Two years to get this bad. What now?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by AL60, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi @AL60 ,
    such good news.
    Stopping trying to control or change what we have no power over, is something I learned more than three decades ago ....and keep forgetting.
    Your daughter's moving out is another great piece of news . Grownup children have to live on their own, whenever it is possible and affordable.
    You will have a fresh start, which doesn't mean your wife won't be in your heart. You are still young and have a life still to be lived and enjoyed.
     
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    So pleased you have had a good break. You need to try to set aside the day or two each week to visit your wife. No point in trying every day. She has no recollection of you and the happy life you had together. Dementia is the saddest decease and next week when I am at my husbands funeral It will be a celebration of his life and the fact that he will no longer be suffering this cruel and wicked disease. One day she may smile at you again. My husband changed his mood quite often. You have done nothing wrong. Its this awful illness.xx
     
  3. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. It's nearly three weeks since I last posted on here. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone! I'm still feeling good about life in general so that Florida sunshine break wasn't wasted. It's so easy to get carried away and make all kinds of plans while you have the time to relax and enjoy. I was always worried about drifting back to old ways on my return home, it hasn't happened. In fact, I'm away again this weekend. What! Away again! :). Actually I'm in Dundee staying at my daughter's home for a few days. It's her birthday so here I am for my share of birthday cake. But away is still away and the Dundee weather has been fairly good, especially today. So here i am again, posting late evening and once again saying how much I'm looking forward to going back home later tomorrow I heard today that my wife's has been on a trip to Knowsley safari park. I can only imagine what that must have been like for her, it's her first time out anywhere for her for a very long time. I just hope in her own way she enjoyed herself.
    I went to visit her just last week, every time I go I just hope things might be a little better. It wasn't. At least it doesn't come as a surprise anymore. I thought at one point things might be improving, as she was shouting at me to get out she was laughing. It was so odd, i can only assume it's down to the medication. In fact because she was laughing I was prepared to try to stay a while but the nurse brought her a drink so I decided to leave as that drink was only going to go one way, all over me. o_O.
    Well that's enough from me for now. I'll try to get some sleep. Last time I was here in Dundee I slept on a leaky blow up bed, it was ok but it was difficult getting out of it every morning as I'd sunk to the middle. This time I'm on a rather rickety camp bed;)It's ok but as I said before, i am looking forward to going home later on tomorrow afternoon. And tomorrow night, my own bed:). Not going anywhere though until I've had some birthday cake! It's certainly been a lovely weekend. Goodnight, Al:).
     
  4. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    347
    Sheffield
    I’m glad you are having a better time it’s so sad that she is so awful towards you, dementia is so strange. My husband’s moods change all the time. He’s possessive with me and follows me everywhere which is so stifling. He was awful last week because I went to my weekly dance class and was threatening to kick me when I got home saying he was fed up of being on his own, I’d been out for an hour and a half!

    He was hateful to his elderly cousin saying she was lazy because she couldn’t walk very well. She was 98 years old. He calls his baby grandson a brat which is really awful. I often feel I can’t cope with him as I never know what I’m dealing with from hour to hour.
     
  5. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi dementia is a very strange disease indeed, it affects different people in different ways. I'm certain if my wife was calmer and less aggressive she would be still at home with me as tha sole carer. However, in our case with the aggression and threat towards myself and my daughter the outcome was sectioning . Harsh I know but , in the end it was for the best. Don t get me wrong, not a day goes by without me thinking I could have done things better But I know if I had done things differently I would have only delayed things, the eventual outcome would have been the same. Al.
    Stay strong, i know it isn't easy.
     
  6. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    Hi Guzelle:

    I maybe wrong but I believe name calling is a form of aggression. I understand he can't help it but how much do others have to take/understand . All the best.
     
  7. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. It's only been a couple of weeks since my last post on here but it feels like a lot longer. It's a month now since I returned from my trip to Florida and the post holiday feel hasn't gone away. After a couple of visits to the nursing home nothing had really changed, still the shouting and abuse which I'd got used to. Until last Saturday afternoon. I was coming home from a day in Wales with my youngest daughter when we recieved a message from my daughter in Kendal. She was on her way down to visit her mum and was asking if anyone would be interested in joining her. How could I possibly say no. We had the puppy/ dog :) with us so made our way to the care home. It was the best thing I ever did. My wife has never been particularly fond of dogs but as soon as she saw her that was it. The change was unbelievable! All she did was laugh and chuckle at the antics of that little dog. Still no conversation but it didn't matter, for the first time in a long while she was happy in my presence. Little noodle is now an unofficial therapy dog:). I went again yesterday on my own with the dog and got the same reaction. At last I've found something that works! Visiting at least for now isn't such an ordeal, long may it continue :):). Al.
     
  8. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    Hi:

    I guess puppies & young children don't stand in judgement of anybody, not like people. Communicating is done in many ways, facial expressions, hand gestures the lowering & raising of your voice and I'm sure there are other ways. Once you are with a person 24/7 even if you are a saint, there will always be communication breakdown, be it in the middle of the night, early morning, midday, or late evening there will be a communication breakdown of some kind. Young children & puppies just want to play. My husband just wants to laugh & play all day whereas I've got work to do & responsibilities. I can't play right now is a form of communication breakdown. :):)

    You seem to have more smiley faces in your posts. Way to go.:):)
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,219
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh my goodness @AL60 iw wonderful. So good for you to have such positive visits.
     
  10. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,043
    Merseyside
    I’m so delighted that you’ve found something that works @AL60.
     
  11. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,468
    What good news. I've read your posts and felt so sad for you in your impossibly difficult situation.

    Best wishes Susan
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,102
    Kent
    How wonderful @AL60. Who would have believed it. It`s nothing short of a miracle :):)
     
  13. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    371
    Female
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    I second that @AL60, long may it continue. What a tremendous breakthrough.
     
  14. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    347
    Sheffield
    I’m so happy for you, who would’ve thought a dog could make all the difference.
     
  15. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,818
    Nottinghamshire
  16. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    197
    Female
    Essex
    Wow , what a change , pleased for you. Long may it continue :) .
     
  17. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    462
    North West
    Hi Al60,
    So glad your wife is happy in your presence again. Such a relief for you. I think PWD get stuck in their stubborness and are relieved when something distracts them. It happens over short periods with my OH but your wife held out for much longer.
     
  18. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Such good news, @AL60 .
    And the puppy deserves a special treat. ;)
     
  19. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    112
    Bedford
    After reading your ‘story’ I am too so glad to hear this positive development
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.