So bizarre !

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Our weather turned cold and wet on Wednesday too, Slugsta - but yesterday back to sunshine and it was warmer again - also got sunny and warm forcast for today, which, as I am with one of my groups on a sponsored walk, is a big relief!

Glad your girl has got the results she wanted so far, JM - and very glad that the stress levels stayed low (for her sake and yours!).

Birthday girl was all sunshine and light yesterday morning (YAY!). She headed off for work (and her expected ducking) in high spirits, and we didn't see her again until nearly 10 last night when she returned with 2 mates, who were sleeping over. OH and I retired to bed shortly afterwards (we had both worked long days yesterday, and had decided to leave her and her mates in peace anyway) with dire warnings to keep the noise down (which were ignored - I ended up sending her a text telling her to turn the music down!) and this morning I have got up to the front room littered with glasses, cans, shoes and bags. Something was spilt on the floor - found tea towels, of all things, that had been used to mop it up, and a decidely sticky patch on the floor when I walked into the room. Not a happy bunny here, at all!

I had work 'things' to attend late yesterday afternoon and early evening, so I took an hour or so to go visit Mil around 1.30 yesterday. Going in, I asked a member of staff how she was and was told 'fine'. Got in there to find her sat on a chair, with a staff member beside her, trying to calm her down. The writhing, clenching fists, gutteral yelling - all going on. I asked would it be better if I left, but the staff said that it maybe I might be able to calm her. She had been up and banging on doors and windows before lunch, and was heading that way again - perhaps, the staff said, it might break the mood if I stayed for a short visit? (and, btw, God only knows what the first staff meant when they told me she was 'fine'!) Her cushions were on the floor by where she was sitting - the staff said she had tried to hit and kick him when he had attempted to put them into place - so she was hanging off the seat again. No nonsense, the first thing I did was very briskly get the wedge at least behind her and get her sitting more upright - and she let me, so I guess that was something. She had had lunch before I arrived, and the staff had managed to get the apron off her but she had grabbed it and had it held tightly, and was flapping it round, trying to sort of 'whip' him with it. It was covered in food and gravy, bits flying off everywhere, and not in a mind to be swiped with it, I tried to take it off her. Big mistake - she screamed like a banshee, started swiping at me with the apron, and very deliberately kicked out and then stamped on my foot. So, I backed off and sat to the side of her. She actually did seem to calm a bit after a few minutes. She wanted to hold my hands (and let me take the apron so she could do so) and kept pulling me into her for her to kiss me. But all the while, the inarticulate noises. She was trying really hard to tell me something but all she could do was make these awful sounds. You could see and hear from her tone just how frustrated she was at me not being able to understand her, though it was sad rather than angry frustration. Over and over she tried to say what she wanted, but I honestly couldn't make out what it was, and it was clear that my 'Oh dears', 'really's' and 'Don't worries' were failing miserably as a convincing response. Horrible - I always said I couldn't imagine how Mil would ever cope if she lost the ability to talk. Worst thing was she seemd to be aware that she wasn't making sense, but kept on trying and trying, and it was just pitiful and so sad. I tried playing her some of her favourite songs on my phone - she tried to sing along to the odd line, but just the same garbled sounds, so that didn't last long. Then - out of the blue - she suddenly told me 'I love you!'. You could have knocked me down with a feather. How she managed to get that out, I really don't know. She had tears in her eyes when she said it - which nearly brought me to tears. I told her I loved her too, and got quite a few hugs and her repeating it 3 or 4 times, before she lapsed back into the garble. I stayed about 35 - 40 mins before I had to go. Telling Mil I was going to work and I'd 'be back later', I tried to disintangle my hand from hers. Not a chance she was letting me go, Frantic babbling, gripping and gouging at me, it took quite a few minutes before I could get free and head for the door. And she was up on her feet and after me with a speed that was almost unbelievable. The same staff who had been trying to comfort and calm her when I arrived intercepted her, and all of a sudden, she was speaking (shouting!) very clearly, swearing at him, telling him where to go, and smacking and clawing at his face. And all I could do was walk away, because I had to get back to work.

