Sugar in her coffee

[Sarasa]

I'm glad your mother has had the vaccine @Bikerbeth, but so sorry that it was such a traumatic event for both you and your mother. I hope she'd forgotten it by now.
Is it worth talking to the manager or whoever is in charge at the moment about it, as it doesn't sound as it was handled in the best way.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you @annielou and @jennifer1967. I just felt so helpless hearing her shouting and screaming. I found out afterwards that each resident was paired up with a staff member. (Face book photos) To me they should have paired Mum up with a male career or at least the caretaker (who Mum adores). Maybe they did and it didn’t work but the career who rang was one of the younger girls. You are both right about the importance of person centred care..
I did ring the home later and a staff member rang me back from Mum’s room with Mum. However the carer must have knocked Mum’s coat on the floor as Mum said ‘hello’ and then told me to wait as she needed to hang her coat up - but she never came back so I think she has possibly forgotten all about it whilst I sit here dwelling on it.
good suggestion @Sarasa - I will see if I can have a chat with the clinical lead to at least see if it could be more positive for the 2nd one - could I sit outside the window. At least as you say she has at least had the vaccination.

 

[Bikerbeth]

On balance a really good visit with Mum. Wrapped up in lots of thermals and a travel blanket I headed off to see Mum at her Care Home. After temperature and signing in I settled outside the visiting room. Door is open but screen across inside. Mum comes in with the receptionist who passes on an apology from the Carer to say that Mum was adamant that she was wearing those trousers today. Basically bright red tartan pj bottoms. We choose them last year about this time and she thought they were lovely then so it made me smile.
the first part of the visit was the usual complaining about staff fussing too much, bossing her around and what is frustrating her but nowadays unfortunately not very coherent. She then started chatting away about what she had been doing already - been to hospital, shopping , met some friends for coffee in town. Told me about the dress #he had made to go to the dance but then something happened and she couldn’t go but she would wear the dress another time. She asked me some questions to do with a place we used to live (me being her sister at this point). It was all happy chatting and smiling so was brilliant even if nothing really made sense and that did not matter.
usually when I see the next visitor arrive I say to Mum that I will have to go to work soon or I need to go as it is so cold but it seems that the Home must have extended time between visits for cleaning so I had not seen next visitor when receptionist came in and said that it was time for the visit to end.
mum got a bit distressed as she was in mid flow and I could see her getting quite cross. I told her I loved her and put my hand up to the screen and she put hers up to which is what we usually do at the end of the visit. Hopefully that distracted her enough.
After sending off a certified copy of the LPA to quite a few institutions I had my first part loss. They said in an email via there secured system that they only received 3 out of 7 pages and they needed the document in its entirety. I replied via the secure system asking them to please check and I though I would try sending a scanned copy to them via their secure email system. Not hearing anything back I gave them a ring 10 days later. They told me their system was down and they could only answer general questions. I asked if they would accept the scanned copy and I was told definitely not and that it needed to be the original or a certified copy. So after visiting Mum I stopped at the post office and sent another one to them, signed for. Mail arrived 2 hours later to my house from said company saying the LPA was all registered with them. Confused I am but finally I think I have notified everyone and had the LPA registered.
I made some cherry scones this afternoon to celebrate. I think last time I made scones I was at school. Not perfect but certainly edible.
So yes a good day.

 

[Woo2]

All in all sounds a positive visit I’m so glad for you . The Lpa fiascos just continue don’t they ?! Luckily I have had no issues so far and all been easy but then I haven’t had many people to deal with using them , mainly banks and all been straightforward . Glad it is sorted now but sorry you had to send them, when in reality they already had it but didn’t check cherry scones sound lovely , hope you enjoyed them .

 

[Sarasa]

So glad it was a good visit, and that your mum was wearing something she liked. My mother does the leaping from subject to subject which leaves me totally confused as to what we're talking about, so good you could sort of follow her.
I've never had success with scones.

 

[Bikerbeth]

I have ‘permission’ from OH to make scones again @Woo2 so I will take that as a compliment.
I find it easier when I see Mum to make the right replies, I guess because I can see her expressions as well. I have done some complete blunders on the phone though. It is reassuring (if that is the right word) to know that your Mum jumps around as much as well @Sarasa.

 

[Woo2]

High praise indeed !

 

[Bikerbeth]

I have received an email from home reminding me that all visits are for 30 minutes only.
I know my visits have been longer in the past at their discretion so not sure why this has been sent.

 

[Woo2]

Little bit pedantic maybe , expecting you to clock watch, I would let it wash over you .

 

[Louise7]

I have received an email from home reminding me that all visits are for 30 minutes only.
I know my visits have been longer in the past at their discretion so not sure why this has been sent.

