Two years to get this bad. What now?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by AL60, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,103
    Kent
    Please try the help available @AL60 even if you may think it won`t be able to help.

    National Dementia Helpline

    0300 222 11 22


    Helpline opening hours:

    Monday to Wednesday

    9am – 8pm

    Thursday and Friday

    9am – 5pm

    Saturday and Sunday

    10am – 4pm

    Also The Samaritans is not only for suicide. They provide a listening ear and can even provide face to face local support.

    https://www.samaritans.org/#. 116 123
     
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Hi Al. I feel your pain. I can understand how rejected you must feel. You have done everything you can to help your wife and still she rejects you. It must be so hard to keep trying to convince yourself that she is ill and doesn't understand the pain she is causing. But you know that is the truth. You must desperately need to sit with her. Hold her hand. Let her know you care. And knowing she can't help it, does not stop the hurt you feel. Is there a member of staff at the home you can talk too. If the staff know how much this is pulling you down, maybe there could be a time to visit when she is in a happier mood. Or maybe medication that would help her. Would it be possible for the staff to bring her to you in a room she doesn't know and maybe doesn't associate with what has gone before.? Am I making any sense at all.? Just trying to think of a different approach to seeing her. I send my love. Its all I can do.xxx
     
  3. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Hello Al60. Can you just post something to let us know you are ok. We just need to know as you seem so down and having a difficult time.xx
     
  4. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. Thank you for your concern. I spoke to someone at the helpline early today and feel so much more positive about the future now. With a little push from my daughter the Florida flight is now booked. A week ago I just couldn't be bothered even to think about it. Now I'm actually looking forward to the break in the sunshine . Tomorrow I have a routine hospital appointment , nothing serious at all, and afterwards going to visit friends for an afternoon cuppa. I've just returned from my not so local local after an evening with friends and on Thursday I'm going walking with the ramblers , a short ten miles this time, easy. Well easyish :). So as you see I'm battling on and looking forward . It's not going to be easy but I'm going to get out of this mire one way or another. Two of our daughters went to visit their mum on Sunday and had a very good visit. Another friend went to see her today and had the exact opposite so you never know, I might just be going on the wrong days. Anyway, Just going to say I'm feeling fine. The longer days are starting to work the magic even now. Oh yes, nearly forgot to mention the puppy my youngest daughter has acquired is also something of a major distraction. So watch this space for more puppy dog tales to follow. Goodnight and thanks again. Alo_O.
     
  5. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    645
    Male
    Kent
    Glad to hear you're feeling brighter @AL60

    I could do with some sunshine too - just got to wait for the god old British weather to buck up some more - or for July, when I have a holiday in Turkey booked with our 2 sons and the grand kids:cool:. Just got the small matter of respite for my wife to sort out:rolleyes:.

    It's good to have things planned to look forward too, isn't it? I often spend the time I get whilst my wife is at the day centre (1 day a week) and activity morning (half day), doing DIY at our youngest son's house (lovely house but a bit of a money-pit:eek:). I find it very therapeutic, as it takes my mind off things and keeps me busy.

    Keep battling and enjoy the holiday, sunshine, longer days and of course the puppy.

    Regards
    Phil
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,103
    Kent
    Good news from you @AL60.

    You're travelling a tough road but seem to be working really hard to make the best of what life has left you with.
     
  7. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Hello Al. Pleased to hear from you. A holiday to look forward to and a puppy to distract you is all good. Do you live near the daughter with the puppy? If so that might be a good thing to do later, to take it out for walks. Nothing like a dog walk to make you feel better. Although I new puppy may not be able to go out yet, it soon will, when it's had its jabs. Take good care of yourself.xx
     
  8. dancer12

    dancer12 Registered User

    Jan 9, 2017
    451
    Mississauga
    :):)Sunshine, hot weather, sand, beaches, shorts, t-shirts and sandals, all good for the soul & rejuvenation.:) That's why spring comes after winter not before.:)
    Enjoy:):)
     
  9. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi @AL60 ,
    So pleased with the good news.
    I envy you your holiday in Florida, but above all your new furry friend.
     
  10. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,234
    Enjoy Al, the puppy will be a distraction? X
     
  11. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. The great British weather indeed . Now it's finally April you'd never know. Looking at the blossom on the trees and the very first of the leaves you can't help feeling it could do with being at least a bit warmer. Never mind, April is always a month of extremes, lots of catching up to do. Could be snow on the ground one day then sunshine and low twenties a couple of days later. It really is the month that gives you hope. Enjoy your summer holidays. Al
     
  12. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. It has and still is a tough road but thanks to this site it's not a lonely roadAl.
     
