Thank you so much for your kind comments. i have lost a lot of confidence in the last few years about what is wrong and what is right as I am sure we all have. I was so concerned about this situation however I wanted to post though rarely do. I suppose this is because once things are in writing on here they are here forever, no back peddling. but sometimes we need to stick our heads over the parapet if we can maybe help someone. just hope I do.
Tonight I actually snapped
- Thread starter Dave K
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Thank you so much for your kind comments. i have lost a lot of confidence in the last few years about what is wrong and what is right as I am sure we all have. I was so concerned about this situation however I wanted to post though rarely do. I suppose this is because once things are in writing on here they are here forever, no back peddling. but sometimes we need to stick our heads over the parapet if we can maybe help someone. just hope I do.
Mum told me she had been seen by a professional and had been told she was fine, no memory problems, didn't have heart problems or anything wrong with her hearing. She then told any family that.
This was followed days later by a visit by the psychiatrist who filled in a report and left. Mum was very happy and told me all about the chair her visitor (psychiatrist) was going to order her. She then put the TV on loud enough to wake the dead.
Meanwhile I was told by family that I was over reacting and there wasn't anything wrong with Mum and to get a grip. Mum was looking for a dead cat while I was on the phone!
This was followed days later by a visit by the psychiatrist who filled in a report and left. Mum was very happy and told me all about the chair her visitor (psychiatrist) was going to order her. She then put the TV on loud enough to wake the dead.
Meanwhile I was told by family that I was over reacting and there wasn't anything wrong with Mum and to get a grip. Mum was looking for a dead cat while I was on the phone!
Right it's just after 7pm and it is now my time and will go back and re-read all the wonderful posts that have come in today, I have read them all as they have come in but simply not had time to read them thoroughly or reply to most of them
Today has been a nightmare, did was everyone was telling me to do, got is sorted with the SS, told them if it were not for my Son I would have killed myself a few times and that I was feeling suicidal (a small fib, had thought about it but would never do it) and got a dopy SS visit within 15 minutes (they are literally 1/2 mile away from me)
Dopy SS person undid all that I did, so my 2 days rest bite when wife was with step-daughter was spend calling SS, memory folk (back and forth) then only to be told to collect my wife as they could not cope undid all my hopes that something was happening, those 2 days were more tiring than normal every day life for me
Then to be told quite blankly that there is nothing wrong with my wife's memory at all whilst wife was there today put me over the top. I didn't loose it but dopy said we can not do anything so I told here to please close the front door on the way out, went outside (back door) stunned, upset, disappointed and above all completely let down
Anyway off to read today's post from you ever-so-kind friends
Today has been a nightmare, did was everyone was telling me to do, got is sorted with the SS, told them if it were not for my Son I would have killed myself a few times and that I was feeling suicidal (a small fib, had thought about it but would never do it) and got a dopy SS visit within 15 minutes (they are literally 1/2 mile away from me)
Dopy SS person undid all that I did, so my 2 days rest bite when wife was with step-daughter was spend calling SS, memory folk (back and forth) then only to be told to collect my wife as they could not cope undid all my hopes that something was happening, those 2 days were more tiring than normal every day life for me
Then to be told quite blankly that there is nothing wrong with my wife's memory at all whilst wife was there today put me over the top. I didn't loose it but dopy said we can not do anything so I told here to please close the front door on the way out, went outside (back door) stunned, upset, disappointed and above all completely let down
Anyway off to read today's post from you ever-so-kind friends
That's what I mean ....it doesn't reduce the amount of work that needs to be done by a council, just delays everything and causes confusion and frustration.....even if you work for them!
It's a way of delaying and deferring the process 'of actual help'... in my opinion.....
At least they 'SS' can say they have done something, and not ignored 'the issue' completely....
but at the same time knowing that what they have done is about as useless as a chocolate fireguard.
My husbands 'assessment' was many years ago (I'm a widow now), and it's sad to see that the assessment process has not changed.
It would be so much easier to send one person, and have things done and dusted, with follow ups from the same person every few months....
Thinking of you Dave, and Mrs Dave.... keep fighting...
Onlyme "Mum was looking for a dead cat while I was on the phone" ..
My husband woke up one day really mad with me, as he convinced himself that I had killed the dog!
