So bizarre !

[jugglingmum]

Hope you didn't have too bad a day today Ann, and you managed to keep MIL occupied.

Slugsta, glad ashes scattering went in a way that MIL would have liked.

2Jays, I'm ahead of you in the queue if Ann has time for pressie shopping, what with overtime and illness and kids cycling I'm way behind my normal disorganised state!!

Hope you have recovered from your holiday, think I'm familiar with bits of your hole from time to time, and hope 1jay is recovered. (wrong thread but oh well).

Welsh cyclocross champs in Colwyn Bay today. Dau won U16 girls, interviewed (in English) by S4C so hoping not cut and she will be on Welsh TV next Sunday.

I've managed to send off POA for a few of mums investments, got 5 of them certified, one is with solicitor for house sale and trying to keep other 4 revolving out the door so I can crack some of her paperwork. Got a letter addressed to mum from DWP to my address re winter fuel payment, I haven't sent them POA but have sent it to HMRC so wondering if this means one has spoken to the other and I don't need to do DWP.

 

[Ann Mac]

Mornng all,

Bless you 2Jays xxx (and I hope the bone in your finger is better soon )

Lyn, yep - you've put that so exactly right. I do think its the illness that prevents anything being simple or calm, and I really don't believe that there is any sort of an environment that can create a calmer, less stress-filled life for her. Its the 'mind racing' comment that you made that hits the nail on the head. Mil's busy brain rarely stops, I don't think - its constantly churning out strange and scary things for her to worry or get cross about, jumping from one bit of fantasy to the next - no one could have a simple or a calm life with that going on in their heads, no matter what environment they are in

Glad you feel your Mil would have approved, Slugsta xxx

Congrats to your daughter, JM Will try and keep an eye for the TV programme on S4C - depends on Mil, she tends to commandeer the telly during the day

Thanks for the wishes for a nice day GL - sadly, though, it was a very long day!

Mil came down at 9.30, in dressing gown, holding her PJ jacket - soaked PJ bottoms and dry pull up in bedroom drawer, so obviously removed not long after I tucked her in the night before *sigh*. Initially, she was a bit upset and acknowledged she had had an accident - but suddenly switched as I was stripping the bed to 'actually', she thought that someone must have come in her room and poured water over her while she slept - probably me, she decided ! Got her washed and dressed, by the time she came down for breakfast, she was (she announced) 'going out'. Over the next hour, she was adamant that she was going to town, going shopping, visiting her family and - when I told her it was Sunday and no buses - going to mass (because, she said, I had very definitely promised to take her). The 'I'm going out, by myself, now', mixed in with the kitchen loop, continued for the next 3 hours and eventually, I very firmly said stop, pointed out about her aching 'leg' and bad back, about her breathing being bad when its so windy out, and that she knows she is 'forgetful' and can get mixed up and that she can't just go off out for her own safety when she 'doesn't know this area very well'. And again, I got a comment that referred to her being 'mental' - "if your going to treat me like I'm mental, I may as well behave like I'm mental - and that I means I can do what I like to get on your nerves". No one has called her 'mental', but she seems fastened on that idea at the moment and I find it quite upsetting

After lunch, she started on about how this house was 'hers' and the pup was also 'hers' and she would go where she liked and do what she wanted, thank you very much. Erm - nope - I won't (for the pups sake) allow her to feed him from her plate or lift him onto furniture that he isn't allowed on. Nor will I allow her to 'grab' at him to try and haul him to where she wants him to be. Youngest and I both tried to include her in 'sorting' downstairs ready for when the tree would go up - we moved around cabinets (brought from Mils house and just dumped where we could fit them in till now!) and bookcases, decorated the small tree that goes in the dining room, wrapped pressies and so on. We had Christmas music playing and tried to get her to sing along, but she steadfastly refused to engage in anything other than demanding the impossible. No, she wouldn't sign cards - she would sort her own cards when she went home!. She wouldn't help with putting up sundry decorations around the rooms - she has her own to do - at home!

Without her really 'kicking off', she was just very unpleasant and constantly going on and on all day. We had a brief spell where she was demanding to phone OH, thinking he was her husband. We had, intermittantly over a couple of hours, her insisting that 'someone' had 'emptied' her purse and taken the £10 that OH (she said) had taken her to the bank to get the day before (neither of them left the house the day before). The business of her owning this house and her trying to head into the kitchen or out down the garden kept recurring, as did her ordering me to 'open the door', 'drive me to our J***'s (her late brother)', give her the pups lead so she could walk 'her' dog, fetch her 'biscuits, right now - I can have what I want in my OWN house' - all on pain of if I didn't comply, I woud find myself without a 'roof over my head'.