The senior nurse manager (or whatever she is - not at all sure of her actual title) spoke to me briefly on the way out. She said that they had had about 6 or 7 days where they felt that the med changes were actually bringing her some relief, that although the agitation hadn't gone it was less intense and the periods it lasted for had been shorter. However, she now thinks that Mil may have a UTI - despite the maintenance AB's, which she said may now have just stopped working for Mil - as her behaviour had been really bad for the previous 24 hours, so the GP had been called. Though as Mil is being non-compliant about providing a sample, they can't be sure. I suggested test strips that could be used for the pull ups, but she explained they need a proper sample to test and identify the correct AB's for whatever infection it is (if it is an infection).

All the usual feelings followed. Sad and angry that she continues to suffer like this. Frustrated that no one can find something that works to relieve her misery. Useless, because I can't do anything to help. Wishing - and guenuinely, it is for her sake - that she could just pass away in her sleep, painlessly and quietly, and be out of this situation. I keep thinking it can't get any worse for her, but it does and its so cruel.

I'm going to try and get the house straight now, before getting ready for work. I'm not in the mood to tackle Madam about the mess - that can wait till tomorrow, when I'll hopefully be able to stay calm with her! Son won't be arriving today as planned, as my wee Granddog is poorly, and has an appointment at the vets - he has been in and out of the vets for several weeks now, a kidney problem has been diagnosed, but is complicated by recurrent stomach upsets that they can't find a reason for. He is having some tests today, and they will have to see how he is when he is discharged this evening before deciding if they are able to finally come tomorrow. Both son and his GF dote on Patch, but this was my fear when they decided to adopt an older rescue dog (Patch is nearly 12), that ill health could strike and they may not have him long

Love to all - hope you are all OK xxxxx

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all (or afternoon, depending on how long I take to type this!),

Ann, I am so sorry that MIL was in such a state again. This disease really is the pits

I understand you wishing that MIL could just leave peacefully in her sleep. I remember thinking just the same thing, especially on Mum's 90th birthday, when she was still relatively with-it and had enjoyed her special day. Wouldn't it have been lovely if she had just gone to sleep that night and not woken up? But that is not in our gift to arrange - and I don't know if I would have (at that stage) if it had been.

I remember taking our son to see Mum, in the last couple of months of her life. 'Look Mum' I said 'I've brought M with me' she looked at us both and blurted out 'Oh I do love you!' This was the first intelligible thing she had said to me for a while and, as it happened, the last. I really understand how precious that was to you Ann.

The weather forecast is good here for the weekend but not quite there yet. OH and I are going out for lunch and I think the Quay will be nice, although maybe still too cool to want to sit outside.

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann - so sorry to hear about MIL, I don't know if you can take comfort in the fact that she has had 6 or 7 good days. I do understand about wishing she would go in her sleep, I think many of us on here have had similar thoughts, a friend asked after my mum today, and I said the normal slow deterioration and gave him some details, and he commented she is 88 so not so bad, and much better than if you'd not brought her up here, I said I think she'd be dead by now if I'd not brought her up here, and added it might have been a good thing in total, although she is happy enough and the kids do enjoy seeing her, for me the person who she was has mainly disappeared.

Sorry to hear about dau's mess. so infuriating, OH keeps telling me about dau, it's normal teenage behaviour, and I tell him the same when he's annoyed with her, but as I've said, it might be normal, but that doesn't make it acceptable, last night's behaviour is way beyond acceptable and probably beyond what her friends would dare do in their own houses.

Also sorry to hear about granddog, but I agree with you, at the age of 12, it is an elderly dog and can easily have a lot of problems.

Hope it was warm enough to sit outside Slugsta

I've been out on my bike and we think that it was probably sunny at home, but not where we were, and at one point despite riding up hill, which normally warms my up, the head wind made it distinctively chilly. We went over a place called World's End between Minera and Llangollen, which is aptly named as it is high up, on the moors, with the most fantastic scenery, we also did the Horseshoe Pass, going via the old road, which is direct, so very steep, but again very scenic and no traffic. The great thing with the roads we use in North Wales is we don't see cars for miles and miles sometimes.

 

[Spamar]

I went to nursery to get some bedding plants this pm, JM, I wish those roads were clear of cars. Very narrow!

