1. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Morning all,

    Poor you Juggles, if son is also going through the teen strops :( I still strugle dealing with just youngest - and no way could I have coped with 5 kids, like Candy! 3 kids - with a big gap between numbers 2 and 3 - have been quite enough for me. Youngest headed off with her mates for her 18th birthday 'night out' last night - heard her coming in after midnight, this morning have found her clothes strewn across the bathroom - but no sign of her being ill, so I am hoping that she didn't over do it - especially as she has theatre rehearsals today, that she can't miss, as its only a month now until they all perform at The Royal Albert Hall. And she STILL hasn't done the uni application.

    Good luck to your dau for the exam on Monday - have fingers and toes crossed, but she is so clever, I bet she breezes through it (despite all the pre-exam angst) xxxx

    Like JM, I had to grin at the nurse just leaving the gauze. Too many health professionals just don't have a clue, Candy! I remember Mil having a bad skin tear on her leg, and me trying to explain to the District Nurse that just one spare dressing wouldn't be enough, as Mil would remove it repeatedly. The DN then proceded to explain very carefully to Mil why she shouldn't remove the dressing, Mil (of course) agreed that she wouldn't, and the DN then gave me a satisfied nod, as if to say 'There you are - sorted'. 5 minutes later, as we left the surgery, Mil was convinced we had just been shopping . . .

    I didn't have a good relationship with my Mum either, Candy - mine 'ran away' with another man when I was about 7, I think, leaving myself and my two younger sisters. To this day, I have no idea why she eventually came back, and persuaded my Dad to allow us to go back and live with her (and our new half sister and brother, & step-dad), because the only person she really cared for was herself. I spent a lot of years, at her beck and call, being lied to, insulted and dealing with so much for her, whilst one by one, my sisters all cut off contact with her. She made my life hell, when Mil came to live with us, because she was so jealous and angry that I was caring for Mil. She felt I should be available to just care for her, and even though she didn't need care as Mil did, my step dad later told me that she had 'never got over' me allowing Mil to live with us. After Mil moved in, she actually lied to me about her cancer returning, claiming also that she had dementia and then - when I found out that was a lie - that she had a brain tumor (also a lie), and all just for attention. The last two years of her life, I finally cut off contact too (primarily because she started to be as horrible to my kids as she often was to me). Looking back, I am really sad that I had to do that, but I neither regret it, nor do I feel guilty. I accepted that there was nothing I could do to help her, or improve the way she treated me, and that being the case, I had no choice but to put my kids, OH and Mil first. I take my hat off to you, because I couldn't have been there for her, as you are for your Mum now, despite your relationship with your Mum being so poor. It takes some strength of character to be able to put aside the bad stuff and step up to the plate like that xxx

    I hate to say it, but you are right about it probably taking a crisis to force a change in your Mum and Step dads circumstances. As you say, thats the case for so many of us on TP, and without Step-dads agreement and adequate support from the so called support services, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

    Another manic week in work. Usually, this time of year, I'm contacting different organisations, and asking them if they want to book me for projects with their young people for the next academic year. Not this year though - for the first time ever, they have all been the ones contacting me, and I am having to say no, and put groups onto a waiting list! In fact, I've been asked to take on so much, that at least one, and possibly two projects are going to be passed over to a new member of staff, who is doing my job in the Conwy area. I even have 3 projects booked for the Summer break - thats a normally 'quiet' time of year for me, as most of the colleges are closed, and I've never managed to run more than one project then. This year is very different, so I am currently putting the plans for projects together, booking workshops and setting up sessions for my groups to get involved with voluntary work with other charities in the area. However, I have stuck to my guns - I've limited the number of projects I will run at any one time, I've decided on what 4 days I will work so I'm not taking on any work for a Friday (which is going to be my regular day off) and I won't be working over my hours.

    Mil is fine - absolutely nothing new to report. We didn't manage to get there at meal times in the last week, I'll have to manage my time better for the coming visits, so I can keep an eye on the food situation. No attempts at violence for either of us, when we have seen her - and she is happier if we breeze in for just 30 minutes or so, then breeze out and leave her. She tends to pay more attention to her dolls and toys now, croons to them and rocks them in her arms - it's as though they are the most important thing in her world - but as long as she is content and agitation free, then that is fine by us. I can't put into words how good it is, seeing her so calm and knowing that she is free of the misery of upsetting delusions and paranoia at the moment.

