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Two years to get this bad. What now?

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
508
Cheshire
Hi. It's nearly three weeks since I last posted on here. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone! I'm still feeling good about life in general so that Florida sunshine break wasn't wasted. It's so easy to get carried away and make all kinds of plans while you have the time to relax and enjoy. I was always worried about drifting back to old ways on my return home, it hasn't happened. In fact, I'm away again this weekend. What! Away again! :). Actually I'm in Dundee staying at my daughter's home for a few days. It's her birthday so here I am for my share of birthday cake. But away is still away and the Dundee weather has been fairly good, especially today. So here i am again, posting late evening and once again saying how much I'm looking forward to going back home later tomorrow I heard today that my wife's has been on a trip to Knowsley safari park. I can only imagine what that must have been like for her, it's her first time out anywhere for her for a very long time. I just hope in her own way she enjoyed herself.
I went to visit her just last week, every time I go I just hope things might be a little better. It wasn't. At least it doesn't come as a surprise anymore. I thought at one point things might be improving, as she was shouting at me to get out she was laughing. It was so odd, i can only assume it's down to the medication. In fact because she was laughing I was prepared to try to stay a while but the nurse brought her a drink so I decided to leave as that drink was only going to go one way, all over me. o_O.
Well that's enough from me for now. I'll try to get some sleep. Last time I was here in Dundee I slept on a leaky blow up bed, it was ok but it was difficult getting out of it every morning as I'd sunk to the middle. This time I'm on a rather rickety camp bed;)It's ok but as I said before, i am looking forward to going home later on tomorrow afternoon. And tomorrow night, my own bed:). Not going anywhere though until I've had some birthday cake! It's certainly been a lovely weekend. Goodnight, Al:).
 

Guzelle

Registered User
Aug 27, 2016
421
Sheffield
I’m glad you are having a better time it’s so sad that she is so awful towards you, dementia is so strange. My husband’s moods change all the time. He’s possessive with me and follows me everywhere which is so stifling. He was awful last week because I went to my weekly dance class and was threatening to kick me when I got home saying he was fed up of being on his own, I’d been out for an hour and a half!

He was hateful to his elderly cousin saying she was lazy because she couldn’t walk very well. She was 98 years old. He calls his baby grandson a brat which is really awful. I often feel I can’t cope with him as I never know what I’m dealing with from hour to hour.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
508
Cheshire
I’m glad you are having a better time it’s so sad that she is so awful towards you, dementia is so strange. My husband’s moods change all the time. He’s possessive with me and follows me everywhere which is so stifling. He was awful last week because I went to my weekly dance class and was threatening to kick me when I got home saying he was fed up of being on his own, I’d been out for an hour and a half!

He was hateful to his elderly cousin saying she was lazy because she couldn’t walk very well. She was 98 years old. He calls his baby grandson a brat which is really awful. I often feel I can’t cope with him as I never know what I’m dealing with from hour to hour.
Hi dementia is a very strange disease indeed, it affects different people in different ways. I'm certain if my wife was calmer and less aggressive she would be still at home with me as tha sole carer. However, in our case with the aggression and threat towards myself and my daughter the outcome was sectioning . Harsh I know but , in the end it was for the best. Don t get me wrong, not a day goes by without me thinking I could have done things better But I know if I had done things differently I would have only delayed things, the eventual outcome would have been the same. Al.
Stay strong, i know it isn't easy.
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
Mississauga
I’m glad you are having a better time it’s so sad that she is so awful towards you, dementia is so strange. My husband’s moods change all the time. He’s possessive with me and follows me everywhere which is so stifling. He was awful last week because I went to my weekly dance class and was threatening to kick me when I got home saying he was fed up of being on his own, I’d been out for an hour and a half!

He was hateful to his elderly cousin saying she was lazy because she couldn’t walk very well. She was 98 years old. He calls his baby grandson a brat which is really awful. I often feel I can’t cope with him as I never know what I’m dealing with from hour to hour.
Hi Guzelle:

