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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
Funny enough @annielou the care home rang this evening to say Mum has a big bruise on her big toe and it looks like she will loose her toe nail. They do not know how it happened. The nurse also said she is ‘going over’ in her shoes. I said she has for a long time but it appears she is worse now. I asked if she was wearing her ‘proper’ shoes or the low court shoe/ballerina type shoe. Nurse did not realise she had stout proper shoes.
Care Home reviewing is getting confusing. I looked at the reviews for the one I really liked but since I visited 12 months ago it has 2 really bad reviews in the dementia side by relatives saying they have not done well with difficult behaviours. I have then looked at different ones to previous and they will have good reviews but a poor CQC report or vice versa. I have looked at small and large but I guess I will have to narrow it down soon.
unfortunately @Woo2 my brother and I did not speak for about 18 years and it is a very fragile relationship. If we did not both hold LPA then I don’t think we would speak at all.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,700
Yorkshire
Good they rang to let you know, your telephone conversation must be fresh in their minds so seems to have worked, lets hope it stays that way 🤞 What a shame for your mum though, and a shame they didn't know she had proper stout shoes. Hopefully now they've noticed her going over and know she has them they will encourage her to wear them instead.
I noticed the difference in reviews and cqc report with some of homes I looked at recently too, its so hard and a hard decision to make picking one isn't it. I looked at a few on facebook as well as carehome site and cqc site. Some have closed group pages so couldn't see anything, but a couple with open pages had FB reviews too. One that had a good cqc report had some bad FB reviews and some of latest ones stated that some of the staff had been changed and they'd come from another home which had a bad report before and they were not giving good care at current home. Some of the home that had the bad report that staff were supposed to have come from had new FB reviews saying staff had been changed and things were improving.
Another home that had a good review last time done in 2018 is currently being investigated by police and some staff have been arrested and questioned over neglect. My sister had contacted it for a brochure about respite the other week. When she told me we didn't know about arrests there, they happened afterwards, but I said I wasn't sure about it as hubbys aunt had been there (not for dementia) and while family seemed happy with the care she got it was often closed for few weeks at a time for tummy bugs that went round and sometimes when in laws visited they said it smelt of wee. I was surprised to hear about recent arrests though. When I looked again at cqc site the other day I noticed the previous report in 2017 had requires improvement on most things except 'is the service caring' which was good so it looks like it improved enough for good report but things had gone wrong since.
My old neighbour went in a home not far from us a few years ago. She had lots of medical problems as well as dementia, she had been in bed with carers coming in multiple times a day before moving to home. Her daughter lived abroad and when she came over to visit her mum she told us she was doing much better in the home and was up and about a bit since being in there. She had photos of her sat in lounge in home looking well and said she was happier being in the home. When sis and I first looked at respite last year I looked at that home but it had a required improvement cqc report, though some reviews on carehome site were good about the care their family had been given. The bad points on report did seem more to do with record keeping, plans and home upkeep rather than care given. When I was looking again recently it had a good review done this year. A new manager had been put in place, home had been decorated and bad points had been worked on. There are two homes near each other owned by same company and other still had a bad report though some points had been rectified and when I looked that'd also got new manager but later than other home so it may just not have had time to up its game yet before report. I thought that it was good had improved but then I do worry if they had worked hard to get good report but company running them both might let things slip again afterwards. Its hard to know without a crystal ball really. I find it all mind boggling, we want whats best for our loved ones but how can we know.
When I look at reviews for holiday places I look at if the good and bad points are about something that I would be bothered about as some things people complain about are not important to me, or things they shouldn't expect anyway and sometimes when you read them you get impression they are just moany people. Sometimes I'll look if they've reviewed other places and if they consistently moan about things with not much reason I ignore their reviews. That won't work with care homes really though will it, there's no trip advisor for care homes and most people won't be able to review more than one so there's no way to know if someones a serial moaner or has a genuine gripe. I rarely leave reviews on things and I bet loads of people don't either, whether they've had good or bad experiences so it's impossible to know really.
Oh dear I've depressed myself now, :( Hope I've haven't you. Sorry x Good luck with it all 🤗.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
I understand , it’s very difficult isn’t it . 🤗

Mum too does that, have had to change her shoes and slippers . The looking for a good care home seems like a minefield , I went to a few with my friend , we both liked different ones , So much harder in lockdown , can’t beat being able to go visit them . hope mums toe isn’t too painful .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,807
Sorry about your mum's toenail, @Bikerbeth . Mine had a fall and bashed her head over Christmas while wearing sandals rather than proper shoes. It is sometimes tricky for carers to spot things and change them, but now they know about the other shoes, hopefully she'll be wearing them more often. In mum's case she likes sandals as they don't hurt her feet. With no chiropodist visits for a while I dread to think what they are like now.