Sorry to here about both daus, I’m told they get better!
Ann, sorry to hear about mil, it’s just so difficult. Even I got to that point with OH a few times.

I’ve had a good day, got more done than I thought possible ( but still not a lot!)
Coffee with friend, one of my saner friends! Quick dash to supermarket to get food for weekend. Home. Neighbour gave me a bone to identify ( pelvis of something cat sized, bit bashed around!), then to the nursery. For me, that’s good!

Had a letter from my new rheumatologist to say he didn’t think I need a new appt. so off to gp on Monday ( I hope) to see if he can answer my questions! I only saw the last rheumatologist once!

 

[Slugsta]

Yes, we were able to sit outside, although we were well sheltered. I might have bought myself another pair of shoes while we were out . . .

I phoned my surgery, again, to ask if my X-Ray results were back, I had it done 3 weeks ago. I was told they can take up to 8 weeks for GPs to get results, even though the hospital are still telling people 5-7 days

 

[jugglingmum]

I might have bought myself another pair of shoes while we were out . . .

Sadly on my last visit to Clarks in the outlet village (a couple of miles away) I only had time to get son his school shoes, I didn't even have time to look at ones for me, he'll need new ones again soon I suppose so better plan it better

8 weeks for an xray is ridculous, if there is something wrong it could have healed wrong by then (awful english but you know what I mean)

Sadly, as it's royal wedding day tomorrow I am occupied with a fencing tournament, very disappointed that I won't get to enjoy those lovely quiet roads on my bike.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

I love the views up at Worlds End, Panorama and from the Pass, JM - it's absolutely amazing scenery, just stunning.

Yep, keep telling myself that its just 'normal teen behaviour' and dau will grow out of it - not sure it always helps, as you say. I did end up blowing at her yesterday. Shortly after I posted, tidying the front room, I went to move 3 glasses that had been left sitting on the edge of the TV cabinet , which we bought just a couple of months ago, only to realise that the glasses were sitting in a puddle of coke - which has stripped a patch of varnish from the top of the unit, leaving it markedI contained myself when she got up, as her friends were here, and I had to leave for work before they left. I did remind her before leaving, however, that son was coming home, and that she had promised to strip and wash his bedding, as her friends had slept in there the night before. She again promised she would. I got home at 3, straight to my office to do a last few jobs before the weekend, and once finished and on my way back downstairs, I peeped in sons room, and didn't think it looked like the bedding had been done, the bed being quite crumpled. Madam was in her room, so I called out and asked her - she indignantly told me she HAD done it, so I suggested she make a better job of making the bed. Downstairs, I decided to put on a load of washing, went to the machine, only to find the load that I had put on before going out in the morning was still in there - so clearly, she hadn't done the bedding at all. That was when I blew. I blew because she had lied, but she also got it in the neck for the mess she had left and especially for the cabinet. For once, she didn't argue, just meekly apologised, and got on with doing the bedding. OH, who worked till 9 and came home exhaused after a 14 hour shift, has yet to notice the marks on the cabinet - I'm expecting a huge row when he does. It's one of 3 matching pieces we bought at the same time, and they were pretty expensive. He will be furious at the damage, especially as I don't know how we can fix it - I suspect the whole thing will have to be stripped and re-finished, which is going to be a big job. No doubt that Madam is going to be told to pay for any repair - which I agree 100% with - and I know that is going to add to the ructions, because her excuse was that 'one of her friends must have spilt it and she didn't know', and she will almost certainly use that as a reason for why it is 'unfair' to expect her to put the damage right

Spamar, I hope the GP can answer your questions - the consultant I saw who confirmed the fibromyalgia also told me that there was no need for me to have another appointment - it seems to be the way things are done these days. Glad you had a good day and got a lot done - always makes me feel better when I can tick a lot off my list x

How on earth can it take so long for x-ray results? That is - as JM says - ridiculous, Slugsta! Going on what the hospital have said, is it the surgery that are causing the delay, perhaps? It doesn't make sense, does it? Got fingers crossed that the results come back a lot quicker than that for you xxxx

Granddog had xrays and endoscophy yesterday - thankfully, son and GF have insurance, but because he is an older dog, it is limited to a certain amount that can be paid out per year. Yesterday's trip to the vets brought in a bill of just over £500, so with the visits and treatments of the last few weeks, its brought them very close to that limit. Son is going to contact insurers to see if he can increase the policy - but I don't hold out much hope. It's a worry for son and his GF, but I know those two soppy so and so's will go without themselves to make sure that Patch is OK - and I can't say anything, because they know that I would do the same! Going to be fun while they are down, trying to stop Patch getting at my boys food, as he is on a special diet and mustn't have anything else!