It wasn't till after 7pm that she seemed to calm right down - to be honest, I think she wore herself out, she was suddenly so tired. 8.30, after she had asked repeatedly, I got her meds and got her to bed. OH came in at 9 and within 30 minutes, she was up and down the stairs. She was going to make herself a cup of tea. Firstly, the tea was clearly just an excuse - she had had a cuppa about 20 mins before she went to bed, as well as a tumbler of water with her meds, so it really wasn't that she was thirsty. I didn't want her to have a drink because of the recent wet beds and also because Its a bit like her demanding breakfast at 5a.m. - once you start a 'routine' like that, it becomes a 'loop', a habit, all too quickly. OH got her back upstairs and told me afterwards that he had caved and given her a drink of water. He said that you just can't refuse someone a drink - and I do get that, but after the mood she had been in all day, I felt he was making the proverbial 'rod'.

And I was right. She then could be heard trundling round upstairs, rattling at the locked bedroom doors repeatedly. OH went up each time - I was damn sure I wasn't going to! - and she was 'looking for what room the lads were in' and various other delusional based excuses. We went to bed at just before 11, and OH had to get up to her another 3 times before she finally settled, some time after 12a.m. This morning, I told her to go back to bed at 20 to 6, and she is moving round her room again now. I suspect I'm in for some right fun and games when it comes to getting her up later!

This morning, the manager and assistant manager from the home where she is going for respite are coming to assess her. For once, I am hoping she pulls out all the stops and does the wonderful 'hostess' act that GL refers too - if she is still in the same mood as yesterday, I can see these folks running for the flipping hills! I'll have to run her into DC afterwards (OH on the last of the current run of 12 hour shifts) then I'm hoping to meet up with a friend of mine at my house for a natter and a cuppa.

Hope you guys all have a good day xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Hi Ann where are the hills for you to run to? How long can you keep this up? Hope MIL turns it on this morning. Why not tell her they are the means of finding that elusive man?

 

[Essie]

Morning Ann, hoping assessment went well and that Mil is now in DC and you are enjoying a well earned break with your friend.

What a day you all yesterday, poor Mil being so unhappy in herself and poor you and dau trying to smooth things out but facing opposition all the way - and that awful point where Mil is crossing back and forward over that line of 'aware/not aware' 'in control/out of control' - she's a whirling dervish of emotions, feelings and thoughts and who or what can stop it? I wish I had an answer but short of suggesting daft things I have nothing.

Big hugs and huge amounts of sympathy Ann....

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Thanks GL and Essie xxxx

Much better day yesterday, thank the Lord! Got off to a bit of a shaky start when predictably, when I went to get Mil up I was met with the information that she was 'too tired' for work and she wanted to stay in bed. Not surprising after the night before, especially when, once OH had got up, I'd found out she had also been up at 3a.m., wanting a cup of tea and to get up - glad I managed to sleep through that one! Got her in the bathroom and usual 'loops' of she can wash herself, had already washed, etc. She complained that she had spent half the night 'wandering round, looking for where everyone had gone, because not one of us came to help her' - half true - she certainly had 'wandered', but just had no recollection of how often we had tried to persuade her back to bed!

Quite 'narky' but nothing major through brekkie and the usual routines. I explained several times that some 'ladies from that nice hotel' that I'd told her about were coming to visit (which didn't stop her wanting to put her coat on and leave every 30 seconds till they arrived!) - we have spun a tale that OH and I have a night where we are both working and dau is going on a sleepover, so rather than leave Mil on her 'lonesome' we have booked her into a nice hotel as a 'treat'. I'd warned the manageress of the home about this, and both she and the other lady played right along, fair play to them both. Mil did go into 'hostess with the mostess' mode, though it really has got to the stage now where she isn't as convincing as she once was. Odd comments - like telling them she was 'just over 21' before changing it hurridly to '54', then (I think seeing our faces) falteringly saying that she 'thinks' she might be 'over 70'. She trotted out a lot of 'safe comments' as well - not always appropriately, but things like 'Its better to laugh than cry', almost like she was groping for something to say at times, so opted for well worn phrases. Both the ladies were very chatty and upbeat and really 'sold' the hotel idea to Mil - it'll change, absolutely no doubt about that, but at least Mil seemed keen on the idea at that point. The pup, typically, was extremely delighted at having two new people to fuss him and both ladies had obliged (being big dog lovers, it seems), so when I saw them out, I was stuck at the front door for several minutes whilst they gave him last pats and cuddles. When I got back into the house, Mil had headed for the kitchen and I walked in there just in time to catch her wiping her flipping nose on the tea towel again - arrrggggghhhhhh!

