Tonight I actually snapped

[Dave K]

Marathon Staying up Night

I am not going to bed tonight (this morning)

I am listening to loads of music with headphones and really, really loud

I did promise myself a day off either Saturday or Sunday with plans to go to the beach or North Yorkshire Moors with Zeus, that was when wife was staying with her daughter until Monday

Well as you may know that went downhill when wife came home on Friday night after being kicked out from daughters as they could not cope

So I am staying up tonight as I do not want to sleep on the sofa again, I will wait until around 8am when wife gets up then I will go for a shower then nip in bed until whenever I wake up

Looks like my planned day off is going to be a day in bed...

 

[Wolfsgirl]

I agree with you it is DEFINITELY not too much to ask, in fact it is barely enough!!!

Wonder if the daughter would agree to 'just' have Mrs Dave for a single day and night once per week? This shouldn't be a problem as there is no memory problem (rolling eyes sarcastically) but seriously, they can't have it both ways can they?

Am totally behind you like everyone else, Sharon x

Sarcastic or agreement?

I am great at reading facial / body mannerisms (this is my curse I was born with) so are you being Sarcastic or in agreement to my suggestion / proposal? (I am sure it is the latter though)

As if my suggestion / proposal would even be considered within the social care system anyway

 

[Scarlett123]

Hope today is more bearable for you, Dave.

 

[Wolfsgirl]

Hi just a thought, what did the daughter actually say as to why her Mum could not stay till Monday? Did she actually say she could not cope? If she did, the SS ought to know this!!! With all the cooking Mrs Dave does etc. surely the daughter would have been glad of the extra help with her bad hand!!!

Have just caught up on all the other messages and you are absolutely right about carers, they should not have to jump through hoops to get the help they must have if they are to continue. Interesting there is an ombudsman scheme, I hope you take it all the way.

x

I am not going to bed tonight (this morning)

I am listening to loads of music with headphones and really, really loud

I did promise myself a day off either Saturday or Sunday with plans to go to the beach or North Yorkshire Moors with Zeus, that was when wife was staying with her daughter until Monday

Well as you may know that went downhill when wife came home on Friday night after being kicked out from daughters as they could not cope

So I am staying up tonight as I do not want to sleep on the sofa again, I will wait until around 8am when wife gets up then I will go for a shower then nip in bed until whenever I wake up

Looks like my planned day off is going to be a day in bed...

 

[Onlyme]

I hope that Mrs Dave rings the 4 numbers on her phone to tell them she doesn't have memory problems. Perhaps after she has rung them 8 times to tell them they will understand.

 

[Wolfsgirl]

'Like' Lemony!

I hope that Mrs Dave rings the 4 numbers on her phone to tell them she doesn't have memory problems. Perhaps after she has rung them 8 times to tell them they will understand.

 

[SoyHJ]

Wolfsgirl and Lemony, love the ideas! Just what I'd been thinking but hesitated to post!

 

[Rathbone]

Dave! Having finally caught up with your mammoth posts since I was last here - yesterday was an XYZ of a day and I was trudging through the mire - I want to say that the thing which upset me the most was that - for a little while - there was a bit of a war going on! . Raw nerves, a burning desire to help someone who appears at rock bottom, a need to find some resolution to the unresolvable were probably the culprits. But it made me very sad indeed to read the bitterness. Nobody here wants to hurt or deprecate what any one of us is doing for the people we love. Everybody cares and everybody who responds gets it. There is no competition; this XYZ disease betrays all of us - sufferers and carers alike. Please let us all remember that, although we share common ground, we are a vast group of unique individuals who are doing our best. Please don't let us sink into misunderstanding and recrimination. God knows we have enough of that already.
I must make it clear that I am not talking about the so-called professional support services. What I have read horrifies me. You are so right, Dave, that you must shop SS at the first opportunity. May I be a fly on the wall when you deliver your missive to their office?
Onwards today and have ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT that the Nagging Team are watching, waiting and fully functional. Love to you, your wife, son and his girlfriend and lovely Zeus, of whom we need to see MORE. X Shelagh

 

[Dave K]

Big news coming up

More to follow...

 

[Rathbone]

Sounds exciting! X

 

[jeany123]

Waiting with baited breath Mega Man

 

[Raggedrobin]

What, what? Nagging team on standby to find out what.