I've had a chat with both my oldest two regarding Mil. Youngest was really upset after a visit a couple of months back, and I've strongly suggested to her that she doesn't visit anymore, and assured her that she isn't to feel guilty about it. So, although we have had a few chats where I've had to repeat and repeat that its OK, that her Nan wouldn't want her to be upset and would understand, she hasn't seen her for a while. The older two, who I think see the deteriorations far more than we do because they are only down every couple of months, also were really sad after their last visits to her. I've now told both that if they would prefer not to see their Nan, that its OK. I don't know if I am right or wrong to tell them this, but I do honestly belive that them seeing her now brings her no benefit and just upsets them.

Plan for today is for me to sort what needs doing in the house, before hitting the shops to stock up for this weekends visit from son and co, OH is going to pick them up. The weather is forcast as nice for this weekend, so hopefully, we will get out and about

Hope you all have a lovely weekend xxxxxx

 

[carolynp]

It’s ages since I’ve posted - two months almost - and I’m sorry. I’m also so grateful to everyone who has said Hello to me on this thread in the meantime. Every greeting made my heart lift. Thank you all, each and every one.

It’s nearly four pm on a Saturday. OH has just announced he’s sick and going to bed. This leaves me to keep clearing up - it’s a major job, at least I think it is. The painters are finally due back to finish the job they started ONE YEAR ago. I decided to get packers in, to take the books and about half the furniture away, to make the job easier. They’re due on Monday so a lot of stuff that I don’t want to put into storage has to be put elsewhere. The painters are due next week. Fingers and toes are crossed.

It’s hard organising all this on my own, especially as OH is behaving as though it’s a whim of mine - he keeps asking me who is coming and why. Perhaps he’s suspicious of what I’m up to. And, may I be struck down for saying this, but I really do think that the workers (I’ve also been waiting on a laundry cupboard for a year) are taking advantage of me because OH is obviously not in charge and I am not good at complaining.

One reason I’ve had trouble writing is that I feel such a wimp, everyone else is dealing with situations that are so much harder than mine. And I try and remember what @Amethyst59 said not long ago, that she wishes she hadn’t kept thinking ahead with Martin, and worrying, and had instead enjoyed the early stages while they were happening. This I am signally failing to do, despite my best intentions!

The other thing that’s given me real trouble is the vexed issue of holidays. @Grahamstown is so bravely off on her cruise with her OH! I last posted when we were going to Sydney for five days to see our son and his partner, so OH could hopefully visit, and remember, their new house. In some ways it was a break - but in others, not. My role was greatly, yet invisibly, increased, in keeping OH steady. He would not leave the hotel room without me. I got 45 minutes to myself in 6 days.

Last week our son came to stay. It was wonderful to have him here and he is being so good. I can see too he wants to enjoy quality time with his father while he can still have it. But here again I get so frustrated, because our son really doesn’t see how much I am doing, and how tiring it is. Example: son and I had decided privately that OH could no longer cope with going to Italy and we could not cope with him. Suddenly during his visit son started discussing doing Italy with OH (and, needless to say, me) next April. I spoke to our son afterwards and scotched the plan; but I felt almost betrayed, and certainly unheard, that the possibility was even raised. OH, of course, was all for it.

Yet at the same time I know how lucky I am, OH is still managing very well; I WANT him and son to have a good time; I am so grateful we can afford to get the house fixed up a bit, so I can find my burgeoning carer’s role perhaps a little less unpleasant, enjoying having everything more or less shipshape, instead of looking angrily at plaster cracks and ratty cushion covers.