As for choosing another home. It's going to be tricky without visiting, but I guess you can put your mum's name down, and hope they are open for viewings when a place comes up. Before I retired I worked in education and have been involved one way and another in a lot of OFSTED inspections. Though such reports give a useful snap shot I know they don't often tell the whole story and can either make a school seem better or worse than it really is. I'm sure the same is true of CQC reports too. As for reviews on Facebook etc, again they may be fair or maybe not. Both are useful as a guide, but a visit will give you a feel so you can make up your own mind. I didn't actually pay much attention to the reports of the three homes I visited when looking for mum. All were rated 'good', but the one I chose had a friendlier atmosphere than one, and a better mix of residents than the other. It had now got an 'outstanding', which is lovely for their publicity, but not doesn't necessarily mean it is better than it was, just that the manager knew which directions to point the inspectors in.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
Thank you @annielou @Woo2 and @Sarasa for your replies.
I went to see Mum officially yesterday. I had the choice of talking to Mum through the restricted opening window or keeping a distance through patio doors but with a chaperone. I went for the window option. It can be a bit hard to hear sometimes but I think Mum would have ‘kicked off’ with a chaperone present.
@Sarasa - she did not have her socks or slippers on and I did see her black and blue toe. I too hope they get a chiropodist in soon looking at the length of her toe nails and I must follow up on that. The good news is that the toe did not seem to bother her. Mum was looking well otherwise which was good. She showed me a card she had received from her neighbour at her bungalow but she did not know who the neighbour was. She still seemed to think I was her sister and asked how Mum was. We did have a few laughs and smiles but as I had a mask on I suddenly realised that Mum could not see me smiling so started to use my fingers to show I was smiling in front of where my mouth was which made Mum smile. I suddenly realised how horrible it must be for all the residents now not been able to get clues from facial expressions. We had some tears again as well. A half hour visit is really not long enough but fortunately I was at least able to tell Mum that I would be back again next Monday on my way to work.
I also got a copy of her Care Plan and the action plan. Some reading to be done but still no glasses on for today’s visit. Quick skim through the care plan and it is mentioned that Mum has been throwing her food on the floor, over the table and herself. That she will whack objects with her walking stick but very fortunately not staff or other residents. It appears that she does need more support with her hygiene and personal care but is still managing to dress herself. I will read it properly on Wednesday as off to do some more sorting at the bungalow today.
Cross stitch kit I took in on Saturday has been ‘taken away’ for Health and safety assessment. I guess that might have been added into staff procedures now as both myself and receptionist did not think about that aspect. I just hope that it is still allowed under supervision as obviously it requires a needle albeit a blunt rounded one.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
Half hour visit may not be long enough but in a challenging day that would be more than enough . Pleased to hear you had some laughs too . Toe sounds painful but it obviously isn’t worrying mum . I have to cut Mums toenails and I really do not enjoy the job , just grit my teeth and get on with it . Hope they can get chiropodist back soon . Hope the bungalow sorting goes ok for you . Take care .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,807
Glad you got to see your mum. I've been chasing up mum's home about visits, so hope to hear from them about it soon. They did send me a photo of mum looking OK so that was a bonus.
Mum's toe nails looked awful last time I saw her, and that was with regular chiropodist visits. I hope someone has manged to cut them for her since then.
I found mum's care plan confusing as lots of stuff was repeated in various places. When the home is open to visitors again I'll ask for another review and re-read the plan I've got so I know what changes to look for.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
Glad you got to see your mum. I've been chasing up mum's home about visits, so hope to hear from them about it soon. They did send me a photo of mum looking OK so that was a bonus.
Mum's toe nails looked awful last time I saw her, and that was with regular chiropodist visits. I hope someone has manged to cut them for her since then.
I found mum's care plan confusing as lots of stuff was repeated in various places. When the home is open to visitors again I'll ask for another review and re-read the plan I've got so I know what changes to look for.
Yes it does seem like a lot of repetition under different headings. I also found a few contradictions so in one section it said that Mum needed prompting to shower and clean teeth but in another part it said she was independent in showering ( perhaps not updated properly). It also appears that a different carer has completed it as it has not been completed by the senior on the dementia wing (until they all got merged together) so I am now wondering if she has left too.
Thank you @Woo2 OH and I had a good day at Mum’s bungalow - kitchen now sorted with cupboard contents logically organised so can easily be divided up, charity shop etc. A few sad moments of course for example when I found a little card that Mum had kept from a bouquet of flowers from my Dad with a romantic message inside. Additionally sad as she never mentions him anymore only her Mum and Dad.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
It is sad isn’t it , I have a huge pile of love letters from both of them , daughter wants to read them but they are staying in the bag and will go with mum I think, she too never mentions dad and I don’t like too for fear of upsetting her. Glad you had a productive day. Hope you get some input from brother re different homes .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,700
Yorkshire
Glad you got care plan to read, good luck with reading through it properly. Glad you got to see your mum and some of visit was good, I like the idea of you doing smile signals. That must be confusing for people not being able to see facial cues too. I saw someone on FB recently who had been asked to make a face mask for a lady who had a deaf relative who lip read and she had made mask with a clear viewing window so she could wear it and relative could still read her lips. I thought it was a great idea but obviously lip reader would still struggle if went out as everyone isn't wearing those sort of masks.
