So bizarre !

[Grace L]

Morning Ann (morning all),

When my husband was at the ' I want / need X NOW ' .... I learnt (difficult to do I know) to just say OK....
CPN told me he had no understanding of time / waiting .... not to bother saying wait 5 minutes I'm busy ....
this is not understood...
By saying yes (but then pottering/ delaying ) you haven't said 'no.... wait a minute'....

Then ignore , in your case MiL.... go to the bathroom yourself (she cant get in if you are there) ....
or busy yourself with 'things' in another room.....
If you are not 'seen' then MiL should not repeat / loop mode..... NOW, NOW, NOW...

It was so hard just saying to my husband .... yes, of course, yes, OK ... when the first thing out of my mouth was ... just a minute, I'm doing x y z .... It did help a bit (as long as I remembered to think before I spoke) .


I've had MiL believing I have killed someone as well... someone in her family (not sure who).
Or, saying she still hasn't forgiven ... your people for having have killed my people...

 

[Hair Twiddler]

I know what you mean, I have this too.
My mum usually wakes up happy and smiling but at any point over the course of the day can switch into her highly aggressive, demanding and tyrant alter ego consumed with hate for me and all the confusions I am desperately trying to shield her from. It is exhausting and stressful isn't it?
I don't have any answers - I do a little of what Grace L suggests, ignore mum and distract her with keeping busy and doing tasks that she can see me doing rather than trying to engage in conversation - sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
One thing is for sure, I am slowly coming to the conclusion that although I am doing my best - I am heading towards admitting that perhaps my best isn't enough.

I don't post often now but I send support and hugs to you RedLou, Spamar, JM, GreyLad and ofcourse you Ann x

 

[cragmaid]

Next time she has a day like this......Give her the Diazapan.
The risk to her heart is far less than the risk you are under of being injured by a broom, computer mouse, stick or any other projectile. When she is in the middle of one of these outbursts she has zero control of her actions and/or boundaries and if she lets fly at you....????

If the Doctor has seen fit to provide you with ( what I'm sure is a mild dose) this medication to be used to help with these outbursts, you ought to use it. She is working herself up physically during these spells and must be putting herself at risk of a stroke or heart attack due to the stress.

Her behaviour is becoming less and less stable on a daily basis, at one time she would respond to her son's requests, now she is obviously treating him in a similar way to the way she reacts to you. To be serious for a moment, your children are having to spend less time in your company because of your MIL and her illness. This is totally unfair to all of you, and they, and you, should not be having to contend with this .

I think it's time for a talk with your OH and your Mental Health team. In my honest opinion....she needs secure care 24/7 and you and your family need to reclaim your lives. Your health, and the family dynamic cannot sustain this level of stress much longer.
Please take care and think about some positive action. ...I postponed my back surgery because of my Mum....now it's too late, the damage is irreversible and the pain killers don't hold all of the agony at bay.

 

[Essie]

Oh Ann, what an awful day, like Spamar I am full of admiration for your patience but I know the shouting back does just leave you feeling terrible, it is better not to connect with it or react directly - so easy to say not so easy to do obviously. Any sign of a UTI or other cause that would have triggered such a prolonged outburst?

I think Grace's suggestion of just saying 'OK' and then 'disappearing' for a minute to try and break the cycle is a good one as it does take effort to keep explaining 'in a minute but at the moment I'm busy' etc. etc. and to say it twenty times over is exhausting before you even start doing whatever task is required. It might not be easy, I think, because you try so hard to speak to and treat Mil as you would anybody but sometimes concessions have to be made in light of behaviours and levels of comprehension - if it simply is a complete waste of breath repeating yourself about ''in 15 mins, when this/that is finished'' etc then don't! Just say 'OK' go out one door and reappear through another and carry on. It might even work on a more general basis in the evenings when Mil gets into one her 'loops' which do seem much more frequent and prolonged now. Fingers crossed. I shall be thinking of you at 3pm today...

And I agree with Maureen re the Diazepam, surely the state Mil gets herself into, and for a prolonged periods of time cannot be doing her heart any good either so weighing it all up, for all concerned, I think the Diazepam wins hands down.

 

[jugglingmum]

Oh Ann - I really don't know how you do it. I do think if GP has prescribed Diazepan then you should use it because she is distressing herself anyway. OH didn't have any problem with using it on his watch I assume?

I do think (without reading back) that she has been getting more agitated for a while, both pre and post respite and that you need to have a strong word with OH. You aren't being fair on yourself if OH uses the Diazepan and you don't.

