, and Mum settles a little easier, but if I’m being truthful I just can’t see that happening, I so hope I’m wrong though.

Also I hope you are not pinning your hopes on your Mum agreeing to respite in order for it to happen....because she probably won’t.
As I said I have read your post everyday and I can see the deterioration in your lovely Mum, I too can see that she is going to become more demanding on phone to you and her brother.....and it is very likely that she will go out looking for her other houses and her own Mum or your dad etc....

Hope you get a good nights rest, and hubbies headache has gone, it could be the heat today that contributed to it maybe?

But it lovely out now as I’ve just come in from walking dog and it’s feeling fresh...didn’t want to come in!!!

Edited to say I agree....not all care homes have Covid cases.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,232
Yorkshire
Thanks again @Bikerbeth @Woo2 @DianeW xxx
I'm not sure how long we'll manage either, I just hope we do. To be honest I feel like I could do with checking myself into a home for respite at the minute.
Hubby is amazing, he gets fed up and het up sometimes and moans occassionaly but most of the time he just puts up with me whittling on and with everything else that happens. I don't know why he puts up with it to be honest but I feel very lucky he does. I try not to go on as much now as I used to and instead I whittle on here more. We don't really discuss things, he mainly just listens and says its up to me as I'm person doing it so I should decide with my sister as its her mum too. He does worry about me and tells me at times I can't keep doing this forever.
Will message sis again after weekend and one of us can try ringing memory team to see if anything to help calm mum and save her getting so upset and agitated.
Hubbys headache is gone now, it could well have been stress listening to mum, or the heat as it was quite stuffy and very warm at time, or a combination of both, but he's been fine last few hours.
Thank you for the hugs x sending some back to you x and also anyone else who needs one as I know I'm not the only person who's caring for someone 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,505
cornwall
Thanks again @Bikerbeth @Woo2 @DianeW xxx
I'm not sure how long we'll manage either, I just hope we do. To be honest I feel like I could do with checking myself into a home for respite at the minute.
Hubby is amazing, he gets fed up and het up sometimes and moans occassionaly but most of the time he just puts up with me whittling on and with everything else that happens. I don't know why he puts up with it to be honest but I feel very lucky he does. I try not to go on as much now as I used to and instead I whittle on here more. We don't really discuss things, he mainly just listens and says its up to me as I'm person doing it so I should decide with my sister as its her mum too. He does worry about me and tells me at times I can't keep doing this forever.
Will message sis again after weekend and one of us can try ringing memory team to see if anything to help calm mum and save her getting so upset and agitated.
Hubbys headache is gone now, it could well have been stress listening to mum, or the heat as it was quite stuffy and very warm at time, or a combination of both, but he's been fine last few hours.
Thank you for the hugs x sending some back to you x and also anyone else who needs one as I know I'm not the only person who's caring for someone 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗
Hi. You do an amazing job😀.But as you know it cannot go on forever.
Please think of what YOU need.It is not always about the PWD. Without you and sis supporting your mum she wouldn’t be at home now.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,558
South coast
Im sorry every day feels like groundhog day, but in many ways, thats exactly what is happening. Your mum has almost completely lost the years since her parents have died and is looking for a much younger version of you - she recognises you on the phone because peoples voices dont change much with age, but she thinks that it cant actually be you when she sees you because you are so many years older than she remembers.
She cant retain any of the information that you tell her, but she remembers that there is something strange about where she lives, what has happened to her parents and who you are, so every day she gets into the same loop asking the same questions (because she knows there is something she needs to remember, but cant) and giving the same responses (because she cant remember). I think that soon she will not remember her home, even when you get there. I cant see anyway out of this conundrum
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,232
Yorkshire
Im sorry every day feels like groundhog day, but in many ways, thats exactly what is happening. Your mum has almost completely lost the years since her parents have died and is looking for a much younger version of you - she recognises you on the phone because peoples voices dont change much with age, but she thinks that it cant actually be you when she sees you because you are so many years older than she remembers.
She cant retain any of the information that you tell her, but she remembers that there is something strange about where she lives, what has happened to her parents and who you are, so every day she gets into the same loop asking the same questions (because she knows there is something she needs to remember, but cant) and giving the same responses (because she cant remember). I think that soon she will not remember her home, even when you get there. I cant see anyway out of this conundrum
Thanks x I can't see a way out either. I know people say you should enter their world and not correct them as it reminds them they have forgotten but when mum starts sundowning its impossible not to, or at least to me its impossible.
I do just go along with her a lot when its just odd things earlier in day and try to answer questions simply so not telling her too much to confuse her or point out she's got something wrong. But when she sets off, mostly mid afternoon and evening, in her loops she insists you answer and gets so angry, insistent, or upset about needing to go do these things at other houses, ring people to ask them or ask our Andrea to come, is so sure our Andrea doesn't come see her, that I'm not her, that I have to tell her whats right and hope she eventually accepts it. That often then makes her upset she forgot or doesn't know, but usually she's not as upset, agitated and angry as she was in first place. It is hard work and upsetting for both of us and the acceptance doesn't always last as she often forgets again and starts her loop again. Weirdly although she can't remember what has really happened and doesn't believe my true answers for a while during her mixed up loops she won't swallow any made up explanation or distractions I come up with at all.
A few times lately she has asked me on phone if I'm really our Andrea when I say I've been and she thinks it was 'friend' she was with earlier. She forgets that she rang me and rang number for our Andrea, she just knows I'm not saying what she expects so thinks I'm not her. Its starting to take a bit longer on phone now and the calls are increasing. When I'm with her the loops are getting longer and happening more and earlier and she is mixing me up with 'friend' or forgetting things about me and hubby so asking questions about us when I'm there earlier in day now too.
She wants someone to look after her, she wants our Andrea, but I'm increasingly not her and although she's happy to see me in the morning whether she thinks I'm 'friend' or knows I'm me, by afternoon she's wanting Our Andrea and I'm not her. She is getting so she doesn't seem to want to be on own at evening and could do with someone there to reassure her when she's mixed up and worrying about things, but I'm not sure I'd be best person as I seem to confuse her more now. I'm also selfishly not sure I could cope with doing that again for months. When mum's in her loops she is frequently telling me I'm 'friend' and I'm just saying I'm Andrea, I'm trying to confuse her, I'm lying, I'm pretending to be our Andrea. She doesn't know why I would do that, but she is saying it more and more, it's like she thinks I'm trying t replace our Andrea so if I was staying there it might even go on for longer and upset her more, when I was staying before some nights we would have hours of it.
I dread that she will start not recognising her home, she does already sometimes think she shouldn't be there and lives somewhere else and doesn't live alone. If she isn't recognising me and not recognising her home she isn't going to feel safe at all and I dread that happening and poor mum is constantly feeling scared and alone. What if SS still don't want to do anything then. I also dread it happening during lock down where if SS do say she needs 24hr care we can't visit any homes to pick one and can't visit her in one.
Sorry this was meant to be a quick I agree post to @canary and now I've ended up going off on another rambling worry post :rolleyes:
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,558
South coast
Dont worry about going on a long post @annielou - unloading is one of the things that DTP is for.
I understand your worries. I suppose I was just trying to warn you. I guess you will just have to take it all one day at a time.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
761
Hi @annielou, I remember having the 'phone by my side all the time - it is incredibly stressful, so I can totally understand the strain you are under. I know you currently aren't able to install camera's as Mum doesn't have the internet, is that something that you could explore further perhaps, if you want to keep Mum in her own home. Some technological solutions that may give some peace of mind. Just a thought. Take care of yourself.