Two years to get this bad. What now?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by AL60, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi again. Never really thought about that doll having such an effect . But having thought about it, I don't think it would have any head or stuffing left if she really associated it with me. I've not been prescribed anything for labyrinthitis but I'm off for a scan tomorrow morning, purely as a precaution to make sure there's nothing underlying going on. All's well at the moment so I for one am not worried about anything. My daughter will be home from work soon so as its a bank holiday weekend I'll be relieved of dog sitting duties for a day or three. She's lovely but at the same time hard work. No plans to visit my wife this weekend but that could change, never say never . That's it for now . :)Al.
     
  2. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    618
    Male
    Kent

    Have a great weekend.

    Phil
     
  3. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,401
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    How did it go?
    Hope you are having a nice weekend.
     
  4. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. Thank you, yes I did have a good weekend and as for the scan, it was the usual, contact your Dr after two weeks. I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying about it. I was meaning to go out for the evening tonight but all I wanted to do was sleep. That's why I'm posting now, nice and early. So now I will sleep and hopefully wake refreshed, ready to face another day:). So goodnight, Al. :).
     
  5. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,401
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Goodnight Al.
    Being able to sleep reasonably well is a godsend.
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    33
    Bedford
    I am fairly new to TP following my Mother’s diagnosis at the end of January but I just wanted to Thank You for sharing your journey. I know the path with my Mum will be different but the sharing on this site is incredible
     
  7. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. I've often said a problem shared and all that. This site proves it works. Posting on here is probably one of the best thing I ever did, it has certainly helped me so far and if my posts can help others that's another reason to continue posting. I must admit I haven't been here for a while. I seem to be settled out now in, i was going to say rut, but that would be the wrong word. It's a kind of acceptance that this is the way it is now. It's not going to get any better but for a while now at least things have stayed the same. The slow weight gain continues, she's eating and drinking well, she's fine with others yet still won't tolerate a visit from me! As I said, I'm used to it now so as long as she's happy in her own way, then I can take a bit of a back seat and get on with life. Yet having said that a day never passes without me thinking what she's doing right now and what we would have been doing had things been normal. Right, before I depress myself further I'm off now to get something to eat:)there's an excellent fishand chip shop in town but I might leave that until Friday:) there must be something in the freezer, or as usual full of things I don't particularly fancyo_Oyou know how it is. Bye for now Al.o_O.
     
  8. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. As it's coming up to one year since my wife first went into the care home is thought I would check back through earlier posts to remind me how bad things were. As that first anniversary approaches I've been constantly thinking how different things could have been, Im sure I could have done things better, with a little more effort. Thank goodness I kept all those posts together under one heading. Having read the ones running up to her leaving for the care home I'm now thinking how on earth did I cope! Up to an hour ago I was feeling so much guilt about leaving her there. But now, thanks to those earlier posts I realise that the outcome was inevitable. It's strange how your memory seems to cancel out the bad stuff so all you can remember are the good bits. Probably the same reason we all remember as children the long sunny days of the summer holidays, it never seemed to rain when we were young did it. So, after a few weeks fretting and feeling so much guilt, I can once again feel better within myself. I could have written a diary and kept notes about day to day feelings. I know that wouldn't have happened. Thanks to this site with it's support from others I feel I'm among friends, it's so good to share those feelings. All I can say is never give in, I know I'm not going to. Enough for now, I just felt the need to share the positive way I feel, for now anyway :)Al.
     
  9. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,184
    East of England
    Hi @AL60 I couldn’t agree more with your sentiments because I did the same thing when trying to make decisions about taking him on holiday again or organising respite etc. I reread my diary from a year ago and that did the trick. I am very cheered that you are feeling more cheerful on the whole but it is a rollercoaster I agree.
     
  10. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. Rollercoaster sums it up perfectly, I'm on the up at present so while I'm there I'm just going to enjoy the moment. Al.
     
  11. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. It's been a while since I updated on here. Just last Monday I went to visit the nursing home where my wife is now living. I wasn't expecting the best of welcomes so in that respect I wasn't too disappointed. However, even now I find the screaming at the top of her voice, shouting at me to get out, rather disconcerting. That's probably an understatement. In truth it's awful. But that's the way it is and I accept it. To be honest, i only went because I was leaving for two weeks holiday a few days later. I suppose it was a kind of guilt thing that prompted me to go in the first place. It's the first proper holiday I've had since she went to the care home almost a year ago. So here I am, outside my daughters hired villa in, to be honest, not so sunny Florida posting on here. I'm doing it to prove to myself that things can go on as reasonably normal and that for me, things can only get better. I'm having a good break from the realities of life at home and for the most part have forgotten for now just how much I've been feeling so low. Tomorrow the sun will be shining once again and so it is with life, one day down and the next bright once again. So back to enjoying my break here in Florida. No matter how heavy the downpours are the sun always comes back and it's never cold. So I'm going to enjoy the rest of my holiday with not an ounce of guilt and return at the end of the month refreshed. Al60:):):).
     