You commented the other week that at daycare she dusts and has space to move around in the CH and maybe she is a bit too cooped up with you some of the time? Also the garden behaviour does sound like toddler style attention seeking. And the repetitive asking - is a loop that needs breaking.

I know last year you were upset when a lot of people on here suggested you should consider a CH when you wanted support for the behaviour, but would she really be any less happy in a CH, as if you can't keep her happier and are starting to battle a lot with personal care is it worth considering again?

Has her house sold now? Are funds available? And would MIL before illness have wanted you and your OH and your children to have your lives limited by trying at best to stop her being so upset. A while ago she was taking part in family life more, but not sure from your posts if she does, I know she sits at the table to eat with you but otherwise? You are clearly tired and it is better things are planned than left too late.

I know you post the worse bits to get them down 'on paper' and out of your head so maybe the picture we are all reading is only one bit of it.

I've been thinking about putting something like this down for a few days, as every weekend since respite has seemed near impossible for 'normal' people - and sometimes you need to step back and look at the whole - MIL, you, OH, daughter, older 2 (son back for now and daughter who has left). Only you know your limits and the limitations on your life.

 

[Summerheather]

Ann, you cope so much better than me, my Mum was aggressive and horrible to me on Monday which ended with me hiding in the toilet to cry.

I've had a carers assessment, waiting to have sw assessment.

I've been muttering to myself when Mum has been particularly awful 'caring is a choice, not a right' I think we forget that - and I think ss forgets that as well. If they don't help me when they do their assessment I'm going to have to good think about stuff - my mum would never have wanted to do this to us.

 

[Spamar]

I just love the way we have all adopted your mil as our mil! That's TP for you!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Thanks for all the advice and concern. The possibility of a CH is on the table and talked about (a lot) - when we (me in particular) feel that the stage where coping is impossible is close, we will act. At the moment - we are managing. Funds are there, and we know where she will go IF we hit the 'enough' point. Having that sorted, having that 'safety net' helps.

We also feel that the weekends are the worst, we've talked about that a lot - and have wondered if this is yet another sort of behaviour loop? Not going to day care is the signal/trigger for the behaviour? We talked last night of booking perhaps 3 weekends of consecutive respite, to see if it breaks the cycle.

I was stupid over the diazapan - as has been pointed out, the stress from the state she gets into is probably more damaging to her. I won't make that mistake again!

I'll try Grace's suggestion - my worry there is when faced with 'Open the door now' for example is that she is fixated enough that saying 'yes' but not actually doing it is going to wind her up more, but I'll give it a go - say OK and then nip to the loo or whatever, its worth a try - thanks Grace x

JM, from what I can gather, she occasionally does jobs like dusting at day care, just like she occasionally does them here - a lot of the time she is just sitting, though she tends to chat with a lot of different staff and residents, which I think helps.

Summerheather - push for the SS assessment - why do you need to have both? is the second one financial, perhaps? Or is it to assess your Mum's needs as well as yours?

Pull ups stayed on again, so a dry bed yesterday morning The mini bus was nearly an hour late yesterday (they phoned just before 9 and warned me it would be) which got her quite worked up, and which also (due to us having to rely on the mini bus bringing her home) meant another hour of day care lost yesterday, but no help for that. When she was brought back home in the afternoon, she was completely obsessed with going to the pictures - a loop of was I going with my boyfriend? Was she going with her husband? Was she going with the kids? Were we all going together? Should she get her coat and shoes so we could go to the pictures? Would I run her to the bank so she could get the money for the pictures?

I'd made a casserole for her, that had been slow cooking all day, so I got tea out pretty quickly, just after 5 last night - and straight into 'home' as soon as she finished eating. Nowhere near as bad as the day before, but pretty constant, although from what she was saying, she had some understanding/awareness that she lives with us, and has been for a while - it was a case of she had 'changed her mind' and wanted to go and get her husband/parents to help her get her house back so she could 'go home'. At one point she said she knew that it couldn't happen, but its what she wants and she is 'allowed' to be upset when she can't have what she wants! She put her coat on and announced she had just 'phoned a friend' and was going to stay with her - couldn't remember what the friend was called, or where she lived, but she was off anyway. I thought to hell with the pussyfooting and simply said to her that she hadn't phoned anyone, because the phone was hidden so she couldn't have used it - she actually gave a laugh and said 'Oh well - it was worth a try'! She also asked over and over for food last night - a butty, a biscuit, a bit of cake, did I not have any eggs in as she fancied egg on toast? She swore she hadn't been offered any food all day 'at work' and couldn't remember the large bowl of casserole or the thick slice of crusty bread she had had with it for tea. As she came back from day care wearing the remains of whatever meal she had had, down the front of her top, I know she had eaten - but its a while since she has had the munchies like that.

