Thank you @annielou, @Sarasa, @anxious annie and @Woo2 for your replies. Despite lockdown ending and tier 2 it seems to have been a busy time recently.
I have been trying to sell or give away items from Mum’s bungalow. I think I must be the worst or unluckiest person on all these sell or recycle sites as I am not having much success. One charity will take the beds but as the sofa and chairs does not have fire safety labels attached the charities are not allowed.
I had the first indoor visit with Mum with screens which was great for me as it was about 4 degrees outside but not so good for Mum who thought she was in prison. Although, she told me later on in the visit that the place was a shambles and once she had her money sorted out she would be moving. She remembered my partners name and that he had been ill but no idea about her grand daughter being pregnant. Not much of the conversation made sense but we did manage to ‘chat’ but she had had enough after 40 mins so I managed to call the staff and we finished the visit. Speaking to the activities coordinator Mum has been angry/frustrated this week with quite a lot of throwing objects and slamming doors.
I did mention to brother that we may have to move Mum sometime in the future but he said as Mum choose the place then we needed to respect her wishes. I know moving a person is not ideal and I would not undertake it lightly., but I am not sure this current Care Home is really set up with staff experienced in this dementia behaviour. I tried to arrange a phone call with management to discuss Mum’s behaviour and Care Plan a few weeks ago but did not follow up the no response due to all the changes going on but I think I need to now. If they are confident they can care for Mum despite the aggression then fine but I don’t want the situation where Mum is served notice.
I also got an email advising that a resident in the quarantine area had tested positive for corona virus although they had tested negative on discharge from hospital.
Other than that it has been a good week
Will now catch up with you good folk
Hi @Bikerbeth, I had a bit of a struggle getting rid of some of my mum's stuff. In the end I put a lot of it on freecycle with a fixed time when people could collect and that worked really well. I also made innumerable trips to local charity shops, but working in one I know they are snowed under at the moment so worth phoning ahead before turning up with loads of stuff.
Sorry the visit felt prison like to your mum. I'm not at all keen on the idea of pods, though my mother's care home is installing one, and I'll give it a whirl when it's up and running.
I think trying to get an update from management about your mother is a good idea, and I'd ignore your brother's comments about your mum having chosen the place. Things have moved on since she did that, and somewhere else may better meet her needs now. Do you still have your mum down for the other home that your preferred, and do you think they might be better for your mum?
I think so many people are trying to get rid of furniture that I am not even having much success on freecycle. It is a shame but I guess the sofa looks dated even though it is in very good condition. Yes I will ignore brothers comments as things have moved on. I find generally I have to ‘plant’ an idea in his mind prior to implementing it (whatever the idea is). I think if I moved Mum now I would move her to one in the same group as her original first choice. The first choice had residential and dementia (early and late stages in different areas) whereas the sister one also has nursing and Mum did quite like it when we visited. I will have discussions with existing one but also make contact with this potential new one. As these other ones are charity run ones I had said originally if Mum went to one of these I would have volunteered there. They are looking for volunteers again so I am going to apply anyway especially as I can’t spend much time with Mum now (and probably would not need to based on her decline)
Sorry to hear your mum has been frustrated and angry lately, hope you get to chat to home about if ok to carry on caring for mum or not. If your brother wants to stick by mums wishes as she picked the home, then she did say she was moving to you while you were there visiting so if you move her you will be following mums wishes there won't you, maybe that will convince him. Though if you say you have planted seeds and he's come round before hopefully that will work this time anyway if you do need to move your mum. Good luck with it all
Thanks @Woo2 and @annielou. I think any change will take time so hopefully those seeds will start to grow at some point. Unfortunately clinical lead still very ill with early pregnancy and staff shortages again so not been able to talk to anyone still. I think because of the resident who tested positive some of the staff are now self isolating. However staff tests came back today all negative so hopefully staffing levels will improve again.
went to visit Mum but when I arrived she was in the shower. Whilst I waited I talked to the lovely cleaner (who Mum used to help out) and apparently Mum had decided to wash all her knickers yesterday and hang them all round the room like xmas decorations. It just shows how much Mum has progressed for the worse. Apparently nearly every day she empties all her clothes out of her drawers/wardrobe saying they are in an awful mess. I feel so sorry for her as it just feels that she is so restless.