And I don’t think anything I’ve had to complain about even begins to approach the dramas of parenting a late-teen daughter! Fullest of full marks to @jugglingmum, @Ann Mac and the others who are doing this, with such love, devotion and aplomb! The coke (drink!) rings on the varnished surface: HOW the years rolled back, even though I only had sons! But the wanton, careless destructiveness was so familiar, along with the insouciance about the damage caused to precious objects (our son burned out my beloved Alessi kettle, the one with the blue knob and the little red whistling bird in the spout. The bird was the only survivor and I kept it for years, thinking that one day, when he finally earned some money, his first thought would be to buy me a new kettle. Wrong!).

This has got a bit epic so I’ll conclude. A million thanks to @Spamar and @Slugsta for your greetings, you’ve kept me sane. Love to all and I do fervently hope everyone is having a reasonably ok weekend. A poster recently said we (us carers) are all stuck up a gumtree: how true!

 

[70smand]

I’ve been following your thread and couldn’t help but smile over the angst your teenage daughters are causing you - so it’s not just me then, phew!
My youngest is at uni now, along with my eldest, which we are subsidising, but still causes me stress and worry.
I do however worry about how my dad’s Alzheimer’s has affected her as she was studying for her A levels when things were really difficult, and her sister, who she is very close to was at uni. Although mum was caring for dad I was needed almost daily, I was alway ‘on call’ in case of an emergency and worry I wasn’t really always there for her as she’s such a sensitive soul. I would often bring dad back to mine in the evening to calm him and give mum a chance to calm down as evenings were always worse and she would either come in to find him there with me or I would be out driving him about or walking the streets with him. She would always be the one to make him smile and snap him out of a bad spell when agitated but I remember her face when she tried so hard one evening and just couldn’t manage to placate him. I remember telling her not to worry and go upstairs and concentrate on her studying, but looking back that must have been so hard on her. I did get him in a good mood eventually that evening when I played him videos of the kids when they were little - children’s laughter is irresistible and so she did manage to calm him in the end, albeit her two year old self!
One of the first things she says when she phones is ‘hows grandad’ and I’ve noticed she no longer jumps at visiting him as soon as she gets home, so it must be tough on her.
I’m not sure that was excuse for never lifting a finger to do any tidying or washing up and I even had to nag her to feed the rabbit she had so dearly wanted ( I’ve adopted it now!), but I will reassure you both that despite all this and the melt downs and tantrums she excelled herself in her results

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Ann, I do hope that Patch's problems can be sorted, without costing a lot more money, I know how vet bills can mount up!

Carolyn, it is good to see you again and I hope you soon have your home as you want it, with minimal upheaval.

It seems it was a certain 'John Lydgate', way back in the 15th century, who first wrote that 'comparison is odious' and this certainly holds true when we measure ourselves against others and think we are wanting. The problem is that we will look at 'Bill' and say @oh, he is so good at such and such', then we will look at Jane and say 'She is marvellous at so and so' - but we look only at their strengths and compare them with our weaknesses!

Likewise, regretting the past (whilst understandable) is a total waste of time and energy. All we can do is make heartfelt apologies (if needed) and try to do things differently in future.

My OH still doesn't value my precious things. He and son with blithely break, or damage, something that I hold dear with nothing other than a shrug of the shoulders Of course, it is good that they are not madly acquisitive but it does hurt that they don't care. Oh is particularly bad at clearing up if he has dropped something or made a mess - he would likely cause something like the coke stain and not give it a second thought!

As for the X-Ray situation, the hold up seems to be with getting the images read and reported. The lady at the hospital said they are told to keep telling the patients 5-7 days, I guess this means that they don't have to deal with irate patients, the GPs carry the brunt of that!

It looks to be a nice day here, so I think we will go for a short stroll (it has to be short, that is all either of us can manage!) and coffee

 

[Amy in the US]

Ann, I think it's kind and understandable and caring of you to give your kids an "out" on seeing their grandmother. They can make their own decisions, but I am not sure there is anything to be gained at this point by them visiting. If the only outcome is distress, I think it's very reasonable to curtail visits. It would be very sad if all your kids remember is the tormented version of their Nan.

My grandmother had Alzheimer's or maybe mixed dementia, I'm not sure. She was in a care home the last couple years of her life. Once she was not verbal and could no longer recognize anyone, my mother suggested I also stop visiting and also not feel guilty and I did so. My last visit, before she died, she did know who I was and was pleased to see me so I have that memory, which is a kind one.

