She would definitely be better off using just the one place for respite, GL, if that's what you mean - unfortunately, after this last mess, I'm now by way of thinking that I can't rely on that 'one place' and it might well be better to have her familiar with an alternative - and more importantly, almost, the staff at an alternative venue also familiar with her.
Have to say that is why I don't push some issues with mum at the nursing home. The staff are really caring for mum so if some of the things they do grate me a little I have decided it is my issue and not affecting mum's care
That's how I feel, Terry - and I have over-looked any 'minor' niggles. But some things, I honestly don't think you have any option but to speak up - and this was one of those things. And although I don't feel I had any option, I am now really concerned about possible fall out, and feeling really miserable and cross because why should I have to worry about maikng a legitimate complaint about not just poor, but positively dreadful service? On a different note, hope the lurgy soon goes for you - mines still lingering, though definitely better
Glad the DNR chat seemed to go OK for you - a hard subject to tackle, I feel for you. Like you, we've been warned that medication may never do anything to banish Mils paranoia and occasional nastiness - that's horrible for us, but now and again I stop and wonder what a dreadful miserable existence those feelings create for poor Mil too
Red, I hope you are right - I really have tried hard to build a good relationship with DC and respite and am fed up that I feel its been possibly jeopardised by this whole thing. A horrible side effect of all this is that I don't feel that we are 'on the same side' now, and that just isn't good for my stress levels, or for Mil's care
I am so glad that respite looks like its moving forward for you Anne - about flipping time you got a break, hun - I am often blown sidewise by how you (and other solo carers) manage. You so deserve some time out, hun xxxx
Just dropped in here to catch up, and am horrified that you've been put through so much grief, Ann, over one night's respite so badly needed and deserved. Where on earth do you find the energy to fight these battles while dealing with MIL and her deteriorating behaviour? I know, adrenalin helps, but heavens, you need every ounce of energy and not to have to battle for a tiny bit of respite.
I didn't have a lot of choice, Anne. I and the rest of the family really need those breaks, so I had to battle for them. Though I admit that even more than the first time, I really feel that dealing with this has knocked me for six. There's an awful feeling of - I don't want to call it dispair, because that sounds so melodramatic - but of lets say of 'gloom' at the prospect of this sort of thing happening and at having to deal with it again and again and again. Resentment and guilt that in order to get this break, Mil is going to have the added stress of dealing with a totally new environment - I feel I would be descending to the level of Social Care if I cancelled the booking we have made at the new place, particularly as the manager there has made an exception in allowing us to book a bed for respite, let alone for such a short break and has gone out of her way to accomodate Mil. Plus, given this latest episode, I feel I have to put Mils well being in almost second place as I no longer feel confident I can rely on her usual place, so might need this new home again! I just can't mess them about, it would be both wrong and possibly shooting myself in the foot to do so. A combination of being practical, knowing that we can't risk being left high and dry and yet feeling selfish, because respite is more for us than for Mil, and so I've put 'us' first, in effect.
I've really struggled this morning. When I last posted, I'd already persuaded Mil back to bed 3 times since just before 6a.m. I hadn't noticed, because her dressing gown is quite long and the pj legs are 3/4 length, that she was no longer wearing the pj's I helped her put on last night. And last night had included, when getting her undressed and to bed, her oft repeated argument that she doesn't need to wear pull ups - now and again, she recognises them for what they are, though more often she thinks that they are just ordinary knickers. Anyway, there had been the not so unusual back and to conversation, where I'd explained as tactfully as I could why it's a good idea for her to wear them and she had disagreed but finally complied. I hadn't given it another thought - till this morning. When I went into the room, bed absolutely soaked and the PJ's from the night before were shoved back in a drawer along with the pull ups - both dry. And for once, Mil seemed fairly clear on why - she told me very haughtily that she didn't 'see the need' for her to wear pull ups, so had taken them off the night before and just put a nighty on. I pointed out that the result was a wet bed.
She shrugged, as though that wasn't her problem. I found out what 'biting your tongue'
really means.
Then I had to argue with her to let me wash her hair - it was only done yesterday, but the back of her head was wet and stank of wee - I just can't leave her like that, and in the end had to very bluntly spell out for her that she smelt in order to get her to agree to it being washed. So, of course, she was offended and upset and I felt like the bad guy. And then, after breakfast, we had the 'needing a brolly 'cos its raining' loop, the 'Lend me some money' loop - she refused the change I generally keep handy for this one and was demanding that I should lend her £2 - only she wanted it in pound notes!. And of course, the 'coat' loop. I absolutely know that I was short with her and she must have been aware of that, but I simply couldn't find it in me to be any different this morning. It was a relief when the mini bus turned up.
I'm now trying to summon up the energy to start on the over loaded wash basket and the catch up on the house, which has been largely neglacted due to the running round of the last two days . And yep, I know it will all be there tomorrow, but its OH's weekend in work, I'm mainly solo with Mil which means its almost impossible to tackle several jobs, so 'tomorrow' will actually not be till next Monday, when she is back in day care, and by then, the the work will have piled up to a ridiculous exent - and OH, who will help, doesn't finish his run of the long shifts till Monday night.
Need to give myself a shake - its pity-party central here today - sorry xxxx