Update on my Dad

[Skye]

Pictures and music always seem to be the best bet. I've had to find more pictures since John moved to a bigger room -- they're all prints of his own paintings.

Plus of course the door panel that Bruce organised for me, it moved quite successfully.

 

[Helen33]

Hello Sue

It sounds like your dad is settling well Sue compared to how he was only a short while ago I'm glad to hear that you were able to celebrate his birthday as it seemed he enjoyed it - I am sure you would have known if he hadn't

Now who had thre pieces of cake It couldn't have been you because didn't you say you were in training for a marathon?

Love

 

[sue38]

Hazel,

Remind me about the door panel. I know I read about it at the time but can't remember the details. Is it in your thread?

Helen,

I confess I had one piece of cake. It was one of the residents who wanted three.

The Glenn Miller CD went down well, a bit too well with one of the male residents who started thumping the table in time with the music. In the end they had to turn it down. Now I know why they usually play Smooth FM!

Today my mum got out the album I had done and my dad was interested in it again. Success! I photocopied pictures and lamintated them. I tried to include my dad in most pictures (he is most interested in pictures of himself - but aren't we all? ) and put no more than 2 pictures on each page to help concentration. Cheap and effective.

 

[Margarita]

Sue

pleased to read The Glenn Miller CD went down well, and your father enjoyed the day of his birthday .

 

[TinaT]

Sue,

I was quite amused by your reference to 'Smooth Radio'. It is always on in the 'smoke room' at Ken's EMI home. Have to say I love the tunes they play (most of them anyway). When no one else is in the room, I get Ken up and we have a little dance/cuddle to the music.

I think your dad's birthday celebrations sound very good indeed and I'm sure he enjoyed the day being marked out as special for him.

xxTinaT

 

[sue38]

Thank you Maggie for your kind comments.

Tina, I apologise for my negativity about Smooth Radio. Like my aversion to Radio 2, I am fighting a losing battle with middle age.

 

[Skye]

Hazel,

Remind me about the door panel. I know I read about it at the time but can't remember the details. Is it in your thread?

Sorry, missed this earlier Sue.

The door panel is a wipeable skin that will stick to ant surface, and can be peeled and moved. It's made up of photos from John's life.

It was Bruce's idea, he had one made for Jan, and he kindly arranged one for me too. I'll see if I can find a pic.

Here it is. Bruce actually took a part of John's kilt and cloned it to make the background. Clever, eh?

 

[jenniferpa]

That is so cool Hazel. I'd forgotten about that and it's such a good idea.

 

[sue38]

Long overdue update

My dad continues in his care home, and continues to deteriorate.

I think he still knows us, and although some days he can be quite animated, most days he is very withdrawn.

I wrack my brains to find some connection to him. I have taken him gin and tonic (complete with ice and lemon) and today took him tonic (without gin but with ice and lemon) and prawns and cocktail sauce. He ate and drank, but no emotion.

Most times I visit his occasional words are unintelligible, except last week I was giving him a drink and tipped the glass so far that he almost choked. "What the HELL did you do that for???"

I had quite a chat with the son of another resident and he was quite envious about how my dad reacted so positively to me, whilst he felt his dad didn't know him at all.

Not much to report, which is partly why I've been absent.

My dad is 85 on Wednesday, his second birthday in care. He needs socks apparently. We must be able to do better than that.

 

[Vonny]

Hi Sue,

Isn't it amazing how anger can rouse dementia sufferers to actually saying something intelligible. My mum couldn't speak or even mumble for 99.99% of the time, but if something really riled her it would just come out like "oh don't be so riduculous".

Socks may not be a wildly exciting present but it's better than the big nothing I bought mum for her birthday last year. No amount of cudgelling of brain could think of a present other than incontinence pads, which she was already getting free anyway. I'm sure you'll think of a little extra for your dad, a large gin and tonic sounds good!

I hope he has as lovely a birthday as is possible and I know you'll do your best to make it a special day for him.

Take care xx

 

[Grannie G]

Visiting must be becoming more and more difficult for you Sue. How is your mother coping with it?

 

[Margaret W]

That sounds great Sue, well as great as it can be. I hope you can secure a place asap. EDIT Apologies for this post, I must have been reading two threads at once.

Love

Margaret

 

[Tender Face]

Hello stranger

"What the HELL did you do that for???"

Was he referring to how far you had tipped the glass, or noticing you had missed out the gin?

Only trying to make some light of a sad situation, Sue. I hated my mother's birthday in the NH. Yup, 'knickers and nighties' were about the order of the day ..... booze (thick creamy variety ) soft chocolates .....