We've never had a dog. Done lots of dog sitting, but never had a dog !!!
Deary me, the things that Alz throws at us, we should write a TP book.
So far I have killed my daughter (I don't have one, never had), hidden her body and hidden Mum's new baby in the wardrobe. It would be funny if it wasn't so bloody sad.
Family now understand Mum is ill but have told me they are too traumatised to visit.
Sorry Dave, I have kidnapped your thread. We do care and I hope you see our sharing as us understand what you are fighting.
I wish you weren't so far away or I would pop round with some meals you didn't have to cook yourself.
Sorry Dave, I have kidnapped your thread. We do care and I hope you see our sharing as us understand what you are fighting.
I wish you weren't so far away or I would pop round with some meals you didn't have to cook yourself.
Family now understand Mum is ill but have told me they are too traumatised to visit.
Sorry Dave, I have kidnapped your thread. We do care and I hope you see our sharing as us understand what you are fighting.
I wish you weren't so far away or I would pop round with some meals you didn't have to cook yourself.
No problem
Thanks for the meal offer but I cooked, 4 chicken breasts, 16 roast potatoes, peas, beans carrots, 12 Yorkshire puddings topped of with chicken gravy so I have 4 full bellies (no, not all mine) in the house this evening
Sad and angry about the lack of sheer professionalism as well as the lack of help, Dave. Can't think of anything new to suggest. What's already been suggested will work but it'll be so hard for you to find the energy.
Absolutely no energy left, but it will come back
I will be telling wife's memory psychiatrist all about today
I am hoping that the memory team assessment will go better but I ain't booking that until the results of the SEPT scan are given to us on the 9th July at 3pm
I want it in writing (regarding the memory part) then I am going to copy it walk down to the local SS (1/2 mile away) and give it to the SS unfeeling, uncaring SS 'numpty' that told my wife, to her face, that there was noting with her memory, this I promise to do
Hiya Dave, I cant stop thinking about coming up with a solution for you both....
I think you posted somewhere saying that your wife couldn't cook a meal, or make a cuppa? Am I right?
If this is the case, Mrs Dave might ( actually you might, as part of your evidence )
benefit from 'an assessment' from the Community Occupational Therapy Team....
If they see that your wife is not capable in doing a small task like this, it may help with getting support.
When my husband was 'assessed' it was called something like 'Activities for Daily Living'..
He failed, but I knew he would.
I didn't do it to upset or humiliate him, I did it. in part. to make people (SS/SW) realise that VaD was limiting.
J was able to hold a short conversation, but not look after himself with simple tasks like making a hot drink and a sandwich.
Its been posted here TP, that problems arise when 'the patient' presents themselves really well.
From your visit today, it sounds like Mrs Dave managed to do this. Don't give up.
Take care
I think you posted somewhere saying that your wife couldn't cook a meal, or make a cuppa? Am I right?
If this is the case, Mrs Dave might ( actually you might, as part of your evidence
) benefit from 'an assessment' from the Community Occupational Therapy Team....
If they see that your wife is not capable in doing a small task like this, it may help with getting support.
When my husband was 'assessed' it was called something like 'Activities for Daily Living'..
He failed, but I knew he would.
I didn't do it to upset or humiliate him, I did it. in part. to make people (SS/SW) realise that VaD was limiting.
J was able to hold a short conversation, but not look after himself with simple tasks like making a hot drink and a sandwich.
Its been posted here TP, that problems arise when 'the patient' presents themselves really well.
From your visit today, it sounds like Mrs Dave managed to do this. Don't give up.
Take care
My above quote is from another topic I had running a while ago
Today wife told me that her daughter is going to pay for her replacement passport, this is the same daughter that could not cope for more than 2 days looking after her mum sending her packing yesterday.
It is not that I could not afford to renew both of our passports just that it was pointless as I am never going to take her out of the Country again (see original topic for the reasons)
Smacks a bit of, "I cannot look after you but I will throw money at you to make me feel better"
I would rather have a day or two off or at least help once in a while but this is not too be, wife was pleased though as she would be
It just seems everything I decide is best for my wife completely undermined
Sometime I wonder why we all bother, is it because we care, of course it is but it is so very frustrating
Well said Dave! And you can also ask her SS boss why she didn't brief herself at all before she visited. You've sent enough information about the situation for anyone and everyone to realise the purpose of her visit should have been to help both your wife and you.