The email has most likely been sent out to every relative, not just you, as that's what my mum's care home does. There were some incidents where a small number of relatives where not observing social distancing or infection control measures during visits (removing their masks) and some were being abusive to staff because they wanted to stay longer than their allocated visiting time. An email/letter was then sent to everyone advising that such behaviour would not be tolerated and may result in visits being stopped for those relatives who did not adhere to the infection control measures. I wouldn't read too much into the email or take it personally.

 

[Susan11]

I have received an email from home reminding me that all visits are for 30 minutes only.
I know my visits have been longer in the past at their discretion so not sure why this has been sent.

Perhaps they are just sending it out to everyone to show they are following the rules but still unofficially show discretion.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thanks @Woo2, @Louise7 and @Susan11 for your replies. It was just me it was sent to but all a bit of a misunderstanding. I had a chat with the activities coordinator who sent me the email based on a conversation the new receptionist had had with her. As I visit Mum on a less busy weekday generally they try and let me have a little longer than usual if possible as Mum is not participating or engaging in anything in the CH. As you say @Susan11 a little discretion. What she said though is that the new ‘temp’ manager is enforcing a strict 30 minute gap between visits and hence why I had not seen the next visitor and therefore prepare Mum for me leaving. I told her I don’t mind how long the visit is but I need 5 mins to let Mum know that I would have to go shortly. This keeps Mum calmer and they don’t have to deal with Mum becoming ‘stroppy’ afterwards. She is in total agreement and hopefully working together we can do what will be good for Mum. So glad we had a chat rather than an email chain.
Totally understand your Mum’s care home sending out a letter to all @Louise7. It is awful if relatives are abusive to staff as the majority seem so genuinely caring. I would however take up with Management every time if I had an issue with Mum’s care.

 

[Woo2]

Def agree that human contact is much between than email , glad you got it sorted out and feel better and can move on.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Def agree that human contact is much between than email , glad you got it sorted out and feel better and can move on.

Thanks

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

So one of the good Carers rang me tonight about 6.30pm asking me if I would speak to Mum as she was determined that she was leaving.
Mum started talking at 100mph and I found it hard to keep up. How much did it cost to stay where she was and then she said she was working, she’s been up the road but the sheep were on the crossing and the oven was falling down and so on hardly taking a breath. This evening though she knew who I was because she told me my brother had rang her today but asked me what his name was. She told me her Dad had visited her but was sad that her Mum hadn’t and did I know why not. I just said bad weather had blocked the roads and I am sure she would be visiting soon. It was like she had to get all the words out of her head as quickly as possible.
When I could get to say something I did suggest to her that as it has been such a busy day it may be a good idea to have a sit down and a cup of tea. No mention of leaving though.
Saw the programme on telly tonight about care homes and cried.

You are right when you said (on another thread) that your mum was exactly like mine! The 100mph stream of consciousness including the job, the sheep up the road, the surprising visitors and all the other stuff thrown in - that was my mum exactly. Separated at birth perhaps...

This stage is so challenging. But you're doing a great job! It's a pity the CH staff don't deal with things better rather than phoning you to calm your mum down. You might want to put your phone on ansaphone...

 

[Sarasa]

Glad you got things sorted regarding the visiting @Bikerbeth. Fingers crossed the new temporary manager either turns into the permanent one, or they get someone in post soon. It's been a while.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thanks @Jaded'n'faded - like everyone I do my best based on our relationship prior to Alzheimer’s barging its way in to our lives. As I am not good at chattering in someways the 100mph talking does has the benefit of me not having to find things to talk about.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Glad you got things sorted regarding the visiting @Bikerbeth. Fingers crossed the new temporary manager either turns into the permanent one, or they get someone in post soon. It's been a while.

The care home group built 3 homes in this county quite close together. Doing a bit of research I think he was brought in to manager one of the others and is now covering Mum’s as well. From what I hear they are still looking for a General Manager for Mum’s and I guess he is perhaps looking to be overall manager of all 3.
We will be having a relatives zoom meeting on the 9th Feb and he will be there and also the temporary clinical lead who will be covering for the current one going on maternity leave. You are right it would just be good to have some good stability in terms of the leadership there for the staff, residents and relatives.

 

[Sarasa]

Hope the zoom meeting goes well, @Bikerbeth There was one for mum's home yesterday, but I left it after a bit as all the other relatives wanted to talk about was the speed of the wi-fi, which isn't a topic relevant to me or mum

 

[Bikerbeth]

Was not sure what to make of that @Sarasa - whether a discussion on wi-fi speed means that everything else is running smoothly in the CH. I hope so.
How is the house buy/sell going? I understand that everything is taking much longer to progress at the moment