Two years to get this bad. What now?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by AL60, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    496
    Cheshire
    Hi. It may be apparent that my posts are getting further apart. Please don't read anything into this other than I'm now quietly getting on with life. I'll never stop posting updates on here but as time goes on they will get further apart. It's impossible to carry on with life worrying about things I have no control over. My wife is still there, not shouting as much as before even when I don't take noodle the cockapoo with me. There's definitely been a change for the better. Whether it's the drugs / medication I'll never know. I went last Wednesday and she was in a fine mood and went back again today and she was fine again. You really don't know what to expect. As far as life for me is concerned things really couldn't be better. Mornings are taken up with a new group of dog walking friends. A couple or three evenings a week are filled with walks to that not so local local local ;). The rest of my time just seems to disappear. My daughter is about to move out to her own place. Far from dreading it I'm actually looking forward to getting my own space back and she's only a ten minute walk away anyway. I'm looking forward now instead of back, it really does make a difference. Over the last several months there have been a few false starts regarding getting my life back on track and I think this time it's for real. Of course today the sun is shining and that new found optimism seems to come easy. Let's see if it continues into the dark days of our lovely winter. If I can get through that then I can get through anything. I'm going now, possibly to that not so local local ;) Who knows, my options are open. When I read other posts on here I realise how fortunate I am. There are many on here in the depths of despair. Not that long ago I was one of them. There is a little light at the end of that tunnel, it's never easy and life will never be the same again but I'm going to carry on and do my best to make the best of what life has left to give. Anything else would be a waste. Now, I really am going. Good evening. Al:):):).
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,438
    Female
    Dundee
    Such a positive post @AL60. I wish you well for the future and hope you update us when you can.
     
  3. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    496
    Cheshire
    I certainly will. Al
     
  4. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,067
    Female
    Chester
    good to hear from you @AL60 - glad you are managing to look forward
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    Good to read such a positive upread @AL60
     
  6. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    232
    Female
    Essex
    Agree with others , great to see your positive post @AL60 . Onwards and upwards . Noodle sounds a great tonic . A friend has a labradoodle called Noodle and he is a joy . Take care .
     
  7. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    176
    Bedford
    Also glad to read your positive post
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,359
    Kent
    You've come through to the other side Al . From despair to hope. Good for you. :)
     
  9. MAMMYGRANNY

    MAMMYGRANNY Registered User

    Jan 26, 2016
    56
    Al so glad that things are improving for you. You popped into my mind this morning when I was told to **** off while washing DH so I logged in here to see how you are. Great to hear of that little chink of light at the end of this (loooooong) tunnel!
     
  10. AL60

    AL60 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2016
    496
    Cheshire
    Hi again. I had intended to post roughly once a month from here on in but I feel that there are a couple of things worth sharing. Yesterday, Saturday, I reluctantly went to visit the care home. I say reluctantly only because it has such a negative affect on not only me but also my wife So much so it's been putting me off going . But yesterday, although there Was The odd bit of shouting there was also a lot of laughter, she actually seemed to be enjoying my company. I managed to stay for well over an hour which is extremely unusual, it was a pleasure to be there. I only left as her late afternoon meal was served as I preferred her to eat it rather than me wear it. I heard later that she'd got upset after I'd gone, she'd actually wanted me to stay! My, how things change. If this continues I'll increase my visits, have we finally turned a corner? Or is it the medication or is this just another stage in the dementia journey? Who knows, it just shows, never give up.
    The other thing I want to share is this. I've received a letter from the clinic inviting me and several others to go in later this month and share my experience of being a carer. How well the clinic did, what it got right and what it got wrong, where improvements could be made etc, etc. Initially I just thought OK, things worked out in the end everything went fine and dandy, what's to be critical about. Then I thought, why not read back from 2016 and see what it was really like. It's a condition of the human brain that cuts out the bad memories and only keeps the good ones. That's why when we remember those days of never ending sunshine of our childhoods. I'd forgotten all about the stresses and heartache of those earlier days. The promise of the sitting service, the admiral nurse visits, the nurse visits and then after an age the carer visits which were often stressful in themselves. I had really forgotten how bad things were. So I'll take some notes and collect some dates and tell them exactly how it was in those dark days.
    It's the first time I'd referred back to those times and even though I'd written those posts I still found them a fascinating read. I was almost detached from them as if I was reading someone else's life. Sometimes I laughed sometimes I could have cried but how I got through those times I'll never know. Enough for now. I just might go back to visit again tomorrow, See if I can have a repeat of Saturdays visit :)So I'll say goodnight 'til next time. Al60 ish :):)
     
  11. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    How lovely that your wife wanted you to stay longer @AL60.
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,438
    Female
    Dundee
    What a relief for you @AL60. I'm glad it was a positive visit.

    Having the opportunity to give feedback is good. I'm glad you have been able to use your forum posts to help you reflect on how things progressed. .
     
  13. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    So pleased that your wife is being more welcoming to your visits. It must make you feel better On the subject of looking back at your "journey". I did that after my husband died. I knew times had been difficult but when I read all the letters I wrote on here, I made myself cry all over again. How I managed I don 't know. But it was what it was, and I am pleased that I did the best I could in every situation. It was the system that let us down sometimes. Good luck Al. Hope things continue to be better.x
     

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