    Quiet weekend planned - just 'pootling along' - OH is to be nagged to put up the new bathroom shelves (he'll have to tear himself away from the pizza oven and garden kitchen!), and once thats done, and the house tidy, I plan to chill!

    Edited to add, youngest has just come downstairs for a drink. She says she feels fine, just tired, she had a brilliant night and she is definitely going to her rehearsal later - so thankfully, it seems like she was sensible last night!

    Sending much love to everyone - @Spamar and @Slugsta , hope all is OK with you guys xxxxx
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,999
    Female
    Chester
    Just popping on to say I have fingers crossed. As a Spurs fan living on the Wirral and working in Liverpool I am very much in the minority to be supporting Spurs.

    In other news mum seemed a bit more with it the last couple of times I've seen her but back to where she was. I was phoned by carer to tell me she was low on food and as carer was talking mum was going yabber yabber yabber, like a toddler would. She then started pressing her pendant to try and get the carers attention. At least she knows how to press her pendant :eek::rolleyes:

    Think kids will find it very hard work to have her round, but won't try it until A levels are done. Half term so stress levels moderate - ie we can manage to spot when dau is about to explode most of the time. 4 exams mon to thur won't be so good. First 2 exams before half term went well.
     
  3. Lyd

    Lyd Registered User

    May 27, 2019
    28
    On Monday she came to our house very distressed. She went to give the little girl her tablets and cant find her (that took 2 hours). The week before she told the neighbour she had broken up the pieces of the baby in the garden and was waiting for her son to put it in the bin (fortunately while pointing to a pile of branches). I much prefered last month when she thought shed won 10k on a TV quiz program.
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,880
    Suffolk
    Hi everybody, well, I’m really glad I haven’t got children! Really don’t know how I would cope. I think you all deserve ***** at least!

    I was meant to be going away for a couple of days this past week. I sorted, packed, put all the bits I wanted into the car..........but I couldn’t get around to believing I could drive there. And I didn’t go. As you can imagine, lot of soul searching and angst!
    Trying to get my mind around getting it all sorted. I just didn’t imagine that I could still be having problems nearly 4 years after OH died.

    Meanwhile I have a small group of people who ‘look after me’ and make sure I’m as well as can be. And I know every coffee shop in the area!
    Though tomorrow two of us are going to what I think is the best hotel in my nearby coastal town! Her choice,

    Hope exams go well for those involved! And mothers cope with said offspring! I’m sure things will go very well for everyone. Ann, I didn’t apply until well after the due date. My interview was the day that offers had gone out to those who had applied in the normal way! And see how well I did!

    Really hot day today, was glad when some cloud came over mid afternoon!

    Look after yourselves.
     
  5. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,538
    West Midlands
    #9925 2jays, Jun 2, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
    What happened there? My post dibbled itself
     
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,538
    West Midlands
    From a spurs household, what can I say about that penalty apart from, I guess, rules are rules which, in my opinion, were cynically exploited by a member of the other team... got to give them their due, they were quick thinking, I guess...

    Oh well the dream was was there to be had, not happened since forever ago.... and we played better than other team, not that either team were on their top game I don’t think, possibly due to the hot weather....

    I could go on, but I won’t :)

    Ok juggles, so you’ve got the daughters stress levels relatively under control, as much as you can.... how about yours :D glad to hear first lot before half term went well, I’m sure the next lot will do so as well, stress levels willing :)

    Glad, if that’s the word, to hear that mum seems to be back to where she was xxxx

    spamar I’m sorry that you couldn’t fulfil your travels, but I think I have an idea of how you feel. It’s 2 1/2 years since mum died and for some reason, almost suddenly, I am in a very strange place of not having confidence, of finding things outside of the house a challenge, of getting leaky eyes at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason, and thinking of mum.

    I’ve started to read my old thread, which strangely is mostly helping my confidence in a bizarre way... but it’s the missing of mum I find strange, and strange isn’t the right word, but can’t find a better one. It’s the feeling of a sad “oh I wish” certain things could have been different then and now. Not that I don’t think I would necessarily change anything that happened, they were what they were, and situations now are what they are, and for it to be any other way, maybe I would be wanting them to be the way they are now, if that makes sense... as you can possibly see, I’m in “confused.com” land

    Hoping all is well with everyone, as well as it can be xxx
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,999
    Female
    Chester
    @Spamar - so sorry to hear that you didn't get away, no answers I'm afraid

    I've recommended them before but a close friend of mine got a lot of support from 'Cruse' a bereavement charity when he lost his wife, he had to take early retirement to care for her for her last 2 years
     
  8. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,880
    Suffolk
    Thanks, JM. I’m going to try a local place first, though not totally sure it’s what I want. If not, I’ll try cruse. They must be the experts. Still ongoing, couldn’t be bothered to collect prescription or go shopping yesterday afternoon, so had to sort it this morning after a long coffee session! Then the rain came! its still heavy and the cars still parked outside. Might get it a bit cleaner, I suppose!