Got her to day care - Mil sulking the whole journey because she wanted to go and get her 'weeks shopping' instead (she told me she hoped I'd be happy that she had run out of tea and bread at home and would have to do without if I made her 'go to work') and once we arrived, she just walked off into one of the lounges without even a 'goodbye'

Enjoyed a few hours with my mate, plans made for a reunion with our other 'photo buddy' (who has moved some distance away ) after Christmas when we are going to have a day at the zoo again, and just a general 'catch up' which was nice. Picked Mil up at 5, and for once, no reports of any issues - though I believe she did spend a good bit of the afternoon dozing on the sofa there!

Relatively calm evening - we had the usual run of delusions and confabulations, at one point she insisted I'd gone to see a western at the pictures, 'that famous film' she said and was demenading to know what it was called - flip, I am just not 'in' to westerns and I couldn't remember the name of a single one. I tried saying the first thing that came into my head and told her it was called 'Lonesome cowboy' - and got told not to be stupid. I gave up after that. Later, we got a convoluted tale about that 'woman' who isn't Mils Mum, but Mil calls her 'Mum', and how Mil wanted to get a taxi to see her. Only she couldn't remember her name (?). She announced she would ask her 'neighbour' what the woman was called - but then said she didn't know the neighbours names either. I was just glad she didn't expect me to provide the info for once!

She went to bed at 9, and then as I was going up at 10.30, I caught her trying to head down the stairs. I just thought 'Oh no - not again', such a sinking feeling, and without even attempting to be tactful or nice, she was ordered back to bed and told I would 'have her guts for garters' if she got up again! I didn't hear her again - but then, I was asleep within 10 minutes of climbing into bed. I hope OH got a peaceful night!

Supermarket run to do today, but no other plans so hoping for an easy day. Hope you all manage an easy day too xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

'Guts for garters' eh: I'm sure you said it compassionately. Hope you have a good day. G L

 

[MrsTerryN]

Hope you had a good day today Ann .

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Not a bad day yesterday at all, to start with - yesterday morning Mil was the most chilled and cooperative that I've seen in a long time No more than a token objection to help with washing and dressing and the 'coat loop' was pretty much non-existent. She even thanked me nicely for her brekkie and for doing her hair - made a nice change!

And even when Mil first got home, she seemed relatively relaxed, though OH said that DC reported she had removed the name label off her frame in an effort to convince them it wasn't hers so she didn't have to use it But, as the evening went on, she became more and more fixated on getting into the kitchen, and had OH and I ready to pop with frustration with her efforts to get in there. No matter how hard we try not to make a big deal over stopping her, she still gets into a loop over it - time to try another safety gate (can't remember if its 2 or 3 she has broken so far) or maybe look at the 'half stable door' idea.

At just before 9 she wanted to head to bed, got her sorted with hardly any fuss and down I came. 15 minutes later - so did Mil. And she was off again. As soon as she walked back through the door, you could see the 'set' face and the determination. Its that 'sundowning' expression, and I think thats what this getting up and demanding is a form of. Her body language and expression are the same as when we get the severe ' I'm going home ' episodes. Completely blanked me when I spoke to her, appealing to OH for food (because you see, I must have imagined the chicken, salad and chips I made her for tea - she said she hadn't been fed all day!). Anyway, pretty darn quickly it was obvious that was an excuse - the real issue, for Mil, was that as far as she was concerned 'HER' husband was sat downstairs in HER house, with his 'fancy piece'. I think it was 4 times over the next hour that OH marched her back up to bed, with her demanding to know when I was 'going home' (out of her house) or did OH want to 'divorce' her? We headed to bed ourselves at about 10.30, and she was still up and trying to get downstairs then, peeping through her bedroom door at us. She managed to nip into the bathroom just before me, and when she came out and saw me on the landing, she put her hand up to sort of shield the side of her face, almost like a kid would do, thinking 'You can't see me'. And OH got up to her at least another 3 or 4 times after that. There's no point me getting up - she is so certain I'm having an affair with 'her husband' that she either refuses to speak or - more likely - spews such nastiness at me and gets so extremely worked up and loud that its counter-productive. Its getting beyond a joke now - I don't think the zopiclone is even touching her at all, any more than the lorazepam is We have the appointment with the latest in the hospitals long line of locum psychiatrists tomorrow - OH is off work and will be coming with me. Hoping that this new person can actually come up with something that works!