Am very glad your son and his partner are providing company and support. Real hugs re much nicer than virtual ones!
Am very glad your son and his partner are providing company and support. Real hugs re much nicer than virtual ones!
Hiya Dave, I cant stop thinking about coming up with a solution for you both....
I think you posted somewhere saying that your wife couldn't cook a meal, or make a cuppa? Am I right?
If this is the case, Mrs Dave might ( actually you might, as part of your evidence
benefit from 'an assessment' from the Community Occupational Therapy Team....
If they see that your wife is not capable in doing a small task like this, it may help with getting support.
When my husband was 'assessed' it was called something like 'Activities for Daily Living'..
He failed, but I knew he would.
I didn't do it to upset or humiliate him, I did it. in part. to make people (SS/SW) realise that VaD was limiting.
J was able to hold a short conversation, but not look after himself with simple tasks like making a hot drink and a sandwich.
Its been posted here TP, that problems arise when 'the patient' presents themselves really well.
From your visit today, it sounds like Mrs Dave managed to do this. Don't give up.
Take care
Well, SS asked these very questions and my wife answered that she cooks all the time (I said that she had not cooked in the past couple of years)
She was asked does she clean the house, she replied yes (I said you have done no housework in 12 months)
Every question she answered was completely incorrect and so not to make her feal bad I woould say, I think you are wrong love as.........
SS assessor took my wife's word as absolutely the truth and I must have been speaking a different language
Many times my Son and I looked at each other as if were from a different planet
It beggars belief, I can only put it down to delay this for now, we've shown our face so let see what happens next syndrome
Son and girlfriend have been great, in fact son's girlfriend bought me a small bottle of 2 in 1 shampoo / conditioner as I was on about my straw like hair after washing
I nearly burst into tears as that was the first gift I had received in a long time unrelated to Christmas and/or birthdays
I just used my gift 30 minutes ago and I smell like cucumbers at the moment. (GET DOWN ZEUS, STOP LICKING MY HEAD)
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Dave, did you hear me give a huge sigh? On dear, nothing changes.....
My husband said similar things, and sounded equally convincing.
Its sooooo darn frustrating... you feel as no one understands or listens to you...or even believes you
You would think SS would be aware of these responses, and dig 'discretely of course' deeper.
But then again, why would they, when they managed to put a tick in a box, as far as they are concerned it's job done.
My husband said similar things, and sounded equally convincing.
Its sooooo darn frustrating... you feel as no one understands or listens to you...or even believes you
You would think
SS would be aware of these responses, and dig 'discretely of course' deeper.But then again, why would they, when they managed to put a tick in a box, as far as they are concerned it's job done.
Dave, did you hear me give a huge sigh? On dear, nothing changes.....
My husband said similar things, and sounded equally convincing.
Its sooooo darn frustrating... you feel as no one understands or listens to you...or even believes you
You would think
But then again, why would they, when they managed to put a tick in a box, as far as they are concerned it's job done.
Re: Hugs - Not only did I hear you I actually felt the squeeze - Thanks
Wife's just going to bed now, her last words to me a few seconds ago were "Why are you doing this to me" and "There is nothing wrong with my memory" then "Why are you doing this to me" (yep, again) finishing off with "Do you want a divorce"
(Basically the same repeated 3 or 4 statements every night when she goes to bed)
So, from morning to the very end of the night I feel abused, strong statement, but if I were caught saying this to my wife then I would be an abuser
Again... Aaaaarrrrggghhh!
ooo -ooo Dave, on a lighter note (btw, I'm a similar age to you)
do you remember a song that came out called "Get down Shep" (walkies wont be long?)
I think you should give us a Zeus update tomorrow, he's got a lot of fans
By the barren knights 1978, oh yes I remember it
- (I would have been 16)I was going to go but...... gosh how strange J used to say "Why are you doing this" at bedtime (winding down time) .... but sometimes he'd add "I wish you'd F off"
I don't know why I'm smiling now, it made me so very sad at the time...
It must be the love I had for him, even with the VaD. I knew it wasn't really him
I don't know why I'm smiling now, it made me so very sad at the time...
It must be the love I had for him, even with the VaD. I knew it wasn't really him
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