    Hope exams are going well for those who are involved! ((((Hugs)))) for everyone else!
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,999
    Female
    Chester
    Jumping threads @Spamar but thought it better to post here as not relevant to the thread it's on

    I grew up with the phrase I'll have your guts for garters I'm sure, I'm certainly familiar with it. Didn't realise it was regional in it's use.

    A level stress is fluctuating between extreme and high levels. Not good. I am escaping this weekend by going to Bristol on Saturday and Sheffield on sunday for fencing tournaments. OH is away with work Monday evening/night and back late Tuesday so I may take tuesday off work. Dau has an afternoon exam which I need to take her in for and then I need to leave early to get son to his English tutor so not enough hours in work to make it worthwhile.
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,880
    Suffolk
    Good grief, I don’t know how you cope! Im just sitting here getting worse!
    I went to the local stress reliever group yesterday, but their advice was to go the surgery and contact their specialists! However, met a lady I know from several years ago, so had a good chat and catch-up with her. Her husband had dementia, but died suddenly from something else. I recognised her voice first! Not that I’m saying she talks a lot! But she does!

    Enjoy your weekend!
     
  11. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Dare I admit that OH, son and daughters BF are all Liverpool fans, and were delighted at the result. The only reason it mattered to me was that I was spared the after-match misery I would have got had Liverpool lost!

    Glad the exams are going well JM - but feel for you with all the running round!

    Spamar, so sorry you didn't get away and are feeling low. Cruse is good - Mil went to them after she lost my Fil, and they really helped x I hope they can help you too xxx

    Mil is fine - never leaves her room now, gets distressed in the main lounge, just can't handle the noise and people walking round. As long as she is happy in her room, then thats OK by us. Still no assessment for food, but senior nurse has been observing and notes that she does mange better with food that doesn't need too much chewing, when its cut up - but also noted that even with a soft option, there are times when she needs physical assistance to feed herself. I think its going to end up with 1-1 just at meal times. In herself, not seen any signs of violence, verbal or physical, for the last several visits - though she will quite bluntly tell you that she wants to be by herself quite often. The doll and Liam the dog are the main recipients of her attention, most of the time - she spends ages cuddling and crooning to them - and seems very content to do this. A couple of odd things - kissing and licking are now firmly mixed up - it looks very odd to see her just sat there, licking doll and dog, I must say - and kissing her goodbye can also be a risky proposition! And speech - I can barely understand half of what she says when she does try to make conversation now. Garbled, slurred words and the words that you can make out are used in a way that makes little sense most of the time. The only things consistently clear are when she raises her voice, either to tell you to go or in frustration when we haven't been able to understand a request.

    But, the important bit in all that is she is content. We can all live with that, and just want it to last.

    Work - best not talked about at the moment - I doubt you would believe me anyway. Serious job searching now going on.

    The other news. We lost our beloved Busta dog on May 30th. He had been unwell for about 7 days, but it was all very up and down, with nothing exactly identifiable other than age and possibly an infection - he was eating one day, not the next, having trouble with his balance (slightly) and with his walking on occasion. On the Wednesday evening, he seemed slightly worse - just less with it, more sleepy, refusing food (though still going to the door when he needed out and still drinking and tail wagging). Youngest came down in the night and said there was 'something' that worried her, and she actually spent a couple of hours on his big cushion with him, petting him and just watching him. When I got up Thursday morning, I knew he was bad - walking round in circles, very confused. OH got up and we agreed I would phone the vet if no improvement by lunch time (we had had several mornings where we thought 'Oh-ooh', but he had perked up within a couple of hours). Youngest was due to travel to Coventry to stay overnight with big sis, before they both came home on the Friday, so we decided not to say to her - but she was worried, after the night she had with him, and before she left, she made me promise to keep her up to date. By lunchtime, I knew. For the first time he was having trouble having a wee, and although he tried to eat, he was very sick afterwards. There was also a terrible smell on his breath, and I was pretty sure it was his kidneys. I made an appointment at the vets and when OH came home, we took him. The vet confirmed tha this kidneys had failed, that treatment would only prolong his life for a couple of weeks, and it would be extremely distressing for him at his age. So, we made the hardest decision.