I'm so sorry to hear about Patches, the teen awfulness, and the furniture damage.

 

[Grahamstown]

It’s ages since I’ve posted - two months almost - and I’m sorry. I’m also so grateful to everyone who has said Hello to me on this thread in the meantime. Every greeting made my heart lift. Thank you all, each and every one.

It’s nearly four pm on a Saturday. OH has just announced he’s sick and going to bed. This leaves me to keep clearing up - it’s a major job, at least I think it is. The painters are finally due back to finish the job they started ONE YEAR ago. I decided to get packers in, to take the books and about half the furniture away, to make the job easier. They’re due on Monday so a lot of stuff that I don’t want to put into storage has to be put elsewhere. The painters are due next week. Fingers and toes are crossed.

It’s hard organising all this on my own, especially as OH is behaving as though it’s a whim of mine - he keeps asking me who is coming and why. Perhaps he’s suspicious of what I’m up to. And, may I be struck down for saying this, but I really do think that the workers (I’ve also been waiting on a laundry cupboard for a year) are taking advantage of me because OH is obviously not in charge and I am not good at complaining.

One reason I’ve had trouble writing is that I feel such a wimp, everyone else is dealing with situations that are so much harder than mine. And I try and remember what @Amethyst59 said not long ago, that she wishes she hadn’t kept thinking ahead with Martin, and worrying, and had instead enjoyed the early stages while they were happening. This I am signally failing to do, despite my best intentions!

The other thing that’s given me real trouble is the vexed issue of holidays. @Grahamstown is so bravely off on her cruise with her OH! I last posted when we were going to Sydney for five days to see our son and his partner, so OH could hopefully visit, and remember, their new house. In some ways it was a break - but in others, not. My role was greatly, yet invisibly, increased, in keeping OH steady. He would not leave the hotel room without me. I got 45 minutes to myself in 6 days.

Last week our son came to stay. It was wonderful to have him here and he is being so good. I can see too he wants to enjoy quality time with his father while he can still have it. But here again I get so frustrated, because our son really doesn’t see how much I am doing, and how tiring it is. Example: son and I had decided privately that OH could no longer cope with going to Italy and we could not cope with him. Suddenly during his visit son started discussing doing Italy with OH (and, needless to say, me) next April. I spoke to our son afterwards and scotched the plan; but I felt almost betrayed, and certainly unheard, that the possibility was even raised. OH, of course, was all for it.

Yet at the same time I know how lucky I am, OH is still managing very well; I WANT him and son to have a good time; I am so grateful we can afford to get the house fixed up a bit, so I can find my burgeoning carer’s role perhaps a little less unpleasant, enjoying having everything more or less shipshape, instead of looking angrily at plaster cracks and ratty cushion covers.

And I don’t think anything I’ve had to complain about even begins to approach the dramas of parenting a late-teen daughter! Fullest of full marks to @jugglingmum, @Ann Mac and the others who are doing this, with such love, devotion and aplomb! The coke (drink!) rings on the varnished surface: HOW the years rolled back, even though I only had sons! But the wanton, careless destructiveness was so familiar, along with the insouciance about the damage caused to precious objects (our son burned out my beloved Alessi kettle, the one with the blue knob and the little red whistling bird in the spout. The bird was the only survivor and I kept it for years, thinking that one day, when he finally earned some money, his first thought would be to buy me a new kettle. Wrong!).

This has got a bit epic so I’ll conclude. A million thanks to @Spamar and @Slugsta for your greetings, you’ve kept me sane. Love to all and I do fervently hope everyone is having a reasonably ok weekend. A poster recently said we (us carers) are all stuck up a gumtree: how true!

