hello
@Arta
a warm welcome to TP
there are members who live in Australia, so it may be worth adding this as a location to your profile as systems are different in each country and another member in Australia may have particular info for you
have you checked with your mum's doctor about giving her the valium as it's wise to be very careful with such meds
many folk with dementia are reluctant to shower; being naked and having water 'poured' over you can be a frightening experience when you no longer fully understand what is happening - have you a shower seat so your mum can sit down, and maybe keep a towel round her, using it as a large flannel, so water isn't hitting her skin - with my dad, I also stopped washing his hair while showering as he was frightened of the water over his head and in his eyes
in fact, a lot of the time I helped dad just have a good wash at the sink with flannels and targetting a different patch of him each wash, so overall he washed his whole body over time; he was happy with this, feeling more in control so more relaxed
we tend to think a daily shower is important but hygiene can be maintained with washing - and don't forget her feet and toenails; dad enjoyed a 'pedi' while sitting in his armchair, using a large bowl
there are also wash foams, used in care homes, and dry shampoos
sometimes a person is more co-operative with a carer, especially one in uniform, so might you arrange some home care visits?