    We have all been in bits since. The vet assured us that he couldn't have been more well looked after, that we had done everything right, made the decision at the right time before he suffered pain. None of it helps one jot - after 16 years (we got him as a 12 month old stray) there is a big gaping hole in our house, and its horrible.

    About to take youngest to her theatre group - her last show with them is at The Royal Albert Hall in about 3 weeks time. The group has been a big part of ourr lives since oldest was just 13 - so the end of an era!

    Sending much love to you all and hoping you are all OK xxxx
     
  12. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    323
    Female
    #9932 Moggymad, Jun 8, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2019
    @Ann Mac so very sorry for the loss of Busta. I know words don't help much at this time but from your posts I know he was loved so much & he loved you all in return. Cherish his memory & the wonderful cared for life you gave him as part of your family. ❤️ Sending sincere condolences to you all.

    As far as your job is concerned yes I think we would believe you Ann, going by what you've said in the past Perhaps this is now the time for a change in this part of your life as well. Good luck in the job search. Hopefully somewhere that will appreciate your hard work X
     
  13. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,538
    West Midlands
    Sorry to hear about busta. Heart breaking to loose a family member, even tho he had a long good life since coming to your family xxxxx
     
  14. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,999
    Female
    Chester
    Sorry to hear about Busta. They are such an intrinsic part of the family. It takes time to get over.

    Our old girl is sometimes wobbly on her walks. She can't stand for too long. Vet suggested adding another painkiller into the mix but I'm not sure. She has an abcess on her paw at the moment. It is in a lump which is sebaceous spot or similar so went to vets for antibiotics. We need her to last to end of a levels.

    Sorry to hear about your job. Glad you are looking for another one
     
  15. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    493
    Lytham St Annes
    So very sorry for your loss...no words to make it better, just the wonderful memories in time will bring a smile back.

    Having a pet is such a joy, they give you truly unconditional love, companionship and loyalty.......but at the end the pain is almost unbearable.

    Thinking of you all x
     
  16. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,999
    Female
    Chester
    A chance for a slightly longer post now I've made it home from Bristol

    It sounds like your daughter picked up on how poorly Busta was, to spend that time with him. I hope that helps her, knowing she did that. Dau was 3 and son wasn't born when we got our dog, and I keep worrying how they will cope with an ever present part of their lives gone when the time comes. I'm guessing it is the same for your kids particularly youngest who is still at home.

    YOur comments on MIL sound really positive in the grand scheme of things, no pinching and digging nails in or hitting which has been a feature for so long. So frustrating it is taking so long to sort out the food issues.
     
  17. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Morning all - and thank you all so much for your kind words about Busta. It's so very strange here without him, and although I thought that I had prepared myself, it's still left me feeling heartbroken. And I keep forgetting for a split second - putting food down and calling for the other two dogs, I find myself clapping - Buzz couldn't hear us calling him for food, but he could hear clapping and would respond to it. And I keep getting out 3 treats, still. His bed was right next to the sofa seat where I sit - so many times I've put my hand down to fuss him, just as I often used to. As you say, DianeW, it's really almost unbearable.

    JM, I feel for you with your doggy and the kids. How youngest would cope was my biggest worry too - she was just 2 when we got Busta, so he had never not been around for her. And you are right, she has taken a lot of comfort from that last night with him. And our other two dogs have been a huge comfort to her (and to each other).

    That last morning, before she got up, knowing she was off to Coventry for the night with her big sis, OH and I had decided not to say anything about the discusion we'd had about it probably being time to take him to the vets. We thought it would be kinder to say nothing, until she got home the next day, if the worst happened. But, she had realised during the night that things were not good, and - with hindsight - I actually am glad that she did. It would have been harder for her if we had managed to keep her in the dark, as we had planned - and wrong of us to have done that. She was still hopeful, I think, which is why she agreed to go to her sisters, but there had been some forewarning for her and I think that helped. Be prepared, if the worst happens, JM - youngest here had some questions afterwards - mainly around was Busta scared or distressed, and did it hurt him when the vet gave him the injection. I didn't expect her to ask that, but again with hindsight, I should have. I was unprepared and found talking to her about it quite upsetting, though I think I managed to hide that from her. And thankfully, I could reassure her quite truthfully, on all those questions.