I maybe wrong but I believe name calling is a form of aggression. I understand he can't help it but how much do others have to take/understand . All the best.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
508
Cheshire
Hi. It's only been a couple of weeks since my last post on here but it feels like a lot longer. It's a month now since I returned from my trip to Florida and the post holiday feel hasn't gone away. After a couple of visits to the nursing home nothing had really changed, still the shouting and abuse which I'd got used to. Until last Saturday afternoon. I was coming home from a day in Wales with my youngest daughter when we recieved a message from my daughter in Kendal. She was on her way down to visit her mum and was asking if anyone would be interested in joining her. How could I possibly say no. We had the puppy/ dog :) with us so made our way to the care home. It was the best thing I ever did. My wife has never been particularly fond of dogs but as soon as she saw her that was it. The change was unbelievable! All she did was laugh and chuckle at the antics of that little dog. Still no conversation but it didn't matter, for the first time in a long while she was happy in my presence. Little noodle is now an unofficial therapy dog:). I went again yesterday on my own with the dog and got the same reaction. At last I've found something that works! Visiting at least for now isn't such an ordeal, long may it continue :):). Al.
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
Mississauga
Hi. It's only been a couple of weeks since my last post on here but it feels like a lot longer. It's a month now since I returned from my trip to Florida and the post holiday feel hasn't gone away. After a couple of visits to the nursing home nothing had really changed, still the shouting and abuse which I'd got used to. Until last Saturday afternoon. I was coming home from a day in Wales with my youngest daughter when we recieved a message from my daughter in Kendal. She was on her way down to visit her mum and was asking if anyone would be interested in joining her. How could I possibly say no. We had the puppy/ dog :) with us so made our way to the care home. It was the best thing I ever did. My wife has never been particularly fond of dogs but as soon as she saw her that was it. The change was unbelievable! All she did was laugh and chuckle at the antics of that little dog. Still no conversation but it didn't matter, for the first time in a long while she was happy in my presence. Little noodle is now an unofficial therapy dog:). I went again yesterday on my own with the dog and got the same reaction. At last I've found something that works! Visiting at least for now isn't such an ordeal, long may it continue :):). Al.
Hi:

I guess puppies & young children don't stand in judgement of anybody, not like people. Communicating is done in many ways, facial expressions, hand gestures the lowering & raising of your voice and I'm sure there are other ways. Once you are with a person 24/7 even if you are a saint, there will always be communication breakdown, be it in the middle of the night, early morning, midday, or late evening there will be a communication breakdown of some kind. Young children & puppies just want to play. My husband just wants to laugh & play all day whereas I've got work to do & responsibilities. I can't play right now is a form of communication breakdown. :):)

You seem to have more smiley faces in your posts. Way to go.:):)
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,426
Hi. It's only been a couple of weeks since my last post on here but it feels like a lot longer. It's a month now since I returned from my trip to Florida and the post holiday feel hasn't gone away. After a couple of visits to the nursing home nothing had really changed, still the shouting and abuse which I'd got used to. Until last Saturday afternoon. I was coming home from a day in Wales with my youngest daughter when we recieved a message from my daughter in Kendal. She was on her way down to visit her mum and was asking if anyone would be interested in joining her. How could I possibly say no. We had the puppy/ dog :) with us so made our way to the care home. It was the best thing I ever did. My wife has never been particularly fond of dogs but as soon as she saw her that was it. The change was unbelievable! All she did was laugh and chuckle at the antics of that little dog. Still no conversation but it didn't matter, for the first time in a long while she was happy in my presence. Little noodle is now an unofficial therapy dog:). I went again yesterday on my own with the dog and got the same reaction. At last I've found something that works! Visiting at least for now isn't such an ordeal, long may it continue :):). Al.
What good news. I've read your posts and felt so sad for you in your impossibly difficult situation.

Best wishes Susan
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
494
North West
Hi Al60,
So glad your wife is happy in your presence again. Such a relief for you. I think PWD get stuck in their stubborness and are relieved when something distracts them. It happens over short periods with my OH but your wife held out for much longer.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
Colchester
I have not been on here much for a few months as circumstances have been difficult. But now to see this wonderful news makes me so pleased I have looked you up to see how things are. You must feel so much better now. As a dog lover, I know how they can bring out the best in people and for your wife to react so well to the dog is amazing. Long may it continue. My love to you both. x
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
508
Cheshire
Hi. It may be apparent that my posts are getting further apart. Please don't read anything into this other than I'm now quietly getting on with life. I'll never stop posting updates on here but as time goes on they will get further apart. It's impossible to carry on with life worrying about things I have no control over. My wife is still there, not shouting as much as before even when I don't take noodle the cockapoo with me. There's definitely been a change for the better. Whether it's the drugs / medication I'll never know. I went last Wednesday and she was in a fine mood and went back again today and she was fine again. You really don't know what to expect. As far as life for me is concerned things really couldn't be better. Mornings are taken up with a new group of dog walking friends. A couple or three evenings a week are filled with walks to that not so local local local ;). The rest of my time just seems to disappear. My daughter is about to move out to her own place. Far from dreading it I'm actually looking forward to getting my own space back and she's only a ten minute walk away anyway. I'm looking forward now instead of back, it really does make a difference. Over the last several months there have been a few false starts regarding getting my life back on track and I think this time it's for real. Of course today the sun is shining and that new found optimism seems to come easy. Let's see if it continues into the dark days of our lovely winter. If I can get through that then I can get through anything. I'm going now, possibly to that not so local local ;) Who knows, my options are open. When I read other posts on here I realise how fortunate I am. There are many on here in the depths of despair. Not that long ago I was one of them. There is a little light at the end of that tunnel, it's never easy and life will never be the same again but I'm going to carry on and do my best to make the best of what life has left to give. Anything else would be a waste. Now, I really am going. Good evening. Al:):):).