9 on the dot, I got her meds - she took them and announced she was staying up for another couple of hours, and I told her that no - she wasn't. Not nasty with her, or anything, just very calm and very straight, told her I needed a break and she had to go up. And up she went. After 5 minutes (to give her time to use the loo) I followed her up, and went through the usual routine of geting her into the pulls ups. I was halfway down the stairs when she appeared at her bedroom door and asked could she take them off now?. Told her No, gave it another 15 minutes and went up and checked to make sure she had them on - she did, thankfully - lets hope that they stayed on!

More editing for me today - I got stuck in yesterday and was flying through them, really enjoying doing them as most of the day (even the ceremony) was outdoors in a lovely courtyard and the light was just fab for photography OH is taking the car for MOT (fingers crossed, do not want to have to rely on the mini bus and Mil being home early again!) and if alls OK, some shopping to get this afternoon. OH is home tonight, so at least i won't be solo with her, whatever mood she is in!

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Hi AnnMac I think we all need to have that safety net in place. It is something that can be used in emergencies and is there when the time comes for a Care Home. I have just seen a relative have to move quickly when they just couldn't cope any more. It would be fair to say that things are not going well and they are not aware of the financial position they are now going to be in. It is difficult enough to decide that you can't carry on any longer but from what I have seen doing things in a rush can lead to added grief at a very difficult time in your life. I think it is, certainly hope, it is a long way off here but I am beginning to have a look around. Never a Boy Scout but being prepared seems a sensible motto for G L.

 

[Grace L]

Ann,
It was the suggestion (in my desperation) from CPN and Psychologist that I try the 'yes' method....
It did work sometimes , not all the time ... as this was not possible, like with you and MiL and the door.
You cannot obviously open the door, or other similar demands .... like going home.

CPN suggested not saying no ..... find other ways of saying it.... without saying it....
OK.... not right now... later.... all with a smile on your face..... you haven't said 'no'.
No was a trigger for my husband (like a toddler) tantrum... having to get their way.

It was difficult to not react, say no....'automatically' .... caught myself out many times
wishing I'd thought a bit before I spoke.


It very difficult now with MiL and situations I am finding myself in with her.
MiL Alz, husband had VaD... different skills needed 'to communicate'.

Finding myself saying no (I cant help it) to MiL .... quite a lot
When she demands I do to bed (she thinks I am a child) .... she cannot 'have her way'.

Its so difficult, every situation is different, time of day, location (at home/ out ) who you are with....
What worked yesterday.... might not work today.....

 

[Spamar]

Went to see OH, not what you would call a pleasant experience. Nurse showed him how to drink from a drinking cup, he accepts it with good grace. I show him, I get snapped at! I'm fed up with them saying, oh but he's so nice, a true gentleman etc etc. why do they think he's in a care home if he's like that all the time!
They always seem so surprised!!

Decided enough is enough, going to Launde Abbey for the whole trip. At least it'll be a break with people who understand ( and it's less than half the distance that driving to Cornwall would be!)

Ann, hope the car passed it's MOT! And mil doesn't play you up too much.
JM and Red, hope you are both OK.

 

[2jays]

Selfish of me, but pleased to hear you are coming to Launde Abbey

Yessss.... The carers surprise that the lovely little old lady can become such a female dog when I visit her really

(um... thinking of a polite word)

annoys me.... xxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[RedLou]

Thanks, Spamar. I had a day of routine today - back to yoga for my aching back, walked dog, restored my desktop from the external drive after hard disc failure which happened just before I had to leave the country and was waiting for me to sort out on my return. Managed it. Did half an hour's work.
Bliss. Bliss, I tells ye. My life is returning. My own life. *shifts in chair and waits for giant foot to stamp on her*
Hang on in there, Bizarrites. This too does pass.
Is it bad I feel so free because my dad has died? Truth is, he went a long time ago and left something else occupying his body. It was probably a relief to him, too, when the body gave up as he hated the nursing home so fiercely.
You all need to look after yourselves, Bizarrites. (Yes, you too Ann Mac.) It's only now it's over I'm realising how ill I was making myself.

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann - it seemed to have an effect being direct - bit of a shock getting 'worth a try' I bet.