@carolynp I thought I would ask you to take heart because it’s not all plain sailing on our cruise as I have posted elsewhere. I don’t feel brave but slightly foolhardy but I just grit my teeth and try to carry on. It’s a bit of a roller coaster but on balance it is good and I can manage him most of the time apart from the usual unmentionable bugbear. Also you are undertaking what I couldn’t do now, well done to you. Hugs

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

Carolyn, so nice to see you 'here' again. Can I say - and meant in the nicest way - that I think that you are being hard on yourself, hun? Major works and improvements in the home are stressful no matter what - but when you add in caring for a pwd at the same time, it takes it to a whole new level! When we had our extention built, the builders told us it would take about 12 - 14 weeks. And it did - only those weeks were not consecutive weeks, or even days. They might turn up for 5 days one week, then just 2 the next. Or we might not see them for a whole week. Add up the days they were here and working for, and yep - it came to about 12 weeks to get the job done - but those 12 weeks were spread over about 8 months! I remember it driving me crazy with frustration and stress. I have absolutely no idea how I would have coped if I had been looking after Mil 24/7 at the same time! So give yourself a break, my love - you are doing really well under difficult circumstances, please try and remember that xxxx

Oh - and I would have also felt betrayed over the Italy business - sometimes, the most well meaning of people can get it so wrong, not realising the problems that it can cause the carers. I hope your sons mention of the holiday to your OH doesn't cause any repercussions - Mil had an unholy trick of remembering the very things said to her, by others, that we would have preferred her to forget - I hope it doesn't work out like that for you xxxx

70smad, welcome to the parents club for dealing with typical teen tantrums, lol! Isn't it just maddening? One of the harder things when Mil lived here particularly, was trying to balance caring for her with being 'fair' to my youngest. On balance, I too think youngest missed out and I feel guilty about it. At the same time, if I hadn't tried so hard to care for Mil, and keep her here with me, I woud have felt guilty over that. Its a no win situation, isn't it?

Slugsta, my OH is also pretty careless with 'things' that matter to me on occasion. And it does hurt - though after he blithely cut my cherry tree down, the tree I used to hang bird feeders on and which I used as a fab backdrop for a lot of my photographs, and the way I just totally lost it afterwards, he is a little more careful these days. The hospitals way of passing on blame to the GP is very underhand - but sadly, very typical I think, these days

Hiya Amy - lovely to see you too xxxxxx I am pretty OK with telling the kids to stop the visits if they want. If Mil realised, if them not going hurt or upset her, it would be different. But though she occasionally mentions their names, she really doesn't have a clue who they really are, the links she once had to them are now lost for her, so to me, It makes no sense for them to make themselves go see her if it upsets them. It's heartbreakingly sad, but better for them - and makes no difference to Mil xxxx

Another phone call from the home yesterday, another day of extreme agitation, and another episode of her falling and the possibility/probability that she threw herself to the floor. Again, no injury (thank God) but sooner or later she will hurt herself, perhaps badly. UTI still being queried, but she has no temp, no indicators other than behaviour (and even that is not particularly indicative - she can be like this and have no UTI).

Son is here, and Patch - though better - is cleary not well . The xray revealed a 'mass' and a biopsy has been done I am worried about both him, and the impact on son and his GF - its so sad

We had a lovely afternoon in the back garden, and were very entertained by one of the robins bathing in the garden pond - it was only a few feet away for us, not a bit shy - the robins are getting bolder and bolder about getting close to us!

Then we headed to the beach early evening, for a fish and chips tea and a wander around. @Spamar we found lots of jelly like lumps on the beach, and I have no idea what they are? Do you know?

Very strange looking!

It was lovely there - warm and relaxing, lots of cormorants, and we also saw a seagull catching (and managing to eat) the most enormous crab! And believe me, the crab put up a fight! I haven't been able to make the time to check all the shots yet, but looking on the camera, I have a couple where the crab is raising up on its rear legs, claws snapping at the seagulls head as it the bird tries to grab hold of it! A bit grusome I know - but sometimes, nature is like that, I guess.

This morning, son, his GF and I are off to nearby Moss Valley, to admire the ducklings, and baby coots and moorhens. Then a family roast, this afternoon, before they have to head back home. Still - a flying visit is better than none at all!