The NH made a lovely fuss with banners and balloons etc - not sure mum realised they were for her ....I tried to remind myself about 'sense of occassion' being important ... that she might remember the experience if not exactly what happened. Then again, I know others are bewildered by having any 'fuss' and it has the opposite of the desired effect.

Mum was aware enough to eventually understand the occasion and insistent we went out to have celebratory meal on her behalf. Strange feelings ..... but yes, we did go out and raise a glass in celebration .... not of where she was, or where we were at, but of her life ..... everything that a ‘birthday’ is about?

I hope you can find a way to make dad’s day – and to mark the occasion for yourselves in celebration of him as well as the inevitable sadness ... knowing that’s what he would have wanted to join in with, if only .....

Love, Karen, x

 

[sue38]

I read my last post again yesterday and realised it sounded way too gloomy. Visiting used to be like going to the gym – you put it off, but feel better afterwards. These days I look forward to it, and wish I could go more often. There is a real family atmosphere in the home.

Yesterday blew my last post out of the water. My dad gave me a beaming smile when I went in and then drifted off as I cut his fingernails. My mum then arrived with ‘Cheese and Pickle Mini Cheddars’. They brought tears to my eyes , and seemed to invigorate my dad.

My sister arrived- another beaming smile, but I was then the subject of his attention. We had a lovely half hour of chatting and he made some sense. I thought he said “I love you” so I said “Do you love me?” and he replied “No – I love you very much”. I stood up to kiss him and he said “Are you going, because I want you to stay.” As I leaned in to hear him, he reached out and put his hand behind my head and drew me in to kiss me.

For someone who has barely uttered a word that made sense for weeks, this was exceptional. It was better than City beating United. Except it was a reality.

Yesterday I was flavour of the month. Last week I was the devil incarnate. I have to learn go with the flow.

 

[Vonny]

Oh Sue, how wonderful. Yes, go with the flow, it can throw up the most amazing jewels in a bleak desert. xx

 

[BeverleyY]

I read my last post again yesterday and realised it sounded way too gloomy. Visiting used to be like going to the gym – you put it off, but feel better afterwards. These days I look forward to it, and wish I could go more often. There is a real family atmosphere in the home.

Yesterday blew my last post out of the water. My dad gave me a beaming smile when I went in and then drifted off as I cut his fingernails. My mum then arrived with ‘Cheese and Pickle Mini Cheddars’. They brought tears to my eyes , and seemed to invigorate my dad.

My sister arrived- another beaming smile, but I was then the subject of his attention. We had a lovely half hour of chatting and he made some sense. I thought he said “I love you” so I said “Do you love me?” and he replied “No – I love you very much”. I stood up to kiss him and he said “Are you going, because I want you to stay.” As I leaned in to hear him, he reached out and put his hand behind my head and drew me in to kiss me.

For someone who has barely uttered a word that made sense for weeks, this was exceptional. It was better than City beating United. Except it was a reality.

Yesterday I was flavour of the month. Last week I was the devil incarnate. I have to learn go with the flow.

What a lovely visit. You must have been beaming with smiles yourself after that.

So pleased you had such a great time with your Dad.

Beverley x

 

[sue38]

85th Birthday

Yesterday was my dad's 85th birthday. Eighty five. Pretty damn good by most standards. And only the last, what?, 7 years affected by dementia. Blessings all counted.

After my last post I expected a complete turnaround and for my dad to retreat and not even open his eyes.

I went to the home about 4 p.m. and arrived at the same time as my sister and niece. My niece (17) is great with my dad, and he usually responds to her, but when he doesn't she is mature to take it in her stride. Sometimes better than me.

No such worries yesterday. Beaming smiles. A genuine attempt to open cards, and to look at them.

I had bought him a picture frame and put in it the picture of the 2 of us in Barcelona (it's flattering of us both!).

But he was more interested in the other present I brought:-

- ice in a flask
- slice of lemon
- proper 'glass' glass
- gin and tonic (mixed by me )
- prawn cocktail

I poured the drink, and he drank it with real enthusiasm. He let me feed him the prawns. No sooner had he downed the first glass of G&T he was reaching for the empty glass. I poured the rest out (I hadn't dared put more than a measure in) and that went the same way.

The rest of the visit he kept reaching for the empty glass and indicated he wanted a piece of his birthday cake that the home's cook had made. "Ugh, prawns and cake" my niece noted.

And we gave him socks.

 

[Grannie G]

Happy Birthday to your Dad Sue. I`m pleased he was able to enjoy himself.

 

[connie]

Dear Sue, sounds as if your dad had a 'good' day.

And we gave him socks.

I read that as "and we gave him love"

 

[BeckyJan]

Lovely to read your post and to hear your Dad had a good 85th Birthday. Pleased he was able to celebrate with your all and enjoy his G & T's.