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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by esmeralda, Oct 11, 2015.
Good news regarding Nick and hope you can get some much needed rest this weekend. Take care, hugs xx
Good news re Nick. Stick to your guns Es.
Glad that Nick is improving. How can you have him home until you are capable of looking after him and have all the aids you need? Surely your health and what you have at home needs to be assessed.
This is the approach I took following Maureen's stroke It worked and she only came home with a very generous care package in place. This provided daily personal care for her and significant respite for me. It was all free for the first 6 weeks. I don't know how it would be now following the Care Act, and further austerity measures. Don't let their concerns about bed blocking push you around.
Good luck and keep posting. G L
That's great news Es.
Too early to rise yet, Es. You stay there and sleep, mate! Awesome that Nick is looking and feeling better. May he mend soon, and you get all the support and intelligence from the hospital staff as I did. Intelligent conversations with people who actually DO know what they're talking about is priceless.
God bless, my friend. Love and prayers coming your way with a Big Fat (((((HUG)))))
That is good news that Nick is improving, but as all the others say stick to it that he only comes home when he can stand and you have all the aids in place to help you. Hope you can gets some well deserved rest over the next couple of days. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you. xxxxxxxxxx
Hope Nick is continuing to improve Es. Also hope you are getting a little time to relax.
Echoing what everyone else has said, Es. Put yourself first, it's in Nick's best interest that you recharge your batteries. xx
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Bit of a computer problem today - couldn't find the charger!! Encouraged me to tidy up anyway.
Thanks again everybody for being so lovely.
I spoke to the physio today and he was very helpful, He doesn't reckon Nick will be discharged before the middle of next week, although I have heard this before, then the next day you get a phone call to say he's being disharged. However physio was very understanding that I wanted to get the equipment in place first. He did put forward the idea that Nick could go to a CH for a few days to give me a break but I think that would be messing him about too much, especially as he's booked in for the 29th and 30th when I go away with my daughter. I'd be really upset if I had to miss that.
Whizzed round and sorted the bedroom out, moving furniture etc so that there is room for the hoist. Also cleaned up a bit after the builders. Hopefully most of the really dusty work has been done.
Physically Nick is less able to pull himself up on the Turner. He tries but lean backs and it take two people to get him up. Hopefully this will improve. He's also a bit more confused, but there doesn't seem to be a big deterioration, I'm really sorry this isn't true for your husband Jinx.
Have to say I have been impressed by how helpful the professionals have been and the structures in place to help in an emergency, and of course the wonderful love and support I've had on here.
Hope all is peaceful for everyone.
Es, I'm so pleased it all seems to be coming together for you. You've worked so hard. How long for the wet room to be finished?
Lotsa love to you both. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Es, you sound very positive and focussed, well done!
I would think Nick's added confusion is down to the infection, and change of routine, and it will hopefully improve as time goes on.
I know what you mean about the care home, then home to you, then respite being too much, but could the home where he is going for respite take him from hospital? Especially if his discharge is delayed for any reason. Though I can see you might think that's too long.
Hope you are sleeping well?
One week down with the building work, and what a week, but you are doing really well by the sound of it, so rest up tomorrow if you can, ready for week two.
Thinking of you both,
Thanks Chuggsy, you're very kind. Should be a week and a bit for the wet room to be finished. It's okay, we've waited such a long time for it to be started a week seems like nothing. Hope your husband is okay and things are going well for you.
Actually sleepless, it took me forever to write that post because I wanted to sound positive, but I feel a bit flat - which seemed ungrateful when everyone has been so kind. I suppose it's a quite strange being here on my own, when I should be glad to have a break. We all just live with such a roller coaster of emotions don't we.
Sending love and good thoughts to everyone out there struggling tonight.
Yes, I am sleeping well - nearly eight hours last night!! I know how lucky that is.
Hope you and your husband are well.
Morning Es, hoping you are still asleep of course. I think after all you an nick have been through, feeling kind of numb and flat is understandable and you must miss Nick . Glad he seems to be recovering and once the infection is cleared he hopefully be back to his old self . Thinking of you xxxxxx
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Es I'm sharing that flat feeling with you. I think of the number of times I've wanted to just nip out and get something or go for a walk without pushing a wheelchair or having to get Bernard into the car and now I can it doesn't feel right. I went to a local, not accessible, garden centre yesterday I've been wanting to visit for a while, but didn't like the empty seat beside me in the car. If only one could turn the clock back. Hope Nick makes a good recovery and so glad to hear he doesn't seem to have deteriorated too much during this episode. Thinking about you. xxxx
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Hi. Been following all your recent trials and tribulations, and really feeling for you over the rate of change. Big cyber hug! I am not surprised you feel odd, when my OH was in hospital for 10 days in June I struggled to cope with the worry about his condition, what it would mean for the future, and the uncertainty about when he would be discharged and what he would need then, whether I could realistically still cope at home. And the need to deal with a large number of very helpful professionals, and make sure we got the new equipment here, before he returned. And you have the wet room build on top of all that. You are doing very well, believe me! Having your OH in hospital is not respite!
I was unprepared for how clingy my OH was when he did get home. He is usually OK about me being out when the carer or family are here. But for a couple of weeks he did not want me out of his sight for more than 30 mins, and particularly at night he couldn't settle unless I stayed in the room until he was asleep. I think it had all left him very anxious and it took that time to get him into a new routine that he was comfortable with. I hope things go on well for you and you do get some much needed rest.
Sending love and a big hug, Es and to you too, Jinx. xxxxx
Thanks Heikechick and Verity, always there with a kind word!
Thanks for your post thebes, that's exactly how it is, and your sentence about hospital not being respite was particularly helpful, as were your insights about how it was with your husband when he came home. I've had so much good advice, about coping with the building work and appropriate equipment as well as sympathy and support. It's really humbling that people who have their own very substantial problems take the time and trouble to help. Also it's lovely how genuinely glad people are when something good happens for someone else, like a loved one having a good day, or a Carer getting a good break, even if their own circumstances are dire. I do find an extraordinary spirit of generosity in this place.
Been thinking about how it must be for you Jinx, heartbreaking to have to start doing all these things on your own, and as you say you spend so long wishing you could then it all feels so empty. We can and will make new lives for ourselves, but there is such a lot of grieving to do at each stage.
I'm off to buy pyjamas - Nick doesn't usually wear them and he's running out of clean ones fast!
Love and hugs to all.
Esmerelda and Jinx, you are both being put through the wringer of emotions, so it's no wonder that you feel mixed up inside. Having cared so devotedly and for so long, and always having to put yourself last, it's a shock when you realise that, for the moment, you can zoom up the list.
Please God, things will work out well for both of you. xxx
Hope Nick is improving still Es. Hopefully everything will turn up tomorrow and you'll be set in time. In a perfect world! Still, fingers crossed that things are soon back to some kind of normality.