Hope you are all getting the same gorgeous weather as I am, and are having a lovely weekend - love to all, as always xxxxx

 

[Spamar]

Not off handed Ann, but I’ll have a look later. Looks like a young something developing,
In a protective layer which may be providing nutrients.
I’m going out for coffee now, upset myself this morning . If I’m back to normal, I’ll explain later

Sounds like a good day!
One of our dogs had diabetes, and after 5 years, his liver packed up. OK in the morning, put to sleep late afternoon. Next morning we buried the body under the trees at the top of the garden. Problem, really dry summer, almost impossible to dig.,
Eventually did it, then we went in for something strong like brandy! How to spend you wedding anniversary!
The dog, a beagle called Pups, was 10, and had been diabetic for 5 years.
Our other dog, a springer called Jasper, got cancer - the day we were all going on holiday, well to a wedding in the middle of a holiday, then as we had builders, to temporary accommodation. He survived three weeks post diagnosis.
Oh heavens, now I’m really upset! Cheer me up, someone!

Coffee......

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

Spamar ((((((hugs)))))) our animal companions leave holes in our hearts that are far bigger than the physical space they occupy!

I hope that Patch is comfortable and enjoying life. Animals are lucky in that they have no concept of death, or even 'tomorrow', all they know is the here and now. As long as we can keep the 'here and now' pleasant for them, that is all they want. When we cannot do that, it is our duty to help them on their final journey (and now I am blubbing!).

Ann, I hope you have been able to get some photos of the seagull and crab, how lucky to watch that!

We saw just one clutch of goslings at the park yesterday and no other babies at all. I know the Canada geese can get to large numbers and become a problem (they have been culled in the past, which caused a national outcry!) and I have something at the back of my mind telling me that they might be fed contraceptives - or am I crazy?? *

Did anyone watch The Wedding yesterday? I kept away from the TV until the evening but will admit to looking online for a glimpse of 'The Dress'. OH watched the first half of the football but that was all - although I am under notice that he will be glues to the European cup final next weekend.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weather It is still nice here but I think I am too tired to do anything

* No, I have looked it up and it seems this is done quite often to keep bird populations down. It was certainly strange to see so many geese but only 1 lot of goslings. No ducklings or cygnets in view either

 

[Spamar]

The Seal Lullaby, Rudyard Kipling

Oh hush thee, my baby, the night is behind us,
And black are the waters that sparkled so green.
The moon, o’er the combers, looks downwards to find us
At rest in the hollows that rustle between.
Where billow meets billow, there soft be thy pillow;
Ah, weary wee flipperling, curl at thy ease!
The storm shall not wake thee, nor shark overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas.


Set to music by Eric Whittaker.

Love it, but when I first read it, associated it with death, which I supppose it could be, instead of a baby lullaby. The musical version obtainable on many devices!l

Ann, I’m working on the pic!

Bright sunshine here, a bit of wind. Did go out for coffee but they were busy busy, Yesterday, hardly anyone. Surprise!

 

[jugglingmum]

Not fully caught up, 70smand - feel free to offer sympathy and advice regularly, even if you no longer have teens at home. I think sometimes you can't see how to deal with your own problem, even if you can see how to suggest a solution to someone else's problem


busy day yesterday, Oldham in the morning then home, watched a fantastic bit of TV, which I had expected to be the highlight of the day, no not the royal wedding, not the FA cup, but the Giro d'Italia bike race, one of the three grand tours, with 2 brits battling it out on the queen stage, and after cut grass had a sleep to catch up on early morning, and an evening BBQ.

 

[Spamar]

I’ve been keeping up with Giro, JM. But can only see catchup on Quest. It was better on ITV4, I think.

 

[Izzy]

The Seal Lullaby, Rudyard Kipling

Oh hush thee, my baby, the night is behind us,
And black are the waters that sparkled so green.
The moon, o’er the combers, looks downwards to find us
At rest in the hollows that rustle between.
Where billow meets billow, there soft be thy pillow;
Ah, weary wee flipperling, curl at thy ease!
The storm shall not wake thee, nor shark overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas.


Set to music by Eric Whittaker.

Love it, but when I first read it, associated it with death, which I supppose it could be, instead of a baby lullaby. The musical version obtainable on many devices!l

Sorry for sticking my nose in here! Just wanted to say I had look for the musical version. It really is lovely. Thanks Spamar.

 

[Spamar]

I’m glad you like it, Izzy. I’ve known the piece for several years, but never read the words til yesterday. It was being played on Classicfm at the time!
Feel free to butt in anytime!