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Hmm it is upseeting to read things that have happened, I have had the same thing with mum too. Always on intervention including showering. It seems it is the way of dementia as it progresses and hard to accept at first. I know my mum would be horrified if she knew some of things she has done in her dementia bubble, but then I think what was once mum has been replaced by damaged brain and she really can't know what she is doing at this stage or have insight at all. She's alot better now as that phase seems to have passed mostly, though even now in her frailty she still tries to wander at night but not very well these days.Went to see Mum for a window visit and she was confused most of the time. She often thought I was her sister but little was making sense. She did like her Belgium bun that I took in (cellophane on it so it could be wiped over first) . She had a cry and said she just wants to go ‘out’ for a walk. She says she is fed up of only been allowed out in the garden. Managed to get some smiles though before I left.
Saw the Clinical Lead who I have been discussing Mum with briefly and she said she had also sent me an email to answer my questions.
It was all what I had been looking for and she said she was quite happy to discuss on the phone once I had the opportunity to look at the email and the ABC documented information relating to challenging behaviours.
I did not know that such a document existed. Basically it shows what happened and what the staff did about any incidents.
Very sad reading but I now understand so much better. Mum has been quite aggressive at times in the last few months and the number of incidents has increased. Mum has decided her ‘job’ is to look after the other residents so when the staff are trying to ‘prevent’ her ‘helping other residents’ she gets quite nasty. In her eyes she is perfectly capable especially as she always wanted to be a nurse. It has taken the staff a bit of time to work out which approach may be successful to distract Mum and keep the other resident safe. She has dug her nails into one member of staff and has bruised another. She particularly wants to help one male resident who does not want her help. She is also wandering into other residents rooms collecting their items. I think on this basis they may well move Mum (and the other dementia residents back up to the 2nd floor again as I am sure the other residents will not be happy about it. I know one of the other ladies there with dementia also ‘collects’ from other rooms too.
It also appears that Mum is wandering at night and frequently still packing her bags.
Mum’s glasses appear and disappear frequently. Staff will offer to help Mum find them but of course she refuses help as she can do it. They will also try to find them when she is at lunch for example but then they disappear again quickly.
Reading it all made me cry. As many people on her have said before - if Mum knew she was doing this she would be mortified to know she had hurt anyone or taken other people’s possessions. Knowing it is the illness does not help.
On the positive I feel like the Clinical Lead is working with me and she is actually going to be promoted up to the General Manger there (under training) She seems really proactive so I have more confidence in the Home again. For example,
it was in my Mum’s notes that I wanted to be fully involved with Mum’s care and since I raised my concerns I have had several phone calls advising about her injured toe, that they have contacted GP as Mum has constipation. That is fine by me and I want to know these things. Not sure why when I can’t do anything - no I do know why I just want to know Mum is cared for and knowledge is understanding.
Yes there are the funny moments and that made me chuckleone incident that made me smile was that Mum’s call alarm was going off at 3.30am. Unfortunately Mum had locked her door (which they can’t do upstairs). However they got the key to unlock it and found Mum happily packing her stuff including the call alarm (still attached to wall) in her handbag. She told the staff member to please tell the taxi driver that she would only be a few more minutes and she would see them after her holiday. So not all sad moments @Palerider.
Yes Mum can be like that sometimes. When we used to go to the dementia cafes if she was in a good mood she would join in. If I talked too much to anyone else there, she would get grumpy, cross her arms and refuse to join in ‘as her knee hurt’We had a friend who said she was happy being unhappy as long as people knew about it.
You could of been describing my mum there too , she hasn’t always been like that though , only about the last 20 years , which we think is when the early signs of Dementia were showing (we didn’t twig then as my Nan was poorly ) . Glad you had a good visit on Monday. How is your back and oh ?Yes Mum can be like that sometimes. When we used to go to the dementia cafes if she was in a good mood she would join in. If I talked too much to anyone else there, she would get grumpy, cross her arms and refuse to join in ‘as her knee hurt’