Red - no I don't think it's bad to feel free, my mum is going along OK at the moment but I still find myself thinking I want my old life back from before she got ill. If mum stays as she is, when (repeat over and over when) I get on top of all her paper work and sell her house things will be a lot better.

Sparmar - glad to see you are going to LA, sorry visits are so hard. 2jays puts it very well in terms of how my mum can be.

I'm off work today, don't know if it's physical and emotional catch up from day trip to London or a dodgy bit of chicken off Sunday's BBQ. 9yo son had tummy ache as well this morning and whilst not got poorly tummy don't want food and feel dizzy so think it is probably BBQ. Never did manage my big cry.

I had rarely visited my childhood home since I finished uni in 89, as house was always such a mess, that I could never have friends round, never really had my own space in my room - when I was about 11 the ladder got put up to access the loft and never taken down and so my bedroom door was permanently propped open. So whilst my mum was a good mum in many ways, and has been a good grandma as well, I hated that house a lot, and knew from the age of 14 I was going to uni and never coming back. So all that emotion has come back. To rationalise it as an adult I can only assume my mum had mental health issues to let house be that untidy (not that dirty). She would spend hours gardening, but wouldn't/couldn't clean and throw things away. The state it was in when I first went there after I realised how ill she was with AD, was way beyond what I had expected (SW friends had said repeatedly it won't be as bad as you think - they were wrong it was worse) and when a friend came to help clear it with me he said it was so bad he had nightmares after our visits, when I told him I had them. I just can't make sense how the police let her stay there after the forced entry, and told me on phone she insisted she was OK so we have to let her stay as it is her choice. I never had energy at the time to complain, but they clearly didn't recognise the signs of dementia, no one in their right mind would think it OK to live there if fit and healthy let alone a vulnerable, frail elderly person. I also wonder if I should have gone and visited mum at her house, as she always came to visit me - originally to watch me race at canoeing, and then to see grandchildren. But a) she wouldn't have let me in and b) the severe mess and hoarding started way way before even looking back I can pinpoint any sign of things going wrong - newspapers dated back to 97 - around the time she was caring for her own mother with dementia (for which mum always blamed my grandma eating green potatoes!!!!!) I guess depression may have started the slide into squalor that I found.

Reading back a bit ranty but needed to let it escape.

Neighbours across the road from mums were/are so nice. They always made me coffee when I visited, were aware to some extent of mum's living conditions and tried to get her over to theirs regularly for coffee. She was always 'too busy'. Need to make final decisions on selling house - to a builder we don't know or to someone who lives in the road who will not go OTT with development and profit share with us. One bit of me doesn't want to cause upset to neighbours but I also know I should maximise money I get. House prices in London suburbs are so high compared to this part of the country and the Cheshire/N Wales belt is high compared to other bits of NW. Need to get chocolate teapot brother to answer phone and stay on topic as has to be a joint decision. We know it is mum's money, and are happy with that but also know it may well be ours as she'd have to live a long time to spend it all so should we put some funds into it to get more out when we both just want to sever our ties.

And back to being horrified at how much money she has when she was so penny pinching when we were kids, cheap and not that nice clothes etc etc. Just spent a bit more than normal on son for bday as think I am that way with my kids too.

Whops bit of a long post in the end

 

[Essie]

JM it's good, and necessary, to get it all off your chest and writing things down helps too, makes things clearer sometimes. I love the phrase 'chocolate teapot brother' - says it all!

Spamar I am delighted to hear you have decided on a proper break at LA, you have done so much for so long, time to think of yourself first for once. It isn't wrong that you have some life outside of being with OH, it isn't.

Redlou, absolutely it's not bad to feel like that, perfectly understandable and really just the reality of having a LO with a terrible illness, it takes a huge toll on all involved so feeling relief that it's over, for your Dad and for you, only natural.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

I think its 'sensible' to be prepared, if its at all possible, GL. Just knowing that 'things' are in place should it become necessary is a real help when it comes to mentally, being able to cope, or at least, it certainly is for me

