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Geo78

New member
Oct 21, 2018
1
Hello.

Many thanks for adding me to the forum.

A crisis....for at least four years I have been aware that my mother has been on the slippery slope of a dementia related illness but like many of us in today’s society I moved away from home to forge a life and raise a family of my own.

My heroic father has been stoically caring for my mother during this period with no assistance from the medical or social service professions. We did attempt to have mum diagnosed but she vehemently resisted although I did not bear witness to the aftermath, Dad said it was brutal and heart breaking to see her so scared and angry. He vowed he would never place her under such stress again!

We have been burying our heads in the sand in order to not rock the boat, however my Dad has unfortunately had a heart attack and awaits surgery....we have reached a most definite point of crisis! My sister and I have mobilised the four hour journey back to our hometown to care for both....it is proving to be very tough as mum drops in and out of lucidity. This evening she was really struggling to place the pair of us and she talks often about ‘them in the kitchen’ and how she wants to go home. She seems to have regressed to late teen, early adulthood but then ping the light comes back on and she’s momentarily back with us. Truly is a rollercoaster.

Where do we turn from here? How do we manage this crisis? What happens when our dad is discharged from hospital to recovery from a heart bypass.

My family needs me here but my kids, wife and work will need me at home too.

Thank you
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,082
N Ireland
That's a lot to deal with but I hope you will find the forum useful.

I think the best first step is contact with the Local Authority Social Services for a care needs assessment. There is a Society Factsheet about this that can be found with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/8211. When you make contact stress that it is an emergency situation or you may experience delays.

Apart from that, you may get some value out of the Publications list, as it covers all aspects of dementia, and the post code search facility to check for support services in your parent's area. Links for these are below
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
 

Midlands

New member
Oct 21, 2018
2
Hi
My husband 50 was disagnosed with Frontal temporal degeneration / dementia .I am 45 and we have young child , is there any others in a similar situation here ?
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,082
N Ireland
Hello @Midlands, welcome to the forum.

Whilst my wife is early on-set we are not as young as you and your husband so our position won’t be the same. I just wanted to say hello and mention that you will get understanding and support here so I hope you keep posting.

In the hope that you may find something to help you here are links to the information rich publications and the post code search for local support services

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
 

Nicho4464

New member
Oct 21, 2018
1
Hi all, my mum has dementia and is now in a care home. She moved into sheltered housing about 5 years ago and into the care home last year. She is paying for insurance out of her account every month however we cannot find any paperwork so can only assume she never changed her address with the two companies. I have no idea how to trace the policies so if somebody could help I would really appreciate it. It has been a hard year and she is slowly getting worse so I want to try and get things in order before the inevitable happens x
 

LucyEllen

New member
Oct 21, 2018
1
Hello everyone. I am sole carer for my husband who has mixed dementia (Alzheimer's Disease and vascular dementia) and diabetes. He is still in 'good form' so we are able to get out and about and still do our own things to a certain extent, but I would not leave him home alone overnight. It's not the retired life I was expecting but, after a rocky start, we seem to have found a way to live harmoniously. What upsets me (hubby is much more thick-skinned) the most is the lack of support / interest / empathy / help from our families. I am hoping to learn to live with this too, but it's proving to be quite elusive right now.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Hullo and welcome to TP, @LucyEllen. I know about diabetes and dementia and the joys of convincing someone the need to change their diet as their taste buds and brain refuse to accept the rules. It's bloomin hard, as is the family situation. The latter frustrations have been discussed a few times on here and most people will refer to family who can't or won't help as the invisibles, so you will find support and empathy aplenty.
Please carry on posting in "I have a partner with dementia" when you are ready or you need advice.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,341
Bristol
Welcome to TP @Nicho4464. I'm sorry I can't help or advise on that particular problem, but hopefully someone will have ideas. If you post on the "legal and financial" forum, just select from the drop down menu and find "start a new thread", you should find support.
Good luck.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,082
N Ireland
Hello @Nicho4464, welcome to the forum from me too.

If you can trace where the payments are going you may be able to write to the company for a duplicate policy. They will check your ID so have all details to hand if you get talking to them.
 

Gladders

New member
Oct 22, 2018
1
Good evening.
My Dad is in year 3 of Alzheimer’s and we are really struggling with his care at the moment. We just put Dad into rest bight for 2 weeks but after 2 days I had a call to go and pick him up or the home was going to ring the police to have him removed and sectioned for being aggressive and verbally abusive. Dad was put in there as my sister has gone on holiday for 10days. She is dads main cater and lives in his house with her husband and 7 year old daughter. They struggle when they are there with work, caring and family time.
We had everything in place with regards my sister being away, work, caring for dad etc but that was all turned upside down and panic set in as we are so so busy this week and were at wits end. After a ring around, juggling this and that people offered help and the only day we were really stuck was Saturday. We the rang dads caters that come every morning if they did 24 hour care, and yes they do! Job done..
Just next week to sort now. Myself and my wife are staying at dads alternatively due to work loads but it seems to be working but it’s putting a strain on our relationship, thank god we are strong. We can do this and will do this.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,082
N Ireland
Hello @Gladders, welcome to TP. I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Please take a good look around the site as there is a wealth of information here and the members are always willing to help each other.

I look forward to seeing your posts around the forums.

In case you haven't found them yet, here are two links to the part of the AS site where you can read and print down the various information sheets and do a post code search for support services in your Dad's area
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
 
Last edited:

Chummers

New member
Oct 23, 2018
6
Morning all,

My Dad has dementia, he's had this for a few years now. I've joined this forum to get a little advice on a few things here and there for me to best talk to him, for him to have as good a quality of day to day life as possible and for my Mum who is looking after him in their home and out and about, to get all the help she needs too.

Thanks all!

Simon
 

Stressed1234

New member
Oct 23, 2018
1
Hi my mum has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia. I am her sole carer as she won’t have a care company come in to help and we have no other family so I have had to put my life on hold for now to look after my mum. I love her to bits but I am finding it hard to move from daughter to carer as she is still struggling to come to terms with the diagnosis and won’t listen to me when I suggest anything. Sorry for the rant but I have no one else to discuss this with.
 

Becks67

New member
Oct 23, 2018
1
Hi

Last year (May 2017) my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I was devastated. My dad unexpectedly died tragically in May this year. He loved and cared for my mum so much. We are still in a state of shock and my mum is grieving terribly. I am lost really. I’m the carer, she lives four hours away and I’m trying to get sheltered accommodation. All the while her memory is getting much worse but she doesn’t realise it is. I’m just really sad and came on here so you can help me in the future.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,478
Yorkshire
hello @Becks67
a warm welcome to TP
my condolences on your father's death; what a tough time time your family are having
one thing is for sure, here you are among folk who understand and will offer sympathy, support and useful suggestions
so have a mooch around and start your own thread when you're ready; members will respond
 
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