Glad you got some sorting done, I imagine it would feel strange going through and organising someone elses things. Sometimes when I help mum look for something I see odd things she has and wonder why and it feels a bit odd looking through her cupboards and drawers like I'm invading her privacy and mum is there asking me to look. Sounds like you're doing a good job of organising and sorting things ready for your brother to come and look them over.
Mums toenails haven't been done for ages, I tried once without much success and she hasn't let me try or tried herself since they are like long round tubes now and she is wearing socks all the time even on hot days so she and us can't see them. :oops:
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
If it helps @annielou , I get mum soaking her feet in a bowl (not my washing up one o_O ) for a few minutes , then they are a little softer , I have to do one side of the nail then the other and that makes it easier . I then exfoliate her heels and rub cream in so it’s like a mini pedicure . She loves it ..... I don’t !

It is most difficult going through someone’s possessions , I had to just shut off my brain and get on. Hope brother doesn’t keep you waiting too long to decide to visit and set out what he wants .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,700
Yorkshire
Mums nails are so hard @Woo2 she has had to soak her feet for about an hour before cutting them for years. Her big nails are ingrowing and curled round. She forgets about cutting them and on odd occassion she tried she couldn’t see well enough to cut them or get through them. I had a go months ago and could only sort of cut tiny bits off at a time and couldn’t really get much off them. They must be a good inch past end of her big toe now. She really needs a chiropodist but hates anyone near her feet (so do I so I understand) so she won’t have one. She only let me do them once and wont let me try again. Mind you it made me gip and feel terrible when I was doing it as I hate feet. 😩🤮
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
It certainly takes a strong stomach ! If they get Ingrien that is seriously painful , not sure what you can do if she won’t have a chiropodist . Decided once things are more settled I will take mum to one and give myself a treat by not having to do them . 😂
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
Shame you are both not closer to me. I have a friend who is a chiropodist and she loves her work and the more gruesome the feet the better she likes it. Other than that she is a lovely person :):rolleyes:
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
Hi @Sarasa. Not bad thanks. I had an issue with my upper back discs which made it painful to type on laptop or phone so I have been lurking and reading only. OH not to be left out ended up going yellow with jaundice and spending the night in hospital. Apparently he had all the markers for gall stones (he has been ill on and off since January) but nothing showing on a scan. So they think he passed them on the last painful episode last weekend which ended up with him being hospitalised in Monday. Mum is generally the same. Confused as usual but I am trying to work out if she is calmer with the change of meds or more subdued.
I finally managed to go back to care home about her care plan and the action plan. I want to keep it all in writing with them. I do want to know how frequently Mum is being aggressive and what type of incidents. In her cate plan it mentions that she has thrown food on the floor and hit the wall with her walking stick. Is it done in frustration? Pain? Or don’t know. In my mind if Mum is going to move home I want to know what I am looking for. Still no glasses when I visited Monday and no knickers as she couldn’t find any. On the positive, the home Facebook page had a photo of her smiling today as they celebrated another ladies birthday.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,700
Yorkshire
So sorry you and hubby have not been well, hope you both feel better soon 🤗 🤗 Do hospital think stones were cause of hubbys recent problems or just this time?
Hope things with your mum get sorted, good that she was on photo smiling but shame about the glasses and the knickers, hope they turn up soon. It would be good to know what is behind your mums aggression, I hope home can tell you what they think reason is, or at least what happened prior to it so can guess.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,764
South East
Oh blimey @Bikerbeth , the gall stones are ridiculously painful , sorry to hear you have both been in pain and in hospital . Gentle 🤗 🤗. Hope you are both feeling better now . Hard to know what causes are re mum, boredom, frustration and pain would be the factors I would think of , had to give mum some paracetamol the other night and she seemed much better after . Hopefully once we are back to a more normal things will become clearer . Take care .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,614
Bedford
@annielou yes the hospital do think it was gall stones that have caused all the pain and sickness since February on and off.
Thanks @Woo2 too, although back was not 100% I went out on motorbike yesterday as I had already cancelled with a friend twice. I worked on the basis that the vibrations would either ‘kill it or cure it’. Today so far I would say I feel better than I have done for days but sometimes it kicks back in 24 hours later so I have my fingers crossed.
just had a brief chat with Mum until she managed to cut me off. she did remember that OH Had been poorly but rest of the time was mentioning people from the distant past so I think I was also sister.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,700
Yorkshire
Hope now they passed out that hubby will recover and be pain free🤞Hope your bike ride helped jiggled things in a good way and its not come back today. (Thought of arkwright in open all hours then ‘jer jer jer jiggle it granville’ )
Shame your mum was stuck in past, my mum seems to live in hers most of time too, good she remembered hubby though x