Need to book hairdressers for myself and youngest today, ready for daughters grad next week - hoping they can fit us in on Saturday afternoon - OH will take Mil to see her friend solo - IF Mil agree's to go

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Just another day then Ann. Be interested to see what they try her on tomorrow. The problem is it's all trial and error with the meds and nothing seems to work for long. Hope you get the appointments for your hair. Have a peaceful day. G L

 

[CeliaW]

Hi Ann, hope today at least gets off to a good start.

Would it be worth going through the posts for last couple of months on this thread and clipping some instances and copy to a bullet point doc for the new locum? No doubt appointment time will be limited but it could give him/her a recent overview particularly regarding meds being less effective in relation to time scale. I know that means more work for you - happy to offer to help but not sure if that would work for you? xx

 

[Ann Mac]

Feels very much like trial and error, GL - its really frustrating and I'm already worried that whatever this newbie prescribes will possibly make things worse

Hi Ann, hope today at least gets off to a good start.

Would it be worth going through the posts for last couple of months on this thread and clipping some instances and copy to a bullet point doc for the new locum? No doubt appointment time will be limited but it could give him/her a recent overview particularly regarding meds being less effective in relation to time scale. I know that means more work for you - happy to offer to help but not sure if that would work for you? xx

Thanks Celia - I've actually kept notes of the last 6 weeks, specifically to monitor how effective (or rather ineffective) lorazepam has been, including noting the number of times that DC have told me they have used it and it either has had no impact or even that there have been times when they think its made her worse. Over the last 3 weeks, I've also included the disturbed evenings and nights. However, I have to say, that the last 'locum' we saw was given a smilar set of notes - not massively lengthy, just over 1 side of A4 - and I was politely but firmly informed that he 'didn't have the time' to read 'stuff like that' - so whether or not this new chap will be any more likely to take note is anyones guess

 

[CeliaW]

Oh well done. Is it worth either going through with a highlighter on some points or putting in bullet points / time line somehow? You can understand re appointment time but the "system" doesn't understand that a bit more time spent can save in the longer term by improving outcomes for the pwd and the carer/ family. Good luck x

 

[Ann Mac]

Oh well done. Is it worth either going through with a highlighter on some points or putting in bullet points / time line somehow? You can understand re appointment time but the "system" doesn't understand that a bit more time spent can save in the longer term by improving outcomes for the pwd and the carer/ family. Good luck x

I think its probably a good idea to pare it right down, to just a series of bullet points, Celia - thanks for that idea. If whoever it is we see is of a similar attitude to the last guy, it may just make it more likely that he will take note. Having spoken to the CPN, though, she has agreed to be there and will sit with Mil whilst we (OH and I) speak to the consultant privately for at least some of the time - I'm hoping that will make a difference. I have to confess that I'm really not optimistic - its not just the dire warnings I've had that probably, nothing will help poor Mil, its the fact that the consultant changing every darn time leaves me feeling like you are at the mercy of whatever pet theories or views each different person has. Its not like they have the chance to get to know and understand the patient - I'm not even convinced that they are usually there long enough to even read any patients notes in any depth - so nothing they do is actually based on the individual tey are supposedly treating. I just feel that makes anything they suggest or change far less likely to be effective

 

[MrsTerryN]

I am so grateful that mum has had the same geriatrican since moving into care. Admittedly she doesn't believe mum will improve but at least she has spoken at length with me and "knows" how mum was pre dementia. Ann I think that is a great idea of Celias. I know having written notes as time has gone on i have been able to remember a lot more. I did check history of TP but it only went back to last year for me.

 

[CeliaW]

It must be so disheartening - let's hope if there are any changes that you get quality and first time correct support from the pharmacists. I am sure some of the things you have had to deal with are reportable in respect of their professional standards body. It's just another heap of work and stress you don't need - MiL is lucky you are so on the ball but, as with many of these issues, what happens to the poor souls who have no-one checking up and speaking out for them? xx

 

[Grey Lad]

Cold Turkey?

Hi Ann how about MIL going 'cold turkey' for a while otherwise you will never know what is cause and effect. Trying to nudge the same approach here as we know lisinopril causes catarrh which is the bane of Maureen's life. It is possible that Rivaroxaban is causing her sore mouth. Maureen's Aunty had 'sore mouth syndrome': not surprising she could have opened a pharmacy with the medication her and her husband were on. Guess what her son in law used to be before he retired?