 

[Dave K]

More...

never went to bed (sofa) last night. I were listening to music really load as I have already said which was very therapeutic as all the noise from the house just disappeared for a time

Well after about 1 hours I turned the music down to a level that was comfortable..... then woke up with my head on my keyboard, music still playing

Well I slept from around 1am until 7:30am this morning, best nights sleep although unorthadox but I feel great now, been showered, changed and ready for another great day

Anyway, here is the big news..... (give me 5 minutes)

 

[malomm]

Thank you Social Services...

Wife has called everyone of her 4 contacts on her phone to tell them that she has had a visit from a professional and was told that there is nothing wrong with her memory

Just wait until I see her Memory psychiatrist on the 09 July 2014 as I am sure he ain't going to be too pleased, maybe he can get her reprimanded

That idiot has now undone weeks of my work....

P.S when she had finished gloating she hung up and asked me what I was cooking her for tea / dinner

Hi Dave, make sure you get as much help as possible from Social Services and any other organisation that can/should provide it. It is obvous to us all that you are struggling valiantly with your situation; and that is the key word - struggling.
Make the most of the relatively free time afforded by your wife's ouitings on her bus pass, because fiurther down the line, she won't be wanting or capable of going anywhere without you. Funnily enough we have an appointment with a neurologist on 9th. July too, after about 5 years of trying to persuade wife, doctors, etc. that there is a problem, so we'll have to compare notes . At least I would hope you get some assistance from Social Security/Assistance. We don't have much of that here.
Try and keep smling Dave.
All the best,
malomm

 

[Dave K]

Here it is

Just turned my mobile on and 2 texts flashed up from wife;s daughter which reads:

Text 1:

Can you please tell me if mum is ok (daughter's name)

text 2:

Hi Dave (me) would it be OK if I take mum to Bournmouth on 28th July. Mentioned it to her and she said would like to. Making sure it's ok with you (daughter's name)

Wife must have forgotten to tell me

I think my reply will be Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

 

[Rathbone]

Oh brilliant! At last........some understanding. Keep on keeping on they'll get it eventually.
I thought you were going to say the good night's sleep,was the BIG news. It surely was how ever unorthodox! I once had a cat who slept up my computer keyboard clinging on for dear life with a great big smile on his face. Reminds me of someone.........hmmm X Shelagh

 

[jeany123]

Sounds good but that is a long way off

 

[Dave K]

Oh brilliant! At last........some understanding. Keep on keeping on they'll get it eventually.
I thought you were going to say the good night's sleep,was the BIG news. It surely was how ever unorthodox! I once had a cat who slept up my computer keyboard clinging on for dear life with a great big smile on his face. Reminds me of someone.........hmmm X Shelagh

It is BRILLIANT news!

Re: Your cat, Love it, I have a son-in law that did that (asleep with head on keyboard) he was preparing some document, when he woke if found millions of ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg's etc. on his form (forhead pressing on "g" for ages

 

[malomm]

Just thought of something else that happened today...

The SS assessor also suggested to me that maybe the problem was that I sit on my PC all day which is causing the anxiety with my wife, wife obviously agreed

However to put her straight I said, I work from home as I would in an office from 8am to 6pm so if I was in an outside office I would be away from my wife longer, taking in maybe a 30 minute journey to the office then the same again to get back home

I also said that during this time, I also, wash clothes, hang them out, bring them back in, do all housework from the roof to the floor, take the dog out twice a day, tend to my wife's needs, Prepare and cook all meals, wash the pots, dry then put them away

Also I have to do normal household maintenance at weekends, pay all bills on time as well as every other chores that married couples and families share, I do the lot

My wife, wakes up, goes out on the bus, comes back and expects me to be there for her every immediate need

The SS reply was "Well maybe you could spend more time with her"

Blooming heck, now I have written this I now know why the heck I have been so tired at the end of the day, every day for the past 12 months

Sorry if folk find my reply to reply to my own posts are a bit over the top, it is just that I would like to catalogue everything to help other carers to understand how hard it is and to my kids, step-kids and grand-kids that no matter what opinions they have of me been told by others, I was there to look after my wife, their mother, their grand mother

Yep, that's us Dave. Most of us who have a wife or a husband with dementia/Alzheimer/ or whatever they call it, face these challenges every day all year round, and in some cases for several years. In your case it is an extra load in that you have to earn a living too. I'm a pensioner, so don't have to do that. Just have to juggle to make ends meet and afford a bit of comfort to my wife.
It's a no no expecting family friends, relatives, or offspring, to realise all that you/we are experiencing.
Keep smiling Dave,
all the best,
malomm

 

[Dave K]

Sounds good but that is a long way off

I don't mind it is a start

I don't mind it is a start

I don't mind it is a start

I don't mind it is a start

I don't mind it is a start