Spamar, I'm really glad you are heading to L.A. for the whole trip. Essie is right in saying that it is NOT wrong to have some life outside of caring for your OH - I hope you have a wonderfully relaxing time x I share in 2jays and your annoyance at how differently our L.O.'s can present to others! At day care, I'm often told that they 'love' Mil there - she is so funny, has a lovely sense of humour, etc,etc - but I seriously wonder how much of what they tell me is designed to make me feel beter, rather than a true reflection of what she really is like there? I sometimes get such conflicting reports, depending on who I speak to. The member of staff who rang me a week or so before respite described a Mil who was much more like the Mil we get at home - but the senior carers I spoke to in person were fairly - well, not dismissive, they weren't rude or anything, but they definitely implied that this person was exaggerating more than a bit. I go to collect her from day care, and I can hear her shouting 'Ann's here - get the door , quick, quick!' as she has been waiting in the hallway for me. The staff who answers the door, in response to my quiet enquiry as to how she has been will sometimes roll their eyes, or puff out their cheeks and has even said that she has had a 'bad day' - then I follow her down the hall to get her coat and (usually) a senior carer is quick to tell me that she has been 'fine', at most a 'little bit agitated' for the last half hour/hour. I've gone in and she has exchanged quite nasty and rude words with one of two other particular clients there, in front of me - some staff dismiss it as nothing, others leave me with the impression that this sort of clash is pretty common. Who do I believe? I find not being 100% sure extremely annoying

No - I absolutely do not think its bad that you feel free now, Red. I think its normal and natural and understandable. I expect to feel exactly the same when we finally lose Mil, and I'll go so far as to say I hope to God that she doesn't linger for years in this miserable state, both for her sake and ours xxxx

JM, glad you were able to get that down, hun - I hope it makes you feel better having written it out. I agree with Essie - expressing things, written or spoken, helps to make things clearer and - to me - its a bit like opening a valve and relieving pressure. I often feel that once I've vented on here, its like a line drawn under whatevers happened and it enables me to go on - does that make sense? It makes me feel a lot better anyway, so I hope that its done the same for you, hun xxx

Grace, I'm going to have to try harder with the not saying 'no' - last night wasn't horrendous, but not brillaint either, and I couldn't seem to work out how to put it into practice Car failed its MOT (sob!) and the garage can't do the necessary work till Thursday or Friday - meaning I have the rest of the week relying on the mini-bus to bring her home, which in turn means I lose 1 to 2 hours 'break' per day. Yesterday she was home just under an hour early. OH was outside working on Old Red (of course ) and let her into the house - he said she was fine as he escorted her from the bus to the front door, so I'm not sure what happened between there and her entering the dining room where I was, but she came bursting through the door shaking and wringing her hands. She was in 'awful trouble' and could I help?. Long and convoluted tale about her being sent to pick up a prescription from the chemist for one of the patients, and how she met 'this man' and he said he would collect it and she shouldn't have trusted him and she got the script but the man followed her - it just went on and on, no clear reason for the trouble she claimed to be in, no clear indication of why this man couldn't be trusted or what she thought had happened to get her so worked up. Then she started to insist that the 'woman who had come back with' her could tell me exactly what happened - where had the woman gone? After 15 minutes, I couldn't get any sense out of her and went looking for OH, wondering why he hadn't cleared up and followed her in - well, he hadn't because he assumed she was OK and so had just continued working on Red! Lets just say I put him straight! In he came, and carried her off to the swing seat to watch him cut the grass, while I got the tea ready in peace. She did seem to calm down a lot out there in the garden and by tea time was confused, but not agitated. Tea eaten, OH asked did I mind if he went out to 'sort out the shed?'. In short, he got told that yes, I did ruddy mind. I pointed out that we had discused this many times and that after all day Sunday, and all Monday evening solo with her, when she was sundowning/badly agitated, he was being unfair - she might have been OK at that precise moment when he asked, but he knows how quickly she can flip. To his credit he agreed and apologised. Sods law, she was then fine till about 8pm, when she started on 'home', quickly going into how it was unfair that we had sold her house without asking her. I never even thought at that stage of trying the not saying No, I simply went into 'Sorry - not talking about it' and told her to 'please be quiet' - she did, but glared at me till bedtime and was really naggy with me going upstairs with her to make sure she put the pulls ups on (incidentally, although she kept them on the night before, she had absolutely flooded the bed - and the pull ups are supposedly the most absorbant you can get ). As I went to turn out her light, she informed me that 'By the way - I won't be going back to 'that place' tomorrow - I walked out today!', adding that I'd just have to 'deal' with the fact that I can't make her go! I just said 'Really' - and left the room! I could hear her moving round the room for a good 10 minutes after I came down - will just have to see if she kept the pull ups on - and if she did, if they coped with whatever she 'produced' during the night

Spent the last two days editing and doing the bare minimum around the house, so going to get stuck into that today - ironing pile nearly as high as Snowdonia! Hope all of you manage to have a good day xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Why not suggest role reversal for a day or two? I am sure you and Old Red would have fun together.