Mum came down quite grumpy but she did like the flowers I had brought her and she knew who I was for most of the visit - hurrah. She did her 15 mins of complaining of which little made any sense but I managed to make the right noises at the right time. She then had a little cry and said she was worried about having money to pay the staff. I told her not to worry as all accommodation and food was paid for the same as if she was in hospital. This is a constant worry she has - understandably when her and my Dad particularly were brought up in real poverty.
the last 20 minutes were good even if not very understandable as she seemed happy just chattering away. She even allowed the receptionist to give her a hug from me and she gave me a smile although she said she thought I would be staying longer. But we both said it was lunchtime soon and I had to go work.
I have received an email saying no visits from Mon 21st to Sun 27th to make it ‘fair’ to all relatives but they will be doing Skype/FaceTime calls on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (15 mins only). I have booked one for Christmas morning and we will just have to see how it goes.
Other than that OH and me are fine with some Christmas decorations up but we decided not to have a tree this year
Tomorrow I head back to my Mum’s bungalow with van to bring some furniture back to mine. Depending on space and time we will try and bring more stuff back to feed into charity shops (fortunately we have a building outside we can use for a few months if necessary). I think I now have a plan - charity coming to pick up all of the beds just before Christmas, dining table and chairs we will bring down here and if can’t be given away we will break up and burn and sofa and chairs we can have collected by the council for small charge. Various other bits of furniture we have decided to keep.
A few weeks ago I brought Mum’s crockery down to my house. Mum had 2 sets of the same pattern plus spares and we grew up using them as kids and they are all in good condition. So as some of ours were getting chipped or cracked I decided I will use Mum’s. It seemed really strange at first but it now feels comforting, as if Mum is still close. They are not stylish or fancy but I am so glad I decided to keep them.
Good luck today. Is that the final clear before you rent it out (I think you said that's what you'd do?).
I felt a bit guilty taking my mum's best china to the charity shop, but I'd never liked the pattern, and she very rarely used it so it had few memories for me. What I have got at my house is a small Pyrex cereal dish that I used as a child for my breakfast. I think you got them free with green shield stamps or something. That holds far more memories.
Thank you @Woo2 and @Sarasa today did go well and we got more furniture in the van than expected. A guy at the van hire company might be interested in the table and chairs. Hopefully we will find homes for the other soon as we can only store them for a month or so. A charity will take the beds on the 19th and a few other items. Will get council to dispose of sofa and chairs if they are not taken through free cycle this week. Then one trip to the tip and a thorough clean. If only brother would get his act together as he said he would be responsible for liaising with the estate agent to rent it. I wish he had just left it to me. It should have been rented out ages ago and I do get frustrated when it was ‘his’ project to help me and I seem to be doing all the work still.
Sorry end of moan.
I do remember a large American cereal manufacturer giving away free bowls as I know I had one with rice crispies and my brother the cornflake one.
As for those green shield stamps I do remember enthusiastically sticking then in the books.
Glad you got a bit more in , and hopefully Van chap can take table and chairs Shame about brothers lack of gumption to get organised , seems as if you may end up taking control . Sorry to see you was on here so early , hope you can get some sleep later . Take care
Well done on the clearing. It must be frustrating waiting for brother to do his part. Me and my sister are doing ok but there are a few niggles and frustrations between us, we did have a phone chat last week and cleared the air a bit but if she comes this weekend to help sort I think we'll both have to be on best behaviour not to get grumpy with each other as we think and act very different in life.
I think it's lovely you using your mums china. My mum never really had fancy china, and now has a mix of various dinner sets, nothing nice or sentimental so I doubt me or my sister will keep any, apart from a couple of tea plates that which me and my sister are going to keep one each. They aren't fancy china,thay aren't even in good condition, they're plastic plates which once had an image of skippy on but now you can barely see any of it from years of use and thorough washing up, but they feel part of history and our life with mum. A relative brought mum them back from australia over 40 years ago and we have used them lots over the years for sandwiches at teatime or lunchtime, me and mum had our lunch on them almost every day when I was at her house before she went into the CH. Even though the image has faded mum never threw them away so we can't either.
Glad you managed to get sorted clearing your mum's bungalow @Bikerbeth and will be able to get on with sorting renting this out, as your brother isn't progressing well with the task. Sometimes it's easier to take control yourself, but frustrating not to have the support. I'm pleased that you have some of your mum's crockery , it's good to have those links with the past. I brought a set of mugs from mum's house that she and dad had bought from John Lewis when they had been staying with us one Christmas and we had gone as a family to "the sales". I remember a really happy time whenever I use one.
Pleased for your sake you had a pod visit and hoping you get to see your mum without a screen soon. Mum's home are still on window visits, but I hope the pressure of other homes opening up will encourage/shame them into visits too.