    It's a huge relief to see Mil so content at the moment - I don't have the words to say how grateful I am that she is finally free from the agitation and distress that have been such a massive part of her dementia. I wish they would get a move on with the eating assessment though, too, JM - how can such a straightforward issue take so damn long to sort? It's ridiculous!

    Work issues, in a nutshell - currently owed over 30 additional hours worked in the last 3 weeks, which were accrued due to an event that I had to take part in, and a series of collossal errors in terms of communication from the organisation, which meant me working nearly half of my so called rest days over that period, in order to prevent a 9 month long project that I have worked my socks off for not being completed by the agreed date (which can't be changed). It also left me on the front line, dealing with 3rd parties, who were also affected by the lack of communication, and it was extremely stressful and unpleasant. Add to that, after agreeing that for once, I could miss two days of meetings in S Wales, due to take place in the two days immediately preceding the completion date, and the celebration event which is scheduled to take place on that date, they are now demanding that I spend at least 12 hours on one of those days attending one of the meetings, after all. Though they still want the project completed in time. I've tried to explain that its physically impossible for me to attend meetings in S Wales and be at the project in N Wales, ensuring its completion, at the same time (and said that I'm amazed that I have even had to explain this!) but feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. So, I've gone over their heads to their boss. Up to him to sort it now. And as I said, I'm job hunting.

    This morning, I've been up since 4a.m, as youngest is off to London for full days rehearsal for the Royal Albert Hall show, and she had to be at the pick up point for 5 a.m. Typically, for the first night in about 10 nights, I actually had managed to sleep quite well for once, last night, and being woken by the alarm was not nice!

    Pootle day today - try and get my house tidy (barely touched it this last week, due to work) and hopefully, by this afternoon, I plan to be on the sofa, with book, relaxing.

    Sending much love to all, as always xxxx
     
  18. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,880
    Suffolk
    Ann, that amount of extra work sounds horrendous! Fancy not realising it’s so difficult to get to S Wales for you, I thought that fact was well known, even to people to don’t live there! Don’t stop job hunting!

    So sorry about Busta, but pleased your youngest is coping. I was about 11 when parents first dog died, but she had had a couple of ops, so even to me it wasn’t unexpected. Plus my father got another dog very shortly after. It was the same type, same colour and was given the same name!

    I’m going through an up and down period at the moment. Two friends who had husbands with dementia have lost them - but not from dementia! One of them was only a few months older than me, much soul searching going on!

    I’m still keeping up my coffee habit! Gives me chatting time!

    Last Sunday at this time a friend and I were sitting on the terrace of one of the nicest hotels in Aldeburgh, less than a stones throw from the beach, supping coffee in the sun. A truly glorious morning. Plus a nearby dog only too pleased to have a cuddle. We would have stayed for lunch but she had another appt!

     
  19. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Ann, I am so sorry to hear that your beloved Busta has crossed Rainbow Bridge. I know how terribly hard it is to do that one last, loving thing for our animal companions (((hugs))).

    Also sorry, although not surprised, that things have got so bad at work :( I know how much you love the work with the user groups and really hope you are able to find something equally rewarding - but without the aggro!

    It is a relief to hear that MIL is calm and contented after those years of torment.

    Spamar, I'm sorry that life is so hard for you at the moment (((hugs))).

    Please forgive my absence. I'm OK, although I do have some 'health issues' at the moment - I will have a gastroscopy on Monday, so that might give us some answers.

    I hope that everyone else is as well as they can be.
     
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,538
    West Midlands
    You know that saying.... “look after yourself”......

    I’m trying honest. But when “those who are here to help” promise you that they will and then don’t.....

    I’m supposed to be getting details of counselling in our area. Long phone conversation promising a ladder so I can get out of the deep dark hole.... and then the ladder didn’t show up....

    Became fed up to the back teeth of constantly battling on behalf of others, but I still battle/battled for them.

    Where are those who perhaps could battle for me? Im all out of battling for anyone

    This keeps going round my thoughts, this little saying... Can’t think, brain numb, inspiration won’t come

    and I’m angry. Angry about everything

    Squishy hugs to all who are having to continue with their battles of all kinds xxxxx
     

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