 

[RedLou]

Ann - are you trying to withhold liquids after 7.00 and you're still getting flooded? Might have to go earlier, maybe after consulting with a GP? --We had the 7.00 limit with my dad with a view to him going to bed at around 10.00 but MiL obviously goes an hour earlier.
'Sorting out the shed' is a naked excuse to get out of the house. He so owed you that apology. Tell OH to shape up or he'll have a phalanx of Bizarrites to deal with.

 

[Ann Mac]

Ann - are you trying to withhold liquids after 7.00 and you're still getting flooded? Might have to go earlier, maybe after consulting with a GP? --We had the 7.00 limit with my dad with a view to him going to bed at around 10.00 but MiL obviously goes an hour earlier.
'Sorting out the shed' is a naked excuse to get out of the house. He so owed you that apology. Tell OH to shape up or he'll have a phalanx of Bizarrites to deal with.

Yep - try to stop drinks after 7 - 7.30. Difficult, because she will ask for drinks, often - last night she was asking for pop just after 7.30, saying she was 'so thirsty' What can you do? She had a small glass of diet pop (and I mean small) - this morning, pad wet but not soaking and bed (thankfully) dry. The night before, she didn't have a drink after 7pm, but the bed was soaked! When I try and say no to drinks, she questions it, calls me 'cruel' - I try reminding her (always discretely) about the 'bladder problems she is having' - I've taken the approach with her that she has a weak bladder after a UTI and the pull ups are just till she is 'better' - mostly, she insists that she has 'never wet the bed' or 'had an accident' in her life in response.

With OH, he always has to be 'up and doing' something - I sometimes think that he just doesn't think about the fact that him getting things 'done' leaves me 'holding the baby' so to speak. But, I also think that there is an element of avoidence where dealing with his Mum is concerned too - though I'm not sure that its calculated, IYKWIM. What hacked me off last night was after all the 'discussions', after me already having to ask him to come in and deal with HIS Mum whilst I cooked because she was agitated, he then asked did I mind if he disappeared again - 'only to the shed', mind you! I shouldn't have to keep saying No and feeling like I have to justify why - and as I said to him, I get enough pestering/pressuring for things that I can't/won't give Mil, without having to feel like I'm being pestered and pressured by him too

I had Little Miss Pester this morning, speaking of the devil - went from 'can't find lipstick' (despite me showing her maybe a dozen times where it was in her bag) to 'have I got a short coat - its too warm for a long one' (pointed out I don't know how many times the jacket hanging where it always hangs) to 'I'd better go out and head to the bus stop', those 3 things over and over again. To be fair, this morning her arthritis is really playing up, probably making her more agitated, her left knee in particular is so swollen and sore for her, and all I can do is encourage her to rest it and give paracetamol. And again, that's something that's been made worse by the excess weight! I'm afraid the staff driving the mini bus got it from me this morning - not nasty or anything, but I told him that I'd repeatedly asked about them watching what she eats at day care, but that i felt that they weren't taking it seriously. I pointed out that despite me asking for it to stop, that when I've dropped her off, the first thing I see is one of the cooks fetching her a plate of toast, when they have been told repeatedly that she has breakfast at home. He said its their way of 'caring' - I told him their way of caring was damaging her health and causing her discomfort and pain, and that if they didn't start listening, I'd have to take it further. He was Ok about it, but I think rather shocked to have me so firm - lets see if that helps!

Right - one last cup of coffee on the patio, camera to hand as I now have families of baby blue tits and blackbirds and sparrows, as well as the starling young clamouring to be fed - then its ironing here I come. Honest. I am going to do it today. I promise

 

[Spamar]

Afternoon folks!
Ann I'm having some of your problems about reports back on OHs progress. The staff say he is lovely, then someone let's slip he hit the carer who was dressing him! Nothing lovely about that, I would have thought, no, I know! Met a friend today, her husband died last year, but she had all the same feelings that I am having. I know she was very upset when he first went into a home.

As you may have gathered, the home OH is in now is not the one where he went for his first 2 respites. I didn't send him back there cos I just wasn't happy, especially with the second respite. There was a change of manager ( no manager for second respite) and apparently quite a lot of staff have left, together with several patients ( I nearly put inmates!).
Just goes to show it's all about the manager!

JM, a good rant works wonders, as hopefully you have found, you sounded like a completely different person! Hope your tummy, and youngests tummy are better.

Red, glad to see you, sort yourself out and then treat yourself!

Have a good afternoon, it's cloudy and windy here,