Two years to get this bad. What now?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by AL60, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi @AL60 ,
    such good news.
    Stopping trying to control or change what we have no power over, is something I learned more than three decades ago ....and keep forgetting.
    Your daughter's moving out is another great piece of news . Grownup children have to live on their own, whenever it is possible and affordable.
    You will have a fresh start, which doesn't mean your wife won't be in your heart. You are still young and have a life still to be lived and enjoyed.
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    So pleased you have had a good break. You need to try to set aside the day or two each week to visit your wife. No point in trying every day. She has no recollection of you and the happy life you had together. Dementia is the saddest decease and next week when I am at my husbands funeral It will be a celebration of his life and the fact that he will no longer be suffering this cruel and wicked disease. One day she may smile at you again. My husband changed his mood quite often. You have done nothing wrong. Its this awful illness.xx
  3. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    Hi. It's nearly three weeks since I last posted on here. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone! I'm still feeling good about life in general so that Florida sunshine break wasn't wasted. It's so easy to get carried away and make all kinds of plans while you have the time to relax and enjoy. I was always worried about drifting back to old ways on my return home, it hasn't happened. In fact, I'm away again this weekend. What! Away again! :). Actually I'm in Dundee staying at my daughter's home for a few days. It's her birthday so here I am for my share of birthday cake. But away is still away and the Dundee weather has been fairly good, especially today. So here i am again, posting late evening and once again saying how much I'm looking forward to going back home later tomorrow I heard today that my wife's has been on a trip to Knowsley safari park. I can only imagine what that must have been like for her, it's her first time out anywhere for her for a very long time. I just hope in her own way she enjoyed herself.
    I went to visit her just last week, every time I go I just hope things might be a little better. It wasn't. At least it doesn't come as a surprise anymore. I thought at one point things might be improving, as she was shouting at me to get out she was laughing. It was so odd, i can only assume it's down to the medication. In fact because she was laughing I was prepared to try to stay a while but the nurse brought her a drink so I decided to leave as that drink was only going to go one way, all over me. o_O.
    Well that's enough from me for now. I'll try to get some sleep. Last time I was here in Dundee I slept on a leaky blow up bed, it was ok but it was difficult getting out of it every morning as I'd sunk to the middle. This time I'm on a rather rickety camp bed;)It's ok but as I said before, i am looking forward to going home later on tomorrow afternoon. And tomorrow night, my own bed:). Not going anywhere though until I've had some birthday cake! It's certainly been a lovely weekend. Goodnight, Al:).
  4. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    I’m glad you are having a better time it’s so sad that she is so awful towards you, dementia is so strange. My husband’s moods change all the time. He’s possessive with me and follows me everywhere which is so stifling. He was awful last week because I went to my weekly dance class and was threatening to kick me when I got home saying he was fed up of being on his own, I’d been out for an hour and a half!

    He was hateful to his elderly cousin saying she was lazy because she couldn’t walk very well. She was 98 years old. He calls his baby grandson a brat which is really awful. I often feel I can’t cope with him as I never know what I’m dealing with from hour to hour.
  5. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    Hi dementia is a very strange disease indeed, it affects different people in different ways. I'm certain if my wife was calmer and less aggressive she would be still at home with me as tha sole carer. However, in our case with the aggression and threat towards myself and my daughter the outcome was sectioning . Harsh I know but , in the end it was for the best. Don t get me wrong, not a day goes by without me thinking I could have done things better But I know if I had done things differently I would have only delayed things, the eventual outcome would have been the same. Al.
    Stay strong, i know it isn't easy.
  6. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    Hi Guzelle:

    I maybe wrong but I believe name calling is a form of aggression. I understand he can't help it but how much do others have to take/understand . All the best.

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