  12. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,184
    East of England
    Always good to hear from you @AL60 and I am hoping you enjoy the holiday with all the variations. I have just had my first holiday alone in decades and I quite enjoyed it, even though I would have preferred him to be with me as he used to be. I don’t have the aggro that you suffer and now he is at home again, but that two weeks was blissful and I hope yours is too.
     
  13. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,564
    Yorkshire
    enjoy your time in Florida @AL60 ... I hope you have more sunshine than showers
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,927
    Female
    Dundee
    Enjoy your holiday @AL60 - I'm sure the break will do you good.
     
  15. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi again. I had my doubts about taking a holiday but one week in and I've decided it's the best decision I ever made. I left the guilt at Manchester airport and have thoroughly relaxed since I got here. We've had our fair share of rain but at least it's warm rain. I could quite easily cope with this climate. I just hope the positive feeling goes back with me at the end of next week. If I stay positive there's no reason it shouldn't. Those thoughts and feelings I take back will be better than any holiday souvenir I could pssibly take home. Today the Florida sun is shining, tomorrow it might rain. But the sun always comes back eventually and so it is today. I'm just going to carry on enjoying life to the full. As for the rollercoaster analogy, I'll not use that again.for a while, . I've been on quite a few this week and they do eventually stop and let you off. :D:) Al:):)
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,896
    Kent
    Glad to hear you are enjoying every minute of your holiday Al, rain or shine. It`s not before time.
     
  17. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,980
    Female
    Chester
    Glad to hear you are enjoying your holiday.

    We did have sun in Cheshire yesterday (cafe stop was Beeston) but I suspect your sun in florida is much warmer and more relaxing.
     
  18. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi. Dare I believe summer has finally arrived back home. If it has I'm definitely coming back next Sunday. The sunshine down here is great for oranges and tourists but give me the soft kiss of the gentle summer rain of Cheshire any time. But for today, anyone for the beach?:):):).
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,980
    Female
    Chester
    I was fairly economical with the truth as whilst we had sun, when clouds came over some went inside, and I was brought a lovely fleecy blanket.

    dare I say it but actually hot yesterday and warm today, even though rain has arrived, gentle at the moment but thunderstorms forecast
     
  20. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    491
    Cheshire
    Hi again. It's ten o'clock on Wednesday morning. The temperature is approaching 90 again, I've got three full days left of my holiday and I'm ready. Ready to come back, fully recharged and refreshed. Holidays for me have always been a time to relax and reflect on the past year and to make plans for the future. When I arrived two weeks ago my only thought was just to escape and try not to think or worry about home life. This downtime has really been so relaxed that it's actually given me time to take stock of where i am and where im heading. Just two things have changed. No more worrying and getting wound up over things i have no control over. That's change number one. Number two is more complicated but a lot clearer than two weeks ago. And that's making plans for the future. Really, those thoughts have always been there, staring me in the face but I was so short sighted I couldn't see it clearly. Now I have and I feel so much better for it. Three weeks ago my youngest daughter told me she'd found a house she'd like to buy. Oh, i thought, another chapter over. An empty house for me to rattle around in. Now I find myself looking forward to her moving out. She's only just a mile away and it'll still be me on the daily dog walk, all the fun and none of the mess! I can go out leaving a tidy-ish house and return finding it as I'd left it:)Now that's a positive! I'll have the fridge and freezer back as my own again! Not to mention the washing machine! All positives. So I've plenty to think about over the coming months and plenty of friends and family to share with. The future really is bright. I shall attempt to visit my wife at the nursing home and if it upsets her then I'll leave. I won't let it upset me as its at the top of that list of things I have no control over. Must go now, the rest of the family are finally emerging :). I don't mind the heat but they're struggling a little. They booked Florida in June and don't like the heat. What they need is a holiday so they can plan better next time.:)Al.
    Ps to Jugglingmum. I brought a fleecy blanket with me for cool evening but I'll be leaving it behind to make space for other goodies o_OAl
     

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