  13. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. I think I need a holiday to escape the puppy my daughter lives at home with me so I'm getting all the puppy attention I need. She had her final injections yesterday so can go walkies ten days from now ! Can't wait Al.
     
  14. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. You're so right. Our British summers and winters aren't as extreme as many other countries so spring can seem to go a long time before it turns to summer but when it does its worth it. Al.
     
  15. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    987
    Colchester
    Brilliant. It will do you so much good.xxx
     
  16. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi @AL60 ,
    You haven't posted for a while.
    Hope you are reasonably well and starting to adjust to your " new" life.
    Tomorrow is Easter day. Might it bring you the serenity you need.
     
  17. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Hi. Yes you're right, I've not posted for a while. I've been a little preoccupied just lately with that puppy of ours. She's really a great distraction from other things, I'm sure you can imagine. The bottom line is I'm fine. I went through a bit of a bad patch recently but I feel I've come out of the dark and into the light. Nothing has changed for my wife, if anything her general health has improved a little. She's eating well, and taking her meds, she's taking plenty of fluids too and is looking better for it. However her mood towards me hasn't changed. I called in last Thursday, said hello, got a smile and a hello back, I asked if I could sit next to her, yes she replied. So I sat in the chair next to her. I think that was when she remembered who I was. That was the end of that visit. I tried again on Sunday, she remembered straight away who I was this time and actually screamed at me to get out. Time to go again. It's her birthday next Sunday so I'll try again, though I'm not expecting any miracles, Just another short visit. So I'm fine, I've been enjoying dog walks in the lovely spring weather and am planning a holiday in June. Off to Florida with one of my daughters. So as you see, everything is fine. Just trying to look forward and get on with living. I'll sign off for now, but I'll be back very soon. Goodnight Al. :).
     
  18. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    493
    Cheshire
    Once again hi. And once again I find myself unable to get to sleep . Odd really because all day I've felt so tired, all I've wanted to do was sit quietly and drift off to sleep. I didn't, I thought I'd try to keep busy, so much for that plan .
    I've just been going back through some of my earlier posts, it's surprising what you forget. There were some stressful times yet I'd go back tomorrow if I could . They might have been stressful but at least she was at home . I'm left with a different kind of stress now. I shouldn't complain really, in so many ways I'm feeling much better now. Safe in the knowledge that She's safe, warm, well fed and cared for, far better than I could do for her. Yet I just wish things could have turned out better. But that's dementia isn't it.
    Well, now I've totally depressed myself with one of my more downbeat posts I'll try to lighten the mood. Since February I've not quite been my old self. Spells of dizziness and nausea, hold on, I said lighten the mood ! OK, then there's the headache , seems to be a permanent feature since February . Still not lightening the mood. Well, one day last week I went to visit my wife at the nursing home. As usual she didn't exactly want to see me so I made the most of the visit by checking her room, Just to make sure she wasn't running short of anything . On her bedside table I found a small man doll, a bit odd really as it had similar features to me. o_O. I could just picture her knocking seven bells out of this effigy of me, could this explain my headache and general feeling of being under the weather all this time! o_Oo_O. I doubt it too yet I do wish I'd removed it from her room :D. It's not voodoo by the way , the Dr says it's possibly labyrinthitis. Still wide awake. Oh well, no plans for tomorrow and rain forecast so apart from a dog walk I can have a lazy day :)I've earned it :)goodnight Al. :)
     
  19. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Hi Al, so glad you are reasonably well and planning a holiday with your daughter.
    Yes, dogs are wonderful friends.
    I can't even imagine what I would do if I didn't have my three rescue dogs with me.
    I am sorry about your wife's aggressive behaviour towards you , but what matters is she is better and well cared for.
    I know it is impossible (and also unfair) to erase so many years spent together , but you are still young and have a life to be enjoyed waiting for you.
     
  20. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Remove that doll the first time you visit your wife or ask someone else to remove it.
    I am not thinking of woodoo, but that doll might constantly remind your wife of you and increase her anger.
    I have been suffering from labyrinthis for years and I know how unpleasant it is.
    Has your GP prescribed you any medication?
    I have been on betahistine for years and the situation has remarkably improved, even though I can't still sleep lying on my right side, because I feel the world starts spinning..
    Hope you are sound asleep. It is such an ungodly hour.
    Too late to say good night and too early to say good morning.
    Anyway, I wish you serenity, which we need and deserve, don't we?
     

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