Fortunately local chemist is very radical and has a refreshing approach to medication. Must call in and see how she is and seek her counsel on all of this. Good company into the bargain.

 

[RedLou]

There's no point me getting up - she is so certain I'm having an affair with 'her husband' that she either refuses to speak or - more likely - spews such nastiness at me and gets so extremely worked up and loud that its counter-productive.

I'm afraid at this point I thought, 'every cloud…'

 

[Grace L]

Morning....

Ann, I hope you have a good appointment with Consultant.
Don't be rushed, tell them everything, bullet points are a good idea.

When I was going to hospital with my husband (VaD) , I had up to 3 pages of A4 (one side)
used slightly larger print and lots of RED ink highlighting problems .


As far as I know, Mil is (fingers crossed) still going to her sons for Christmas.
She has told her Church friends , her neighbour across from her , few other people ++
Son / DiL will have to come up with something spectacular to back down.
She will have a lovely time I'm sure, not sure they know what MiL can be like 'sundowning'.
They don't know how bad the scavenging / magpie is ....
and I don't think they have seen MiL temper when she does not get 'her way...NOW'



This family of in-laws couldn't cope with my husband, as it was too upsetting.
This is also the same SiL who told me she ' wouldn't do what I am going' (carer/ wife)
and she would leave her husband , if she were in the same position.
Sooooo..... time will tell how she, and everyone else copes.

My niece has suggested I go and stay at hers (while she is away), and tell family I am staying with friends.
I was planning on going to friends (widow down the road, her first xmas) and coming home at night.
Niece sad family 'might' try something stupid, and bring MiL over to me.. when they cant cope.
The offer is there if I need it.... sounds like a good idea.



MiL had a bit of an upset with the hairdresser.
Mobile lady hairdresser has been calling at MiL bungalow 'cul de sac' of older folks for several years.
She usually does 3 in a morning trip (MiL included), this last time MiL said she had paid when she had not.
Hairdresser was not fully aware ?? of MiL Alz ... not sure how she didn't know, but there you go...
Anyway, MiL refused to pay... end of !! Called her a B .

Neighbour over the road told hairdresser about Alz, saying MiL was 'not herself'.
Neighbour said she would try and recover the money for her in a day or so.


Got a Docs appointment in 2 weeks.... will hopefully find out where I am on the waiting list.

Have a good day everyone xxxx

 

[Essie]

I'm afraid at this point I thought, 'every cloud…'

Me too!!

Ann, hoping meeting goes well - Celia makes such a good point about more time spent getting it right pays dividends in the long run 'a stitch in time' basically. I'm going to offer one of those 'daft suggestions' just in case you haven't tried it - apparently cherry juice is a good 'calmer' and helps you sleep easier and longer - could you try Mil with it and see if that helps keep her in bed once she goes up rather than this coming downstairs again loop developing more and more? Can she have alcohol.....cherry brandy...? Just a thought.

Grace.....I think niece's offer is well worth thinking about - you know how you struggle with not letting Mil in when she is banging on your door and if it's the whole lot of the in-laws out there that will be even worse to ignore.... Would they track you down to niece's or is she able to say quite categorically that she is away so house empty and they'll believe that? I would start being 'unavailable' from here on in TBH, in the run up to Xmas, just in case the penny is dropping with the in-laws and they do attempt to weasel out of the arrangements.

 

[Grey Lad]

Me too!!

Ann, hoping meeting goes well - Celia makes such a good point about more time spent getting it right pays dividends in the long run 'a stitch in time' basically. I'm going to offer one of those 'daft suggestions' just in case you haven't tried it - apparently cherry juice is a good 'calmer' and helps you sleep easier and longer - could you try Mil with it and see if that helps keep her in bed once she goes up rather than this coming downstairs again loop developing more and more? Can she have alcohol.....cherry brandy...? Just a thought.

Grace.....I think niece's offer is well worth thinking about - you know how you struggle with not letting Mil in when she is banging on your door and if it's the whole lot of the in-laws out there that will be even worse to ignore.... Would they track you down to niece's or is she able to say quite categorically that she is away so house empty and they'll believe that? I would start being 'unavailable' from here on in TBH, in the run up to Xmas, just in case the penny is dropping with the in-laws and they do attempt to weasel out of the arrangements.

How strange I need some cherries to make Maureen a linctus to ease her catarrh. Never thought of lacing it with brandy. G L